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How to fight, Department of Social Services

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geruches

Junior Member
So the kids were put in the system? Why didnt they go to you or another family member? Can you get them?
Yes, the children are in Foster care now.

The Social worker has my phone number. I never received a call from them stating they took the children. Nor did they ask me if I wanted them.
I always been the one that call them after my daughter called me. It seem I'm the last person to know.

Right now, My daughter can see the children on Tues, Weds, Thurs.
I'm still calling Social Services, left messages but no call back yet.
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
My daughter had IP test done all through her school years. She has already apply for a "Disability". Her IQ is that low now. She was just tested again approx. a month ago.

I did take her to a OB/GYN. She was on birth control pills. But instead of shoveling them down her throat. I would keep a eye on her making sure she took them. I let my guard down and trusted her. She missed a few. No I wasn't happy when she got pregnant.

The laws in Maryland are different. As a parent you have "No Say" on what type of birth control method a teen 16 and over can use. I even told the doctors she was slow. That made no difference. Believe me, I didn't want her to have children at such a young age. I even suggested abortion or adoption but of course you can't force that either. My hands were tie.

She was living with me when she had her son. She was doing fine then. She would do what mothers do. No I didn't interfer, because I wanted her to know it's not that easy raising children on your own.

Like I said, After I talk to Social Services I'll know more.

Sigh...

I am not saying this to be nasty...

You "seem" to be so concerned with not having your DD labeled as retarded that you didn't do what YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE. An ADULT with an I.Q. of 70 is not slow...They are retarded (I know that many will "slap" me for using that term)...No man should have been "allowed" to have sex with her without YOU filing a CRIMINAL COMPLAINT against them. Per you postings she is not able to give consent.
After your DD had the first child you should have done EVERYTHING necessary to insure that this EMOTIONAL CHILD was protected from another child..ie a FIVE YEAR BIRTH CONTROL IMPLANT.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Yes, the children are in Foster care now.

The Social worker has my phone number. I never received a call from them stating they took the children. Nor did they ask me if I wanted them.
I always been the one that call them after my daughter called me. It seem I'm the last person to know.

Right now, My daughter can see the children on Tues, Weds, Thurs.
I'm still calling Social Services, left messages but no call back yet.

You didn't do "right" by your DD. THAT is why they do not "trust" you with these children.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What exactly do you mean by that?

What you think I should have step in and did everything for her?
Yeah...You ALLOWED your developmentally challenged to get preggers TWICE. Your DD IS RETARDED. Yet you seem to think she should be treated just like a typical adult. You NEED to own your bad judgment.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Sigh...

I am not saying this to be nasty...

You "seem" to be so concerned with not having your DD labeled as retarded that you didn't do what YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE. An ADULT with an I.Q. of 70 is not slow...They are retarded (I know that many will "slap" me for using that term)...No man should have been "allowed" to have sex with her without YOU filing a CRIMINAL COMPLAINT against them. Per you postings she is not able to give consent.
After your DD had the first child you should have done EVERYTHING necessary to insure that this EMOTIONAL CHILD was protected from another child..ie a FIVE YEAR BIRTH CONTROL IMPLANT.


Blue, I know as well as you that many here get upset seeing the word "retarded" but as we also both know it is still an absolutely valid clinical term.

So as it's being used correctly, I'd hate for anyone to jump on you for it.

:)
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I hate when people use the word "retarded" - inappropriately.

In THIS case, it is not used is a derogatory manner whatsoever.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I hate when people use the word "retarded" - inappropriately.

In THIS case, it is not used is a derogatory manner whatsoever.

Yeah, what he said!

(You worded that much better than my attempt LOL )


OP, I'm not sure what you want to happen. Your daughter is obviously not fit to be with the children and apparently placement with you is not an option.

So what's your goal?
 

sometwo

Senior Member
OP I know what your going through and how hard it must be. You need to get your daughter help and probably either you get guardian of her or let the state.

My mom went through the same thing with my sister. Ultimately because of her boyfriend, his family and her ending up pregnant my mom had to turn her over to the state. She now has a public defender in charge of her and its been over a year since I have spoken to her.

She still has her child right now and she still thinks she will not have a guardian soon , that she can be on her own. Her IQ is below 70.

My mother still goes and sees the child but her boyfriend will not let my sister leave nor will he let her leave with baby. Social services have been involved along with children's services, GAL's lawyers, etc etc.

Please get your child the help she needs. Seek resources in the community.
 

geruches

Junior Member
Sigh...

I am not saying this to be nasty...

You "seem" to be so concerned with not having your DD labeled as retarded that you didn't do what YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE. An ADULT with an I.Q. of 70 is not slow...They are retarded (I know that many will "slap" me for using that term)...No man should have been "allowed" to have sex with her without YOU filing a CRIMINAL COMPLAINT against them. Per you postings she is not able to give consent.
After your DD had the first child you should have done EVERYTHING necessary to insure that this EMOTIONAL CHILD was protected from another child..ie a FIVE YEAR BIRTH CONTROL IMPLANT.
Actually I was never told that my daughter was Mentally Disable. They only told me she was below average. Legally she was never label as "Mentally Disable". The school always told me she was doing good. From what I seen from her work, I had no reason to question it. I trusted what the school was saying. With this newest test that was done. It's come to light that I was deceived.

Sorry that I wasn't clear enough. She got pregnant in March, she turn 18 in Sept. and had her first child last part of Dec. She been on birth control since she was 16. She's now 21. Because as a working mother, I knew I couldn't watch her 24/7. I preach to her about getting married first, then have children. Just as, I did.

As I said, The law in the State of Maryland. As a parent you "Can Not" tell a child over 16 what kind of birth control they can or can't use. I suggest a birth control method. The doctor told me by law they couldn't follow what I wanted. My daughter had to tell them what she wanted to use. It was up to her since she was 16. So my hands were tie.

To Add: If my daughter was "Mentally Disable". Then why did they let her go to a regular school all them years?
 
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Just Blue

Senior Member
Actually I was never told that my daughter was Mentally Disable. They only told me she was below average. Legally she was never label as "Mentally Disable". The school always told me she was doing good. From what I seen from her work, I had no reason to question it. I trusted what the school was saying. With this newest test that was done. It's come to light that I was deceived.

Sorry that I wasn't clear enough. She got pregnant in March, she turn 18 in Sept. and had her first child last part of Dec. She been on birth control since she was 16. She's now 21. Because as a working mother, I knew I couldn't watch her 24/7. I preach to her about getting married first, then have children. Just as, I did.

As I said, The law in the State of Maryland. As a parent you "Can Not" tell a child over 16 what kind of birth control they can or can't use. I suggest a birth control method. The doctor told me by law they couldn't follow what I wanted. My daughter had to tell them what she wanted to use. It was up to her since she was 16. So my hands were tie.
The below quote is all I will respond to as the rest is crap: You KNOW that your child has a I.Q. of 70. DO you, as an apparently literate and intelligent PARENT, NEED ANYONE to tell you that she is disabled? Really? :(
Actually I was never told that my daughter was Mentally Disable.
My child has PDD. I was "advised" by members of my family NOT to seek Sp.Ed. so that she would not be "labeled". I told them to blank blank.

I REALLY think you just wanted to avoid you DD being "categorized" as retarded by the "system"...NO MATTER WHAT!
 

geruches

Junior Member
OP I know what your going through and how hard it must be. You need to get your daughter help and probably either you get guardian of her or let the state.

My mom went through the same thing with my sister. Ultimately because of her boyfriend, his family and her ending up pregnant my mom had to turn her over to the state. She now has a public defender in charge of her and its been over a year since I have spoken to her.

She still has her child right now and she still thinks she will not have a guardian soon , that she can be on her own. Her IQ is below 70.

My mother still goes and sees the child but her boyfriend will not let my sister leave nor will he let her leave with baby. Social services have been involved along with children's services, GAL's lawyers, etc etc.

Please get your child the help she needs. Seek resources in the community.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Get her some help. But of course I won't know much until I get all the court papers, etc.

The Social worker told me before they was trying to help her. They had her going to different classes and such. The judge even order that my daughter go get her GED. Now why would they tell someone that's "Mentally Disable" to get their GED. Heck she been in regular school since she was 3 years old. They never put her in a Special School for Disable Children. So she was never legally lable as "Mentally Disable". I just found out about this new IQ test yesterday. So this is all new to me.

I just thought she was a bit on the slow side. Heck she knows how to do a lot of things on her own. She even had a few jobs. So I know she can work and she said she's looking for a job. Where she lives the unemployment rate is over 10%. Good luck to her trying to find a job.
 
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sometwo

Senior Member
To Add: If my daughter was "Mentally Disable". Then why did they let her go to a regular school all them years?
umm why shouldn't she be allowed the same opportunities as everyone else?

My sister also went to school and got a diploma , yes a special education one but got one.

Just because you have a disability doesn't mean you can't go to regular school. That's why we have things like IEP's .
 

sometwo

Senior Member
I just thought she was a bit on the slow side. Heck she knows how to do a lot of things on her own. She even had a few jobs. So I know she can work and she said she's looking for a job.
Just because she's disabled or mentally challenged doesn't mean she can't work. That's what my mother n law does for a living. Gets those challenged /disabled jobs.

OP your clueless about disabilities and what your daughter has. You need to educate yourself first so that you can help her. Research on the internet , find other parents to talk to , research at the library.

I can't believe all these years you've been this clueless.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
The below quote is all I will respond to as the rest is crap: You KNOW that your child has a I.Q. of 70. DO you, as an apparently literate and intelligent PARENT, NEED ANYONE to tell you that she is disabled? Really? :(

My child has PDD. I was "advised" by members of my family NOT to seek Sp.Ed. so that she would not be "labeled". I told them to blank blank.

I REALLY think you just wanted to avoid you DD being "categorized" as retarded by the "system"...NO MATTER WHAT!
I looked this up simply because I couldn't remember the data and didn't want to comment without being sure.

I found the following stats:

Over 140 - Genius or near genius
120 - 140 - Very superior intelligence
110 - 119 - Superior intelligence
90 - 109 - Normal or average intelligence
80 - 89 - Dullness
70 - 79 - Borderline deficiency
Under 70 - Definite feeble-mindedness
50-70 - Mild mental retardation (85%)
35-50 - Moderate mental retardation (10%)
20-35 - Severe mental retardation (4%)
IQ < 20 - Profound mental retardation (1%)
On the IQ scale she is either borderline or or on the high end of mildly mentally retarded. While I agree that grandma should likely have kept more on top of things, I don't think that we can absolutely state that simply due to mom's IQ that she should not be living alone or caring for her children...or that she absolutely needs a guardian.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
On the IQ scale she is either borderline or or on the high end of mildly mentally retarded. While I agree that grandma should likely have kept more on top of things, I don't think that we can absolutely state that simply due to mom's IQ that she should not be living alone or caring for her children...or that she absolutely needs a guardian.
No, but based on Granny's description of what she's capable of, she should not be on her own - and certainly should not be having children.

Granny's statement that it is impossible to ask for birth control for her is also false. If she is deemed incapable of making that kind of decision on her own, the court can appoint a legal guardian who can have Norplant inserted.

And, ultimately, it comes down to one thing. Granny is more interested in appearances than in doing what's right for her child or grandchildren. Look at the title of this thread. Instead of acknowledging that her daughter was unfit, she comes out with both barrels blazing away and wanting to fight Social Services. It's unfortunate that her daughter isn't capable of taking care of herself and her children, but it's reality. Grandma can fight reality all she wants, but reality almost always wins in the end.
 
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