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I need to modify my existing Custody arrangement to move out of state.

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j0yc3

Junior Member
California

I have been laid off twice in the last year and have been unable to find suitable full time employment since August 1, 2009. My fiance lives in Northern Virginia (unemployment there is 1/3 what it is in my neighborhood). As I am running out of unemployment benefits, and my ex-husband cannot afford to pay child support (none is court ordered), I am forced to move to the only place I can keep a roof over my son's and my head (my fiance's home).

My ex husband and I share 50% legal and physical custody. The only edge I have on custody is my residence determines where our son goes to school. As I am moving across the country (for a minimum of 2 years) my ex husband and I are trying to determine what is a fair visitation schedule for our 6 year old son. We also want to know if we come to a mutual agreement with regards to visitation, do we have to go to court? Or can we simply file our agreement with the courts and avoid going before a judge? We are working cooperatively to find a fair agreement that is in the best interest of all of us.

Thanks for any advice!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


ecmst12

Senior Member
You do realize that if your ex wants, he can file for, and likely be granted, primary physical custody of the child when you move, and YOU will be the long distance parent, right? How is it in your child's best interests to move him away from his friends and his familliar surroundings and his other parent who has been an equal caregiver to you up until this point?
 

j0yc3

Junior Member
My ex doesn't want to do that. He also understands that I can force him to pay child support due to a huge disparity of income (he makes 6x what I do). We are looking to find better schools for our son (California schools are lacking and our son is outperforming his classmates). His father also admits he does not have sufficient time to help our son with homework on a consistent basis with his current work schedule.

We have already discussed the move, and our son is looking forward it. What we are currently looking for a fair/standard visitation schedule if anyone can make suggestions.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My ex doesn't want to do that. He also understands that I can force him to pay child support due to a huge disparity of income (he makes 6x what I do). We are looking to find better schools for our son (California schools are lacking and our son is outperforming his classmates). His father also admits he does not have sufficient time to help our son with homework on a consistent basis with his current work schedule.

We have already discussed the move, and our son is looking forward it. What we are currently looking for a fair/standard visitation schedule if anyone can make suggestions.
The typical long distance schedule is every other Thanksgiving, one week at Christmas, every or every other Spring Break, and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4ths of the summer.

Also, typically, the moving parent is required to provide the transportation for visitation, which it appears that you honestly cannot do at this point.

However is also appears that dad should have been paying child support all along since he makes 6 times what you do/have made.

If I were you I would offer dad as much parenting time as he can provide the transportation to do so, and agree not to pursue any child support. Of course that means that you would not be able to apply for any state assistance for your child, because that would require you to apply for child support.
 

j0yc3

Junior Member
The typical long distance schedule is every other Thanksgiving, one week at Christmas, every or every other Spring Break, and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4ths of the summer.

Also, typically, the moving parent is required to provide the transportation for visitation, which it appears that you honestly cannot do at this point.

However is also appears that dad should have been paying child support all along since he makes 6 times what you do/have made.

If I were you I would offer dad as much parenting time as he can provide the transportation to do so, and agree not to pursue any child support. Of course that means that you would not be able to apply for any state assistance for your child, because that would require you to apply for child support.
Thank you for the suggestion. We will use this along with our current holiday visitation as a starting point.
 

j0yc3

Junior Member
One more question: if we come to a mutual agreement with edseda to visitation and who will pay for transportation costs in writing, do we still need to put it before a judge?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
One more question: if we come to a mutual agreement with edseda to visitation and who will pay for transportation costs in writing, do we still need to put it before a judge?
Yes, it will not be enforceable unless its a court order. It cannot be a court order unless you put in before a judge.
 

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