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If I move can I my kids move with me when I get physical custody again?

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standingalone

Guest
What is the name of your state? AZ I am trying to move out of az back to calif, where my ex and I came from. . We have joint physical and legal custody. We have arranged for him to have parentign time, as the main provider, until July 1st, 2005. This is stated in the custody papers. At that time they are to return to me, the girls(twins) will be startign kindergarten. They will remain with me until we wedo our child custody papers, 24 months after our divorce was finalized. The problem is I can not afford to live here, I am not able to pay rent and child support at the same time. If I move to calif, get myself set with a place for them to live, when they are supposed to come live with me can he say no and stop me because it would be out of state.? The children are 4, 4, and 2. I am lost as to what to do, can you help me find clarity?
 


Wow, Az costs more than Cal. I am very familiar with the family court process in Az, moreso Maricopa county. If the order specifically says when the children are to return to you that would be a good argument if disputed. However, several things come to mind here,first, as a standard script in the parenting plan (Az) it should have ordered that neither parenent can take the child[ren] to another state without giving the other parent 40 days notification. If there are any objections you will go to conciliations services, not to mention a temp order to enjoin will probably be requested. The Judges here do not like to mess-up the routine of the children even at their young age, and if they are already starting school that would be just another issue to add on, let alone that the father has raised the children for the last two years and now you want to take that completely away, which would be another issue. The big issue I believe would be the father raising the children for the past two years then you want to up and leave that comfort zone for the children.
I am not deciding what Judges would do, but unless you get cooperation you might find your situation challenging. Just wondering, how is Ca. cheaper to live in then Az???

This is an edit, I just realized did you get the initial parenting time done in Ca??? also remember, if he has been in Az for longer than 6months with the children he can and probably will move this case to Az, for they will no have jursidiction of the case.
 
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S

standingalone

Guest
response to bulldog

ok, heres what happened, we divorced and all paper work is in AZ, maricopa county. I would be movign back to my family, which also happens to be the same town where his family is. I would have help there, with child care and the such, which is not available here. also, he will have them for a 6 month period, as primary. I already had them for a six month period as the primary. The children will be starting school, I already have one child inteh school system here, and I must say, the schools where I will be movign to are so much more open minded, they provide excellent learnign environments. We ( my ex and I ) had planned on moving back to Calif. befor all broke loose. I am also worried that if I leave the state he can say that I abandoned them, when what I want to do is make a home for them.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It is entirely possible that he would be able to stop the children moving out of state, leaving you with the choice of remaining in CA as the NCP. Not a great plan, IMO.
 
Just to clarify a couple of things, the two children that will be turning five and going to school, if they are in the Tempe, Gilbert, Chandler, and Mesa area there is an excellent after-school daycare program that is really cheap and really nice at the schools themselves, usually called kidzone or challengers program. However, I would agree that the youngest child’s day care can get pretty expensive. Anyway, I would suggest this, you will need to go back to court and ask for conciliation services so that you can discuss a parenting plan that will recognize you have moved out of state and making visitation modifications as such, also during this time if you can make agreement with your ex as to the return of the children and another parenting plan that will take effect after “return” date (when the children return to you) then you clearly would have something that would be more enforceable for the court because it was planned ahead and agreed upon. The downside is, if he “the ex” does not agree with what you want and you cannot work it out in conciliation services it will go before a Judge, your judge assigned to your case. I have found that a lot of the judges are extremely reluctant in moving the children. Again, another hurdle I think would be a problem for the judge is the ex has been primary care taker for a said amount of time and that would be an influential to the judge if the ex argued for them to stay.
I have seen four cases with similarities to yours and of those for 3 the children stayed and 1 the child did not, but when the father exploded in court it was an easy decision for the judge from that point forward. I did see another case which there was an agreement but it did not happen until later (like three months) and the ex was complaining that the mother had no right to take them to Va. The Judge did not buy it, but I did not know any of the details of that case.
 
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standingalone

Guest
thankyou for the information. I know that there are after school programs, and befor school programs. what that comes down to is I still can not pay anything for anything, my oldest goes to boys and girls club, downt eh street, but other then that, I dotn have any family here to help wtih watching my kids, I work great hours, but I only make enough to cover childsupport. Does it make any differance that he is blind and it is repidy progressing? he has a live in girlfriend, but what happens when shes not there and there is a fire? I have lost nephews to a fire. so, this is something that I am parnoid about. Can I get access to his medical records to see what is happening with his medical condition? as he wont tell me anymore, even though this has a great deal to do with my children and their well being. he feels I shouldnt even want to know.as we are divorced. any thoughts on that?
 

TLWE

Member
standingalone said:
Does it make any differance that he is blind and it is repidy progressing? he has a live in girlfriend, but what happens when shes not there and there is a fire? I have lost nephews to a fire. so, this is something that I am parnoid about. Can I get access to his medical records to see what is happening with his medical condition? as he wont tell me anymore, even though this has a great deal to do with my children and their well being. he feels I shouldnt even want to know.as we are divorced. any thoughts on that?
Your Ex going blind doesn't mean he can't be a good, responsible parent. Totally blind people run homes, work, and live full lives every day.
 
You can request for document and things by following rule 34. However, he can easily object to this. If he does object you would have to ask the court to force him to hand them over. I am not speaking for the court, but I think it would be of interest to see how far along this debilitating disease is because it could effect his situation and the children. If his blindness is something that can be fixed, I do not see that carrying much weight. I know of two people which are legally blind but still working, just not allowed to drive. Maybe you can work something out with the ex over C/S where it might help you get on your feet if he was willing to work with you???
 

nextwife

Senior Member
A blind person is considered fit to parent. I know a legally blind woman who adopted a five and eight year old year old from a Bulgarian orphanage.
 
S

standingalone

Guest
I am not saying that he cant be a good parent because of is eyesite, he is very good. I am only worried because his condition is gettign worse, its something that could eventually lead to death, its not all clear. all I really want to know is if I can take my kids with me. if he objects and teh courts wouldnt let me go, then obviously I would not leave. I would have to stay in az. I am the kids mother, I would never leave them if there was no way they could come be with me. My ex and I will talk and see what happens. thanks for all your thoughts
 
Nice one..father is dying and going blind now faces the prospect of seeing less of his children as mother runs to another state...
I wonder if you have a conscience? Why not just shoot him! it would be kinder -wouldn't it?
 
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nextwife

Senior Member
AS someone who lost my father rather young, I have to agree. If he may be dying NOW may be the ONLY opportunity they have to get to know their dad! There may not be a "later". Don't you think the single most important consideration should be giving your kids a chance to have dad regularly in their lives while he's still around? While I still miss my father, at least I know that I really got to know him and learn from him before his death.
 
S

standingalone

Guest
ok, look. you are not gettting it. he has the kids right now. when its my turn i would like to be able to provide for them in a manner they deserve. right now he wont tell me whats gogn on with his health. when we were married all he would ever tell me was maybe, and then he wouldnt let me talk to the doctors. he was willign to let me take the kids when i thought i could live with my mother in Idaho. (SHe went nuts, felt my kids were unsafe ,so left). I knew that I could not afford to take care of my kids without family assistance( child care). I am not trygin to take them away from him, that one thing that is tearing me apart. they are his children and mine. he has stated that he would move to new york if he got a job, didnt matter where i was, and take teh kids with him. now i know he cant do that withoutme. all I was tryign to find out was if teh courts would have to approve it, if he would let me, seeign as it all comes down to him now. thanks for yoru input, sorry you misunderstood what was going on
 
standingalone said:
ok, look. you are not gettting it. he has the kids right now. when its my turn i would like to be able to provide for them in a manner they deserve. right now he wont tell me whats gogn on with his health. when we were married all he would ever tell me was maybe, and then he wouldnt let me talk to the doctors. he was willign to let me take the kids when i thought i could live with my mother in Idaho. (SHe went nuts, felt my kids were unsafe ,so left). I knew that I could not afford to take care of my kids without family assistance( child care). I am not trygin to take them away from him, that one thing that is tearing me apart. they are his children and mine. he has stated that he would move to new york if he got a job, didnt matter where i was, and take teh kids with him. now i know he cant do that withoutme. all I was tryign to find out was if teh courts would have to approve it, if he would let me, seeign as it all comes down to him now. thanks for yoru input, sorry you misunderstood what was going on
If ever there was a time to be selfless in your life it surely would be now. The picture that you paint is one of concern over your own lifestyle and the 'type' of time that these children have with their father.

If you want some of these children to grow resentful to you then carry on with applying to the courts and running to another state and upheaving the children away from their dying father.

I actually find this posting as one of the most incredulous that I have ever seen on the internet (And that is saying something!)

Why does he not want you to see his medical records? is it because he knows you will use them against him (from your postings it sounds that is what you are likely to do)

Whatever has happened in the past between you two needs to be firmly locked away. He obviously has 'trust' issues with you and that is the reason he will not afford you info on his medical condition.

The situation is 'now'. If he has little time to live and is going blind then you will at some stage be left with the children to bring up and can organise your life accordingly then. You may want to stop for a moment and figure out the impact on the children because I am sure they will be devastated by his death.

As you have joint custody -obviously deemed a good thing, then you need to work with him and maybe give him the upperhand in this very tragic scenario. I figure that most people in his position will do what is right for the children. There is no more a sobering experience than facing blindness followed by death surely?

Get off this forum and search for support elsewhere ..you really should not be seeking legal advice in the manner you are. Unless of course you are truly heartless.
 
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