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Impact of mother's relationship with other child in regards to current child custody

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padad

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? PA

I have two boys, age 4 and 2. Their mother and I lived together for about 5 years. She has an older son (6 years old) from a previous relationship. She has primary physical custody of him. About a year ago she began a double life of "extra curricular activities", about 7 months ago I discovered these "activities" and after a month or so of denial by her and uncovering by me she moved out of our house. We were never married and the two boys have spent a majority of the time with me since she left.

I have spent the last several months trying to reach some sort of agreement and avoid the court system. My patience has run out and I have filed a custody complaint, there will be a mediation conference the first part of next month, the exact date has not been set.

At the start of our relationship her oldest son spent a majority of his time with us, but over the course of several years he began to spend more and more time with his father. The oldest son also started having more and more tantrums when he would visit. Personally I think it was caused by being shuttled between the two households and his mother seemingly giving up on her son. I did what I could, but I had no say in the oldest son's schuedule and had two other children to raise. For almost a year now the oldest son has been with his father almost exclusively and seems happy and well adjusted.

By the way,just some insight into the mother's current status. After leavng our house she pursued a number of online relationships and met somebody in Kentucky and got married 2 weeks ago. He's in the military and ships out to Iraq next month, my bet is that if she isn't pregnet by him yet she'll be trying to be before he ships out.

My question is how much weight, if any, would her current relationship with her oldest child have on our future legal actions? I'm not trying to monopolize my time with our children it's just that I've been a first hand witness to the wreckage of her relationship with her oldest son and would like to try to minimize that as much as possible with the younger two boys. As an unwed father I feel that I'm at the bottom rung of the legal totem pole and that I face an unnatural bias in the court system. I just want to do the best I can for those two boys in what has been at times a nightmarish situation. Sorry about the long post, alot has happened in a very short time.
 


2Mistakes

Senior Member
Has paternity been established since you and mom weren't married?

If not, was part of your custody filing also to establish paternity via DNA?
 

profmum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? PA

I have two boys, age 4 and 2. Their mother and I lived together for about 5 years. She has an older son (6 years old) from a previous relationship. She has primary physical custody of him.

ok


About a year ago she began a double life of "extra curricular activities", about 7 months ago I discovered these "activities" and after a month or so of denial by her and uncovering by me she moved out of our house.

what activities? playing bridge??

We were never married and the two boys have spent a majority of the time with me since she left.

define majority?

I have spent the last several months trying to reach some sort of agreement and avoid the court system. My patience has run out and I have filed a custody complaint, there will be a mediation conference the first part of next month, the exact date has not been set.

At the start of our relationship her oldest son spent a majority of his time with us, but over the course of several years he began to spend more and more time with his father. The oldest son also started having more and more tantrums when he would visit. Personally I think it was caused by being shuttled between the two households and his mother seemingly giving up on her son.

your opinion is not relevant here about why junior is having tantrums. And it is perfectly for kids to go through these phases during the adjustment phase. Mine had rolling on the floor, screaming tantrums for 3 months straight, now it is a hug and a kiss goodbye.

I did what I could, but I had no say in the oldest son's schuedule and had two other children to raise. For almost a year now the oldest son has been with his father almost exclusively and seems happy and well adjusted.

exactly my point..

By the way,just some insight into the mother's current status. After leavng our house she pursued a number of online relationships and met somebody in Kentucky and got married 2 weeks ago.

ok.. her pursuing a "number of online relationships" is NOT relevant unless she and mr internet were having sex in front of the kiddos!


He's in the military and ships out to Iraq next month, my bet is that if she isn't pregnet by him yet she'll be trying to be before he ships out.

you are quite the psychic... stop speculating on Mum's life, focus on your own.

My question is how much weight, if any, would her current relationship with her oldest child have on our future legal actions?

from what you have said, she has a perfectly legitimate and healthy relationship with her oldest.. so yes, would work well in her favor!

I'm not trying to monopolize my time with our children it's just that I've been a first hand witness to the wreckage of her relationship with her oldest son and would like to try to minimize that as much as possible with the younger two boys.

again, what you think is irrelevant, Mum is not putting the kids in danger, apparently agreed for the oldest to stay with Dad as it was in his best interest...so..??

As an unwed father I feel that I'm at the bottom rung of the legal totem pole and that I face an unnatural bias in the court system. I just want to do the best I can for those two boys in what has been at times a nightmarish situation. Sorry about the long post, alot has happened in a very short time.
you are going down a parade of imaginary horribles, and you have no right to "protect" your kids from their Mum when there is no threat of real danger, only because you do not like about her, the parenting situation with her oldest and sounds like some resentment for her "extra curricular" activities. Get over it!.. If Mum is in Kentucky, she will probably get a long distance parenting plan, is she is back in PA, or lives there, she will get 50-50 at the very least. Wrap your mind around it and work towards the future of your boys.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
there are 4 parties to this case. you, the mother, and your two children. no one else comes into play unless it's third party interference. her relationship with anyone and everyone has no bearing on the case unless it directly impacts the children in a dangerous manner. same goes for you.

i have actually seen a case where a mother beat the living daylights out of one of her children, never touch the others and she gets to keep all of the children except the one she beat. you would have to prove her to be a danger to the two of your children.
 

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