How to prove perjury

[angeleyzad]

What is the name of your state? ME

Okay, I had court last month, as my ex had moved almost double the distance from me and the kids. He had testified under oath that he traveled the route of the turnpike, which put the travel distance at 226 miles. I knew that he used another route, which was more direct, at 165 miles. He testified that he did not use that route, as it was longer (which in actuality is not the case), and it was back mountain roads (again, not really the case - just not the highway). The judge used his mileage due to the time difference on the printouts.

Fast forward to last night/this morning. The boys had to stay another night with their dad because we had a storm the day they were supposed to be home. So they got home last night, and their dad says to both boys, "Make sure you remember to tell your teachers about the moose we saw." So, this morning, on the way to daycare, the younger one (5 years old, in Kindergarten) said to me, guess what, we saw a moose last night on the way home. I asked where they saw it, (thinking to myself, Maine, New Hampshire, or Vermont...the states they have to travel through to get home). They both chimed in "on the Kangamangus". So, as casually asked if that's the way they came home, they both said yes. They went on further to say that's the way they always go. I made a comment to myself, which unfortunately they heard, saying that he lied in court. The oldest (7 years old, 2nd grade) then started crying saying that he lied to his Dad. I asked him why, and he said that Dad had asked them if I questioned the boys about the way they go home or to Dad's, to which they had told him no. I tired to explain that actually, they didn't lie to Dad, because I didn't ask them, they had told me in talking about the moose. (I didn't want my oldest to be upset).

Here's the questions - I'm not sure how to deal with this. First of all, the perjury issue. I do have a motion to reconsider in the works now, because he had moved and the new house he lives in has a different mileage than his old house (he was int he process of moving when we went to court, which he never disclosed the new location). Second of all, how do I deal with what he's doing to the boys? He's putting them in the middle all the time, any time he has a question, he has the boys ask me (or the oldest one, anyway).

 

[angeleyzad]

I realized this should probably be in the child support part, not custody or visitaion, so I'm closing this one, and moving it to the child support part.

 

[angeleyzad]

On second thought, I'll leave this one open to get input on the questioning of the kids...I'm not sure how to deal with what my ex is doing to the kids.

 

[haiku]

honestly, it seems with your "overheard" comment you are doing the SAME thing......

 

[angeleyzad]

honestly, it seems with your "overheard" comment you are doing the SAME thing......

I do not question the kids, I admit that I should not have commented to myself, but I was upset and dismayed when I heard what the boys were saying (not an excuse, but oh well, it's done and over with, I can't take it back now). I do not question them about what their dad does or does not do. I will ask them if they had a good time, and what types of things they did, as conversation, if they went skiing/snowboarding, and how it went. I don't grill them about what their Dad does or says.


Dad is questioning the boys if I ask them things and what not. If he is doing that (and worried that they will tell me something that he doesn't want me to know), then it's safe to say that he'll tell the boys to tell me something different.

 

[haiku]

I think you are over analyzing...I realy do. I would just tell the boys that what goes on between the adults stays with the adults. I really don't see you as innocent here, because you brought up "lying in court" in front of the children, and at thier ages, they don't need to know mommy and daddy even WENT to court.

you can't really control what HE chooses ot do on his parenting time but you can with yours.

 

[angeleyzad]

I think you are over analyzing...I realy do. I would just tell the boys that what goes on between the adults stays with the adults. I really don't see you as innocent here, because you brought up "lying in court" in front of the children, and at thier ages, they don't need to know mommy and daddy even WENT to court.

you can't really control what HE chooses ot do on his parenting time but you can with yours.

I have asked him to keep the kids out of it, but he continues to have the kids ask me questions that he should be asking me. I try not to answer the kids, which makes them upset. If there are issues that I need to deal with him on, I ask him directly (usually through e-mail). For instance, he had the kids call me on Monday asking how the roads were because of their traveling. He refuses to work with me.

I know that I was wrong to make the comment of him lying, as I said earlier. I should not have said it. It was in the heat of the moment, I said it even before I realized it. The oldest knows that mommy and daddy go to court every now and then. He is much smarter than other kids his age.

 

[haiku]

I have asked him to keep the kids out of it, but he continues to have the kids ask me questions that he should be asking me. I try not to answer the kids, which makes them upset. If there are issues that I need to deal with him on, I ask him directly (usually through e-mail). For instance, he had the kids call me on Monday asking how the roads were because of their traveling. He refuses to work with me.

I know that I was wrong to make the comment of him lying, as I said earlier. I should not have said it. It was in the heat of the moment, I said it even before I realized it. The oldest knows that mommy and daddy go to court every now and then. He is much smarter than other kids his age.

umm....how the roads are is a pretty benign question. I would think a simple, tell "daddy they are slippery" or "good", would suffice.

if he were making his kids tell you "The godamn check is in the mail" then you might have more of case here, but really you are the one right now who looks like she is grasping at straws...

 

[haiku]

. He is much smarter than other kids his age.

don't care how smart he is he doesn't need to know...

 

[Mediate]

Duplicate thread. There is the same thread on the child support board and poster has been asked to close that one and transfer that thread's contents here.

 

[angeleyzad]

Duplicate thread. There is the same thread on the child support board and poster has been asked to close that one and transfer that thread's contents here.

This thread is dealing with an issue of questioning the kids. The other thread is dealing with an issue of falsely getting a diviation in child support. They both start off with the same info, but each is asking a different question.

 

[angeleyzad]

umm....how the roads are is a pretty benign question. I would think a simple, tell "daddy they are slippery" or "good", would suffice.

if he were making his kids tell you "The godamn check is in the mail" then you might have more of case here, but really you are the one right now who looks like she is grasping at straws...

I told him that there was snow on the roads...I could hear his dad in the background asking all kinds of differetn questions, about if it's slushy, or icy, or what. I asked him to have his Dad talk to me, but he wouldn't. My son wouldn't accept my answer that there was snow on the roads. There was ice and sleet there, so everything was different there than here.

If he's asking the boys if I'm questioning them about their travel route, and telling them not to tell me, that is an issue.

 

[Mediate]

This thread is dealing with an issue of questioning the kids. The other thread is dealing with an issue of falsely getting a diviation in child support. They both start off with the same info, but each is asking a different question.

But the topic IS the same, regardless of subject matter -- which is perjury. It would have been wise to keep it all in one thread.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? ME


Here's the questions - I'm not sure how to deal with this. First of all, the perjury issue. I do have a motion to reconsider in the works now, because he had moved and the new house he lives in has a different mileage than his old house (he was int he process of moving when we went to court, which he never disclosed the new location).


This is not perjury. Perjury is when you lie under oath. This is proven by stating yes I only take the turnpike -- when on the stand. And later on while still under oath, stating I never take the turnpike. One is a lie. Lying under oath is perjury. What you are describing is not perjury. What you are describing truthfully is petty. So you are saying your ex is NEVER allowed to take a route other than the turnpike?

Second of all, how do I deal with what he's doing to the boys? He's putting them in the middle all the time, any time he has a question, he has the boys ask me (or the oldest one, anyway).

You are putting them in the middle as well. Both of you need to grow up and quit trying to one up each other. Try putting your kids first and forgetting about the petty bs of how many miles you each drive. This issue does not harm the kids. It does not cause them grief. What is causing them grief is the behavior of the two adults in their life that they love -- who both can't grow up and leave them out of the middle.

 

[Ohiogal]

I told him that there was snow on the roads...I could hear his dad in the background asking all kinds of differetn questions, about if it's slushy, or icy, or what. I asked him to have his Dad talk to me, but he wouldn't. My son wouldn't accept my answer that there was snow on the roads. There was ice and sleet there, so everything was different there than here.

If he's asking the boys if I'm questioning them about their travel route, and telling them not to tell me, that is an issue.

No. The issue is you and dad are both engaged in a game of oneupmanship and trying to best the other. In the process you are hurting your kids. Both of you need to grow up.