• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

How to handle restricted phone calls

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

gam

Senior Member
When he does actually ask about the girls, I always send him answers such as what they did that day, what they are doing right then, or for my youngest milestones that she is doing. I will tell him cute things that they say or do, here and there it might even be a picture of something they made or did, or them being cute. I will tell him things such as my 3 year old is starting to say new things, I try to keep him updated as far as clothing, diaper sizes, their daily pattern with naps or play so that he can feel like he knows more about them and their lives, their personalities, etc.

However, when I have done all of this in the past, I get no response regarding anything about the kids. All I get back are rude, derogatory comments towards me. Which leads me to where we are at today.

This is an example:

Me: The girls had a great day. She enjoyed doing stickers with me, we went to the park and ate lunch and Q didn't have a nap today so she is bed earlier tonight. She picked up a piece of pizza today and said yummy for the first time. It was cute.

That's it. Done. A few minutes later I will get a message such as:

Him: Are you going to tell me why you don't answer anything I ask?
Took three hours for a response. How pathetic.
Well guess you are too busy up the ass of some trash again.

These are typical responses to me giving him information. He just ignores everything I say like it wasn't even sent, asks why I won't talk about personal things that he wants to ask me instead of things regarding the kids, and if I don't jump to and be on my phone twenty four seven, not even five minutes go by before I get a berating comment about being somewhere else, not paying attention, refusing him information, denying him access, etc. I usually answer or send these messages when I see them. I am not a person that is attached to my phone as some are. Hope this may help.
As stealth2 already said so what? What does it cost you to keep sending him the updates?

If contact is by phone, email or text, you simply reply your only going to discuss things that concern the children. You keep saying that, typing that everytime he goes off topic. I've witnessed just about the worst by an ex to the other parent, however if you just simply reply your only going to discuss things that concern the children, it eventually gets through to the worst of them. You still might have to do this all over again every couple of months, but it does work. You ignore the questions in the email that are about you, if that is all that is in the email, simply reply back, your only going to discuss things that concern the children. Works on the phone to, sometimes they will get cussing you out and will have to say, I am going to only discuss the children, we need to get back to that, if he won't, you simply say that your going to hang up and he can call you back when he is ready to discuss the children. If you do this and have to hang up and he calls you back cussing you out, you say it again and hang up. At that point you can then let his calls go to voice mail, wait till some time has passed and try taking one later when he calls or address the issue you need to speak with him on the children in an email.

You can save your emails, texts and voice mail messages. You picked the guy to have children with, now your stuck with that guy, and there is nothing anyone here can tell you to change that. Your stuck dealing with him till those kids are grown, so make it less miserable for yourself, understanding that you will have to put in more effort and find ways to work around him.
 


motherof224

Junior Member
I have been answering all calls, restricted, numbered, otherwise - he says nothing, I say "here M***, say hi" to my daughter, and hand it to her on speakerphone and he instantly hangs up.

I don't want to be immature or play into his game. I would just like to know the best way to handle his calls, game playing, etc, for court purposes and hopefully, maybe, one day, it actually be about him talking to the girls.

This is what I emailed him within information about arranging visitation:


The girls days are usually around 9 AM to 9 PM; if you find it easier for you to call during a certain time in your day, let me know and I will make sure that they are not otherwise engaged at that time with napping, eating, or bathing so they can talk to you.


I am trying to make the girls available to talk to him. However, he says I am doing everything in my power to stop him from having anything to do with them, talking to them, anything, etc.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I would refuse to talk to my kids via speaker phone. What makes you think you have the right to monitor their conversations in that way?
 

motherof224

Junior Member
I answer on speakphone to make sure it is him, i.e. coming from a restricted number. If it is him, I am to take it off speakphone and let her talk to him herself. That is the advice of my lawyer.

I say that I am to do this because he has never once said anything. If the call is answered he instantly hangs up, whether it be on speakerphone, off speakerphone, my daughter answering, me answering say here is.., etc.

At this point, I am doing exactly as instructed by my lawyer. I am here asking for advice or insight. I try to think of this as nothing more than a business transaction, my only role is to assist them contacting their dad, since of their age, i.e. using the phone, calling back if they accidently hang up, etc, otherwise I am just making the relationship between father and our children possible, with no involvement from mom, i.e. me.
 
Last edited:

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I answer on speakphone to make sure it is him, i.e. coming from a restricted number. If it is him, I am to take it off speakphone and let her talk to him herself. That is the advice of my lawyer.
Why?

And how does Dad know you take it off speaker?

Again - I would NOT talk to my kids monitored by the other parent. And I'm a CP.
 

BL

Senior Member
I answer on speakphone to make sure it is him, i.e. coming from a restricted number. If it is him, I am to take it off speakphone and let her talk to him herself. That is the advice of my lawyer.

I say that I am to do this because he has never once said anything. If the call is answered he instantly hangs up, whether it be on speakerphone, off speakerphone, my daughter answering, me answering say here is.., etc.

At this point, I am doing exactly as instructed by my lawyer. I am here asking for advice or insight. I try to think of this as nothing more than a business transaction, my only role is to assist them contacting their dad, since of their age, i.e. using the phone, calling back if they accidently hang up, etc, otherwise I am just making the relationship between father and our children possible, with no involvement from mom, i.e. me.
My current in effect temporary court order states that the NCP has the right to contact the children during reasonable hours to keep up the bond between parent and child.
How about this?

Answer the call without speaker phone on .

If he calls you a name first , tell him he is abusing that right and you are going to hang up now,and that when he thinks he can call back without being derogatory toward you , you will immediately put the child(ren) on the phone.

When he's done talking that he can hang up.

Keep a log .

If you get a hang up call now and then , ohh well .

If you get numerous hang up or harassing calls ,call your phone provider to see what their policy is and follow it.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I have been answering all calls, restricted, numbered, otherwise - he says nothing, I say "here M***, say hi" to my daughter, and hand it to her on speakerphone and he instantly hangs up.

I don't want to be immature or play into his game. I would just like to know the best way to handle his calls, game playing, etc, for court purposes and hopefully, maybe, one day, it actually be about him talking to the girls.

This is what I emailed him within information about arranging visitation:


The girls days are usually around 9 AM to 9 PM; if you find it easier for you to call during a certain time in your day, let me know and I will make sure that they are not otherwise engaged at that time with napping, eating, or bathing so they can talk to you.


I am trying to make the girls available to talk to him. However, he says I am doing everything in my power to stop him from having anything to do with them, talking to them, anything, etc.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
Why are you having him on SPEAKERPHONE? That is part of the problem. Your court order does not allow you to monitor the calls based on what you have posted. Eavesdropping on his conversation with HIS children could get you in trouble with the court.

What gives you the right to put him on speakerphone and eavesdrop? The court didn't say that so what is your excuse?

ETA: Saw you answered that. Your attorney is a moron for suggesting that quite frankly. That can get you reamed by the court for putting him on speakerphone.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
Don't know about you, but either mom hovers, or figures out when a 3 yo is done talking to dad, etc. If it was an older child, speaker phone would NOT be appropriate, but you are talking a 20 month old and a 3 yo here. If you can get a 20 month old to say 3 words to dad, you are lucky.
 

motherof224

Junior Member
Update - Restricted phone calls no longer an issue

Currently, their father has supervised visits by me, for no less than two hours a week. Every other week is to take place in his town, then a half way point between us both. The distance between us currently is 3 hours total.
I was granted this custody arrangement in an expedited motion for temporary relief, and it was then continued at the next hearing. We were to have our final hearing but it has now been rescheduled due to the judge being ill. We still have no date. Currently the order has been effect since July 2011.
Our court order states that “the parties are to arrange and coordinate visitation weekly”. It states no set times, dates, or deadlines. Their father has been abusing this arrangement by never agreeing to a specific time, date, or place, waiting until the last day of the week around 5 pm, and then stating “you are refusing me access to the children” or “I guess you don’t want me to even see my children”.
My counsel was to very informally try to just agree and arrange any time, however met with this type of behavior back. The responses I receive when asking about setting a time, date, or place, are met with hostility, complete off topic points, or just stating I don’t let him visit the kids; hence, never about an actual time to see them. At which point, I just set a time and date, at the advice of my counsel.
He has completed 5 visits of the limited time he does have. All the others he has either showed up late, didn’t stay the entire two hours and left early, did not show, or forfeited in advance. He does not call, write, or email asking about them. Instead, when I email asking about when he wants to set the time, he sends me “refusing to tell me anything about the children again. Sad. Pathetic.” Or “neglecting the court order once again I see not letting me talk to my kids.”
Currently the advice of my counsel is I ask him to choose the visitation time, if he doesn’t by a certain deadline, then I choose the visitation time, and either way the other party has to confirm or it’s considered forfeit. He says this is in direct violation of the court order and my lawyer cannot hold him to any sort of deadlines, or times, etc. And at this point, he is refusing to respond to any of my emails regarding setting up a time. Nor does he send any email on his behalf to ask me.
The court order states that he has the right to contact them to keep up the bond between parent and child. It does not state that I have to contact him, which is important if you are wondering why I don’t just call him. At one point, I was calling or texting once a day, every day and telling him about the children, which was met with nothing but hostility towards me, my friends, family, lifestyle, etc. Calling me every derogatory word you could think of, or suggesting off color things about me, or even so far and I quote I should kill myself and do those kids a favor. I would call/text once per day, he would respond with usually at least over five throughout the day or all at once.
My original question on here was about restricted phone calls, which is now a non issue. He was calling from his phone, now he has stopped calling altogether now that his number is known by my lawyer, and he continues to send derogatory, slightly off color comments to my phone via text. The only texts you can say that are related to the kids are ones where he will send late at night, after the day has elapsed and state, “so I guess you are refusing to tell me about my children again”. I don’t know what to do at this point, except accept his behavior because unfortunately I had children with him.
If he will not even complete two hour, supervised visits, how will the court ever give him more time? Should he even have more time? What are my rights at this point?
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
Request a firm schedule be put into your court order with the exact dates and times he can exercise his visitation. That way there will be no discussions about the date and time.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
Key is to document everything. As ecmst12 stated, you have to go back to court and get a firm schedule. There are people in this world who cannot handle this type of schedule. Does the father work varying days and hours? Is there a reason it cannot be at the same time and day?

We cannot guess past what your attorney recommended for you. It seems reasonable to say that you have till this day and time, else, I'll pick for you.

To be found in contempt, you have to WILLFULLY refuse to follow a court order.
 

MichaCA

Senior Member
I haven't checked it out, but someone on here talks about how much the FamilyWizard has helped them. It is online - don't know if you two talk online. I would strongly suggest checking it out. We had a judge order that our communication about our child happen via email (which is great, everything is documented)-cut out immense harassment.

So there is a minimum two hour per week supervised visitation? And then the time is left to you and dad to figure out? Again, specifically request to the judge a specific schedule with day of week, the times, who transports, etc. My experience is I could be most successful in court when I came in with specific requests - offer the exact times, etc. Unless dad has a conflict with it to be worked around, my exp. is judges really like to have solutions offered to them.

So say Saturday from 4-6 pm. _____ transports. Visitation occurs at ______ residence/location. If father is available for additional time, he must give mother notice via email no less than three days in advance (I would want one week...)

The children will be made available between 6:00 to 6:30 pm for phone contact by the other parent.

What does dad want anyway? So far, according to you, it sounds like a lot of complaining and rudeness, but not much action...if you have documented exactly how many times he HAS fulfilled a solid two hour supervised visit, and from that point out the times he hasn't and for the various reasons, I would question why (if he does) want more time. What is the point of supervised visitation? Is he unsafe? How do the kids do when with him?
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top