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  1. #1
    Louise1986 is offline Junior Member
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    How do fight false sexual abuse allegations?

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

    My ex has accused my current spouse of sexually abusing my son. He has stated that my son told him that my spouse touched him in his private area. He has also made accusations about my son exhibiting strange sexual behavior. I believe he has demented my son's idea of what is normal. His story has changed many times in the last few months. Everyone in my family completely backs my spouse's innocence. He has never abused or attempted to touch my son inappropriately. My parents, who have no reason to be bias against their grandson, are furious with my ex for making this up. He took my son for regular visitation, while he had him he filed a restraining order against my spouse. He never called me or spoke to me at anytime before the papers were served on my spouse on a Friday evening. I tried to have the police enforce our custody agreement, however they said our paperwork was too vague. The following Monday I attempted to pick my son up from school and was informed he was not there. I was served custody papers that day. He has had custody for 4 months. CPS did a thorough investigation and closed the case with inconclusive findings. The CPS worker told me that there was no way to substantiate claims made by either side. He said it will be difficult to prove due to no physical evidence. The court is not interested in polygraph results or witness statements. The judge told me he wants the CPS worker to write a letter saying that the case was closed due to it being "unfounded." This is not possible according to the CPS worker due to lack of evidence. I was told by one judge that if I no longer resided with my spouse I could regain custody. I moved in with my parents and another judge denied me because he did not like the terminology used my the CPS worker. He stated that I am an unfit mother because I may have let someone abuse my son. I have not been allowed to speak to my 5 year old son regarding this matter because in the first court date, the judge order me not to speak of the case to him. I am very low income and the pro bono programs in my area are not handling family law cases right now. I need some form of assistance. I believe the judge is being biased against me. I also believe my son is being told negative things about me. How can I prove to the court that my ex is the one who is untruthful?
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    You really are going to struggle without an attorney.

    You need to expect Dad to file for permanent custody based on kiddo being with him for 4 months and because CPS has deemed the case "inconclusive".

    I must ask though - what proof do you have that your ex is actually lying?

    Versus being genuinely (and even perhaps legitimately) concerned?
  3. #3
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise1986 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

    My ex has accused my current spouse of sexually abusing my son. He has stated that my son told him that my spouse touched him in his private area. He has also made accusations about my son exhibiting strange sexual behavior. I believe he has demented my son's idea of what is normal. His story has changed many times in the last few months. Everyone in my family completely backs my spouse's innocence. He has never abused or attempted to touch my son inappropriately. My parents, who have no reason to be bias against their grandson, are furious with my ex for making this up. He took my son for regular visitation, while he had him he filed a restraining order against my spouse. He never called me or spoke to me at anytime before the papers were served on my spouse on a Friday evening. I tried to have the police enforce our custody agreement, however they said our paperwork was too vague. The following Monday I attempted to pick my son up from school and was informed he was not there. I was served custody papers that day. He has had custody for 4 months. CPS did a thorough investigation and closed the case with inconclusive findings. The CPS worker told me that there was no way to substantiate claims made by either side. He said it will be difficult to prove due to no physical evidence. The court is not interested in polygraph results or witness statements. The judge told me he wants the CPS worker to write a letter saying that the case was closed due to it being "unfounded." This is not possible according to the CPS worker due to lack of evidence. I was told by one judge that if I no longer resided with my spouse I could regain custody. I moved in with my parents and another judge denied me because he did not like the terminology used my the CPS worker. He stated that I am an unfit mother because I may have let someone abuse my son. I have not been allowed to speak to my 5 year old son regarding this matter because in the first court date, the judge order me not to speak of the case to him. I am very low income and the pro bono programs in my area are not handling family law cases right now. I need some form of assistance. I believe the judge is being biased against me. I also believe my son is being told negative things about me. How can I prove to the court that my ex is the one who is untruthful?
    Is this child in therapy ?
  4. #4
    Louise1986 is offline Junior Member
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    Besides the fact that I resided in the home as a stay-at-home mom and my spouse works two jobs, he has never in any way shown any signs of abuse. My spouse does not fight for time with the children, in fact, he kind of ignores them due to being so tired. The claim was that my son was "poked" one time with a single index finger while I was at work "cleaning carpets." I have never worked cleaning carpets and I have not had a job in almost a year. However, My ex and I had an argument in which I told him I was helping my mom and couldn't talk to him anymore. He knows that my mom works for a carpet cleaning company. I wasn't working with her, but I think he just assumed I was. My son knows I don't work. His statement was that I was asleep and him and his brother were playing. My spouse worked graveyard shifts at this time and was not in the home at this supposed time of the incident. My spouses son, who claims were also made against, is 8 years old. He spoke to CPS himself. He seemed to be visibly shocked by the questions asked and responded as such, denying all allegations. My spouses ex wife, who despises the both of us and has made her own false CPS claims, showed up to court to defend him, but the judge heard no witness's. My son just saw a counselor for the first time on Tuesday. He has been required by the court to have him in counseling for the last two months, but they never enforced it until the judge handling the case was ill and a new judge heard the case. His father told him he can come home as soon as my spouse leaves. However, I moved into my parents to get him back sooner, and still his father refuses. My entire family is infuriated. They have no reason to defend my spouse other than their own personal beliefs about him and my son. My mother lived with me for several years. When my spouse and I moved in together, my mother moved in with us. She has slept in the same room with both children. She had only just moved out a few months prior. My cousin has had a lot of contact with my ex because she is the supervising person during my visits, which are 4 days a week. My ex confided in her that he hates my spouse because he won't let him talk to me. After hearing this I recalled an incident where I told him to stop calling me for no reason because it was making my life stressful. My ex has a history of alcohol abuse and DUI's. He also has a history of lying to the court when he denied being drunk during his DUI. He's had two DUI's and one violation of his five year probation in 2008. My son told the mediator that his father gets drunk and passes out while no one else is there to watch him and his 16 month old sister. This information was not in the mediation report, but the mediator did state that neither parent shall be under the influence of any controlled substance 24 hours prior to seeing the child. The only reason he has had my son for four months is because the judge always makes the court dates more than a month apart. In four months we have been to court 3 times. I have had a closure letter from CPS for over a month. I had to get a new one because the judge didn't like how is was worded, but the previous judge said it was fine. The previous judge is the same judge who enforced the counseling and also told my ex that he has the burden of proof and he has failed to substantiate any of the claims made. The only proof he has is a statement from my son that keeps changing. My son is only 5 and not the greatest actor. He has said that he said things on accident, that they were just playing, that he doesn't remember, or even that he was just kidding. I'm am almost absolutely positive he is being coached. The court however has not read any of my sons statements and is just "taking his word for it." My ex told my son I chose my spouse over him. He also said that if I marry my spouse I will be stuck with him forever so thats why he can't go home. I have no plans for marriage. I don't know where this idea came from.
  5. #5
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    You may have severe problems. I read what you are stating and I understand it but quite frankly, you can't afford NOT to have an attorney.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  6. #6
    Louise1986 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for your opinion. I have one last question. Is there anyway to request a new judge in CA?
  7. #7
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise1986 View Post
    Thank you for your opinion. I have one last question. Is there anyway to request a new judge in CA?



    On what basis?

    You need an actual reason - not just that you disagree with how the judge has ruled so far.
  8. #8
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise1986 View Post
    my spouse ... My spouse ... My spouse ...My spouses son ... My spouses ex wife ... my spouse ... my spouse ... my spouse ... my spouse ... my spouse
    One post. You mention your spouse 10 times. So how does THIS make sense?

    He also said that if I marry my spouse I will be stuck with him forever so thats why he can't go home. I have no plans for marriage. I don't know where this idea came from.
    Huh?
  9. #9
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    One post. You mention your spouse 10 times. So how does THIS make sense?



    Huh?
    I guess OP doesn't realize that CA does not recognize common law marriage.
  10. #10
    Louise1986 is offline Junior Member
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    My reason was a severe religious bias. He has had other cases in which he determined a child's parent was unfit because he admitted to being atheist. The judge is also a main supporter for a huge Catholic church in the area. I spoke to his former superior, who retired last year, he said this has been a common problem with this particular judge and the Superior Court is aware of it. Though, he confirmed my fears, there is nothing that can be done. I've researched the process further on my own and found it is not possible at this point in my case and that it is rarely approved anyhow. I mention "my spouse" several times because he is the accused party. I cannot use names or any specific terminology by order of the judge. The last statement was a quote from my child. He's 5. Common law is not relevant in my case because we keep all finances separate and have only been residing together for two years.
  11. #11
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise1986 View Post
    Common law is not relevant in my case because we keep all finances separate and have only been residing together for two years.
    So, basically, he's your bed-warmer. Is he worth losing your kid over? That seems to be your choice - bed-warmer or kid.
  12. #12
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise1986 View Post
    My reason was a severe religious bias. He has had other cases in which he determined a child's parent was unfit because he admitted to being atheist. The judge is also a main supporter for a huge Catholic church in the area. I spoke to his former superior, who retired last year, he said this has been a common problem with this particular judge and the Superior Court is aware of it. Though, he confirmed my fears, there is nothing that can be done. I've researched the process further on my own and found it is not possible at this point in my case and that it is rarely approved anyhow. I mention "my spouse" several times because he is the accused party. I cannot use names or any specific terminology by order of the judge. The last statement was a quote from my child. He's 5. Common law is not relevant in my case because we keep all finances separate and have only been residing together for two years.
    Prove that the religious bias impacts YOUR case negatively.
    And this man is NOT your spouse. Common law is not relevant at all. He is not your spouse. He is someone who you apparently just have sex with. Give him up in order to be a parent to your child. Or risk losing your child.

    You state that he avoids your children and is always tired. I have represented children who have been victims of sex abuse -- it happened while their mothers slept in the next room and the man got their jollies raping them with objects. The mothers all denied it. But the men eventually were convicted. How? Because either the children were forced to testify or the perpetrators ADMITTED it eventually or someone else came forward with evidence.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  13. #13
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise1986 View Post
    I mention "my spouse" several times because he is the accused party. I cannot use names or any specific terminology by order of the judge.
    You could certainly use CORRECT terminology - like boyfriend/fiance/partner/lover/whatever. He's apparently NOT your spouse, and yes, it DOES make a difference.

    And what do your finances have to do with anything? Or how long you've lived together?

    And why would you want to be with someone - sharing a home - who ignores the children?
  14. #14
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    One thing I would like to point out (from personal experience):

    If there is NO evidence in a case, the case will be closed as "unfounded". In your case, there IS evidence. Just not enough to continue a case.
  15. #15
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    This Mom is going to lose her child unless she has a demon of an attorney working with her.

    And even then...her chances of "winning" against Dad aren't strong.

    Mom, you have a choice to make.

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