I'm CP. I think I gave up to much time with my daughter. scared to go back to court.

[CLuvByAll]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?CA. I recently went to court and got joint custody of my 6 year old daughter, me being the CP. however in doing so I gave up all my weekends, holidays and summer vacation. I work all week and don't get to spend much quality time with her in between school and bed time. My daughter has just recently started saying that she wants to spend a day with me when I don't have to work. I mentioned this to her mother and she said that she's not giving up any of her time. Not even a week out of the summer if I should decide to go on a vacation. I want to go back to court and see if I can't get one weekend out of the month or even every other month but I'm scared the judge will think I'm being selfish and give me less time then I already have. I only say this because that is the reason her mother lost CP. She was selfish with the time and I wasn't. but I feel I gave up to much. What should I do???

 

[rmet4nzkx]

So are you sayng you have 50/50 with you as CP this means NCP has all holidays, entire summer(12 weeks 84 days) all non summer wekends (40 weeks/80 days) so NCP has at least 164 days and more than likely more than 50% if they have all the holidays. You need to add this up exactly and see who is really CP, is NCP paying C/S? I would think that 1 weekend a month, alternating holidays and 1-2 weeks for summer vacation would be ok, and offer in exchange that for 1 midweek day/evening (for the number of days to be replaced so you bothe have the same number of days), do you reside in the same town so this can be accomplished?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?CA. I recently went to court and got joint custody of my 6 year old daughter, me being the CP. however in doing so I gave up all my weekends, holidays and summer vacation. I work all week and don't get to spend much quality time with her in between school and bed time. My daughter has just recently started saying that she wants to spend a day with me when I don't have to work. I mentioned this to her mother and she said that she's not giving up any of her time. Not even a week out of the summer if I should decide to go on a vacation. I want to go back to court and see if I can't get one weekend out of the month or even every other month but I'm scared the judge will think I'm being selfish and give me less time then I already have. I only say this because that is the reason her mother lost CP. She was selfish with the time and I wasn't. but I feel I gave up to much. What should I do???

How is it that an order was made like that? One that gave you absolutely NONE of the child's free time. That is really unusual. Did you agree to that in order to get CP status?..or was it a judge's order? Was the judge frustrated at all with either or both of you?

It really is something that you should be able to get changed. Are you too far apart for a more normal joint schedule? If so, you might be able to pick up one weekend a month, a fair share of holidays, and a couple of weeks in the summer.

However if there is any way that you could move, so that a more normal joint schedule could be ordered (like every other week) that would be your ideal solution.

 

[valarie1979]

50-50 in california usually mean every other weekend,holiday,birthday and summer. I have 50-50 custody through california with my ex spouse. He is a the Cp. I am the NCP. And in california this means that everything is split in half, Every other weekend, every other holiday,birthday and summer.
Not all your weekends,all the holidays and all the summers.

 

[CLuvByAll]

the mother and I live about an hour and a half away. I said in court that she could have the weekends and the time our daughter has away from school but once I got home and thought about it I realized I had no free time with her. The judge was nice with me but a little upset that the mother wasn't sharing well while she was CP. So now I'm Cp and I'm scared to go back in fear that the judge will think I'm being the same way.

 

[stealth2]

You didn't have a lawyer, did you? I would suggest that you go and consult with one to see what - if anything - you can do. Normally, there has to be a change in circumstance for you to take it back for a modification.

 

[CLuvByAll]

I didn't have a lawyer. Her mother did though. I felt way out of my league and was shocked when I won CP. She was trying for sole though. What do you mean by change in circumstance. Would my daughters requests fall under that? I can''t afford a lawyer or I would have had one for our court date. please help.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not surprised you felt out of your league if she had an attorney. Unfortunately, the words of a 6 yo aren't going to get you far. To be brutally honest - you royally f*cked up by agreeing to the time split that you did. Unfortunately, you're not likely to be able to do much about it now. I'm sorry.

In the future, PLEASE remember that when kids are involved, you can't afford to NOT have an attorney.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

While you may be stuck with this, will the mother keep to this visitation? Does she have to drive both ways? The judge may not listen to your daughter yet but there are ways without influencing your daughter in a negitive way, such as enrichment activities such as sports, music, balet, you know these may have mid week lessons and Saturday games, meets or performances, mom wouldn't be able to refuse her daughter an occasional weekend at home for such activities or for a party? A pony, all girls love horses? Is your ex paying half the child care and child support?

 

[stealth2]

While you may be stuck with this, will the mother keep to this visitation? Does she have to drive both ways? The judge may not listen to your daughter yet but there are ways without influencing your daughter in a negitive way, such as enrichment activities such as sports, music, balet, you know these may have mid week lessons and Saturday games, meets or performances, mom wouldn't be able to refuse her daughter an occasional weekend at home for such activities or for a party? A pony, all girls love horses? Is your ex paying half the child care and child support?

Rmet - that is SUCH a f*cking crappy thing to do. All it does is hurt the kid. A judge is unlikely to not see this as the blatant manipulative move that it is - regardless of which parent pulls it. I'm surprised that you'd suggest that a parent try somethign like that.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Rmet - that is SUCH a f*cking crappy thing to do. All it does is hurt the kid. A judge is unlikely to not see this as the blatant manipulative move that it is - regardless of which parent pulls it. I'm surprised that you'd suggest that a parent try somethign like that.

I only meant it in a positive way and specifically said not to be negative. With this schedule, if enrichment activities are not allowed if they occasionally fall on a weekend, that would preclude all enrichment activities and since they live 1.5 hours apart it is not like they can be shared during the week, it could result in some shared time in Saturday when Mom comes to pick up daughter after whatever activity so all can have benefit of enrichment activities that would otherwise be denied altogether, it is all in how you look at it.

 

[CLuvByAll]

so I'm getting the idea that going back to court wouldn't do much. Her mother and I meet in the middle for drop offs and pick ups. Court ruling. Better on gas I guess. I suppose I'll just have to hope that my daughters mother will eventually start slacking on her visits like she used to. You see this is a new thing for her, wanting all the time that I would give her. Last year when I had my daughter She might call a couple times in a month or come to visit once. But there were times when she didn't come to visit or call for a month and a half at a time. I would have to call her up and see if she wanted to talk to our daughter or come and pick her up for a few days. Ever since court shes all interested in visiting again. I mean it's great that she's finally took an intrest again but I just wish she would give me a weekend now and again. Thanks for all your replys guys. It's nice not being in this all alone.

 

[Whyte Noise]

We tell CP's on this site that enrolling children in activites that take infringe on a majority of the NCP's time is completely wrong and hinders the relationship with the child. And that's totally true.

Now, we have someone saying to go ahead and use those activities as a way to reduce the amount of time the NCP has???

Sorry... but the OP screwed up when he agreed to this schedule. Attorney or not, he knew what he was getting into when he agreed to it and now doesn't like what he agreed to. He could have done the math himself, it doesn't take a rocket scientist! Not liking it anymore isn't a reason to change it. Not a LEGAL reason anyway.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

So you are saying a child should have no enrichment activities if they don't live in the same town? As it is NCP in this case has MORE time not less time and why should the child suffer because the CP didn't have an attorney and it appears that given time, NCP will slack off anyway. It is in the best interest of the child to have enrichment activities, which in fact may foster relationships with both parents.

 

[haiku]

So you are saying a child should have no enrichment activities if they don't live in the same town?

There is a BIG difference in enrolling Jr. in little league because he wants to play baseball, and enrolling jr. in baseball, swimming, soccer, ballet and ping pong, to make his weekends so busy, the NCP will get fed up with having to drive here there and everywhere all weekend long.

which I think is the point being made here.