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  1. #1
    Mojo513 is offline Junior Member
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    Question How do I voluntarily make a child a ward of the State?

    What is the name of your state? IL

    I am a single parent of a 12 yo boy. He is in special education and qualifies with a diagnosis of ADHD and "emotional disability". He is extremely violent at home. He has destroyed all my dining room chairs (smashed), phones, pictures, clocks and a computer (smashed the tower onto the floor), punched holes in the wall, kicked down my bedroom door and destroyed in all about $500.00 worth of our property. He has hit me, punched me, spit in my face, poured milk on me while I was sleeping.. I could go on but you get the picture. He has a psychiatrist and no amount of counseling or behavior therapy has helped. He is on medication for the ADHD but he refuses to take the antipsychotic medication that was prescribed for his violent behavior. He has absolutely no impulse control. I am personally afraid of him and it is obvious to me that he needs to live in a much more structured environment than I can provide. I need to know how to go about making him a ward of the state so that he can live in a residential facility or group home. Do I need to contact DCFS? Do I need to hire a lawyer? How long does this process take? The police have been called 3 times in the past because of his violence. His school and my family are well aware of his violent behavior. He has been suspended from school once already this year for fighting. Temporary psychiatric hospitalization does not help. We need to be permanently seperated. Any advice? Thanks
    Last edited by Mojo513; 05-25-2005 at 12:06 PM.
  2. #2
    GothicAngel is offline Member
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    I'm curious, where is his father?
  3. #3
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    While he is catigorized as SED perhaps he is actually DD since he is in Special Ed Clases. Has he been evaluated for Asperger's? Please contact your child's psychiatrist for assistance with placement. This link may help as well, the services are different between DD and SED children with Asperger's a DD are often Dx with ADHD and SED
    [url]http://www.dhs.state.il.us/mhdd/dd/[/url] The case managers should be able to help, however sometimes extreemly violent children can't be placed in these residential facilities because they are a danger to others.

    Here is a link that can also assist with placement of both DD and SED.
    [url]http://www.chail.org/faq.htm[/url]
  4. #4
    jhedge is offline Junior Member
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    Cps

    I would call CPS and talk with them. If you do not want your child, he needs to be somewhere safe and I would call authorities immediately.
  5. #5
    kat1963 is offline Senior Member
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    You first want to get a lawyer. You need one to protect your rights. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can go it alone. Do understand that you will probably be held responsible for child support and unpaid medical expenses as long as your child is in state care, is adopted or until he emancipates. If you are currently receiving child support, that will likely be turned over to the state & your own financial obligation will be assessed (according to your guidelines).

    Hopefully the state can find Junior a good therapeutic environment. I know this must be hard; however you need to protect yourself & other children in the home. You simply don't have the professional background to deal with his psychiatric problems but you have tried. Obtaining a lawyer will make sure that your parental rights are protected (to an extent), that you be afforded ample visitation, status reports, and staff consults, etc.

    Good Luck to you.
    KAT
  6. #6
    Mojo513 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks you all so much for your replies. It is not the fact that I do not want my child Jhedge, its that "I" need to be somewhere safe not him . I love my son but he is not acting rational at home. His psychiatrist actually mentioned Asperger's on the very first visit almost a year ago, although after an 8 hour set of testing the diagnosis did not include this. Making him a ward of the state is my absolute last choice of what to do. Those links that were posted are great and I will definately be looking into that. My main goal is for us to live in peace and love without daily physical violence and property damage. If I can somehow do that without making him a ward of the state I will, but so far there are no residential facilities I can find that are private. This is totally out of my ballpark. Personally I think he has Asperger's and ADHD. He does not go out of the house at all, does not read social Q's very well if at all, and does not have any friends, which makes me so sad. I love him very much but I don't want to end up in a hospital or worse because he happended to be in one of his blind rages and did something because he cannot control his impulses. His father has never been involved and his name is not even on the birth certificate.(to answer one of the posters questions)
    Last edited by Mojo513; 05-26-2005 at 03:37 AM.
  7. #7
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mojo513
    Thanks you all so much for your replies. It is not the fact that I do not want my child Jhedge, its that "I" need to be somewhere safe not him . I love my son but he is not acting rational at home. His psychiatrist actually mentioned Asperger's on the very first visit almost a year ago, although after an 8 hour set of testing the diagnosis did not include this. Making him a ward of the state is my absolute last choice of what to do. Those links that were posted are great and I will definately be looking into that. My main goal is for us to live in peace and love without daily physical violence and property damage. If I can somehow do that without making him a ward of the state I will, but so far there are no residential facilities I can find that are private. This is totally out of my ballpark. Personally I think he has Asperger's and ADHD. He does not go out of the house at all, does not read social Q's very well if at all, and does not have any friends, which makes me so sad. I love him very much but I don't want to end up in a hospital or worse because he happended to be in one of his blind rages and did something because he cannot control his impulses.
    Asperger's can range from the mild bookworm to antisocial. If the Rx for ADHD don't work ask his psychiatrist to reconsider Asperger's What tests were given for Asperger'a? WHO DID THE TESTING? What is his IQ? FSIQ, PIQ, VIQ?
  8. #8
    ventuhome is offline Junior Member
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    Help for ADHD/Asperger's

    My own 11 year old son has Aspergers and ADHD. When he was younger, I thought I would have to put him in a foster home for his aggressiveness. Thank God he has responded to all the therapy he's had - medication, counseling, and social skills training. One thing that made a huge difference was putting him on an herbal remedy that included a high dosage (1 gram) of ginger. If you can check out some of the Asperger's sites and also your state's developmental disorders program, you might find more help. The state should have special homes for DD kids, which would be a lot better than homes for SED.
  9. #9
    Mojo513 is offline Junior Member
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    Oh I wish my son would be receptive to all that is being offered to him, he throws the pills across the room and says he will flush them if he finds them, counseling amounts to him sitting in the room and answering "I don't know" to every question posed to him, then when we get home he is absolutely enraged that I put him through that, and I end up running out of the house due to his absolute absence of empathy and intense rage/violence. We own apartments for a living and I actually have a "safe house" which is an empty apartment where I go when he gets out of control which is at least twice a day. My son is in such a violent pattern right now, I think that the only way this is going to be solved is seperation, either temporary or permanent. I am spending more time in the "safe house" than I am at home. The police got me in contact with community social services... unfortunately this is Memorial Day weekend and I am just trying to survive until then. I have no doubt that Oppositional Defiant Disorder is among the mix of psychiatric disorders here. Lord give me the strength************** I take great comfort in knowing that I am not alone. This too shall pass is one of my favorite mantras... all things change, only God is changeless.
    Last edited by Mojo513; 05-30-2005 at 03:23 AM.
  10. #10
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Who is with your son while you go to your "safe house"? Does your son go to school? I didn't quite follow "but so far there are no residential facilities I can find that are private" - what sort of residential facility are you looking for?
  11. #11
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2
    Who is with your son while you go to your "safe house"? Does your son go to school? I didn't quite follow "but so far there are no residential facilities I can find that are private" - what sort of residential facility are you looking for?
    I've helped raise my girlfriend's son since before he could walk . at out 8 or 9 because of his problems ( playing with matches , lighters,setting a small fire in a garage , his threatened suicides ,threatening to blow up the school , threatening to kill a teacher , anger & depression ,suspensions from school , He even had a paraprofessional at school one on one and she even walked him everywhere because of his violence ,on and on) , we had him evaluated and hospitalized a number of times .

    He was dx's with ADhD , ODD, depression . He had counseling , day treatment behavioral programs , ( look into respite for him not you , to give you a break ) , inpatient , outpatient therapy .

    He started into rages at home ( broken window , destroying his room ( anger) .

    We called the Police , a couple a Police were pissed , 1 or 2 said he needed a Foot up his *** . In the end we took him to ER for eval. They almost always sent him home . He would take his meds when he felt like it .
    Mental health councilors were no help . The believed his manipulations

    After he got older about 12 , I put my foot down . I absolutely told him , you are NOT destroying this house any longer . He would get angry and take off .

    No long term programs or therapeutic foster cares would take him , through the school or anywhere else .

    The Last time he was hospitalized , we didn't want him home . fire setting , violence . They threatened CPS . We finally brought him home , the Hosp. staff called CPS anyways . All was unfounded .

    CPS said his Problems ARE NOT a CPS issue . They Said it's up to these agencies to do something with him . Well his therapist told us he was looking for placement . I guess he decided without telling us he felt he didn't need it .

    Anyway I absolutely refuse to put up with his anger and violence in the house , and told him to get out until you can calm down . He would get angry and take off .

    He's 17 now and after telling his mother . I'd better watch my back , and he felt like killing me , He is out of the Home . He did get arrested , released to grandma ( that's another story in itself ) .

    He comes by to visit , eat or want money . He is polite now .

    He's due back in court the 2nd . We won't be there . He will be 18 in the beginning of August .

    Talk to the Special ED . Dept. at school . Request an IEP , and possibly placement through the school . Check out if they will provide 12: 1. 1. plus a paraproffesional just for him at school to go everywhere with him , until you can get something going .

    Also check out your community and his therapy , to see if there are RESPITES . He will go to for a couple weeks at a time to give YOU a break . You have a right to restrain him when he's out of control . I restrained him once . left a small bruise on his arm . The cops came , he wanted me arrested for abuse . The femalse cop said was you just restraining him . I said yes . That's when she said he needs a Foot up his ***.

    Keep plugging away . He may have special needs , but even professional state treat them like any other child when it comes to rules .

    Final note : we tried all those time outs , rewards for being good , etc . Those things Never works .

    He grew older and would come home stating he was going to lose it , you'd better call 911 . I said there is the phone you call .
    Last edited by BL; 05-30-2005 at 06:51 AM.
  12. #12
    Mojo513 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2
    Who is with your son while you go to your "safe house"? Does your son go to school? I didn't quite follow "but so far there are no residential facilities I can find that are private" - what sort of residential facility are you looking for?

    I am a single parent, when my son is punching me and hitting me instead of hitting him back and getting arrested myself, I usually run out of the house, across the street. That leaves him alone to destroy any objects he wants to besides me. My son already has an IEP plan at scool. I am taking major abuse to try and avoid having him arrested. If I did to him, what he is doing to me.... he would have been removed from the house in a hot second! But because I am an adult (he is 5ft 4 and 110lbs.) He is allowed to continue destroying my home and hit me physically. It seems to me that he is learning that there is absolutely no consequence to destroying his own home, beating his mother.... I have been begging for help and everyone seems to want to keep the "family together", get counseling is all I hear. OMG we are one year past that. I am in counseling while this is going on. There is a major loophole in legalities where a parent is being abused. I absolutely do not want this child in my house anymore. I am gong to end up on the front pages of the news.... kid kills parent while sleeping... Oh man I used to read about stuff like that but he is so out of control.... I really don't know anymore. I have one more day until I can talk to social services about palcement... I hope I can make it that long!~
    Last edited by Mojo513; 05-30-2005 at 10:00 AM.
  13. #13
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mojo513
    I am a single parent, when my son is punching me and hitting me instead of hitting him back and getting arrested myself, I usually run out of the house, across the street. That leaves him alone to destroy any objects he wants to besides me. My son already has an IEP plan at scool. I am taking major abuse to try and avoid having him arrested. If I did to him, what he is doing to me.... he would have been removed from the house in a hot second! But because I am an adult (he is 5ft 4 and 110lbs.) He is allowed to continue destroying my home and hit me physically. It seems to me that he is learning that there is absolutely no consequence to destroying his own home, beating his mother.... I have been begging for help and everyone seems to want to keep the "family together", get counseling is all I hear. OMG we are one year past that. I am in counseling while this is going on. There is a major loophole in legalities where a parent is being abused.
    Getting him arrested may be the only thing that gets you any real help.
  14. #14
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    I have to agree with LDi. You should consider calling 911 every time, instead of running away and leaving him to destroy the house.
  15. #15
    L.Lundy is offline Member
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    I agree with LdiJ. Your safety is at risk, as well as your emotional health, and you've reached the point where your son is more than you can handle *not blaming you a bit*. Calling the police may well be the only thing you can do at this point to get both safety for yourself and help for your son. I'd strongly recommend calling 911 the next time he's in a full blown rage. Let the police, and hopefully the juvenile courts, step in and give you the help that you need.

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