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I think I made myself a mess

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weareosu

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio


I am pretty sure I have made myself a mess and I am not sure where to go.

We were never married and we do not have an official custody agreement.

our daughter is almost 4 years old. I missed practically the 1st year of her life due to us living in neighboring states(PA/OH) and other factors (constant fighting)

All custody has been through PA courts and child support has been deducted through Ohio (I am current and always have been).

I filed for visitation and we were required to attend a mediation session.
During the mediation session, we agreed to one weekend day a month so I can be introduced into at a pace that would be best of our daughter.

Our first visitations were rocky and had several family members around and her bf. I was trying to be civil and barrel through it and hopefully we could stick to our mediation agreement.

I know I am mostly to blame for allowing this to continue, but I am nearing my 2nd anniversary of continuous visits (i have never missed my time).

While the number of family members has decreased and the bf has came and gone, my visits still consist of a me, my daughter, her mother, another family member and a best friend. I was mainly just happy to see my daughter and didn't want to rock the boat too much (our first visits were rocky due to "me going through the court instead of working it out with her).

I have tried to be reasonable and request more time as well as alone time to no avail.

I do admit part of my reasoning for not taking it to court was that I hoped she would see that I was trying to be a parent and would act accordingly and I don't want to be at odds with her.

What are some of my options now? I finally woke up and smelled the coffee that nothing will change without a court order so I am prepared for that.

Should I be expected to have any type of overnight visits?
Should I be able to bring her back to my home state?
Will I have to start with gradual visits again?

I would need to do this pro se. I have inquired with my employer to allow me to move , but that was not successful. We're 200 miles apart from each other and neither of us created the distance. We always lived in different states and would travel frequently back and forth before our daughter was born.

Also, I am on the birth certificate, daughter has my last name, and I signed an AOP at birth.

How much damage did I do to myself by letting this continue on?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio


I am pretty sure I have made myself a mess and I am not sure where to go.

We were never married and we do not have an official custody agreement.

our daughter is almost 4 years old. I missed practically the 1st year of her life due to us living in neighboring states(PA/OH) and other factors (constant fighting)

All custody has been through PA courts and child support has been deducted through Ohio (I am current and always have been).

I filed for visitation and we were required to attend a mediation session.
During the mediation session, we agreed to one weekend day a month so I can be introduced into at a pace that would be best of our daughter.

Our first visitations were rocky and had several family members around and her bf. I was trying to be civil and barrel through it and hopefully we could stick to our mediation agreement.

I know I am mostly to blame for allowing this to continue, but I am nearing my 2nd anniversary of continuous visits (i have never missed my time).

While the number of family members has decreased and the bf has came and gone, my visits still consist of a me, my daughter, her mother, another family member and a best friend. I was mainly just happy to see my daughter and didn't want to rock the boat too much (our first visits were rocky due to "me going through the court instead of working it out with her).

I have tried to be reasonable and request more time as well as alone time to no avail.

I do admit part of my reasoning for not taking it to court was that I hoped she would see that I was trying to be a parent and would act accordingly and I don't want to be at odds with her.

What are some of my options now? I finally woke up and smelled the coffee that nothing will change without a court order so I am prepared for that.

Should I be expected to have any type of overnight visits?
Should I be able to bring her back to my home state?
Will I have to start with gradual visits again?

I would need to do this pro se. I have inquired with my employer to allow me to move , but that was not successful. We're 200 miles apart from each other and neither of us created the distance. We always lived in different states and would travel frequently back and forth before our daughter was born.

Also, I am on the birth certificate, daughter has my last name, and I signed an AOP at birth.

How much damage did I do to myself by letting this continue on?
Letting it continue on makes it status quo. However, certainly by this time your daughter is accustomed to you enough that you should be able to have some "alone" visits with her gradually leading up to overnights and time in your community.

Get yourself back into court for a modification ASAP.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
You're going to need to go back to court to ask for overnights - and I would do that immediately.

If the court insists that you continue visits in the home, ask for an order that no one else be there. It is unreasonable that you have to deal with all those other people during your visits - and you should have put a stop to the intimidation a long time ago.

You should look up long distance visitation plans for your state - and ask for the court to order the standard long distance plan.
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio


I am pretty sure I have made myself a mess and I am not sure where to go.

We were never married and we do not have an official custody agreement.

our daughter is almost 4 years old. I missed practically the 1st year of her life due to us living in neighboring states(PA/OH) and other factors (constant fighting)

All custody has been through PA courts and child support has been deducted through Ohio (I am current and always have been).

I filed for visitation and we were required to attend a mediation session.
During the mediation session, we agreed to one weekend day a month so I can be introduced into at a pace that would be best of our daughter.

Our first visitations were rocky and had several family members around and her bf. I was trying to be civil and barrel through it and hopefully we could stick to our mediation agreement.

I know I am mostly to blame for allowing this to continue, but I am nearing my 2nd anniversary of continuous visits (i have never missed my time).

While the number of family members has decreased and the bf has came and gone, my visits still consist of a me, my daughter, her mother, another family member and a best friend. I was mainly just happy to see my daughter and didn't want to rock the boat too much (our first visits were rocky due to "me going through the court instead of working it out with her).

I have tried to be reasonable and request more time as well as alone time to no avail.

I do admit part of my reasoning for not taking it to court was that I hoped she would see that I was trying to be a parent and would act accordingly and I don't want to be at odds with her.

What are some of my options now? I finally woke up and smelled the coffee that nothing will change without a court order so I am prepared for that.

Should I be expected to have any type of overnight visits?
Should I be able to bring her back to my home state?
Will I have to start with gradual visits again?

I would need to do this pro se. I have inquired with my employer to allow me to move , but that was not successful. We're 200 miles apart from each other and neither of us created the distance. We always lived in different states and would travel frequently back and forth before our daughter was born.

Also, I am on the birth certificate, daughter has my last name, and I signed an AOP at birth.

How much damage did I do to myself by letting this continue on?
If you've been at this a year, this it seems to me that it is now time to take things a step further. Go back to court and file a modification. Ask the court to give you more time and unsupervised visits.

Now that you know that court orders are your friends, adhere to your CO and document any deviations.
 

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