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  1. #1
    aliachase2007 is offline Member
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    I want to go after full custody, do I have enough grounds to

    What is the name of your state? TX
    My story is long and there's alot going on, so I wont be able to say everything but I'll try to stick to the facts and impotant things.
    My daughter, who is 3 is in the middle of a "battle" between her father and I. I'm not trying to encourage this battle or make it worse by any means, but I'm also not going to site by and allow him to continue what hes doing. These are recent events that are harming our daughter right now.

    1) He's called CPS on me twice in the past year for fradulant cases. I know that its hard to prove they are fraudulant, but both cases are closed and CPS told me they will most likely ignore furture calls from him. He's also accused a friend of mine of sexually abusing her, when my friend has never been alone with her.

    2) I've taken her to her Dr to talk to him about whats the best action we can take since I feel all the negative things that are going on (with the recent abuse charges and other things). I told her father how I was taking her to the Dr and why (the last CPS call was for sexual abuse, in which they concluded HE coached her). He threw a fit and accused me of being the one of harming her and exposing her to horrible things. The Dr recommended me taking her to a pychologist

    3) I took her the the pcyhologist and told her father, in which he again called me up, after I told him unless it effects our daughters immediate heath and well being we need to communicate through email/mail or text since our communication problems. He accused, me of being the one harming her again, of exposing her to bad things; in which I told him 2things our daughter has told me happened at his house that was inappropriate a)kissing me on the mouth the way adults to, she told me "daddys friend kisses his gf like that b) how M (step mom) and her dad watched a movie where the people kissed and took their clothes off(which they called CPS on me when I watched a similar movie, I shut mine off cause I didn't want out daughter to see it) He accused me of lying and making it up. He then sent me a nasty email, telling me how hes going to call the therapist to make sure she has the correct information since I'm lying.

    I'm concerned because when our daughter goes to her dads she comes home in a very negative mood and is very sad. Yesterday when she came home she was saying how daddy said she had to get her hair done, and how she hates her natural hair. The time before that, it was her shoes were "too big" even though he bought her bigger ones 6 months before. He's constantly making her feel bad about herself and I know he tells her bad things, though I of course he tells me he doesn't. I'm also concerned because she's so young and impressionable that I don't want her to feel that any of these things he tells her are real.

    I know talking mean about the other parent is prohibited, but her father is very controlling and I think because I refuse to allow him to control me he has decided to hurt me through her.

    I feel the best thing to do is to go after full custody of our daughter and allow him supervised visits after we both go through parenting classes (I am signing up for them in May) I can't afford a lawyer right now, I'm going to try to get legal aid. Is there any way I can get an immediate protection order or anything in place. I know he's not physically harming her, but I know hes emotionally harming her and that this damage can effect her for years if its not stopped now. Shes a wonderful sweet girl, and I don't want to deprive her of her father BUT on the other hand if he's going to be so selfish and not see that this is harming her then something needs to happen.
    thanks!
  2. #2
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aliachase2007 View Post
    What is the name of your state? TX
    My story is long and there's alot going on, so I wont be able to say everything but I'll try to stick to the facts and impotant things.
    My daughter, who is 3 is in the middle of a "battle" between her father and I. I'm not trying to encourage this battle or make it worse by any means, but I'm also not going to site by and allow him to continue what hes doing. These are recent events that are harming our daughter right now.

    1) He's called CPS on me twice in the past year for fradulant cases. I know that its hard to prove they are fraudulant, but both cases are closed and CPS told me they will most likely ignore furture calls from him. He's also accused a friend of mine of sexually abusing her, when my friend has never been alone with her.

    2) I've taken her to her Dr to talk to him about whats the best action we can take since I feel all the negative things that are going on (with the recent abuse charges and other things). I told her father how I was taking her to the Dr and why (the last CPS call was for sexual abuse, in which they concluded HE coached her). He threw a fit and accused me of being the one of harming her and exposing her to horrible things. The Dr recommended me taking her to a pychologist

    3) I took her the the pcyhologist and told her father, in which he again called me up, after I told him unless it effects our daughters immediate heath and well being we need to communicate through email/mail or text since our communication problems. He accused, me of being the one harming her again, of exposing her to bad things; in which I told him 2things our daughter has told me happened at his house that was inappropriate a)kissing me on the mouth the way adults to, she told me "daddys friend kisses his gf like that b) how M (step mom) and her dad watched a movie where the people kissed and took their clothes off(which they called CPS on me when I watched a similar movie, I shut mine off cause I didn't want out daughter to see it) He accused me of lying and making it up. He then sent me a nasty email, telling me how hes going to call the therapist to make sure she has the correct information since I'm lying.

    I'm concerned because when our daughter goes to her dads she comes home in a very negative mood and is very sad. Yesterday when she came home she was saying how daddy said she had to get her hair done, and how she hates her natural hair. The time before that, it was her shoes were "too big" even though he bought her bigger ones 6 months before. He's constantly making her feel bad about herself and I know he tells her bad things, though I of course he tells me he doesn't. I'm also concerned because she's so young and impressionable that I don't want her to feel that any of these things he tells her are real.

    I know talking mean about the other parent is prohibited, but her father is very controlling and I think because I refuse to allow him to control me he has decided to hurt me through her.

    I feel the best thing to do is to go after full custody of our daughter and allow him supervised visits after we both go through parenting classes (I am signing up for them in May) I can't afford a lawyer right now, I'm going to try to get legal aid. Is there any way I can get an immediate protection order or anything in place. I know he's not physically harming her, but I know hes emotionally harming her and that this damage can effect her for years if its not stopped now. Shes a wonderful sweet girl, and I don't want to deprive her of her father BUT on the other hand if he's going to be so selfish and not see that this is harming her then something needs to happen.
    thanks!
    I think you're being silly. Read around. You aren't going to get supervised visits for this petty nonsense. And it's utterly unnecessary.

    The learning to coparent part is excellent, though.
  3. #3
    aliachase2007 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    I think you're being silly. Read around. You aren't going to get supervised visits for this petty nonsense. And it's utterly unnecessary.

    The learning to coparent part is excellent, though.
    I'm not trying to be silly, this is a huge concern. Not only to my, but to my family and since I brought it up to her Dr to him as well. As I said originally, theres ALOT more to this then I put. He's harrassed me through emails over the past few years and is now telling out daughter things she shouldn't hear. The older our daughter is getting the more he is bringing her into the middle of things. It frustrates me how its OKAY for a parent to verbally/emotionally harm a child and a loved one can't do anything. I'd love to coparent.I believe thats very important. Its frustrating he doesn't see it that way, and he'd rather take her away from me.
  4. #4
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by aliachase2007 View Post
    I'm not trying to be silly, this is a huge concern. Not only to my, but to my family and since I brought it up to her Dr to him as well. As I said originally, theres ALOT more to this then I put. He's harrassed me through emails over the past few years and is now telling out daughter things she shouldn't hear. The older our daughter is getting the more he is bringing her into the middle of things. It frustrates me how its OKAY for a parent to verbally/emotionally harm a child and a loved one can't do anything. I'd love to coparent.I believe thats very important. Its frustrating he doesn't see it that way, and he'd rather take her away from me.
    Which is PRECISELY what YOU want to do to HIM.

    See my point?

    Just work on the coparenting. You can't control him while he's with her. What you CAN do is be the best parent and coparent you can be, and you can help your child with counseling and other efforts to overcome the "other environment."

    You probably aren't aware of the major levels of abuse that the courts see, and how your case "compares." That's why I termed it "petty." This is NOT cigarettes-burnt-into-genitalia levels of abuse. Thank God for that.
  5. #5
    aliachase2007 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Which is PRECISELY what YOU want to do to HIM.

    See my point?

    Just work on the coparenting. You can't control him while he's with her. What you CAN do is be the best parent and coparent you can be, and you can help your child with counseling and other efforts to overcome the "other environment."

    You probably aren't aware of the major levels of abuse that the courts see, and how your case "compares." That's why I termed it "petty."This is NOT cigarettes-burnt-into-genitalia levels of abuse.Thank God for that.
    I'm glad its not physical abuse, thank you for clarifyling petty, I thought you meant something else.
    ok, sorry for sound ignorant, but how do you work with someone who doesn't want to work with you? I've tried to ignore him, I've tried being nice, I've tried expressing that the most IMPORTANT thing is our daughter and nothing works. He goes off on these tangent (not sure if thats the right word) where its ALL my fault of course if something is wrong, but he goes to extremes. One minute he seems nice, the next hes almost scary crazy. I'd love for someone to read the last email he wrote cause it makes NO sense. I'd love to coparent and keep reminding him that THATS what we need to be doing. He's very selfish and talks about how himself and how hes the only one who things about out daughter. While I'm the one careing for her daily and loving her (I know he does too, but I'm the primary caregiver). He threw a huge fit when I took her to the dr for a evaluation and then another one when I took her to the pcyhologist. Then later totally changed and was like "I know thats the best for A" after YELLING at me and sending me nasty emails. I don't think he cares to work with me to coparent. Which is another reason why I want to go to court, so I can ask the judge to make him. I'd LOVE for him to have a mental evaluation to becasue of the extremes he goes to in his emails and correspondences. Of course whatever I ask the judge for, I'm willing to take, because I feel thats only fair and it would benifit out daughter for both of us to take the classes.
    Last edited by aliachase2007; 04-18-2008 at 02:11 PM.
  6. #6
    aliachase2007 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Which is PRECISELY what YOU want to do to HIM.

    See my point?

    Just work on the coparenting. You can't control him while he's with her. What you CAN do is be the best parent and coparent you can be, and you can help your child with counseling and other efforts to overcome the "other environment."

    You probably aren't aware of the major levels of abuse that the courts see, and how your case "compares." That's why I termed it "petty." This is NOT cigarettes-burnt-into-genitalia levels of abuse. Thank God for that.
    Another thing, while I may want to take her away I'd still allow her visits, he wouldn't unless the court allowed it AND only when the court allowed me too.

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