Help! Moving out will it affect custody rights?

[mintyhalo]

What is the name of your state? IL

I am wanting a seperation from my husband of 14 years! I am in love with another person. If I decide to move out and leave the children with him, will it affect my rights? I wont just leave, I will let him know. He does not know of the affair. My children will rather want to stay at home. They are very comfortable there and it is by school. They are 10, 11, and 14. I want to come home on my days off until this is final and see them as much as possible. Thanks for advice

 

[nextwife]

Good for you for thinking of the best needs of your children. They should not have to be uprooted from their home, school, friends and father because you want a different relationship.

You will be able to file for a legal speration and visitation schedule to assure your rights to see them per the schedule established in the CO. You will create a status quo of custody that may be hard to reverse later.

 

[stealth2]

I'm speechless so am just going to ditto nw.

 

[caligirl73]

What is the name of your state? IL

I am wanting a seperation from my husband of 14 years! I am in love with another person. If I decide to move out and leave the children with him, will it affect my rights? I wont just leave, I will let him know. He does not know of the affair. My children will rather want to stay at home. They are very comfortable there and it is by school. They are 10, 11, and 14. I want to come home on my days off until this is final and see them as much as possible. Thanks for advice

Good Lord, I am just as speechless as Stealth!!!
My dear, how could you, as a mother, want to leave your children behind just because you have cheated on your husband and are in love with someone else???............... Ok , never mind, just answered my own question!!!
But, have you given any thought that MAYBE the children would want to come and live with you??? Or are you just being REALLY SELFISH and not even taking into consideration your husbands and children's feelings???
Im floored

 

[kidoday]

As a mother I can't understand your thinking.

However, yes moving out for another man may make you lose all custody rights to your children. Sole legal custody can be given to your ex where your visitation may be limited to the standard eow, eoh. When your ex finds out that you have chosen to leave your husband for another man he can petition the courts for supervised visitation, or request that your new beau not be present at these visitations.

The choice is yours.

 

[adonahee]

It could affect a custody order later, yes.

Suppose your husband gets VERY upset when he hears this news, and wants you out pronto! He would be within his rights to request NO visitation when your BF is present (at least at first), and definitely no overnight visits. This would establish him as the custodial parent, but since you have no problem with that situation, the point is moot. Just don't move in with your BF. And don't be surprised at how quickly this situation becomes VERY ugly. You've made a heck of a mess, my dear.

 

[Reyna7]

Wow!!!

I try not to judge people too harshly, as I have not walked in their shoes, but this time....that is very hard to do.

OP, please stop a minute and think about this whole situation. I am not faulting you for being in love with another man, things happen, but you have an obligation to your children. What kind of example are you setting for them? How will they feel towards you and your new BF? Does that matter to you?

I will tell you this happened to a very good friend of mine. Shocked me so much, she left her 4 children and husband of 25 years for a married man, who lives 2,000 miles away. Her children hate her for ruining their life. Hate him for breaking up their family. The emotional damage she has done to her children is something that has scarred them for life. Each one is handling it in a different way. It is a very sad situation to watch unfold. I think she is sorry now for what she did and how she handled it. She may have gained a new BF, but she lost a family.

So again I say to you. Stop and think about all of this before you act. When we become parents, we then make a commitment to do the best possible for our kids. We are not perfect as parents and make mistakes, but this is something you can handle a different way to soften the blow. Someday, you may regret this cliff you are about to jump off of.