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How to win full custody?

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Silverplum

Senior Member
No, but there might be a difference in how the OP understands the statements. I tend to be of the school of thought that its better to explain things in a way that you are fairly sure that they will understand, rather than explaining it in a way that they may not understand.
I, for one, appreciate that about you. :) I don't think this poster is a "listener/learner" type, however.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Maybe it would be better to say that he has not been legally established as an unfit parent.
Without legally being established as an unfit parent, HE IS A FIT PARENT. Maybe facts would matter. Well, yes, yes, they do. She has not proven that. Oh, I am scoring points again. DAMN. (Not holding my breath for that apology.)
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Here is someone who will do nothing to nurture a relationship between her ex and their mutual child. She will likely try to control how, when, what, where of the visits between the child and her father. She will be angry beyond belief when she finally realizes that she has to follow court orders.
So she may find that SHE will lose custody and be restricted, eventually. If dad fights it. Hopefully, he will.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
No, but there might be a difference in how the OP understands the statements. I tend to be of the school of thought that its better to explain things in a way that you are fairly sure that they will understand, rather than explaining it in a way that they may not understand.
You tend to be of the school of thought of criticizing me for whatever I say and accuse me of scoring points. Granted, you don't admit that, but yes, that is what you do. Dad is NOT legally unfit. Mom has said NOTHING that makes him legally unfit.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Frankly the way you've presented yourself here indicates that you're nowhere near mature enough to raise a child without help. But you're clearly quite young, and inexperienced, so you'll get the benefit of the doubt at least for awhile - I think that's only fair.

Hmm. I guess we should do the same for Dad, shouldn't we? Works both ways ;)
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
Maybe it would be better to say that he has not been legally established as an unfit parent.
Maybe it would would be far better to say that he is a fit parent until the court says otherwise, and explain to Mommy that it takes a Whole Bunch Of Really Bad Stuff before the court will declare a parent unfit. Maybe we could give her some examples of what typically is and isn't considered a huge problem.

I believe that would put a stop to a witch-hunt far more effectively, non?
 

henbob6

Member
Maybe it would would be far better to say that he is a fit parent until the court says otherwise, and explain to Mommy that it takes a Whole Bunch Of Really Bad Stuff before the court will declare a parent unfit. Maybe we could give her some examples of what typically is and isn't considered a huge problem.

I believe that would put a stop to a witch-hunt far more effectively, non?
As a lay person with no exposure to custody battles other than Hollywood's version, an explanation of the Really Bad Stuff does help, and is much appreciated. Without real world experience, we folk really do live in LaLa Land.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Maybe it would would be far better to say that he is a fit parent until the court says otherwise, and explain to Mommy that it takes a Whole Bunch Of Really Bad Stuff before the court will declare a parent unfit. Maybe we could give her some examples of what typically is and isn't considered a huge problem.

I believe that would put a stop to a witch-hunt far more effectively, non?
Especially considering that parents START with the presumption that they are CONSTITUTIONALLY FIT PARENTS! Nothing she has stated, says dad is NOT fit. Hence, dad is fit based upon what mom what has stated.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
As a lay person with no exposure to custody battles other than Hollywood's version, an explanation of the Really Bad Stuff does help, and is much appreciated. Without real world experience, we folk really do live in LaLa Land.
Hollywood and LaLa Land sucks. Has no basis in reality. Unless a parent PROVES in a court of law that a parent is unfit, the parent is fit. Unfit means that that they cannot legally meet the child's basic needs. And btw, that means the meet the child's basic needs at MINIMAL level.
 

CSO286

Senior Member
As a lay person with no exposure to custody battles other than Hollywood's version, an explanation of the Really Bad Stuff does help, and is much appreciated. Without real world experience, we folk really do live in LaLa Land.
A good example of the types a person whom the courts would deem unfit:

A parent who beats their child while having sex with a prostitute, dealing and using drugs in front of the child AND simultaneously drowning puppies in their spare time.

In other words, it takes a lot for a parent to be deemed unfit. A parent has a constitutional right to parent their child. The bar is raised very high to take that right from someone, and the courts often give somewhere in the neighborhood of 843 second chances.....
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
As a lay person with no exposure to custody battles other than Hollywood's version, an explanation of the Really Bad Stuff does help, and is much appreciated. Without real world experience, we folk really do live in LaLa Land.
My pleasure! :D

These are things the court may think warrant either a termination of parental rights, or a termination of custodial/visitation rights (these are NOT the same thing!) :


Parent moving in/marrying/living with/hooking up with with a convicted child sex offender

Parent abusing and/or neglecting the child - with PROOF.

Parent cooking & selling meth from the child's home

Parent being convicted of killing/seriously injuring/abusing another of his/her own children

Parent being responsible for the other parent's non-accidental death (although this is not a given, perhaps surprisingly)

Parent becoming physically or mentally incapable to care for the child (think coma and institutionalization, not amputation of a limb and bipolar on medication - and don't assume that the presence of PTSD with TBI is automatically considered dangerous ... because it's NOT).


These are things the court may think warrant heavily restricted and/or supervised visitation rights at least in the short term


Absolutely no prior contact with the child - although if the parent runs with the child or otherwise "hides" the child, that parent needs to be prepared for their own custody to be challenged ... perhaps successfully.

Drug use which is directly affecting the child's welfare (and no, that's not a given either)

Domestic Violence conviction/s (against the parent - not an ex, as a rule)

Living with relatives who may have serious criminal histories which may place the child at risk


These are things the court typically won't see as a threat without there being a significant history of the same stuff already present


One parent being a complete jerk to the other

The parent who is, for all intents and purposes, a functional alcoholic or pot-head

The parent having an "overzealous" new partner/spouse/treat-of-the-day

Parenting differences including disciplinary measures, food choices, movie choices, PC use

Obviously these are not all-inclusive (or, indeed, all-exclusive) but they may provide the unaware some awares to think about.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
You tend to be of the school of thought of criticizing me for whatever I say and accuse me of scoring points. Granted, you don't admit that, but yes, that is what you do. Dad is NOT legally unfit. Mom has said NOTHING that makes him legally unfit.
That's pretty much where I'm coming from, yep. The default is that the parent is fit - not the other way around. For some reason, too many parents think that the other parent has to prove their own fitness as a parent ... and that's just not the case. The court trusts these grownups to make smart decisions about who they choose as a parent to their child and will trust that decision until proven otherwise.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My pleasure! :D

These are things the court may think warrant either a termination of parental rights, or a termination of custodial/visitation rights (these are NOT the same thing!) :


Parent moving in/marrying/living with/hooking up with with a convicted child sex offender

Parent abusing and/or neglecting the child - with PROOF.

Parent cooking & selling meth from the child's home

Parent being convicted of killing/seriously injuring/abusing another of his/her own children

Parent being responsible for the other parent's non-accidental death (although this is not a given, perhaps surprisingly)

Parent becoming physically or mentally incapable to care for the child (think coma and institutionalization, not amputation of a limb and bipolar on medication - and don't assume that the presence of PTSD with TBI is automatically considered dangerous ... because it's NOT).


These are things the court may think warrant heavily restricted and/or supervised visitation rights at least in the short term


Absolutely no prior contact with the child - although if the parent runs with the child or otherwise "hides" the child, that parent needs to be prepared for their own custody to be challenged ... perhaps successfully.

Drug use which is directly affecting the child's welfare (and no, that's not a given either)

Domestic Violence conviction/s (against the parent - not an ex, as a rule)

Living with relatives who may have serious criminal histories which may place the child at risk


These are things the court typically won't see as a threat without there being a significant history of the same stuff already present


One parent being a complete jerk to the other

The parent who is, for all intents and purposes, a functional alcoholic or pot-head

The parent having an "overzealous" new partner/spouse/treat-of-the-day

Parenting differences including disciplinary measures, food choices, movie choices, PC use

Obviously these are not all-inclusive (or, indeed, all-exclusive) but they may provide the unaware some awares to think about.
That was a very well put together list of examples...that should really help anyone get a better handle on how things work.
 
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