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How old does a child have to be to decide which parent to live with?

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tootiefrootie

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?NC
I have joint custody of my two girls ages 12 and 9 ... The 12 year old threatens to go live with her dad, here there is a bedtime.. She packed her stuff and he picked her up. He doesnt really want her , he just wants to hurt me and he hates paying child support which I couldve cared less to get. He has an eleven year old step daughter who is very controlling and puts things in my daughters head, He is now bringing up that I let my husband spank the kids in which he gave verbal permission to him. He says my daughter is scared to come home, she hasnt even had a spanking in the past year. They live in a home where the kids are the parents . I feel like a bad mother for letting my daughter go and I miss her like crazy and have cried for three days. Its what she wants but Im not so sure its what she needs , and I want her here with me. She is twelve years old do I have a say so in whom she will reside no matter what her decision is . Thanks
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
tootiefrootie said:
What is the name of your state?NC
I have joint custody of my two girls ages 12 and 9 ... The 12 year old threatens to go live with her dad, here there is a bedtime.. She packed her stuff and he picked her up. He doesnt really want her , he just wants to hurt me and he hates paying child support which I couldve cared less to get. He has an eleven year old step daughter who is very controlling and puts things in my daughters head, He is now bringing up that I let my husband spank the kids in which he gave verbal permission to him. He says my daughter is scared to come home, she hasnt even had a spanking in the past year. They live in a home where the kids are the parents . I feel like a bad mother for letting my daughter go and I miss her like crazy and have cried for three days. Its what she wants but Im not so sure its what she needs , and I want her here with me. She is twelve years old do I have a say so in whom she will reside no matter what her decision is . Thanks
Why in the world did you ever allow that to happen? You have custody. Your daughter doesn't get to decide where she lives...only a judge gets to make that decision, up until the day she is 18. Go get her right now and bring her home. If her dad wants custody then he needs to file for custody. A judge may give her wishes some weight at 12, but there is no guarantee. Dad isn't the only one who allowed a child to call the shots...you did too when you allowed him to pick her up.

However...on another note...I personally feel that its very very foolish for a stepparent to ever use physical punishment on a stepchild, even IF both parents have given permission. All that does is open the door for problems...just like the problem that you are experiencing now.
 

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