Well, to take this thread in an entirely new direction, google OP's name. I don't think she's been completely upfront.
The reason I googled is that I was so amazed that a woman who only escaped such abuse 1 month ago was able to articulate her situation in such an objective way.
I've been in an abusive relationship before so I do understand the fear and even more so, the denial and desire to minimalize the abuse. However, when he stopped only abusing OP and began including the children in his abusive acts, I'm just surprised the mama bear instinct didn't kick in the way it's supposed to.
Oh and... that isn't anyone's name "Did it ever occur to you or your friend that using your or her real name would make it easy for your husband to find you online? " that is an old user name... not a real name... nobody is that stupid.
Can we assume you're real name is Kathryn then? Or your friend's real name is?
When I first found this forum I took everything said here very much to heart. Two years later, I have come to know and enjoy the various personalities of the seniors. When I first joined and posted though, I had no such radar and sharp words cut deep.
I truly appreciate those posts where sensitivity is displayed toward people that state they are being abused or were abused. An abuse victim is already destroyed emotionally and it doesn't take much to take them lower.
With that said, I am not so naïve as to believe that everyone that claims abuse is abused. I realize that some posters omit facts, pose as other people, and sling false accusations. I suspect however, that many people claiming to be abused, were in fact abused, even when they have no proof. Just because I can't prove I took a bath yesterday, or read a book, or fed my cat, or cleaned my kitchen doesn't mean those things didn't happen. Such is the case for much abuse. With someone is already emotionally devastated a bit of kindness in the delivery of the message, even when that message may contain bad news, can really make a difference.
Hugs to Stealth2.
Last edited by st-kitts; 05-20-2012 at 12:55 PM.
Good for you! You should not care what I think. I didn't post for your benefit.
I'm not sure how you think I'm making this into something personal, but, yeah, I'm frightening. Ask anyone.
And, yes, some are that stupid.
But, carry on.
With regard to one's posting style, there are some whose posts reflect an opposing attorney's demeanor, some whose posts reflect a therapist's demeanor, and some whose posts lie somewhere in the middle. Many of us flip-flop among the three.
Not too long ago, the confrontational style was all the rage on FA, and those who challenged it were criticized and belittled. I'm sure I took part in that action.
Very recently, it seems that we've grown past the mob mentality and can debate opinions and such more civilly. That makes me smile.
Now, posters can get the benefit of an opposing attorney's inquisition along with empathetic advice of others. There's room for both, IMO.
I totally understand where OG was coming from with her questions....And I do know that, assuming the OP is "real", she may have to face those kind of questions in court.
But given that the OP has just recently stopped being a victim--OG's post was a bit harsh IMO.
It took me 3 years after the Ex was arrested for domestic assault to get myself together--mentally, emotionally--enough to stop being a victim. Even though he never physically abused me again in that 3 years, he was still very much a controlling, mentally abusive, @ss! But, it took me 3 years to realize he wouldn't/couldn't kill my family (like he threatened numerous times), and that I was not the piece of crap he always told me I was (you know the old "you're fat/ugly/crazy/stupid/etc. no other man will want you" lines)
So, yes, this is a topic that hits close to home. Abuse victims need some positive reinforcement that they did the right thing--not the "why did you marry him/her" or "what took you so long to leave" questions.
Sometimes a kick-in-the-butt post or word or two helps someone stop being a victim and start to get it together. Sometimes it is a reality check and honestly it gets you prepared for those questions in court. Those questions were asked of me by our GAL day 1. Yes it sucks trying to explain how you were deceived, reeled in, and taken advantage of, but it also helps you to try and keep you and your children OUT of future relationships such as these instead of repeating the cycle.