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"I want to stay with Mommie, but Daddy cries"

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peridontist

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pa. My situation stems from a nasty divorce and shared custody of a minor child. My daughter and her new blended family have an opportunity to move from Pa. to Ga. but the ex won't allow his minor child to move with the family. The daughter and her husband have been out of work for a year and a half and now the real prospect for a job and the promise of a house to rent has come up. Right now, this family of 7 resides in a basement apt. that has mold/mildew in a house that is waiting for foreclosure. The daughter cannot afford an attorney and is on the waiting list for legal aid to try and overturn an order that she cannot leave the state with the minor child. The ex won't discuss the situation in a rational manner but instead plays on the emotions of the minor child by crying to her and saying how much he would miss her if she goes. The little one has said "I want to go with Mommie, but Daddy cries!" The daughter is torn between leaving this one child for the sake of her family as a whole or letting this one bitter ex-husband dictate the life she leads. The ex has already said he would never allow the child to move permanently and would only allow the mother 6 weeks visitation during the year. I fear that leaving the younger one would irreparably damage her emotionally, but this opportunity for the family cannot be ignored. Are there any lawyers who will help you first and then let you pay them in installments? We need advise ASAP.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pa. My situation stems from a nasty divorce and shared custody of a minor child. My daughter and her new blended family have an opportunity to move from Pa. to Ga. but the ex won't allow his minor child to move with the family. The daughter and her husband have been out of work for a year and a half and now the real prospect for a job and the promise of a house to rent has come up. Right now, this family of 7 resides in a basement apt. that has mold/mildew in a house that is waiting for foreclosure. The daughter cannot afford an attorney and is on the waiting list for legal aid to try and overturn an order that she cannot leave the state with the minor child. The ex won't discuss the situation in a rational manner but instead plays on the emotions of the minor child by crying to her and saying how much he would miss her if she goes. The little one has said "I want to go with Mommie, but Daddy cries!" The daughter is torn between leaving this one child for the sake of her family as a whole or letting this one bitter ex-husband dictate the life she leads. The ex has already said he would never allow the child to move permanently and would only allow the mother 6 weeks visitation during the year. I fear that leaving the younger one would irreparably damage her emotionally, but this opportunity for the family cannot be ignored. Are there any lawyers who will help you first and then let you pay them in installments? We need advise ASAP.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
How old is the minor child? Is the child in counseling? The ex doesn't have to allow YOUR daughter to take HIS child away from him. And apparently the court agreed with him.

You are not a party to this case quite frankly. And why should any attorney take it on faith that they will get paid? I don't blame dad for refusing to allow HIS child to be moved permanently. If mom wants to move, she can. Dad just gets custody of HIS child.
 
Why would he want his child to move? If the parents are unable to find a home and a job, one parent (mom or step dad) could work in another city and come home on week-ends. I know many parents who have resorted to living apart due to the economy. For one reason or another, they don't want to move their kids. Relocating a child is not the only option. The adults can make sacrifices but it doesn't have to impact the kids.

I really don't think you are going to just get an attorney and overturn the judge's decision. The parent have had shared custody. If dad wanted to move away from mom with the child, would you think that was ok?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pa. My situation stems from a nasty divorce and shared custody of a minor child. My daughter and her new blended family have an opportunity to move from Pa. to Ga. but the ex won't allow his minor child to move with the family. The daughter and her husband have been out of work for a year and a half and now the real prospect for a job and the promise of a house to rent has come up. Right now, this family of 7 resides in a basement apt. that has mold/mildew in a house that is waiting for foreclosure. The daughter cannot afford an attorney and is on the waiting list for legal aid to try and overturn an order that she cannot leave the state with the minor child. The ex won't discuss the situation in a rational manner but instead plays on the emotions of the minor child by crying to her and saying how much he would miss her if she goes. The little one has said "I want to go with Mommie, but Daddy cries!" The daughter is torn between leaving this one child for the sake of her family as a whole or letting this one bitter ex-husband dictate the life she leads. The ex has already said he would never allow the child to move permanently and would only allow the mother 6 weeks visitation during the year. I fear that leaving the younger one would irreparably damage her emotionally, but this opportunity for the family cannot be ignored. Are there any lawyers who will help you first and then let you pay them in installments? We need advise ASAP.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Aside from the advice you've already gotten, it looks like BOTH parents are trying to put the child in the middle. They are both using the child as a pawn to get what they want.

OT, but I wonder where you got your degree if you can't even spell periodontist....
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
The very title irritated me.

:rolleyes:

Then the demeaning words about one of the child's parents came along, and I was completely done.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Why would he want his child to move? If the parents are unable to find a home and a job, one parent (mom or step dad) could work in another city and come home on week-ends. I know many parents who have resorted to living apart due to the economy. For one reason or another, they don't want to move their kids. Relocating a child is not the only option. The adults can make sacrifices but it doesn't have to impact the kids.

I really don't think you are going to just get an attorney and overturn the judge's decision. The parent have had shared custody. If dad wanted to move away from mom with the child, would you think that was ok?
That can work for people who make relatively high incomes, but for the ordinary wage earner that really isn't very feasible. It would take some pretty serious money to fully support two households and travel every weekend. Many, many families are finding it tough to support ONE household on TWO incomes. A good friend of mine is in a marriage like that (no kids at home however) and the only way its worked for them is that the company he works for is covering his living expenses during the work week.

I do have some sympathy for this family's plight. However, the bottom line is that the judge said that the child could not be relocated, therefore the child cannot be relocated.

However, dad is also full of it in his statement that he would only allow mom 6 weeks of visitation a year if she relocated and left the child with him. Mom would certainly get more than that.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
That can work for people who make relatively high incomes, but for the ordinary wage earner that really isn't very feasible. It would take some pretty serious money to fully support two households and travel every weekend. Many, many families are finding it tough to support ONE household on TWO incomes. A good friend of mine is in a marriage like that (no kids at home however) and the only way its worked for them is that the company he works for is covering his living expenses during the work week.

I do have some sympathy for this family's plight. However, the bottom line is that the judge said that the child could not be relocated, therefore the child cannot be relocated.

However, dad is also full of it in his statement that he would only allow mom 6 weeks of visitation a year if she relocated and left the child with him. Mom would certainly get more than that.

I know several families who do this, and the "away spouse" doesn't have a whole household! I have a sibling who got a roommate, the roommate is a professional who stays there during the week for work, and goes home to the home she owns on the weekends. I also have a cousin who is away from the wife and home during the week, about two hours away, and is also a roommate in a single persons condo during the workweek. They don't need to furnish a household, supply a household, or be under any lease. They simply provide their clothes, MAYBE their bedroom furniture, their own towels and toiletries and a security deposit.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I know several families who do this, and the "away spouse" doesn't have a whole household! I have a sibling who got a roommate, the roommate is a professional who stays there during the week for work, and goes home to the home she owns on the weekends. I also have a cousin who is away from the wife and home during the week, about two hours away, and is also a roommate in a single persons condo during the workweek. They don't need to furnish a household, supply a household, or be under any lease. They simply provide their clothes, MAYBE their bedroom furniture, their own towels and toiletries and a security deposit.
That still costs money Nexie. It may not cost as much as renting an apartment buy yourself, but its still not cheap.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
That still costs money Nexie. It may not cost as much as renting an apartment buy yourself, but its still not cheap.
Way cheaper than up and moving an entire household for a job that may or may not actually end up working out. I deal with default loans, and I see so many people who moved for a job that did not end up lasting. The wise thing is to TRY OUT the job for some time, see if it's a fit, and worth making everybody move and change everything. I remember my husband commuted to Chicago for a little under a year for a job there. THANK GOODNESS we did not take the household there, because in less than a year, he found a better job right back up here. Jobs may come and go (we both have had several employer changes over the years), but I sure would think long and hard before moving my household around for one I haven't even tried out..
 
I know several families who do this, and the "away spouse" doesn't have a whole household! I have a sibling who got a roommate, the roommate is a professional who stays there during the week for work, and goes home to the home she owns on the weekends. I also have a cousin who is away from the wife and home during the week, about two hours away, and is also a roommate in a single persons condo during the workweek. They don't need to furnish a household, supply a household, or be under any lease. They simply provide their clothes, MAYBE their bedroom furniture, their own towels and toiletries and a security deposit.
Where I live, you can rent a room with utilities included for around $300 a month. Obviously, you then have travel costs, but it could at least help send money home. It may not be ideal, but it seems like it could at least be an option and if a job is paying enough to be worth moving then it should be worth enough to cover at least a little extra.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
If this 7 member family is living in a mildew-ridden basement where they can barely afford to survive would it not perhaps make more sense for Dad to have residential custody of the minor child?

Kids adapt better than we give them credit for doing - sure, there might be upheaval but if handled correctly that might be the best option.
 

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