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  1. #1
    tammymasse is offline Junior Member
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    Help with a 15 year old daughter with a baby and a 19 year old father of the baby

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

    Here is the situation; at the age of 14 my daughter became pregnant by a at the time 18 yr old. I didn't agree with the relationship in the first place so it was very secretive, once pregnant and I do know the statutory rape laws, but I also know my daughter and she started defending him and that it was consensual. I also know that is not a defense. I am trying not to have this 19 yr old have a lewd and lacidious charge on him for the rest of his life, but he is not following the rules I have.
    He was coming to my house and I have put an end to it. Though my 15 yr. old is staying home with the baby who is 4 weeks old and is continuing her education at home she is failing classes because he from what I found out this morning when I went back home and found him in the home. This is unexceptable.
    I do not want to alienate him from his new baby, I raised two girls w/ no father and won't wish that on anyone. But he is leaving me no choice.
    what I would like to know is if I can, has my daughters parent, is set up some custodial and visitation for him and her.
    Being around him he has already shown some anger issues, calling my daughter names f**** B*** amongst others, I didn't raise my kids this way and I feel like I have no control. When I informed his mother last week that my daughter was only 14 when he got her pregnant she tried to blame it on me (I had no control over the kids, the only time I seem not to have it is when he comes around and thinks he's the boss of my daughter. He has threatened to take the baby away from her already and the his mother has warned me, first I am not like that unless I am back into a corner, where I feel I am right now. What are my rights as a parent of a teenage mother with an overaged father of the baby. Help please can I file for custody and visitation? thanks for the help, I am thinking this may have to involve an attorney but i am poor
    Thanks
    Tammy MasseWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tammymasse View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

    Here is the situation; at the age of 14 my daughter became pregnant by a at the time 18 yr old. I didn't agree with the relationship in the first place so it was very secretive, once pregnant and I do know the statutory rape laws, but I also know my daughter and she started defending him and that it was consensual. I also know that is not a defense. I am trying not to have this 19 yr old have a lewd and lacidious charge on him for the rest of his life, but he is not following the rules I have.
    He was coming to my house and I have put an end to it. Though my 15 yr. old is staying home with the baby who is 4 weeks old and is continuing her education at home she is failing classes because he from what I found out this morning when I went back home and found him in the home. This is unexceptable.
    I do not want to alienate him from his new baby, I raised two girls w/ no father and won't wish that on anyone. But he is leaving me no choice.
    what I would like to know is if I can, has my daughters parent, is set up some custodial and visitation for him and her.
    Being around him he has already shown some anger issues, calling my daughter names f**** B*** amongst others, I didn't raise my kids this way and I feel like I have no control. When I informed his mother last week that my daughter was only 14 when he got her pregnant she tried to blame it on me (I had no control over the kids, the only time I seem not to have it is when he comes around and thinks he's the boss of my daughter. He has threatened to take the baby away from her already and the his mother has warned me, first I am not like that unless I am back into a corner, where I feel I am right now. What are my rights as a parent of a teenage mother with an overaged father of the baby. Help please can I file for custody and visitation? thanks for the help, I am thinking this may have to involve an attorney but i am poor
    Thanks
    Tammy MasseWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    You have NO CONTROL over the baby. NONE. The mother and father of the baby are the ones responsible. You could file for custody and visitation but you would have to sue and prove both YOUR child and the father of the baby unfit.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tammymasse View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

    I would like to know is if I can, has my daughters parent, is set up some custodial and visitation for him and her.

    . He has threatened to take the baby away from her already and the his mother has warned me,

    What are my rights as a parent of a teenage mother with an overaged father of the baby.

    Help please can I file for custody and visitation? is the name of your state
    No you cant.

    I dont know what you mean by that, but mostly, no he cant,

    You can parent YOUR CHILD and call the police about their relationship RIGHT NOW. Have YOUR DAUGHTER then go to court to file all the necessities (DNA to establish paternity (proof of the FELONY RAPE) visitation / custody and child support.)

    It is disgusting that you are continuing to allow this man to RAPE your child.

    Again, no you cant. the baby and its parents dont include you at all.
  4. #4
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    You have NO CONTROL over the baby. NONE. The mother and father of the baby are the ones responsible. You could file for custody and visitation but you would have to sue and prove both YOUR child and the father of the baby unfit.
    I may be wrong, but I don't think that's what she meant. I think that she mean that she wanted to get the ball rolling for dad to have his own custodial time so that he didn't have to be around her daughter to see the baby.

    Tammy, there are only two people who can start a custody action here. Your daughter, or the baby's father. Either way, its possible that dad could end up in trouble. A custody action is going to make your daughter's age a matter of public record.

    However, I also understand fully why you don't want dad around your daughter at this point. You do have the right to control who is around your minor daughter.

    One thing that you could do is make it crystal clear to the young man that if he continues to show up at your home when you are not present, that you WILL get a restraining order against him. You can also kick him out of your home any time that he doesn't behave with decorum.
  5. #5
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    The only way you can make sure he does not come to your home is to BE at home to protect and supervise your child. Obviously she is not following your rules and is letting him in. Obviously she needs more supervision.

    You can help your child to go through the court process to get custody, visitation, and child support established. You can even help her find legal help. But you can't and shouldn't do it for her.
  6. #6
    The_Non-Mom is offline Member
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    Not legal advice but just some thoughts from someone who has never been there....so take this all with a grain of salt.

    Have you tried leveling with this kid? Explaining to him that he needs to follow the rules of your house or you will be pursuing rape charges and a restraining order against him? Maybe recruit a neighbor who is home all the time to keep an eye on the house and alert you as to when he comes by?

    Any chance you can help your daughter get daycare for your baby so she can go back to regular public school? If she is at school all day, there a lot less opportunity for her to be hanging out with her pervo BF while you are at work?

    I agree with the other posters that you need to encourage your daughter to go through the legal process to establish paternity and child support. Maybe if Pervo were ordered to pay CS, he would be forced to work all day instead of hanging around your house and keeping your daughter from her studies.
  7. #7
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    Your daughter is the one who gets to decide what goes on with HER baby.

    You can decide what happens in your home with your daughter however it doesn't seem like that is working . If you wish to control your daughter you will probably need someone with her at all times day and night.

    Again as far as the baby , you have no say.
  8. #8
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    I am curious what OP will think when her participation in her own child's rape is discovered? Cause we all know that there are no court orders without verifying paternity.

    Help please can I file for custody and visitation?
  9. #9
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Meanie View Post
    I am curious what OP will think when her participation in her own child's rape is discovered? Cause we all know that there are no court orders without verifying paternity.
    Huh? Mom stated that she didn't approve of the relationship and that they were seeing each other secretly. Therefore I do not get the "her participation" bit.

    Are you saying that because she didn't immediately try to get the boy arrested for statutory rape?

    I have to admit that that one gives me trouble both ways. On the one hand an 18 year old had no business messing with a 14 year old child, and should suffer consequences. On the other hand the grandchild deserves to have her father in her life. It would be a tough call.
  10. #10
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Non-Mom View Post

    Any chance you can help your daughter get daycare for your baby so she can go back to regular public school? If she is at school all day, there a lot less opportunity for her to be hanging out with her pervo BF while you are at work?
    I agree. Get YOUR kiddo back into school NOW. Have her stay after to work with her teachers to catch up. Have baby stay in day care until late in the day, if at all possible so daughter is not distracted.
  11. #11
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    uh? Mom stated that she didn't approve of the relationship and that they were seeing each other secretly. Therefore I do not get the "her participation" bit.

    Are you saying that because she didn't immediately try to get the boy arrested for statutory rape?

    I have to admit that that one gives me trouble both ways. On the one hand an 18 year old had no business messing with a 14 year old child, and should suffer consequences. On the other hand the grandchild deserves to have her father in her life. It would be a tough call.
    I have a problem with this statement:

    I am trying not to have this 19 yr old have a lewd and lacidious charge on him for the rest of his life, but he is not following the rules I have
    It makes it sound like (to me anyway) that as long as he does what she wants she won't press charges. If he doesn't do exactly what she wants then he'll be charged. Doesn't seem to be that should be the way she should be looking at it. Either your charge him or you don't . Don't blackmail someone into getting what you want. That's just what it sounded like when I read it.
  12. #12
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometwo View Post
    I have a problem with this statement:



    It makes it sound like (to me anyway) that as long as he does what she wants she won't press charges. If he doesn't do exactly what she wants then he'll be charged. Doesn't seem to be that should be the way she should be looking at it. Either your charge him or you don't . Don't blackmail someone into getting what you want. That's just what it sounded like when I read it.
    While I kind of see it the way that you do, I kind of don't as well.

    She never approved of his relationship with her child. She did state however that she believes that the grandchild has a right to a relationship with her father.

    There is also the issue of the degree of severity of the charges.

    Many people wouldn't see things the way that I do, but I have seen people make youthful mistakes that destroy any hope that they have of any kind of real future.

    I would have a hard time condeming an 18 year old to that kind of future unless I was certain that the 18 year old was a true preditor.

    So, with all of the factors of this case I can see why this mom is reacting the way that she is reacting. She is hoping for the sake of her grandchild that dad is not a true preditor, but is begining to believe that he really is...because he won't respect the rules.

    Its honestly a tough situation. If he were a bit older it would be far more clear cut.
  13. #13
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Huh? Mom stated that she didn't approve of the relationship and that they were seeing each other secretly. Therefore I do not get the "her participation" bit.

    Are you saying that because she didn't immediately try to get the boy arrested for statutory rape?

    I have to admit that that one gives me trouble both ways. On the one hand an 18 year old had no business messing with a 14 year old child, and should suffer consequences. On the other hand the grandchild deserves to have her father in her life. It would be a tough call.
    Wow. So you would be "Okay" with an adult raping your 14 yo daughter or son? Really? God help your child, grandchildren or and other little kid that you have custody of. Poor kids...
  14. #14
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Meanie View Post
    Wow. So you would be "Okay" with an adult raping your 14 yo daughter or son? Really? God help your child, grandchildren or and other little kid that you have custody of. Poor kids...
    Pound sand Blue...you all so mighty arbitor of the world according to you.

    Many 18 year olds are also still children, despite their biological age. I didn't say it was ok, I said it could be a hard call.
  15. #15
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    I would have a bigger problem with the boyfriend treating my child with disrespect then any of the rest of it. If daughter was raised right she would know she is worth more then that.

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