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how to make visitation happen

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sunshyne_828

Guest
What is the name of your state? CO

We are suppose to get my step daughter for Christmas this year. Since my oldest step daughter lives with us (she is 10) and the youngest lives in FL (she just turned 6) we are trying to get the girls with us. The x wife is refusing to put the 6 yr old on a plane for the 3 1/2 hour flight from FL to CO. Does she have a leg to stand on? The visitation was left very open with no set dates on times in the final decree this past summer. However, the x wife refused to send both girls to us last summer for visitation because she was afraid she was going to lose custody in our July trial. We had already bought tickets for 2 kids and never got to see them - until the trial - when we got the oldest child and they left the youngest with the x wife. My husband has seen the 6 yr old 3 days in the past yr because the x will not cooperate. She denied a Mother's Day weekend visit when we were in town for a pretrial hearing because it was Mother's Day and her day, even though she knew he would not be in town for Father's Day. We had to take the kids out of school the following Monday to see them at all the month of May. Now the x wife says if he wants to see his 6 yr old my husband will fly down and get her. This will include a round trip ticket for him, a hotel stay and a rental car - all because she wont put the 6 yr old on a plane for 3 1/2 hours. Any suggestions??
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
A lot depends on how the orders are written, but most airlines will accept unaccompanied minors between 5 & 8 on direct flights.
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
The order DEFINATELY needs to be redone to avoid future conflict (but I am sure you see that now.......;) ). She CAN refuse but she would be putting herself at risk for not following the order......since there is nothing in the order REQUIRING an escort the only way I see her getting her way is if SHE pays for someone (ie herself or your husband) to fly with the child. I can see her side of it, though, having allowed my then 5 year old daughter to fly from NC to OR unescorted for the first time last Christmas I can understand her reservations. Has the child ever flown alone? If not why not compromise and each parent pay 1/2 of the cost of a ticket for someone to escort her.......but maybe buy the seats in different parts of the plane so that the child gets the idea of flying alone but there IS a parent there "just in case" she needs them.......?
 
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sunshyne_828

Guest
Yes, my step daughter has flown two other times. Both times we escorted her to/from FL. I totally understand how scarey it would be for a 6 yr old to fly alone, but the mom did agree to this in an email two months ago and now she is backing out. She did the same thing this past summer with visitation - agreed and then when the day came said never mind. It was devasting to both the kids and my husband - we had planned a big camping trip to Mt Rushmore (we let the girls pick) and then days before we are suppose to go their mom said they couldnt. The summer before last we had to make an emergency court appearance to inforce visitation - she told the judge Colorado was too dangerous for her then 4 yr old daughter. He didnt buy it but it was quite the ugly scene in court. Oh i forgot to mention that this whole custody battle started after she had the kids removed from her for child abuse (her new husband was abusing one of her boys - not my husband's child). We thought this would be a perfect time to pursue custody but it has been a two year battle of pure hell - especially for the children. The mom has now completed her case plan and they are giving her a second chance with the 6 yr old. The 10 yr old who is with us now gets to enjoy being a child - she told us she loved being with us and being the baby again (i have an older child) - she said she was glad her 6 yr old wasnt with us because she was tired of taking care of her. The mom always made the oldest girl take care of the little one. The 6 yr old is having quite a difficult time because she has no older sis around now to speak for her - it was rare that the 6 yr old spoke for herself or did much of anything for herself. Needless to say - things have worked out well for the 10 yr old and the 6 yr old is just wondering what is going on....
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
I am taking this from a purely emotional and not legal point of view.........from what you have said about the situation it would be BEST for the little girl to be able to come stay with you guys as planned.......and her father has an obligation to her to make what is best happen for her.....if that means more $$$ to make it happen (ie buying his ticket) then as a father he needs to do it. I realize that airfare can be spendy but if it means the child being able to spend time with her father and sister it will be money well spent.........
 
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sunshyne_828

Guest
i agree with you completely. The mom's whole purpose for this is to put us in bankruptcy and now we are there. We have borrowed from family members, cashed in our 401K's and spent every cent of our retirement we had put away to fight the custody battle and now the appeal. The mom has told mutual friends that she wants us poor and broke and we are there. If our lack of money was not the main problem my husband would fly down and get her in a heart beat - which was what he was going to do until the attorney asked for another 4000 for the appeal process and to inforce visitation. Now we are asking ourselves - what about the other two children that already live with us? Are they suppose to do without and have a miserable Christmas and not be able to do extra activities? We have a 7th grader and a 5th grader. My son, the 7th grader is very involved in sports and scouts. My step daughter is an over acheiver and well advanced in school for her age. She enjoys the science/math clubs along with scouts and dance. All of these clubs and activities cost soooo much. We wonder if we should focus on the two we have and give them the best life possible and put the 6 yr old on the back burner? I know it sounds cold and mean and i don't mean it that way, but I really dont know what to do when all the money is gone. We fought hard and long for both girls - only one was sent with us - do we owe it to her to give her a childhood she has only dreamed about or do we continue to fight a losing a battle for the 6 yr old?
 
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sunshyne_828

Guest
here is an update on our christmas visitation... i thought someone my have an opinon or just my be curious.

the ex wife has decided she has no choice per her attorney's advice but to send the 6 yr old at christmas. we have purchased the tickets and have made a deal through email only -that from now on we will pay for transportation for both the girls until they are 18.


we are happy and hope the email paper trail will help if she ever baulks again.

now the kicker, she has a 11 yr old son who has no father (she doesnt know who he is or is unwilling to tell anyone including the courts.) she wants the son to also visit us from now on with the 6 yr old - half the summer with us and christmas... my husband is ok with it as long as she pays for the airfare. i am ok with it too but also torn - the 6 yr old is a handful and her son is ADD - not that i have anything against ADD but he isnt my husband's son... What do you think - do i just go ahead and agree to have this extra child as well each visitation? i am sure i will because i do feel sorry for the child - its just kind of akward....
 

CMSC

Senior Member
sunshyne_828 said:
here is an update on our christmas visitation... i thought someone my have an opinon or just my be curious.

the ex wife has decided she has no choice per her attorney's advice but to send the 6 yr old at christmas. we have purchased the tickets and have made a deal through email only -that from now on we will pay for transportation for both the girls until they are 18.


we are happy and hope the email paper trail will help if she ever baulks again.

now the kicker, she has a 11 yr old son who has no father (she doesnt know who he is or is unwilling to tell anyone including the courts.) she wants the son to also visit us from now on with the 6 yr old - half the summer with us and christmas... my husband is ok with it as long as she pays for the airfare. i am ok with it too but also torn - the 6 yr old is a handful and her son is ADD - not that i have anything against ADD but he isnt my husband's son... What do you think - do i just go ahead and agree to have this extra child as well each visitation? i am sure i will because i do feel sorry for the child - its just kind of akward....

be careful about doing this! You need to check and see if you can be the child's guardian while he is around or how you would okay medical treatment etc. with neither of you being the parent.
 
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sunshyne_828

Guest
thats a very good point!! do you think we would need power of attorney for medical treatment in a worse case senario? Or would a letter from the mom stating we can seek medical treatment for him? any ideas?
 
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Baffled98

Guest
As adults, you all understand the biological parent "thing".....but I doubt the 6 year old does---I think it would be cruel to her to say the 11 year old cannot come along, to her it is her brother, whether they share the same dad or not....which at her age I doubt she fully understands anyway. Plus, flying w/ a brother would probably put her more at ease as well. Seems as though the little girl has a rough go of things as it is with a broken family and parents who don't agree....if this is going to ease things, it seems worth it.

I would never feel comfortable sending a child on a plane alone---would be worth the extra $$ for peace of mind. I know there was something in the paper awhile back about the airport (ours anyway) stating that there are more stringent rules about kids flying alone......always made me uneasy when I would fly and see a little one by themselves---sure the flight staff attends to them, but still, odds are the child does not KNOW the person so is still solo.
 

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