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I'm Mad and Not Going To Take It Anymore!!!!!

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mariajb

Guest
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? NY

I am finding it more and more disgusting and ridiculous the way the legal system machine makes things so complicated for parents trying to hammer out things in writing.

Courts are purposefully made to be archaic, unintelligible at times and way more complicated than it needs to be. It is a travesty that a country like the USA has such a poor, fragmented judicial system when it comes to custody proceedings.

It's all a sham run by ex-lawyers (politicians and judges) to grind the gears of the legal system machine to line the pockets of the lawyers. Who gets rich? The lawyers while single parents, grandparents, and other relatives either get their life savings sucked out of them, go into debt just to pay ridiculously overblown legal fees or just throw up their hands and try to get around the system.

Pity the poor parent who has little money and they go against someone who has money to burn. Only the wealthy get justice in this country with any modicum of assurance and success.

Get a lawyer, consult an attorney, can't be done without an attorney..I am SO sick of reading and hearing this. What if you aren't poor but middle class where $200 an hour is just not possible?

I am ashamed of our country and our system and how an inept legal machine keeps giving itself a purpose while ruining lives and making cases go for months and months or years. I wonder how long it will take before we push for some legal reform. Probably never because we are too busy holding down two jobs so we can pay someone $200 an hour to write paperwork they purposely made too complicated for us to do ourselves. Ahh the irony....

Shame on you Family Court, for shame.
 


I Feel Your Pain, But...

I understand where you're coming from as my husband just completed (and won) a custody battle for his now 12-year-old daughter. It took two years and cost us somewhere in the vicinity of $40,000, but there is no way I don't deem my stepdaughter worth every penny of the debt the fight for her created.

I know it seems frustrating, illogical, and even irrational at times, but these processes are very necessary to ensure the well-being of the child is really being served and not just some vendetta between the parents.

We spent that money not only on our attorney, but the Guardian ad Litem, the custody evaluator, a private investigator, and a mediator. It was extremely expensive, and it took two years, but in the end, the best interest of the child was served. Would I still feel that way if we had lost? I wouldn't have agreed, but I would have been more comfortable about the situation because I would have known that individuals who know more than I do (GALS, custody evlauators, etc.) were involved in the decision making and saw something that perhaps I did not see. I also feel much stronger about the position as it sits now becuase I also know those same people believe my husband to be the best person to raise his daughter and will support him in that endeavor.

Please understand the position the lawyers, GALs, evalautors, judges, etc. are in. They have to ask a million questions, do a million tests, talk to everyone a million times because there is ZERO room for error! Imagine if none of this was done and someone could just go into a courtroom and say, "Your Honor, the child is being molested and wants to live with her Father instead of her Mother," but none of that was really true. The reputation of the Mother would be ruined. Now let's suppose under that same scenario the current CP (Mother) was NOT abusing the child, but the current NCP (Father) was. Now the court makes the custody change and awards custody to the Father. He then abuses and kills his child. Do you not think the names of the judge, GAL, evaluator, etc. would be scattered all over the front page? They have reputations they must uphold, too. I know that is an extreme example of what might happen if the system is not careful to make the right decision, but I hope it illustrates my point to you. Like I said, the fate of a child is a stake. There is no room for error.

You need to be glad you live in a country where the system really is set up to protect innocent people - children and parents alike. Is it a system without errors? No. But it is the best system you're ever going to find.

Take a deep breath, grab a cup of cocoa, have a good cry, and get back to the fight tomorrow! :)

I wish you the best of luck, and most of all, I wish justice for your children.
 

casa

Senior Member
Sorry you are so angry, but I had a completely different experience. I represented myself in court for custody of both of my children and felt like it was not extremely complicated. I found laws, statutes and forms to file all online. I also utilized the Law Facilitator and Law Library at my local courthouse if I had questions.

I had to return to court for another custody hearing (Xspouse has money and continues to do this periodically) and though his money and attorney have successfully drawn out the case in court, money can't buy the Truth.

I also read your other post regarding CPS- and I do not have that belief either. Even though it was vengeful Xspouse who called CPS, they were thorough and ended up being a credible source regarding how I cared for my children. Same thing for law enforcement- They have helped enforce court orders for visitation and custody, they have documented my complaints of harrassment etc. Both agencies have ended up providing me proof I needed to maintain custody.

I worry that so many different agencies are looked upon so negatively by you- Why do you think they are all against you? The odds of them ALL being 'wrong' in your case seems unlikely. (My opinion only)

I applaud you doing what you believe is best for your children and taking the steps to ensure they are safe and well cared for- but I also wonder if they really are in as bad of an environment as you say. I wonder this because they are teenagers, and we all know the drama that comes with adolescence. CPS, the school, and the Police have found no evidence they are being harmed. As someone who has worked with abused children, there is evidence the majority of the time- the problem is sometimes it is overlooked, but in your case the concern has been brought to the attention of all involved and still no findings have been made.

The system is not without fault, but it is also not completely broken. It has rules and procedures, but they are safeguards for all sides.

Have a little faith- and be aware your attitude influences your children also.
 
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mariajb

Guest
My Reply (OP)

I thank you for your kind words but if this country really gave a fig for the children of this country it wouldn't be prohibitively expensive and lawyers would be outlawed from charging $200 an hour.

It's highway robbery and you were fortunate you had the $40K to spend and I am sure she was worth every penny BUT what if you didn't have $40K to spend, then what?

Again thanx for your good wishes and I am going to fight the good fight.
 
Answer

Have you checked with legal aid in your state? They often provide attorneys for free or on a sliding scale based on need and income level.
 

Kevmar44

Member
AMEN TO THAT!!!!!!!! I thought I was the only one who felt that way!

It also does not help when you have one parent who decides that no matter what you offer it isn't good enough so they either don't show up at court or make things difficult so there is delay after delay so it takes months that turn into years which adds up to thousands of dollars and the courts won't say enough is enough! And THEN they walk away smelling like a rose!
 
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mariajb

Guest
To Suzie

Yes I checked that as well as the Volunteer Lawyers Group in my county and they only provide services if you are poverty level.

Meaning you have to be practically in the street and indigent and dependent on the government to live FIRST before you can get any free legal help.

The system sucks and as long as we don't voice our opinions, the middle class will keep suffering and eventually disappear.

And all this country will have is the rich and powerful and the have-nots who have nothing and are controlled very easily.

I don't know when this country is going to wake up and smell the coffee but it will be the destruction of most of us ordinary folk...if not.

And thanx for the constructive suggestions.
 
I am not saying it is reccommended to go without a lawyer but it can be done. My fiance has been fighting for 2 1/2 years and just won custody of his daughter he went from feb 02 mom have sole and he got eow to june 02 50/50 physical but mom still had sole to Oct 04 Joint legal custody with dad as primary and mom has eow supervised. IT WAS NOT EASY. But he stuck to it, even though he was as frustrated as you are and trusted in the system. He fumbled, fell got stepped on and still continued to get up to fight the good honest fight and although it took LOTS of TIME and LOTS of PATIENCE his daughter won. Yes we should have been married a year ago when originally planned but ex ruled our lives by ruling over the child and yes we as a family unit have suffered and lost more sleep then any human should have to but stick to your guns if you know the children are not safe where they are and the truth will come out the wheel of justice turn exceddinly slow but they do in fact turn. Good Luck to you and yours.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Attorneys spend a great deal of time becoming educated in the law, just as doctors spend a great deal of time becoming educated in medicine. Most of them come out of graduate school hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. If you compare it to what a plumber or auto mechanic charges per hour - is a lawyer's fee THAT far out of line, considering the expertise/education required? Would you expect your mechanic to fix your car for free? Or your computer tech to fix your computer for free? Then why do you expect your attorney to work for less than s/he is worth. The fees you're paying also go to provide income to more than just the lawyer you retain - there are receptionists, paralegals, other attorneys, etc.

There is nothing at all stopping you from doing the research you need for your situation. Many lawyers provide free consults - take advantage of them to get a question or two answered. Find local law schools and find out when they hold legal clinics where you can get other questions answered. Spend time in a local legal library (either at a local law school or in your county seat where the courts are). Scour the internet. Scour bookstores.

But our legal system is the best thing going worldwide. It may not be perfect, but it's hardly broken.
 

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