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Hypothetical Question

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Any (again hypothetical)

As custodial parents, we must make the children available to non-custodial parents on the weekends they are to visit with them. Ok..I get that. But if the NCP chooses continuously not to exercise that right, at what point can CP go back to the court and say "Hang on a second - this person is not exercising the right to be a parent - therefore, they don't want the right. They have proven this over x amount of months/years?"

The root question is how long are CPs held hostage to NCPs random visitations? When can the CP speak up and question this?

This is not happening to me, but I've seen it in other threads & I know the answer is to go by the court order. When is it feasible to go back and ask for modification?
 


good question..

My guess would be depending on specific circumstances (how often visitation is supposed to take place versus how often it is exercised) six months to a year... safer side a couple of years but again this all depends on how strongly the CP feels/how badly they want to remedy the unstructured "on again off again" parenting of the NCP.

I actually am dealing with a situation that would benefit from a more educated answer to this question.

It is [personally] pretty frustrating to hear, over and over again, that it is the CP's responsibility to facilitate a (meaningful?) relationship between the children and the NCP. I've even recently seen advice being given for the CP to "white lie" to make the NCP look better.... yea right I say.
Personal rant but I am not about to lie to my children to make their father seem like a saint, sure... absolutely I do not want them to feel rejected or hurt by his behaviour or actions but life is not all peaches and cream and keeping things simple yet HONEST is far better in my opinion. *example: My son asks me why his father doesn't come and see him, I simply say you can ask him when he calls. & When he doesn't call I don't bother making excuses just the truth.. I don't know why he hasn't called, then offer them to call him.
I don't go all deep and pessimistic on them, telling them what I am sure to be true.. that he doesn't call because (quote from him) "he is moving on with his life".
There is a happy medium people.
Don't hate or make hate apparent to your kids... but be honest.
 
There are many different scenarios that can change the amount of time on this.

If NCP is not taking visitation because he/she is working on weekends, then that can be different than if NCP is simply not showing up. Rising costs, especially with distance, can cause NCP's not to be able to drive a long distance, and/or afford air fair.

So first they (courts) must look at the reasoning behind NCP's lack of visits.

If the reasoning it good (work, financial) they normally will set another visitation schedule, perhaps longer summer and holidays. May order CP to meet half way, if financial burden on NCP, or reset child support, to a lower cost, to help offset financial burden of the costs of transportation (BTDT)

If reasoning is not good the same can happen, as above, or they may lessen time spent, that is the crap shoot of the court system.
 
There are many different scenarios that can change the amount of time on this.

If NCP is not taking visitation because he/she is working on weekends, then that can be different than if NCP is simply not showing up. Rising costs, especially with distance, can cause NCP's not to be able to drive a long distance, and/or afford air fair.

So first they (courts) must look at the reasoning behind NCP's lack of visits.

If the reasoning it good (work, financial) they normally will set another visitation schedule, perhaps longer summer and holidays. May order CP to meet half way, if financial burden on NCP, or reset child support, to a lower cost, to help offset financial burden of the costs of transportation (BTDT)

If reasoning is not good the same can happen, as above, or they may lessen time spent, that is the crap shoot of the court system.
Ok - But I have to go back again to the CP. What if the CP is supplementing their income due to the hard financial times? The NCP can just say I have to work this weekend, so I can't take care of the child? The CP (who is hypothetically) working the same weekend, must be left holding the bag and scramble for day care so that they may work as well?

That's my question - in regard to parental responsibility, most of it falls to the CP to facilitate the realtionship, rearrange plans when the NCP can't visit the child on the arranged weekend/weekday, etc. I've seen it posted that the NCP doesn't have to take the child on the arranged weekend/weekday, but the CP must always be prepared to exchange the child. I do not understand this logic.
 
W

water_bills

Guest
Ok - But I have to go back again to the CP. What if the CP is supplementing their income due to the hard financial times? The NCP can just say I have to work this weekend, so I can't take care of the child? The CP (who is hypothetically) working the same weekend, must be left holding the bag and scramble for day care so that they may work as well?

That's my question - in regard to parental responsibility, most of it falls to the CP to facilitate the realtionship, rearrange plans when the NCP can't visit the child on the arranged weekend/weekday, etc. I've seen it posted that the NCP doesn't have to take the child on the arranged weekend/weekday, but the CP must always be prepared to exchange the child. I do not understand this logic.
This is a very good question and one I have dealt with in the past, and plan on dealing with in the future. As the CP I feel like I am constantly being laughed at by the NCP (sometimes, literally). It's like this big game I can't win or get out of. I would love to see more information regarding this! Sorry I can't add anything other than, YES! Excellent question!
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Easy -- the CP has the benefit of constantly being with the children. The NCP doesn't. Therefore the CP has the majority of responsibilities with the children and the obligations. the NCP has the obligation of child support when there is a court order.

If the NCP doesn't utilize visitation due to just not wanting to, the CP should file a modification roughly six months after continuous non-use of visitation. If the NCP is only missing visitations infrequently then deal. It is called being a parent and being an adult and having a life. You can't always control sickness, work schedules or other things.
 
I agree with that to an extent, OG.

I can't contol issues like sickness, but when a CP is sick, it's not as if we can say "NCP, I'm sick and I can't take care of our child". My issue is with the mentality iin this parenting-partnership environment. We are equal parents yet, distribution of responsibility is anything but equitable. Looking at it from an objective angle (not as the CP I am), I would have to say I'd rather be a NCP. I can get 50-50 and then when not convienient for me to be a parent (I'm sick, I have to work, I have other plans), I can choose not to be and I am not held accountable.

And for the record, not so easy when you are the one living it.
 
Og

I forgot to say thank you for the timeline! This isn't happening to me, but I have seen it on other threads and there didn't seem to be any really good answer, so I thought I'd ask the question.
 
And one more thing..

In regard to the support order, the order doesn't stipulate that the NCP pays for 100% of the child's financial well-being. More often than not, the financial responsiblity is split closer to 50-50 (in my case it's 67-33, with me paying the majority). So, paying CS is not an adequate excuse to be relieved from 50% of the actual, hands on parenting responsibility.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Easy -- the CP has the benefit of constantly being with the children. The NCP doesn't. Therefore the CP has the majority of responsibilities with the children and the obligations. the NCP has the obligation of child support when there is a court order.

If the NCP doesn't utilize visitation due to just not wanting to, the CP should file a modification roughly six months after continuous non-use of visitation. If the NCP is only missing visitations infrequently then deal. It is called being a parent and being an adult and having a life. You can't always control sickness, work schedules or other things.
and by golly, worth every freaking moment!!!
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
In regard to the support order, the order doesn't stipulate that the NCP pays for 100% of the child's financial well-being. More often than not, the financial responsiblity is split closer to 50-50 (in my case it's 67-33, with me paying the majority). So, paying CS is not an adequate excuse to be relieved from 50% of the actual, hands on parenting responsibility.
Where did I say that the NCP is responsible for 100% of the child's financial wellbeing? Nowhere. Nowhere at all. You are somewhat missing the point that the NCP faces jailtime for not providing a specific amount of support -- as well as other penalties. The CP does not face those penalties if their support decreases or changes.
 
Yep worth every single moment, and any that I can beg borrow and/or steal.

Good point on the CS. i wasn't trying to say you said 100%, but you said the had the obligation of child support - i was just pointing out so does the CP, but I hadn't thought about the contempt piece for non-payment.

I guess there is no good answer on this one other than deal or try to get modification once enought time and missed visits have elapsed.
 

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