Is he likely to be awarded joint custody?

[mommytotwoboys]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Maryland

My husband walked out on me and our two children 13 months ago for a married coworker with an open marriage and a daughter. He provided money via our joint checking account until this past March, when he stopped helping out financially...he said he was "between contracts" with the government. At the same time, he rented an apartment (he had been living with his parents) and willingly moved 45 minutes from our children. I work from home PT and earn $1843 a month...our mortgage is $2100. I care for our two children and have since they were born (I have had this same job since 2004. He has provided $250 a month (in "loans") since March, and his parents have "loaned" (I didn't agree to this being a "loan"). He earns approximately $85,000.

Our older son has severe food allergies (40+), and our younger son was born without a thyroid gland and with severe food allergies. Both have immunodeficiency. My older son, for example, missed five straight weeks of school from illness this past November/December. Both kids were diagnosed with the bug that causes bacterial meningitis the day he walked out last June. My kids would have missed eight weeks of school had it been during the school year (and if the younger one was old enough)Our younger son is in speech therapy twice a month and just finished a year of physical therapy. I literally cannot work outside of the home right now I handle all medical care (there's a lot), school-related matters, and clothe/feed/tend to all daily matters for them. I coach soccer and attend Cub Scouts. I set up all playdates.My husband has never shown interest in these matters....he doesn't even respond to text messages when I let him know if one of the boys is sick.

I recently filed for divorce using adultery as my reason. I have photos, evidence of a hotel room, personal witnesses, and racy emails. Up until this point, he requested visitation only - every other weekend and two afternoons a week. This began in May. Prior to May, he visited the kids in our home at his leisure (usually 3 afternoons a week). I obviously never stopped him and let him choose his schedule. He was late or cancelled 75 times. He told our older son that he won't always be able to keep his weekend and weekday schedule the same because of his job. Since May, he has cancelled two of his weekends and brought them back six hours early on another.

Now he wants joint custody - every other weekend Friday through Monday plus two overnights during the week. Is it likely he will get it? I am absolutely sick. I obviously want our kids to have a relationship with their father. But this life is all my kids have known. I have handled everything since he left, and I didn't want a divorce. He wants to me go back to work FT while his mother watches our kids. We have not let her watch them alone because during her care, my younger son received eight second-degree burns on his hand (she held him up to touch a lit lightbulb). His attorney submitted a settlement agreement to me that proposed $900 a month child support (with their allergies, our grocery bills are easily $1200 a month), $700 a month alimony for me, use of the family home for me for three years but with me responsible for all bills (if I am late, I will be required to put the house on the market immediately...he wants to split equally the equity at the time of sale...my kids would be homeless), 0% of his retirement (a Roth IRA that he opened prior to our marriage...my attorney said I am entitled to half of the $22k it earned during our marriage but nothing from before, and a clause stating that we won't continue private school for the kids unless we both agree, even though he chose the school because it accommodates our son (he could die from exposure to play dough, for example...this school protects him). Now it is not an issue for him. I want physical custody with two afternoons a week for him (he lives 45 minutes away, though....and they can't eat in restaurants due to allergies. Last week, he fed them dinner in his car) and every other weekend for him.

Do I have a shot at this? I want to keep as much as I can the same for my kids, and I'm just so scared.

Thank you so much for any insight you can provide.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Maryland

My husband walked out on me and our two children 13 months ago for a married coworker with an open marriage and a daughter. He provided money via our joint checking account until this past March, when he stopped helping out financially...he said he was "between contracts" with the government. At the same time, he rented an apartment (he had been living with his parents) and willingly moved 45 minutes from our children. I work from home PT and earn $1843 a month...our mortgage is $2100. I care for our two children and have since they were born (I have had this same job since 2004. He has provided $250 a month (in "loans") since March, and his parents have "loaned" (I didn't agree to this being a "loan"). He earns approximately $85,000.

Our older son has severe food allergies (40+), and our younger son was born without a thyroid gland and with severe food allergies. Both have immunodeficiency. My older son, for example, missed five straight weeks of school from illness this past November/December. Both kids were diagnosed with the bug that causes bacterial meningitis the day he walked out last June. My kids would have missed eight weeks of school had it been during the school year (and if the younger one was old enough)Our younger son is in speech therapy twice a month and just finished a year of physical therapy. I literally cannot work outside of the home right now I handle all medical care (there's a lot), school-related matters, and clothe/feed/tend to all daily matters for them. I coach soccer and attend Cub Scouts. I set up all playdates.My husband has never shown interest in these matters....he doesn't even respond to text messages when I let him know if one of the boys is sick.

I recently filed for divorce using adultery as my reason. I have photos, evidence of a hotel room, personal witnesses, and racy emails. Up until this point, he requested visitation only - every other weekend and two afternoons a week. This began in May. Prior to May, he visited the kids in our home at his leisure (usually 3 afternoons a week). I obviously never stopped him and let him choose his schedule. He was late or cancelled 75 times. He told our older son that he won't always be able to keep his weekend and weekday schedule the same because of his job. Since May, he has cancelled two of his weekends and brought them back six hours early on another.

Now he wants joint custody - every other weekend Friday through Monday plus two overnights during the week. Is it likely he will get it? I am absolutely sick. I obviously want our kids to have a relationship with their father. But this life is all my kids have known. I have handled everything since he left, and I didn't want a divorce. He wants to me go back to work FT while his mother watches our kids. We have not let her watch them alone because during her care, my younger son received eight second-degree burns on his hand (she held him up to touch a lit lightbulb). His attorney submitted a settlement agreement to me that proposed $900 a month child support (with their allergies, our grocery bills are easily $1200 a month), $700 a month alimony for me, use of the family home for me for three years but with me responsible for all bills (if I am late, I will be required to put the house on the market immediately...he wants to split equally the equity at the time of sale...my kids would be homeless), 0% of his retirement (a Roth IRA that he opened prior to our marriage...my attorney said I am entitled to half of the $22k it earned during our marriage but nothing from before, and a clause stating that we won't continue private school for the kids unless we both agree, even though he chose the school because it accommodates our son (he could die from exposure to play dough, for example...this school protects him). Now it is not an issue for him. I want physical custody with two afternoons a week for him (he lives 45 minutes away, though....and they can't eat in restaurants due to allergies. Last week, he fed them dinner in his car) and every other weekend for him.

Do I have a shot at this? I want to keep as much as I can the same for my kids, and I'm just so scared.

Thank you so much for any insight you can provide.

To clarify - are you saying that you have never, ever, taken the children to a restaurant? Play-dates? How do you deal with family get-togethers?

Now he wants joint custody - every other weekend Friday through Monday plus two overnights during the week.

You can try to fight, but that's really only marginally more than the court would give him ("standard" is EOW and one overnight per week).

Did anyone report Grandma?

 

[mommytotwoboys]

Thank you!

No, they have never been to a restaurant. They can't because of cross contamination. For family get-togethers, I cook their own food and take it with me. I can keep them out of the way of food whereas in a restaurant, they're surrounded.

It is more than standard. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights every other weekend, plus Tuesday and Thursday every week. If he takes them overnight, they'll have to wake up before 6 a.m. and drive in rush hour traffic (along 495) to get to school in Severna Park by 8.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you!

No, they have never been to a restaurant. They can't because of cross contamination. For family get-togethers, I cook their own food and take it with me. I can keep them out of the way of food whereas in a restaurant, they're surrounded.

It is more than standard. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights every other weekend, plus Tuesday and Thursday every week. If he takes them overnight, they'll have to wake up before 6 a.m. and drive in rush hour traffic (along 495) to get to school in Severna Park by 8.

All you can do is present your case and hope the judge rules in your favor.

 

[mommyanme]

Like Pro said you can present your case and hope for a ruling in your favor.

As for the rest you may want to consider the sale of the home and down sizing, since your standard of living is now changing. Most states have a calculator on their Child Support Enforcement website. Do the calculator based on exactly how it says and get your states guidelines for support. Some states allow the inclusion of Extraordinary expenses like medical care, but those can be at a judges discretion. Make sure he also continues to provide insurance for the children, finding your own to pay for with their medical conditions would be hard to afford even with the new ACA.

Find more work from home to raise your income, some companies, depending on what you do, like to hire telecommuters. Sell on ebay, make things, anything to raise your income and somewhat maintain your standard of living. But you're not going to keep it as it was before this, not even with child support and alimony, even if you are in a state that awards it easily.