I have primary physical custody - Mother now moved to town and making demands

[TT52]

State: Arizona

Background: Mother and I split up when our son was at a young age. We lived about 200 miles apart and were able to come to an agreement through the court to exchange parenting time every three weeks evenly. As of August 2014, I gained primary physical custody as our son was going to live with me and attend kindergarten in my town.

Verbiage is as follows:
“… Child will reside primarily with Father beginning August 1, 2014, with Mother’s parenting time maximized in Child’s best interest."

Since then, mother had another child (with different father) and has now moved into my town. While I thought this would be a positive move for both my son and myself, it is proving to be rather difficult. Mother now believes son should move to a new school that is closer to her location and does not want our son to attend the summer camp his friends are attending (instead she would rather him attend one in her area for her convenience). I should note that our son’s school is about 20 miles away from my home and 27 miles from her home – a seven mile difference.

While I am all for a positive relationship, I think the mother is out of line in demanding these changes to our son’s regular schedule and daily routine because she has now decided to move into town. We have been trying to maintain a steady 2-3-2 parenting schedule but her stubbornness is not easy to deal with. I am considering settling this through mediation/judge but afraid to get the short end of the stick where I am stuck with some kind of parenting plan such as “every other weekend and one evening night per week.”

What’s my move here?
Does the court take into account my son's sister?
Does the court take into account I have had primary physical custody and an established, daily routine?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Ohiogal]

State: Arizona

Background: Mother and I split up when our son was at a young age. We lived about 200 miles apart and were able to come to an agreement through the court to exchange parenting time every three weeks evenly. As of August 2014, I gained primary physical custody as our son was going to live with me and attend kindergarten in my town.

Verbiage is as follows:
“… Child will reside primarily with Father beginning August 1, 2014, with Mother’s parenting time maximized in Child’s best interest."

Since then, mother had another child (with different father) and has now moved into my town. While I thought this would be a positive move for both my son and myself, it is proving to be rather difficult. Mother now believes son should move to a new school that is closer to her location and does not want our son to attend the summer camp his friends are attending (instead she would rather him attend one in her area for her convenience). I should note that our son’s school is about 20 miles away from my home and 27 miles from her home – a seven mile difference.

While I am all for a positive relationship, I think the mother is out of line in demanding these changes to our son’s regular schedule and daily routine because she has now decided to move into town. We have been trying to maintain a steady 2-3-2 parenting schedule but her stubbornness is not easy to deal with. I am considering settling this through mediation/judge but afraid to get the short end of the stick where I am stuck with some kind of parenting plan such as “every other weekend and one evening night per week.”

What’s my move here?
Does the court take into account my son's half-sister?
Does the court take into account I have had primary physical custody and an established, daily routine?

Thanks in advance.

Who has LEGAL custody -- decision making?

 

[TT52]

We have joint legal decision making.

 

[CJane]

So you've had primary physical custody for less than a year. You've been practicing a 50/50 split for the majority of the child's life, though, right?

Does Mom have any other reasons for wanting to move schools?

Which parent has the majority of SCHOOL days?

The fact that your son has "established daily routines" and friends who may or may not be attending the same summer camp as him are less relevant than you seem to think they are. It's not as if the child is 12, and has lived primarily with you for the majority of his life.

 

[TT52]

Correct - 50/50 for the most part until August 2014.

No other reasons for Mom to move his school or summer camp.

We've tried to come to an agreement before out of court but it never seems to work out as it is usually the mom who deviates from the plan. My main reason to go to court is so we can have a solid plan on paper that we can reference when both parties cant agree.

 

[Ohiogal]

Would summer camp infringe upon her time?
With you having joint decision making, mom has just as much say as you do.

 

[LdiJ]

State: Arizona

Background: Mother and I split up when our son was at a young age. We lived about 200 miles apart and were able to come to an agreement through the court to exchange parenting time every three weeks evenly. As of August 2014, I gained primary physical custody as our son was going to live with me and attend kindergarten in my town.

Verbiage is as follows:
“… Child will reside primarily with Father beginning August 1, 2014, with Mother’s parenting time maximized in Child’s best interest."

Since then, mother had another child (with different father) and has now moved into my town. While I thought this would be a positive move for both my son and myself, it is proving to be rather difficult. Mother now believes son should move to a new school that is closer to her location and does not want our son to attend the summer camp his friends are attending (instead she would rather him attend one in her area for her convenience). I should note that our son’s school is about 20 miles away from my home and 27 miles from her home – a seven mile difference.

While I am all for a positive relationship, I think the mother is out of line in demanding these changes to our son’s regular schedule and daily routine because she has now decided to move into town. We have been trying to maintain a steady 2-3-2 parenting schedule but her stubbornness is not easy to deal with. I am considering settling this through mediation/judge but afraid to get the short end of the stick where I am stuck with some kind of parenting plan such as “every other weekend and one evening night per week.”

What’s my move here?
Does the court take into account my son's half-sister?
Does the court take into account I have had primary physical custody and an established, daily routine?

Thanks in advance.

How far apart do you and mom live?

Why does the child attend a school that is 20 miles from where you live?

How far would be school that mom wants the child to attend be from you?....and from mom?

How far is the summer camp you want the child to attend from each of you, how far is the summer camp that she wants the child to attend from each of you?

Yes, siblings do tend to be taken into consideration...psst...don't harp on the "half sister" bit.

Yes, the court will take status quo under consideration, but the court will also tend to take the fact that it was 50/50 up until this school year into consideration, and will tend to applaud mom for moving to your town.

 

[cheesecake46580]

I would encourage mediation to try and resolve this and get a concrete plan and I urge you to work with mom and this child need both parents and with the 50/50 most of the child's life I would maintain that it's give and take in these situations but mom's time is just an important as yours. I have not heard much about mom and the child's relationship if it is good why would you want to block it?

 

[TT52]

Would summer camp infringe upon her time?
No – summer camp is in the same area of his school so we would follow the agreed upon parenting plan as usual.

How far apart do you and mom live?
We live about 25 miles apart.

Why does the child attend a school that is 20 miles from where you live?
I use to be closer but recently purchased a home that was slightly further away.

How far would be school that mom wants the child to attend be from you?....and from mom?
She is looking at schools that would put us at the same amount of driving time. This is where I find it to be silly as it would only move his school less than 10 miles closer to her. He has friends in school now that he has known since preschool.

How far is the summer camp you want the child to attend from each of you, how far is the summer camp that she wants the child to attend from each of you?
She is looking at summer camps that would result in a 20 mile drive for me and 5 mile drive for her.

Yes, siblings do tend to be taken into consideration...psst...don't harp on the "half sister" bit.
Sorry, I did not mean to highlight the half-sister part in any kind of negative way.

I would encourage mediation to try and resolve this and get a concrete plan and I urge you to work with mom and this child need both parents and with the 50/50 most of the child's life I would maintain that it's give and take in these situations but mom's time is just an important as yours. I have not heard much about mom and the child's relationship if it is good why would you want to block it?
Not trying to “block” it by any means. I would just like to have a concrete plan in place but it seems impossible without getting it established through the court. We have been able to agree on a 2-3-2 split but Mom knows that there is nothing enforcing this mutual agreement. If Mom decides she wants/doesn’t want child on any given day, she will refuse. Times like this is when I would like to have substantial documentation. I’m completely open for a 50/50 split but Mom refuses to agree on paper. I’d like to take it to court if possible but I’m concerned I could be the one to get less than 50/50.

In the past, the exchange was the most troublesome because of her tendency to be late. We would meet half-way (2 hour drive for each of us) but she would be anywhere between 1-3 hours late. Once I was able to get her to agree to a set time and parenting plan on paper, the issues were resolved.

 

[LdiJ]

Would summer camp infringe upon her time?
No – summer camp is in the same area of his school so we would follow the agreed upon parenting plan as usual.

How far apart do you and mom live?
We live about 25 miles apart.

Why does the child attend a school that is 20 miles from where you live?
I use to be closer but recently purchased a home that was slightly further away.

How far would be school that mom wants the child to attend be from you?....and from mom?
She is looking at schools that would put us at the same amount of driving time. This is where I find it to be silly as it would only move his school less than 10 miles closer to her. He has friends in school now that he has known since preschool.

How far is the summer camp you want the child to attend from each of you, how far is the summer camp that she wants the child to attend from each of you?
She is looking at summer camps that would result in a 20 mile drive for me and 5 mile drive for her.

Yes, siblings do tend to be taken into consideration...psst...don't harp on the "half sister" bit.
Sorry, I did not mean to highlight the half-sister part in any kind of negative way.

I would encourage mediation to try and resolve this and get a concrete plan and I urge you to work with mom and this child need both parents and with the 50/50 most of the child's life I would maintain that it's give and take in these situations but mom's time is just an important as yours. I have not heard much about mom and the child's relationship if it is good why would you want to block it?
Not trying to “block” it by any means. I would just like to have a concrete plan in place but it seems impossible without getting it established through the court. We have been able to agree on a 2-3-2 split but Mom knows that there is nothing enforcing this mutual agreement. If Mom decides she wants/doesn’t want child on any given day, she will refuse. Times like this is when I would like to have substantial documentation. I’m completely open for a 50/50 split but Mom refuses to agree on paper. I’d like to take it to court if possible but I’m concerned I could be the one to get less than 50/50.

In the past, the exchange was the most troublesome because of her tendency to be late. We would meet half-way (2 hour drive for each of us) but she would be anywhere between 1-3 hours late. Once I was able to get her to agree to a set time and parenting plan on paper, the issues were resolved.

Mom is being much more reasonable about the school than you are. Expect to lose on that one. 10 miles makes a BIG difference in a morning schedule.
She is proposing schools that are equal distance from the two of you...that is far more reasonable than you are being.

 

[TT52]

Mom is being much more reasonable about the school than you are. Expect to lose on that one. 10 miles makes a BIG difference in a morning schedule.
She is proposing schools that are equal distance from the two of you...that is far more reasonable than you are being.

I suppose the part I'm having a hard time understanding is the benefit she would gain from moving our son to a school that is 5 miles closer to her (assuming the difference right now is 10 miles). I would be okay if that was my only option but I don't see it being fair that our son would have to create new relationships and adjust to a new school for a 5 mile shorter drive. If he hadn't started school yet, I would not be resistant to a different school.

 

[LdiJ]

I suppose the part I'm having a hard time understanding is the benefit she would gain from moving our son to a school that is 5 miles closer to her (assuming the difference right now is 10 miles). I would be okay if that was my only option but I don't see it being fair that our son would have to create new relationships and adjust to a new school for a 5 mile shorter drive. If he hadn't started school yet, I would not be resistant to a different school.

Then you did not answer the questions I asked.

Try again.

 

[TT52]

Sorry, I don't think I'm following..

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry, I don't think I'm following..

Go back to post number 7 and answer, exactly, the specific questions I asked. You do not have to answer them here, but you will have to answer them in court and you will not be allowed to be vague, you will have to be specific.

For example, you will not be able to say in court that the reason why the child goes to school 20 miles from you, is because you used to live there and moved. You will have to explain, in specific detail, why you did not change the child's school when you moved.

For example, if a judge asked you for exact distances between homes/school/camp, on any question, you will have to be specific and accurate. Its up to you to give the judge exact information so that the judge can make his/her own decision, not somewhat vague information that can be manipulated...and can be contradicted by mom.

Seriously...you have to PROVE your position.

 

[cheesecake46580]

I would encourage mediation to try and resolve this and get a concrete plan and I urge you to work with mom and this child need both parents and with the 50/50 most of the child's life I would maintain that it's give and take in these situations but mom's time is just an important as yours. I have not heard much about mom and the child's relationship if it is good why would you want to block it?
Not trying to “block” it by any means. I would just like to have a concrete plan in place but it seems impossible without getting it established through the court. We have been able to agree on a 2-3-2 split but Mom knows that there is nothing enforcing this mutual agreement. If Mom decides she wants/doesn’t want child on any given day, she will refuse. Times like this is when I would like to have substantial documentation. I’m completely open for a 50/50 split but Mom refuses to agree on paper. I’d like to take it to court if possible but I’m concerned I could be the one to get less than 50/50.

In the past, the exchange was the most troublesome because of her tendency to be late. We would meet half-way (2 hour drive for each of us) but she would be anywhere between 1-3 hours late. Once I was able to get her to agree to a set time and parenting plan on paper, the issues were resolved.[/QUOTE]

If you to have agreed in the past then mediation would be a great place to start can be much cheaper and the mediator will file any agreements you to come up with in the session. No one knows your child better than you two so instead of having the judge decide what is best for your child why not try and do this with mom and a mediator.