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  1. #1
    ProSeMe is offline Member
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    How can I find if my child is enrolled in school?

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

    I have been going through a lot with my ex and battling to see my child. My child's mom told me that they moved out of state since August, which I have not been able to see my child since then. I have been struggling to see my child, but my child mom just keep on giving me the run around. I even missed my child's birthday because they were out of state.

    Well, today, I did some investigation and did some email tracking and realized that she is in fact in state, because all her emails originated from IP address from her computer in VA.

    My child was in Pre-K last year. Would the school give me information about my child since I have the divorce decree which states that I have joint legal custody with mom, even though she obviously would not put my name on the school records?

    I called the daycare and they said they would not be able to give me any information unless a court order was in place. It has been a long time since I have seen my child, and my court date is more than a month away, but I have been unable to serve her a summons because I had no idea if the location out of state which she told me she was is in fact correct. I am pretty certain that she is in state. My attorney could request a emergency hearing IF we could find a definite location for mom, but other than that, I have to wait.

    I just want to be able to find my child. My attorney is not much help, which was one of the main reasons I hired him in the first place. I have been unable to get a concrete location of them, and he has been asking me to try figure out if I can see my child so he can serve her court papers then.

    I have been trying to find if I could do something about Parental kidnapping or similar, since i have Liberal and Reasonable visitation, however mom have been keeping me from seeing child. In VA it is a Class 1 misdemeanor. How do I go about enforcing this law. Can I go to the police? The court (outside of being in front of a judge) have been unwilling to help me or expedite my case.

    Virginia code 18.2-49.1.
    [url=http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-49.1]LIS > Code of Virginia > 18.2-49.1[/url]

    My lawyer has not been able to tell me anything about how I would go about proceeding with getting her charged with this or at least first offense.

    18.2-49.1. Violation of court order regarding custody and visitation; penalty.

    A. Any person who knowingly, wrongfully and intentionally withholds a child from either of a child's parents or other legal guardian in a clear and significant violation of a court order respecting the custody or visitation of such child, provided such child is withheld outside of the Commonwealth, is guilty of a Class 6 felony.

    B. Any person who knowingly, wrongfully and intentionally engages in conduct that constitutes a clear and significant violation of a court order respecting the custody or visitation of a child is guilty of a Class 3 misdemeanor upon conviction of a first offense. Any person who commits a second violation of this section within 12 months of a first conviction is guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor, and any person who commits a third violation occurring within 24 months of the first conviction is guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor.
    Last edited by ProSeMe; 10-09-2010 at 02:21 AM.
  2. #2
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    If your lawyer is not able to tell you anything then you're either leaving something out or you need a new lawyer.

    There are a number of things you can do. Possibly an ex parte order to get a subpoena requiring the internet provider to give up her address so you can serve her. Or a PI to find her address. Or contact all the schools in the area to get the information.

    It is not parental kidnapping. It MAY BE contempt, although even that is difficult to prove with such vague language.
  3. #3
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    I'd like to know how dad KNOWS mom isn't teaching the child anything if he hasn't even seen his own child. And how does dad know she watches reality shows all day? She could be watching NO tv for all he knows.
  4. #4
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isis1 View Post
    I'd like to know how dad KNOWS mom isn't teaching the child anything if he hasn't even seen his own child. And how does dad know she watches reality shows all day? She could be watching NO tv for all he knows.
    It would also be interesting to hear why it's relevant. There's no law that says Mom has to teach the child anything. Lousy parenting isn't illegal (unfortunately).

    And trying to prove that the child is being harmed by Mom watching TV would be quite a challenge.
  5. #5
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA)

    For additional information, you may call 1-800-USA-LEARN (1-800-872-5327) (voice). Individuals who use TDD may call 1-800-437-0833.

    Or you may contact us at the following address:

    Family Policy Compliance Office
    U.S. Department of Education
    400 Maryland Avenue, SW
    Washington, D.C. 20202-8520

    There's also Child Find Of America

    There's also the FPLS - Your lawyer should know this one.

    Depending if in fact she remove the child form the state with the intent to permanently remove the child , or if she did in fact remain in the State ,you'll have to go with what ever statutes and laws are available to you.
  6. #6
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    How is it that you have no idea whether Mom/child are in the state, and yet you know where the daycare is and what school you'd need to contact to get information?
  7. #7
    ProSeMe is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isis1 View Post
    I'd like to know how dad KNOWS mom isn't teaching the child anything if he hasn't even seen his own child. And how does dad know she watches reality shows all day? She could be watching NO tv for all he knows.
    Child's mom not caring about educational value is a personal matter, not a state/court matter, that my child doesnt learn anything with mom. My family has always been academic. My child's mom, academic progress is not a priority, and she relies solely on the school for child's education. That is why it is important for ME to be able to have an influence in my child's life so that my child can have a fair shot at being successful in life. I always saw my child every other weekend and randomly on weekdays, other than now when her mom claimed that they moved. I had filed a motion to amend visitation, and request a no-move radius. She got served, then I emailed her requesting to see my child that weekend, then she informed me that she moved out of state. I went and filed a "motion to show cause". After talking to my lawyer, I decided to go ahead a retain him. After telling him that my main aim is to have my child returned to the state, he says the only way I can do that is to file for custody. I do not necessarily want to traumatize my child by taking custody, but with mom keeping child from me, telling me she moved away, 6 hrs drive, that is unacceptable to me, so I went with what my lawyer recommended, despite not being able to afford it. I want to get my child returned to the state and he tells me that is the only way how.

    In my last meeting with him, he told me that he could not verify the address she gave me out of state. I have been trying to meet her to get my child for a week (being that I thought she was out of state), but now, I did email tracing and found that she has been lying to me the entire time. Her ip address shows that she emailed me from the same city that she lived in the entire time and never moved out of state. Obviously, I know that I will not win custody, but plenty of times, I have been at her discretion to give me my child. She is a pain to deal with. I do not want to go through her solely to be able to see my child. I did not know my rights as a father before, but now I do and I want to go through the court, but she always feel like she can walk over me. I just want to see my child and have a big impact on my child's life. I recognize the importance of both parents, but I feel I can do a better job than her if I have to choose. I do not want to take my child from her, but I do not want her to take my child from me.

    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    How is it that you have no idea whether Mom/child are in the state, and yet you know where the daycare is and what school you'd need to contact to get information?
    I know the pre-K my child was going to last year. I know what day cares are in the area. I would go to EACH of them showing them court papers of Joint legal custody explaining the situation until I find one willing to help. This is what my main question is. If I find the correct school, would they be willing to tell me if my child is enrolled there or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by BL View Post
    Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA)
    Thanks for the info BL
    Last edited by ProSeMe; 10-05-2010 at 10:47 AM.
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ProSeMe View Post
    I know the pre-K my child was going to last year. I know what day cares are in the area. I would go to EACH of them showing them court papers of Joint legal custody explaining the situation until I find one willing to help. This is what my main question is. If I find the correct school, would they be willing to tell me if my child is enrolled there or not?



    Thanks for the info BL
    You might have to employ a somewhat sneaking tactic to get them to give information. You might have to say that you are there to pick up your son, and if he is not enrolled there they would likely say, "sorry he is not enrolled here". Whereas the place he IS enrolled, might respond differently.
  9. #9
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    You might have to employ a somewhat sneaking tactic to get them to give information. You might have to say that you are there to pick up your son, and if he is not enrolled there they would likely say, "sorry he is not enrolled here". Whereas the place he IS enrolled, might respond differently.
    I've had to do that myself a few years back. The teachers, office staff did not like the grandma for pulling that stunt at all.
  10. #10
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Man. I'm going to be honest with you. So either be prepared to have an open mind, or really REALLY peeved off.

    What's with all the "my child" "my child" "i want" "i want"?? You don't want custody, you just want mom to stay in one accessible place for you. And you want to best mom at parenting? What is wrong with you?? You were given your options. File for custody, or file for a long distance plan. And stop degrading mom.
  11. #11
    ProSeMe is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isis1 View Post
    Man. I'm going to be honest with you. So either be prepared to have an open mind, or really REALLY peeved off.

    What's with all the "my child" "my child" "i want" "i want"?? You don't want custody, you just want mom to stay in one accessible place for you. And you want to best mom at parenting? What is wrong with you?? You were given your options. File for custody, or file for a long distance plan. And stop degrading mom.
    I actually put mom on a pedestal compared to where she should be. Mom is a bum on society. She provides food and shelter, but that's about it. She does not even provide food and shelter, because she relies on her welfare check to provide shelter, so the state provide shelter for my child but the mom benefits. I believe that is what Section 8 is. She only works enough to get her section 8 rent. She told me so many times how she don't want to work, because the more she works, the less money she gets for her rent. I used to do all her school work for her when we were dating. Looking back on my computer, I see all her school work, which I did while she slept. She always got mad at me for not doing her homework. I was stupid for a long time and blindly in-love because I loved having someone I could "do things for". I realized my ways, and tried to do best for my child, but mom repeatedly violent towards me. I had to be going to court for months struggling with her case of domestic voilence against me. I was trying to get her off, because obviously, I did not want her to be charged. Guess what? She continued being voilent. I decide I HAVE to leave. I leave, now, she gets mad at me almost every week for leaving. I am happy now. I am not with her. I am sad to not be in my child's life because I can only see my child when she says when. SO many times I have been, after agreeing, reach to the door, she opens the door and push my child out, or have my child wait for me outside. I cry so much inside because this country is so protective of mothers. Every child deserves both parents, but not everyone who can push out a kid deserves to be a parent.

    Do you know what it is like to have your kid who means the world to you, but the mom moved away to another state, you cant even get to give your kid the birthday presents because mom REFUSE to agree to meet, even though I agree to drive all the way there, and all the way back, all I am waiting on is a date and a time to visit. I have been emailing her so long now, for over a month trying to get a TIME to see my child, and all I have been getting is the run around. Do you know why? Because she is HERE and not in some other state where I am trying to meet up with her. I just found out this week. Was I to sit back and allow her to run away with my child? This is not the first time she has done it. It is not the last.
    Last edited by ProSeMe; 10-05-2010 at 03:43 PM.
  12. #12
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Don't play the pity party with me. I'm all out of streamers and balloons. First oof, that's YOUR fault for doing her homework. That's YOUR fault for not allowing the DA to press charges against her! that's YOUR fault for leaving the child with violent person. You failed your responsibility. Once you accept it, you can be a better co-parent.

    9 out of 10 senior members here would move in the direction of their child/ren. Maybe that makes me stupid, but i am one of them. It has nothing to do with is a better parent. You are NOT better than mom! Your ways are not the only way to be a parent. You use this same spewage in court a judge will not take you seriously!
  13. #13
    futuredust is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ProSeMe View Post
    I actually put mom on a pedestal compared to where she should be. Mom is a bum on society. She provides food and shelter, but that's about it. She does not even provide food and shelter, because she relies on her welfare check to provide shelter, so the state provide shelter for my child but the mom benefits. I believe that is what Section 8 is. She only works enough to get her section 8 rent. She told me so many times how she don't want to work, because the more she works, the less money she gets for her rent. I used to do all her school work for her when we were dating. Looking back on my computer, I see all her school work, which I did while she slept. She always got mad at me for not doing her homework. I was stupid for a long time and blindly in-love because I loved having someone I could "do things for". I realized my ways, and tried to do best for my child, but mom repeatedly violent towards me. I had to be going to court for months struggling with her case of domestic voilence against me. I was trying to get her off, because obviously, I did not want her to be charged. Guess what? She continued being voilent. I decide I HAVE to leave. I leave, now, she gets mad at me almost every week for leaving. I am happy now. I am not with her. I am sad to not be in my child's life because I can only see my child when she says when. SO many times I have been, after agreeing, reach to the door, she opens the door and push my child out, or have my child wait for me outside. I cry so much inside because this country is so protective of mothers. Every child deserves both parents, but not everyone who can push out a kid deserves to be a parent.

    Do you know what it is like to have your kid who means the world to you, but the mom moved away to another state, you cant even get to give your kid the birthday presents because mom REFUSE to agree to meet, even though I agree to drive all the way there, and all the way back, all I am waiting on is a date and a time to visit. I have been emailing her so long now, for over a month trying to get a TIME to see my child, and all I have been getting is the run around. Do you know why? Because she is HERE and not in some other state where I am trying to meet up with her. I just found out this week. Was I to sit back and allow her to run away with my child? This is not the first time she has done it. It is not the last.

    Stop putting mom down. You made the choice to have a child with her and to do the things you did.

    I don't believe for one moment that you have exhausted all ways to locate her. I also find it difficult to believe that you could provide a better education, academics be damned.

    Send mom a letter to her last known address, mark it do not forward, address correction requested. If mom filed a change of address it should come back to you with the corrected address.
  14. #14
    ProSeMe is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by futuredust View Post
    Send mom a letter to her last known address, mark it do not forward, address correction requested. If mom filed a change of address it should come back to you with the corrected address.

    Thank you. I have been reading up about that through the post office, and it seems that it is available for "companies". Would I just write on in hand writing " Do not forward, address correction requested" ?

    I read on Child Find America website:
    [url=http://www.childfindofamerica.org/access.htm]Take these steps if your child[/url]

    Take these steps if your child's other parent has abducted your child or is denying you access to your child:

    1. If your child has been abducted by the other parent, call police immediately. Then file a Missing Child Report.

    2. Gather all your legal documentation, including custody orders, divorce papers and visitation agreements.

    3. Contact Child Find's CAPSS program at
    1-800-A-WAY-OUT (1-800-292-9688).
    Can I file a missing person's report with what I have (i.e. divorce order stating reasonable and liberal visitation, plus amendment of visitation order pending with court date)?
  15. #15
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    The mother has not abducted the child.

    I think you probably know exactly where Mom and the child are, and you'd rather wring your hands and complain about things not being the way you want them to be.

    You need to turn it over to your attorney, and stop trying to second guess the system. This country does not "protect" mothers. That excuse is old and tired and quite frankly, beat to death.

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