How to respond: joint custody modification

[oneandonly]

Wow!

$1500 is not bad, really. We had a wonderful lawyer in So. CA, though, that only charged $500 but this was more for helping fill out papers, (support modification-she lost original case due to being in the wrong court and lost her filing for change of venue due to venue is between courts in same state and what she should have asked for was change in jurisdiction), filing papers, and telling dh what to do and say in court. To retain him to represent, he wanted $2000-and this was 3 years ago.
I'd also like to refer you to this site-
www.deltabravo.net

there are wonderful articles on there, a wealth of information and some wonderful folks that will help (message boards, chat room)


I'd be interested in knowing what was missing from the filing, what the temporary order was, etc.....when you find out....
good luck again~

 

[Dad in CA]

The sad part is it only cost her 59 bucks to drag me through all this and it's costing me $1500 to defend against it.

would I be successful if I asked for attorney fees in something like this?

thanks

 

[Dad in CA]

Court Result

We went to court Last Monday on 21st

It went just as my lawyer said, she had not filed any documentation on why she wanted the modification.
The judge ruled against her motion imediately.
She tried to state her reasons for wanting the modification but the judge refused to hear it, stating she had not followed due process.
The judge ordered her to pay $500 of my attorney fees.
He said she may refile if she follows due process, she said that is her intention.

Her reasons were that the original judge had stated that he was only granting joint custody because we were attempting a reconciliation and that he wanted us back in court if it didn't work out.
She also said she wants 80/20 custody because she has babysat for me during my weeks while I was in class at school, therefore she had him more than the 50% specified in the order.
I had always allowed her to do so at her request. I figured it was better for our son to be with his mom than a babysitter. I didn't realize she was going to use this against me in court.

Now I have a dillema...
She is now demanding that I still allow her to watch our son while I go to class and to watch him while I am at work when the daycare is closed for vacation next month.
It is fully obvious that she plans to use this against me in court. She says the court order states only she or I be allowed to watch our son, but it doesn't.
All it really says is that she and I alternate custody every other week.
She says if I do not allow her to pick him up from the daycare when I'm at school, she will go take him before I get there.

Do I relent and state this in court, or do I leave my son with a babysitter, which my be construed as changing his "routine"?

Any thoughts or advice?

Thanks!
Dad in CA

 

[stealth2]

That's a tough one, and one I would really rely on my attorney to answer.

 

[klhofbauer]

We went to court Last Monday on 21st

It went just as my lawyer said, she had not filed any documentation on why she wanted the modification.
The judge ruled against her motion imediately.
She tried to state her reasons for wanting the modification but the judge refused to hear it, stating she had not followed due process.
The judge ordered her to pay $500 of my attorney fees.
He said she may refile if she follows due process, she said that is her intention.

Her reasons were that the original judge had stated that he was only granting joint custody because we were attempting a reconciliation and that he wanted us back in court if it didn't work out.
She also said she wants 80/20 custody because she has babysat for me during my weeks while I was in class at school, therefore she had him more than the 50% specified in the order.
I had always allowed her to do so at her request. I figured it was better for our son to be with his mom than a babysitter. I didn't realize she was going to use this against me in court.

Now I have a dillema...
She is now demanding that I still allow her to watch our son while I go to class and to watch him while I am at work when the daycare is closed for vacation next month.
It is fully obvious that she plans to use this against me in court. She says the court order states only she or I be allowed to watch our son, but it doesn't.
All it really says is that she and I alternate custody every other week.
She says if I do not allow her to pick him up from the daycare when I'm at school, she will go take him before I get there.

Do I relent and state this in court, or do I leave my son with a babysitter, which my be construed as changing his "routine"?

Any thoughts or advice?

Thanks!
Dad in CA

I am not sure what advice I could even give you - but my thoughts ARE with you. My ex husband and I had joint physical custody for the first 12 years of my now 16 yr. old son's life. We lived 9 miles apart from each other, and even though I lived in a different county - I would drive him to the school he was familiar with. For mailing & address purposes only, my ex had 'physical' custody with joint arrangements.

We each paid for expenses when we had him for "our" week. Swapping was Sunday nights. If he went to the doctor when I had him - we paid for it, and vice versa.

I sincerely hope that this works out for you & your ex - but mostly for your son.

I also would advise that you make darn sure she doesn't try and pull fast ones - because the loser would be your son. Joint custody can be a tremendous asset when parents work at it - and in sincerely sounds like you are doing your durndest to be the best father possible.

I wouldn't have traded the problems, the headaches of driving back & forth and trying to find a job that would ALLOW me to take time off in the afternoon to pick him up at school - for anything.

Good luck to you!

 

[adonahee]

Yep, sounds right

Your lawyer is right - Almost always the court will look to retain the "status quo" if it's a reasonable agreement, and you're going in there to retain it, not to retaliate. If you were, you'd try to "get her back" by filing for custody yourself!Besides that, you've been a stand-up guy - paying expenses you never had to, etc. If all your ex is basing her case on is a school schedule, and you two live 15 minutes apart, then she'll never get it. Your lawyer will see to it! And DO take your situation with her to court - be un-relenting. After the initial 50/50 custody order is ordered, you may have to go thru mediation to get all the "little details" in writing, as to childcare pickups and all, but it's worth it when one person interprets the verbiage to her advantage all the time.