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  1. #1
    shanainc Guest

    Post I have full custody, can I move

    What is the name of your state? I live in North Carolina. I am divorced and have full care, custody and control (as it states in divorce papers) of our child. There was no court battle, it was agreed between her father and I that I would have custody, it was written in the divorce agreement, and the judge signed the divorce papers, thus making the decision legal. No court ordered custody to anyone, it was agreed upon between my exhusband and I. I want to move from NC to NJ/NY area to make a new beginning. Can I do this? The seperation papers stipulate no "set" visitation, however, I let our daughter go to his house every other weekend from Friday night to Sunday evening. The divorce papers state that I have "full care, custody and control" of our daughter and there is no visitation stipulations, just what we decide upon and I've pretty much set that to every other weekend and one night during the week every other week for a few hours as with what most fathers that do not have custody get. In my moving, I would still allow her visits, the visits wouldn't be as often but in the end there would be as many days spent per year with her dad. As I would allow her to visit for a month during the summer and a week here and there through out the year when there are school breaks. As it stands now i allow her to go overnight to her dads for 50 nights per year and she would still end up having about that many nights per year if we move. I've never tried to keep her from him as I feel it's in her best interest to have a relationship with her dad. So, if we moved, I would still want her to see her dad and though her visits wouldn't be as often, they would be for longer periods of time and in the end, they would have about the same amount of time together. Bottom line, with full custody, can I move if I so desire?

    Last edited by shanainc; 03-31-2004 at 01:45 PM.
  2. #2
    oberauerdorf Guest
    Bottom line is yes, YOU can move.

    But, without the court's permission, the child stays put.

    Remember, you aren't just dealing with the father in this scenario. You are also asking to move out of the jurisdiction of the court that issued the original order.

    And even if you do get the court's permission, if pappa files anything in the future you will have to march back to North Carolina to answer.

    That is, unless New York can wrestle jurisdiction away from NC which is HIGHLY unlikely.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2002
    As oberdude said, as long as Dad lives in NC, neither NY nor our fine state will take jurisdiction.

  4. #4
    shanainc Guest

    well, no court ordered it....

    father and I agreed that I would have full custody and we both agreed to that being in the divorce papers...was no court battle. we agreed and the judge signed the divorce papers.... so, why must i be a "prisoner" and not move on with my life meanwhile he's moved, etc..and moved in with a girlfriend, etc... I don't wish to keep them apart, but want to make a new beginning, with her father still being a part of her life.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Because you have a child together. You aren't a prisoner at all - YOU can move anywhere you like. But if Dad objects, the child may not be able to move. Your options in that case are to stay or to give up custody. Once you have a child and don't stay with the other parent, some of your choices are limited. It really IS that simple.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    It seems that your ex could make a very valid argument for joint custody based on the fact that he's a participatory parent who is actively involved in his child's life. If you push the issue, chances are great that you'll end up losing full custody.

  7. #7
    shanainc Guest

    I would never move without my child

    I have been the only parent in her life from the beginning. I've been the only one there with her always, and wouldn't have it any other way.
    He signed over custody to me, without a court battle, on his own remorse. Does that make a difference? Being there was no court battle. Also, there is no set visitation either, so I wouldn't be going against anything if I brought her down for a month during the summer, versus every other weekend, being there is nothing stating he has visitation every other weekend.
    Right or no?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2002
    You more likely than not have to give him notice of the move. He can then file to contest it. Even if he doesn't win, it is entirely likely that a visitation schedule will then be set up. One which you will have to abide by.

  9. #9
    shanainc Guest

    I understand that

    I wouldn't ever consider not talking and informing him FIRST. I wouldn't just take off and move without giving my childs father a heads up and also ask for his input on things and hopefully be able to come to an understanding together of visitation.
    If there were a court set visitation at that time, of course I would abide. My point was as of now, I have full custody, which he signed over to me without court battle. I want to start a new beginning, I have opportunities I could follow elsewhere. I want to persue those and at the same time my childs father being a big part of my daughters lifeI want that to remain. That is very important to me and her and her father. It's not that I want to keep them apart, the very opposite. I feel any child if they have a father that is fit, benefits from a relationship with them. My daughters father is fit and I think she benefits from having a relationship with him.
    Was just wondering if after I talk to him if he wanted to if he could stop our moving, with everything known about custody. I guess there's always that chance huh. But maybe we can talk about it as we've always done as he knows I've never kept her from him, which is partly why he agreed to sign away custody because he knew I wouldn't keep them apart, or otherwise he would have tried for split custody or at least have visitation put in the papers, which he didn't so they are not.
    So, my rights are as a full custody parent are to stay convenient to where the father lives right? and not be able to pursue opportunities where ever they may be, all though he can.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    All anyone is saying is that you currently have a nice relationship with your ex. If he decides that he doesn't want his daughter to live several states away and he moves for custody, chances are very good that you'll be looking at joint custody rather than full custody and that you will no longer be in control of visitation.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    I think you are missing the point trying to be made here.

    There IS a court order for custody. Just because there was no battle involved, you still decided this before the COURT in north Carolina, therefore they do have the ultimate say as to whether or not you can move the child from thier jurisdiction.

    And yes, because you are custodial, you do have to be the one who has to keep the child within jurisdiction, until you get permission to do otherwise. Or you could move and leave the child with the father, within the jurisdiction. See how that works?

    you will have to notify him per your states guidelines, and if he were to contest, as stealth said you would then likely have to set up set visitation orders, before the court would grant permission.

    "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men." Frederick Douglas
  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    NC won't automatically set up visitation unless someone asks for it. He may not have known he could ask for a visitation order, or he may not have thought it was necessary.

    Did he realize or understand he was signing over sole custody and what that meant?

    Judges will not usually award split custody or 50/50 custody in this state.

    Also, I'm curious. Would you look on the divorce decree that says Judgment, look at the last part where it reads IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED: ? I'm just curious to see what the court ordered part reads.

    Everyone else is right about the move too.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    My husband's paper's said basically the same as yours and during a visitation battle that ultimately turned into a custody battle, bm decided to move 180 miles away out of state. She was allowed to move on the condition that she provide transportation TO AND FROM EOW**************.

    Lasted about 10 weeks then a new court order was awarded with joint legal and physical custody.

    Then 2 yrs later bm decided to move 2 of the 3 children 100 miles away.....same thing---bm to provide transport TO AND FROM. This was a record as it lasted 4 monthes.

    Needless to say bm is back in full blown and while the younger 2 which she choice out of the 3 still only come eow, it is just a matter of time before the kiddos can decide otherwise.

    So in summary, my suggestion is try and get your ex to agree to some sort of visitation (at your expense) and go from there. Otherwise you will be the one trying to see your child.

    Good luck.

  14. #14
    shanainc Guest

    I'm sure he knew his rights

    He had an attorney representing him in the divorce. When we separated I told him I wanted sole custody and he said "okay" and he never tried otherwise. That all stems from a long past together and me being the only parent there for our daughter and with our daughter from the get go. So, maybe he felt he didn't deserve split custody due to that. I don't know, but he never asked for or tried for split custody and he did have an attorney representing him and filed for divorce, etc.
    Where it says It is ordered, adjurned, decreed, it just says that we dissolve marriage on grounds of 1 year separation, that we were married on *** date and have lived continuously apart since, that we had one minor child born, there are no other claims pending and that the last statement is that SEPARATION AGREEMENT BE INCORPORATED INTO THE DIVORCE...


  15. #15
    shanainc Guest

    i would never want to have my child choose

    However for the record, she is 12 now and turning 13 this year. She would want to stay with me as she has always been with me. She hasn't always been with her dad, due to him leaving me when i was 4 months pregnant. Though we did get back together when she was about 2 yrs old and were together since, I've always been there and we have a great bond. On the flip side, for the past 10 yrs we were married he has been a great dad and I would never want to see her lose that relationship. I probably should talk to him and him knowing this, make a visitation plan between the two of us before deciding on whether I should pursue my options elsewhere on living and working. He knows I would never keep her from him obviously or he would have requested some sort of paper work about visitation when he hired a lawyer for the divorce.

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