Infant custody arrangements

[chloe_dawg]

Let me just add that the last thing my husband said to me (on T'giving) was to not bother coming home, that all of my stuff would be in the trash & that I could start paying the car note. I'm a stay at home Mom, so he knew this would be impossible. Actually my company laid me off when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant & I just never tried to find another job. But that's another story.....

He has a horrible temper, and this is not the first time that it has reared it's ugly head. Never violent, but I can't say I'm sure it might not escalate to that.

Ryry just about summed up my feelings about the overnight visits. My daughter had colic from 6 weeks to 4 months of age. My husband picked up his pillow to go to another room so that he wouldn't hear the crying. He moved back into the bedroom when she was about 5 months old. I'm sure there are some men that are fully capable of taking great care of a baby & handling overnight visits with ease. It's just too bad that I'm not married to one of them......

 

[nailtech]

Well he's a little miss-guided. Does he know... (With a good attorney) you can sometimes make him pay for your car, along with some temporary Spousal support (sometimes alimony) while you get on your feet and child support to go along with it.... I just hate it when they think they have you over a barrel.... that’s part of the male macho manic attitude I despise... JMO...

My ex always nudged me to wake me up to tell me the baby’s crying, while he’s putting pillow over his head, if he woke up at all... grrrrrrrr..... I feel for ya Chloe.. been there done that...

 

[haiku]

trust me his tune will be different if it comes to divorce court, he cannot call the shots like that.

as far as his parenting abilities, BTDT, but once it comes down to visitation and he has no one to depend on but himself things will change.....

my husband had never lifted a finger when it came to his babies, because he wasn't allowed too when he was married, he was clueless when visitation began but he learned.....

I was a basket case the first few times my ex took our baby (I also did everything) but I relaxed over time.....

 

[chloe_dawg]

Thanks, nail.

Also to Ryry--I've tried to get him to counseling, but it never works. He just won't go. And maybe it seems sad, because it is. I never married the man thinking that one day I'd end up divorcing him. I would think that if more people researched the details of divorce & how it affects the children through custody arrangements, that maybe, just maybe, there wouldn't be as many.

That's part of the reason I posted my original question here. So that I could figure out which was the worst scenario. Unfortunately, what I'm discovering is that it might be worse to leave him and put my little girl through visitation with him alone, than to just stay with him. That's really sad......

 

[haiku]

only you can decide if you want to subject your child to a loveless emotionally abusive marriage....much worse in my opinion....

I think maybe you should try counseling for yourself if husband won't go.....

I spent nearly a year negotiating visitation for my baby in court, end result was still overnite visits, I wasted alot of time that could have been spent watching my child grow, I can never get that time back. An incredible weight was lifted when it was over....I was able to see things a lot clearer and seperate his treatment of me from his treatment of his child.