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Indiana Guidelines Urgent Question

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marine_wife_17

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Indiana
I have a huge problem. My daughters sperm donor as we call him has her for this week. He gets her once a week every two months which is too much but I had a bad lawyer who didn't care and lied to me and said that was the least he would get unless we went to court. To get to the point. It states in the Indiana guidelines that when a parent has to find someone else to watch the child during there parenting time the other parent gets first choice. Well today he went to work and blantly did not give me a call so i went to his parents house to pick her up and the grandmother refused to give her to me. The sheriff came and told me that since it does not state in our visitation agreement that i get her when he works he can not take her out of the grandmothers house. So how do i go about getting a court document stating that I have first choice when he needs a sitter? I really would like to have my daughter since when he is there and when he is not there my daughter sleeps with him and his girlfriend and I do not feel comfortable with that. Please Help with any information.
 


marine_wife_17

Junior Member
Do not tell me who my daughters father is

First off you do not know the situation and yes he is a sperm donor nothing more nothing less. My husband is her father she has called him daddy from day one and do not tell me that i need therapy. My daughter has a dead beat for a biological father and i am jsut trying to figure out how i can ge tmy daughter when he works instead of her being bounced around tons of other people. My husband does everything my daughter and she is his life so do not tell me that she has a daddy and i need therapy she does have a daddy but her sperm donor is not her daddy he does not pay child support and probably never will until he gets thrown in jail and he could give two ****s about my daughter and the only reason he has anything to do with her is becasue of his mother so don't you judge people before you know the situation. Shame on you.
 
I don't know what the guidelines are in Indiana but I am in Ohio. When I went to court and visitation was ordered, the judge told him that if he wasn't going to spend the entire time with my daughter (whether it be working or whatever) then he was to bring my daughter back to me. He was not allowed to take her anywhere else to be watched while he was away.
 

marine_wife_17

Junior Member
That is what it states in the guideline in indiana and i tried to go get her from his mothers house today and she refused to let me have her. SO I called the police and the officer said the guidelines are a civil matter and he could not inforce them unless it was stated in our visitation agreement and all that is stated in the agreement is when his visitation is and for how long. So if i go to the court tomorrow do you think that they can give me a court documentation stating what the first choice law is and that all parents are to follow it?
 
Just keep in mind that your "sperm donor" has right of first refusal as well. Do you take your daughter to his home when you work?

I bet I know the answer to that one, and it has something to do with "once a week every two months" is way too much time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your ex's child spending quality time with her grandmother while he is working.

BTW, for everyone else's reference who might read this, here is the Indiana guideline OP is referring to:



3. Opportunity for Additional Parenting Time. When it becomes necessary that a child be cared for by a person other than a parent or a family member, the parent needing the child care shall first offer the other parent the opportunity for additional parenting time. The other parent is under no obligation to provide the child care. If the other parent elects to provide this care, it shall be done at no cost.



Commentary



The rule providing for opportunities for additional parenting time promotes the concept that a child receives greater benefit from being with a parent rather than a child care provider. It is also intended to be practical. When a parent’s work schedule or other regular recurring activities require hiring a child care provider, the other parent should be given the opportunity to provide the care. Distance, transportation or time may make the rule impractical. Parents should agree on the amount of child care time and the circumstances that require the offer be made.


(Take note of the last sentence in the commentary.)

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/
 
Do you still have a lawyer? If so I would make him bring it up in front of the judge. Tell the judge what you went through when trying to get your child and just stress to him/her that you don't want it to happen again. Your lawyer should fight that for you. If he doesn't I would get another attorney! And why is this guy not paying child support? Maybe you could ask for his parental rights to be signed over to your husband. If he only sees her once a week and he's not even spending the time with her maybe it would be in the best interest of your child to do that. If I have said it once, I've said it a million times : I wish I would've said that I didn't know who the father was.
 

haiku

Senior Member
stepmom&mom said:
3. Opportunity for Additional Parenting Time. When it becomes necessary that a child be cared for by a person other than a parent or a family member,
"sperm donor" left the kid with grandma, not a child care provider so I don't think this applies.....
 
What??

She can't unilaterally take away the NCP's parental rights. That's ridiculous. Furthermore, it is going to probably look VERY petty to the judge if the CP goes in just to argue this point. For one thing, the OP is the CP and already has the child the majority of the month. What little time that the NCP has with the child, he could easily argue that when he's at work that it is the only opportunity for the child to see her grandparents.

OP, IMO, this is not a battle worth fighting unless you have other issues to bring to the table with it. You should really just let this go, because it sounds like the only reason you want the right of first refusal anyway is because you are angry at your ex.
 

haiku

Senior Member
nojusticeinohio said:
Do you still have a lawyer? If so I would make him bring it up in front of the judge. Tell the judge what you went through when trying to get your child and just stress to him/her that you don't want it to happen again. Your lawyer should fight that for you. If he doesn't I would get another attorney! And why is this guy not paying child support? Maybe you could ask for his parental rights to be signed over to your husband. If he only sees her once a week and he's not even spending the time with her maybe it would be in the best interest of your child to do that. If I have said it once, I've said it a million times : I wish I would've said that I didn't know who the father was.
Thats really funny!
 
Good point, Haiku. And even if it WASN'T a family member, I still think that this is going to be an impossible uphill battle for the OP. I hope she tries to bring this one up to the judge...because the hostility is quite clear.
 

marine_wife_17

Junior Member
The sperm donor is not my ex by the way and he is a dead beat so once a week every two months is too much especially when I live in north carolina and i drive all the way here for him to see her when he isn't even paying a dime of child support. I know that the two do not co exist but they should. I understand that his mother has a right to see her but at the same time he told me that he would call when he had to work he works thirds anyway so she is only spending an hour with his mother before she has to go to bed and i feel more comfortable with her being with me especially since his mother is not the only one who has her when he works. Sometimes his sister and his new girlfriend has her and she sleeps with his girlfriend which i am very uneasy about. She is 2 and a half and she does not need to sleep with a girl she barely knows let alone both of them. Isn't there a law that says she has to have at least her own bed?
 

haiku

Senior Member
marine_wife_17 said:
The sperm donor is not my ex by the way

***Great what is he then? makes you look just as charming....**

Isn't there a law that says she has to have at least her own bed? **No***

****If he is not paying child support take him to court for contempt. other than that you don't have a case.*****
 
marine_wife_17 said:
Isn't there a law that says she has to have at least her own bed?
No.

So if this sperm donor is not even your ex (meaning that you had sex with him without having any sort of relationship) and he is a deadbeat, what does that say about you? :rolleyes:

You say that the child is asleep while he is at work. Which means if she is with you she will also be asleep. So you aren't even spending anymore time with her really, so what's the friggin' big deal?
 

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