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#31
11-01-2009, 04:44 PM
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I simply ignore my kids' stepmother. It was difficult when the kids were younger as all communication was to go through her  , but I played along as best I could. Now that they're older (and both Dad & stepmom refuse to communicate with me LOL), I still ignore her. LOL I once had to spend 30-45 minutes on the phone repeating "Could I please speak with <child's name>'s father?"
__________________ Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini ********* R.I.P. Penny. 8/12/97 - 11/12/09 She was a good hound, and a good friend. She will be missed. ********* |
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#32
11-01-2009, 04:56 PM
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If your HUSBAND has questions about HIS child, please direct him to register his own account and ask. You have no place at the table.
__________________ Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini ********* R.I.P. Penny. 8/12/97 - 11/12/09 She was a good hound, and a good friend. She will be missed. ********* Last edited by stealth2; 11-01-2009 at 05:00 PM. |
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#33
11-01-2009, 05:00 PM
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After one of A (younger of their children)'s birthday party, A asked her, "Why does my other Mama* say mean things about you?". She responded (I'm paraphrasing): You know when you have a hurty, and we kiss the booboo all better? Sometimes when Grownups are hurting you can't see the booboo and really I think she just loves your Dada and she's trying to make Dada feel better. She doesn't mean to hurt you, she just doesn't know of any other booboo kisses that might work. (this blew me away. You have NO idea) At least that's an idea of her mindset at the time. She was dealing with an ex who was fighting her on child support *and* custody; confused and bewildered children who didn't really know what the heck was going on AND an obnoxious and selfish little BUD. We later met up quite accidentally (after my relationship with him had ended) and neither of us could deny we had been supremely pissed at each other. The first time we came across each other was very awkward - I was desperately trying to apologize and all she kept doing was try and soothe my ego, pointing out that despite what happened the kids and I did have a genuine love for each other and above everything else she didn't want to be the one to take that away from them. But the way she handled it - she never once, that I can remember, ever said a bad word about their father OR me while the kids were present - was completely opposite of how I did it. She knew that there was a possibility I'd be around for a long time and figured the worst thing she could do would be to alienate all three of us adults from each other. That would only hurt the kids. I'll be brutally honest. I have NO idea exactly how she was able to do that...well, I know her more than a little better now and apparently copious amounts of aikido and red wine helped her get the anger out when the kids were all safely elsewhere but that's not the point  ...but I do know that I'm nowhere near that level myself even now. She wasn't a saint by any means but damn, she did it right. About as right as you can manage, anyway.* (I'm still somewhat overly mortified to even touch on the whole "Call Me Mama Too!" thing)
__________________ ***************************** When you can't bear something but it goes on anyway, the person who survives isn't you anymore; you've changed and become someone else, a new person, the one who did bear it after all. — Austin Grossman Quote:
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#34
11-01-2009, 05:06 PM
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Ok it was 10 pm and I had just been on out taking 5 kids trick or treating so I think I can be forgiven for saying no vs know. Of course, to correct me you used spelt instead of spelled so dont go getting all high and mighty on your english lesson. I did read the entire post even the nice big paragraph you so nicely posted for us to sort through. I misunderstood the question of the competent adult I apoligize for that. The rest was correct so I don't get what your issue is. Do you not understand that if you really want to get legal help you need to tone down your attitude and listen to what you are being told? Or are you so full of pride that you are willing to hurt any case because someone didnt talk to you like an injured animal all calm and peaceful telling you what you wanted to hear?
__________________ Hisbabygirl77 Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will Its ok I dont bite **************.wait thats a lie. A child of five could understand this. Quick, send someone to fetch a child of five! Groucho Marx Last edited by Hisbabygirl77; 11-01-2009 at 05:38 PM. |
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#35
11-01-2009, 05:18 PM
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 ha ha!!!stepmom4ever still maintains the overstepping stepparent award! |
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#36
11-01-2009, 05:24 PM
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I also explained to them how "The Truth" is kind of a slippery thing. Because we all see the same situation from a different place, what I see as "true", someone else may not. And what that person sees, a third person may not. The Truth is really somewhere in the middle of the different ways each of us see things. Quote:
__________________ Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini ********* R.I.P. Penny. 8/12/97 - 11/12/09 She was a good hound, and a good friend. She will be missed. ********* |
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#37
11-01-2009, 05:24 PM
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(in my defense the I and the O are really close on the keyboard  )
__________________ Hisbabygirl77 Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will Its ok I dont bite **************.wait thats a lie. A child of five could understand this. Quick, send someone to fetch a child of five! Groucho Marx |
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#38
11-01-2009, 05:44 PM
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..we're talking about Tajauna, aren't we? Sigh.
__________________ ***************************** When you can't bear something but it goes on anyway, the person who survives isn't you anymore; you've changed and become someone else, a new person, the one who did bear it after all. — Austin Grossman Quote:
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#39
11-01-2009, 05:46 PM
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you reformed. so you have no right to that award! you get the "lightbulb" award. for coming to your senses. |
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#40
11-01-2009, 05:50 PM
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__________________ Hisbabygirl77 Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will Its ok I dont bite **************.wait thats a lie. A child of five could understand this. Quick, send someone to fetch a child of five! Groucho Marx |
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#41
11-01-2009, 05:56 PM
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Emotional......Wouldn't you be if it was your life.....? I will take a step back and admit yes on this thread I have been overly defensive. It's hard not to when you feel like you've exhausted any and everything you can do as a parent and/or step parent. As a step parent, you are asked to show a child that is not legally yours love, compasion, understanding, remorse, etc. You are asked to give that child's mother the same thing somewhat. But nowhere does anyone then ask what it is you might need. I don't ask for much. I don't expect much, so as not to be let down. I would like an honest critique of this entire thread and what has been mentioned legally. I'm not asking for a recount of all the drauma please. For all those trying to get past my thick skull, thank you for trying. For those who attempt to reply to this, don't expect a response. I plan to read what you post then cancel this "thing". |
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#42
11-01-2009, 06:00 PM
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__________________ ***************************** When you can't bear something but it goes on anyway, the person who survives isn't you anymore; you've changed and become someone else, a new person, the one who did bear it after all. — Austin Grossman Quote:
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#43
11-01-2009, 06:01 PM
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__________________ Hisbabygirl77 Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will Its ok I dont bite **************.wait thats a lie. A child of five could understand this. Quick, send someone to fetch a child of five! Groucho Marx |
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#44
11-01-2009, 06:10 PM
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So again - if DAD has questions, please send him here.
__________________ Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini ********* R.I.P. Penny. 8/12/97 - 11/12/09 She was a good hound, and a good friend. She will be missed. ********* |
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#45
11-01-2009, 07:08 PM
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| To 254Lady- I’ll try to answer your questions. I think with this forum, the thing to realize is that there are real people behind it, making sure this thing keeps ticking. Some of the people most qualified to answer your question are devoting the equivalent of part-time and full-time jobs without compensation. These folks are also in contact with the moderator at times; it’s not quite the same as if they were appointing themselves to patrol Craigslist. Taken with a grain of salt, I’ve been able to save myself quite a bit of legal drama just by perusing the advice they have offered to other parents who have posted threads within the last month about similar situations. If you come to the forum as the legal stranger and claim not to be emotionally involved, expect your claim to be tested. And not just yours… it’s one way to weed out those who say what they mean and need legal help, and those whose intentions are less pure. The volunteers here are in favor of each child’s true parents working together, without new partner involvement, to preserve as much stability as possible. That being said, they still offer advice to step-parents when they have ascertained them to be seeking the best interest of the child. So to your questions… 1. The court does not grant extra favor to military parents. They will work as best they can to ensure that a child maintains a relationship with his or her deployed parent, but this is because it is in the child’s best interest to have two parents, not because they bend over backwards for those serving our country. Our courts are separate from our military in this country, and for plenty of good reasons. Many parents have committed to careers in all kinds of valuable public service, but choose to give them up for the sake of their children. The military is no different. Heck, I am a molecular biologist, and I’m currently spending more time working in my employer’s fundraising and administration departments (which I loathe) to stay in the same city as my kids. I have a friend whose ex-wife and her new husband are both military. Each time they have been transferred, my friend relocates to stay in the same city as his son. I’m not suggesting that everyone do this, I’m simply reminding you that your husband’s career is a choice. Nobody is saying that your husband “must suffer”. 2. “OP” stands for Original Poster of this thread. As far as being present for pick up, I was simply saying that the court may very well grant mom’s request, if she asks, that your husband be present for pick-up. Especially if your husband requests to have his daughter brought all the way to the airport. If the daughter only needs to be picked up twice a year, surely it can be arranged to have her travel on a flight that arrives while your husband is not working. 3. As far as child support is concerned, I wasn’t picking on you or questioning your husband’s willingness to pay child support. You had originally asked if his ex-wife’s change in household income could “benefit you in any way”, so I was letting you know the factors involved, and that it would not benefit him unless he exercised at least 31% of the year in visitation. 4. I hope that you are not serious when asking why divorce creates bitterness, but I’m going to go ahead and answer your question, assuming that you were serious. Divorce breaks families. Families that were, at one time, formed in love, and provided an environment in which the children (presumably) saw both parents more often and were never forced to question whether they had caused their parents to split. An environment that didn’t require them to behave like grown ups and be shuffled back and forth between arguing parties with new gaps in social status and material means. Even when divorce is the best choice for everyone, it is quite common to have the presence of an ex’s new partner be a physical reminder of the love that either betrayed them or fizzled… a reminder that they were unable to make it work and someone else can, someone who might now be sitting on their former sofa, using their former dishes, and tucking their kids in without them. For many, many, people, this is emotional stuff. I CHOSE to leave my ex-husband, and he waited a good year before going on a date. But it still sent my crying in pillow all night when I found out. The bitterness is normal, and will hopefully heal in time. 5. Has the girl’s mother told you that she insists that her daughter call her husband “daddy”? Five year olds aren’t always the most reliable sources for this type of information. I had to learn this the hard way. When my youngest was 5, he was spouting off things that sounded like his dad had said them, verbatim. I believed him, too. I had to learn the hard way that kids will try very hard to make whichever parent they are with feel better about themselves. It’s really sad. If you feel like you have the “daddy” issue all worked out in your family, and all of the daughter’s family agrees with you, then great. Don’t worry about arguing about it here. Surely you know that the daughter cannot be forced by her mother to call her father by his first name while in his house. Whenever my kids get back from their dad’s, they always seem to accidentally call me dad or occasionally, by my first name. I now realize that it’s just a product of repeating what they hear most often. 6. As for your husband’s question, you’re right. I didn’t understand, which was why I asked for more information. If the parents have an order with specific dates, a change has to be mutually agreed upon or handled by the courts. So if it’s in the decree that he has her those days, she can be held in contempt for not complying with the order. If the agreement was a previous verbal exchange between your husband and his ex-wife and she has since recanted, then the dates are no longer mutually agreed upon. He will have to return to court to make this argument. Last edited by LocalRocket; 11-01-2009 at 07:21 PM. |
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