I hate it but I'm back with a new question Part 2

[mommyanme]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

For back ground here is the link to the post this goes with, I can't find how to unlock it so I'm sorry for the new post.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/i-hate-but-im-back-new-question-585304.html

Here is my question;

So the update is, Dad completed a phasing in for Little One(that the judge set himself based a good bit off what I had offered Dad) and things have gone fairly well. I do need to ask a few more questions...

1. Dad moved 3 hours away, judge set a meeting place where I only have to drive 50 minutes. Dad wants me to drive an hour and half down a highway that is known for a lot of accidents and has been under construction for 3 years. Dad has girlfriend completely involved in the transportation and she doesn't like the direction she currently has to go. (Don't get me wrong, she's ok, I like her and Little One loves her and she's much better to deal with) So I am considering a different meeting point that keeps her and I off the worst highways and I don't drive any further then I already am. Is that a fair idea?

2. The reason I won't agree to driving further is Dad's history of disappearing and I do have another child, so what can I ask for and more than likely have included in the modification that will take account of that? I don't like the idea of him disappearing a 3rd time and each time I drive little one to the meeting spot, he gets disappointed. Something to the effect of if he misses so many visits then I no longer have to drive there unless.... I can't think of the perfect wording for it.

3. If he disappears again would it be suitable to have a "phasing" or consequences already added to the order so we don't get where we are ever again, attorney's fees are eating me up, even though I do a lot of my own leg work.

4. I know we talk about over stepping step parents, but honestly if they get married, she is a lot easier to deal with, would I be setting myself up for a headache if I allow her to be the main one I deal with. He is worse in person than on OFW, he physically will try to intimidate me and anyone with me. She's all for little one and doesn't seem to care about his hatred towards me

 

[LdiJ]

I went back and re-read some of your posting history before I responded.

I think that if I were in your shoes I would stick to the existing order. If you do not, then you are just going to be opening another can of worms.

 

[mommyanme]

I went back and re-read some of your posting history before I responded.

I think that if I were in your shoes I would stick to the existing order. If you do not, then you are just going to be opening another can of worms.

The current order is a temporary order that the judge entered so Dad could prove his desire to return to our son's life. The previous order is still on the calendar for a modification. But as of this morning, Dad would rather take it in front of a judge because I will not drive more than half the 3 hour distance, I will not agree to having S4 driven 3 hours to school on Monday's (he has to be in school by 7:50 am) and I will not sign off on lowering his CS from $800 to $350 till s4 is 18 and sign that I will never have it modified again.

 

[LdiJ]

The current order is a temporary order that the judge entered so Dad could prove his desire to return to our son's life. The previous order is still on the calendar for a modification. But as of this morning, Dad would rather take it in front of a judge because I will not drive more than half the 3 hour distance, I will not agree to having S4 driven 3 hours to school on Monday's (he has to be in school by 7:50 am) and I will not sign off on lowering his CS from $800 to $350 till s4 is 18 and sign that I will never have it modified again.

Is he really THAT much in denial? Let him take it in front of the judge. Let him look that ridiculous in court. Seriously, he is going to look like a lunatic if he asks for any of that in court. The first two things are ridiculous enough by themselves, but a judge couldn't give him what he wants on the child support issue even if the judge was inclined to do so. Heck, if you signed off on the child support issue it wouldn't even be legally enforceable.

 

[mommyanme]

Is he really THAT much in denial? Let him take it in front of the judge. Let him look that ridiculous in court. Seriously, he is going to look like a lunatic if he asks for any of that in court. The first two things are ridiculous enough by themselves, but a judge couldn't give him what he wants on the child support issue even if the judge was inclined to do so. Heck, if you signed off on the child support issue it wouldn't even be legally enforceable.

The short answer.....Yes he is!

My attorney is awesome and she allows me to cut costs by doing a lot of my own leg work, so when it came down to a counter proposal, I did it and she checked it over and told me where to change it then she presented it. Here is what we offered

1. Every other weekend and all school holidays that fell on his time, including every spring break, the schedule was set where his weekends fell on all the school's long weekends, Thanksgiving and Christmas split, with him having the longest part of each.

2. Every other week in the summer starting the day school released the first section of summer would be 11 days, then Sunday to Sunday every other week there after until the week before school started. He would skip the last weekend in August to be on track for all long school weekends and he would receive an extra weekend in October which happens to be a 5 day school break.

3. I would meet a 45-60 min from my home by Friday at 6 or 6:30 and again Sunday at 6 or 6:30


After the "negotiation" failure this morning based on my refusal to say yes to those items, they have chosen to take it in front of the judge.
My attorney told me just a little while ago that she knows this judge, and his standard is; the NCP gets EOW and the summer, he doesn't even split holidays.

 

[mommyanme]

1 more question

I offered Dad Father's Day weekend and a few extra days, because our temp order only gives EOW and Dad has completed the phasing in stage and has been getting S4, 2 over nights EOW and shame on me I was trying to be nice, but Dad tried to turn it into a back and forth argument over coming up with an agreement and eventually said no to having S4 for the time I offered.

He's still stuck on waking S4 up at 4 am on more than half the Monday mornings and me driving a good portion of the distance he created to meet him at 6:30 am. Anyway, I got to the point of telling him that my attorney advised me that this judge normally gives every other weekend and the summer to the NCP, she also sent his attorney an email stating the same fact. This is the response I got, quoted word for word.

"I was told to
make it work. I was also told they did not care about my work schedule when it came to my time with my son . Why is your work schedule
and your job so much more important than mine ? I am the one paying the child support to you . I have an important job also that I cannot
afford to loose . According to your proposal, it revolves around YOU and YOUR work schedule . There is no compromise for me. Also
according to NC statute you cannot completely change the original order only what does not work. If you remember the mediator also
informed you we could only fix what did not work.
Are you saying I have no right to move to better myself ? I moved to be in a home and situation that is better for me and my son . I could have
stayed in a small apartment and a go nowhere job , but I decided on a better choice . The fact that it is 2 hours more could not be helped. This
was bettering myself and my position with my company .
I guess we need to request a change of venue since your attorney has informed you the out come of what a judge will decide and she knows
which judge will be presiding. That sounds like a huge conflict of interest to me . Since you are so convinced of the outcome on a case that
hasn't been heard before a judge is really a sign that your attorney must have more intimate dealings with judges in that county and really
gives me a reason to ask for a venue of change . It is required by law that both sides be heard . You keep forgetting the fact that you WILL be
held in contempt . That fact could change custody completely .
According to the dictionary the definition of a compromise is: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making
concessions.
"an ability to listen to two sides in a dispute, and devise a compromise acceptable to both"
synonyms: agreement, understanding, settlement, terms, deal, trade-off, bargain.

We will go before a judge and a judge cannot force me into an agreement which does not
work for BOTH parties."

I ended the conversation after I received this.

My question is, where does knowing the local court and seeing what specific judges normally order, and advising everyone involved of that, become a cause for a change of venue?

It seems he's suggesting my attorney of wrong doing and I don't want her to let my case go because he's a jackA!

I don't think his attorney suggested he could change custody after disappearing for almost 2 years, but it seems he's been made to believe that because I wouldn't send S4 with him for 11 days after his 18 month + disappearance, that I'll be held in contempt and custody changed. They haven't even asked for custody to change.

I feel like I need to breath and meditate after all this

I forgot to add, he moved 2 more hours, to total 3 hours away, to move in with his GF, he had the job according to his emails, months before he even met her.

 

[I'mTheFather]

You know he's just blowing smoke, right? Ignore him. Go have a glass of wine or a long bath or both.

 

[mommyanme]

You know he's just blowing smoke, right? Ignore him. Go have a glass of wine or a long bath or both.

LOL! Both, sometimes I need that second opinion.

 

[cheesecake46580]

I'm dealing with a hard situation right now my X is blowing smoke and bluffing on a daily basis. It's very stressful so make sure you find a way to release and relax. Dealing with people like these can suck the life right out of you. Stand firm and do what you feel is right for your little one!

 

[Silverplum]

Anyway, I got to the point of telling him that my attorney advised me that this judge normally gives every other weekend and the summer to the NCP, she also sent his attorney an email stating the same fact.

Just this one point, but you did so well, even great, in so much else I feel guilty bringing it up: don't get into pissing matches with him, and DON'T discuss legal strategy or points with him. That's for your attorney and his.

There's no need to show your cards to the other player.

 

[mommyanme]

Just this one point, but you did so well, even great, in so much else I feel guilty bringing it up: don't get into pissing matches with him, and DON'T discuss legal strategy or points with him. That's for your attorney and his.

There's no need to show your cards to the other player.

Good point!

 

[mommyanme]

It's still not over!!!

So Dad is dragging this out as far as he can and continuing to dig his own grave.

1. He is allowing his GF to start calling herself Mom to our now S5 and she introduces him to people as her son, even to my face!.....GRRRRRR I am very sensitive over this! S5 isn't doing it and the other day he corrected her but still, I know I can't stop this and considering how far this has already dragged out, should I even add it to my requests?


2. We are set for court for my Request for Modification and his contempt motion in September in front of a very good judge, BUT Dad has now decided he doesn't need to pay child support and CSEA has him set for a court date in October for failure to pay. The caseworker spoke with his employer and found out some interesting facts because he stated in our previous hearing for modification that he'd lost his job and needed the CS modified. He's also been refusing to speak with the case worker, sending letters back and hanging up on her. Should I ask my attorney to postpone our modification hearing or just go ahead with it?

There's no use in me speaking to him about anything, because the snipping continues and I've resorted to posting everything on the OFW calendar instead of emails, because it turns into an attack. His newest thing is the previous order for visitation, times and meeting places, is still in "full force and effect" because I am refusing to deviate from the temporary order from March 2015, so he is filing more contempt on me and still saying it's going to change custody completely?

 

[cheesecake46580]

If you are following the order don't worries be happy!

 

[LdiJ]

So Dad is dragging this out as far as he can and continuing to dig his own grave.

1. He is allowing his GF to start calling herself Mom to our now S5 and she introduces him to people as her son, even to my face!.....GRRRRRR I am very sensitive over this! S5 isn't doing it and the other day he corrected her but still, I know I can't stop this and considering how far this has already dragged out, should I even add it to my requests?

I would certainly address it. Its offensive and disrespectful.

2. We are set for court for my Request for Modification and his contempt motion in September in front of a very good judge, BUT Dad has now decided he doesn't need to pay child support and CSEA has him set for a court date in October for failure to pay. The caseworker spoke with his employer and found out some interesting facts because he stated in our previous hearing for modification that he'd lost his job and needed the CS modified. He's also been refusing to speak with the case worker, sending letters back and hanging up on her. Should I ask my attorney to postpone our modification hearing or just go ahead with it?

Your attorney should be able to get dad's court date combined with yours so that the judge can hear everything at once. Ask her about that.

There's no use in me speaking to him about anything, because the snipping continues and I've resorted to posting everything on the OFW calendar instead of emails, because it turns into an attack. His newest thing is the previous order for visitation, times and meeting places, is still in "full force and effect" because I am refusing to deviate from the temporary order from March 2015, so he is filing more contempt on me and still saying it's going to change custody completely?

You need to stop being intimidated by his threats. He is so badly in denial its ridiculous.

 

[Ohiogal]

So Dad is dragging this out as far as he can and continuing to dig his own grave.

1. He is allowing his GF to start calling herself Mom to our now S5 and she introduces him to people as her son, even to my face!.....GRRRRRR I am very sensitive over this! S5 isn't doing it and the other day he corrected her but still, I know I can't stop this and considering how far this has already dragged out, should I even add it to my requests?


2. We are set for court for my Request for Modification and his contempt motion in September in front of a very good judge, BUT Dad has now decided he doesn't need to pay child support and CSEA has him set for a court date in October for failure to pay. The caseworker spoke with his employer and found out some interesting facts because he stated in our previous hearing for modification that he'd lost his job and needed the CS modified. He's also been refusing to speak with the case worker, sending letters back and hanging up on her. Should I ask my attorney to postpone our modification hearing or just go ahead with it?

There's no use in me speaking to him about anything, because the snipping continues and I've resorted to posting everything on the OFW calendar instead of emails, because it turns into an attack. His newest thing is the previous order for visitation, times and meeting places, is still in "full force and effect" because I am refusing to deviate from the temporary order from March 2015, so he is filing more contempt on me and still saying it's going to change custody completely?

Request a "No Third Party interference order" that prohibits GF from doing this. I have gotten them in the past to prohibit a SO from representing themselves as the child's parent when they aren't.