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Infant visitation in CA?

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onenonly76

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? CA
I have a 3 yr old and an 8 week old. My husband and I separated before my second daughter was born. (my husband also got another woman pregnant towards the end of my pregnancy) My husband sees our 3 yr old about twice a week (one overnight). He now plans to move in with his mistress and raise their child together. Do I have to let my infant go to his house for visits while he lives with his mistress and we havent even filed for divorce yet? Do I have to let my 3 yr old spend the night there? I feel like it will be so confusing for my daughters, and it seems so wrong for this mistress to be helping to care for my children! Also, when will I have to start overnights with the 8 week old? (I am currently both breast and formula feeding)
 
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moburkes

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? CA
I have a 3 yr old and an 8 week old. My husband and I separated before my second daughter was born. (my husband also got another woman pregnant towards the end of my pregnancy) My husband sees our 3 yr old about twice a week (one overnight). He now plans to move in with his mistress and raise their child together. Do I have to let my infant go to his house while he lives with his mistress and we havent even filed for divorce yet? Do I have to let my 3 yr old spend the night there? I feel like it will be so confusing for my daughters, and it seems so wrong for this mistress to be helping to care for my children! Also, when will I have to start overnights with the 8 week old? (I am currently both breast and formula feeding)
Well, you can't stop it. Its his child, too. Breastfeeding is never an excuse to deny visitations or overnights.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Also, when will I have to start overnights with the 8 week old? (I am currently both breast and formula feeding)
Overnights can start right now...

http://www.fda.gov/cdrh/breastpumps/
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
you really have to seperate out YOUR hurt feelings and desire for justice or punishment from what is right for the kids, do I think it's a good thing for dad to just swap out families quickly- NO but these girls need their daddy, and even though he's crap for a husband he is still their dad and they need him....make sense?
 

onenonly76

Junior Member
I understand that I have to do whats best for my daughters and not withhold them from their father, but is it really best for them to be cared for by the woman who knowingly took part in breaking up their family? Also, is there a set guideline for infant overnights? I havent gotten a straight answer on this. Thanks!
 

casa

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? CA
I have a 3 yr old and an 8 week old. My husband and I separated before my second daughter was born. (my husband also got another woman pregnant towards the end of my pregnancy) My husband sees our 3 yr old about twice a week (one overnight). He now plans to move in with his mistress and raise their child together. Do I have to let my infant go to his house for visits while he lives with his mistress and we havent even filed for divorce yet? Do I have to let my 3 yr old spend the night there? I feel like it will be so confusing for my daughters, and it seems so wrong for this mistress to be helping to care for my children! Also, when will I have to start overnights with the 8 week old? (I am currently both breast and formula feeding)
His infedility is irrelevant because CA is a no fault state. Since you are primary caretaker of the children, you'll likely get Physical Custody- you'll both get Joint Legal Custody- You both, or the Court will make a Parenting Plan and then calculate CS. You can't dictate whom Dad has around the children (and he can't dictate who YOU have around the children) whether you are married OR divorced. Unless you can prove Dad is subjecting the children to someone who is a clear Danger to them, then the Court's won't order any restrictions on Dad's parenting time (or who is around Dad & child during his parenting time).

Google CA Infant Parenting Plans and read a few....find one that you think fits your situation best, and offer to come to an agreement with Dad re; visitation ...then work it out. If you two can't work it out, you'll wind up in Court & then it's up to the Judge to decide.
 

JBMD

Member
Can't she ask that it be put in her order that the parents shall not have overnight guests of the opposite sex unless married?

Or is that something they have to agree to??
 

casa

Senior Member
Can't she ask that it be put in her order that the parents shall not have overnight guests of the opposite sex unless married?

Or is that something they have to agree to??
In CA?? Highly unlikely...I've rarely heard of such an order UNLESS both parties agree to it, which also rarely happens. This request is viewed as somewhat archaic in certain geographical areas.
 

kimberlywrites

Senior Member
In CA?? Highly unlikely...I've rarely heard of such an order UNLESS both parties agree to it, which also rarely happens. This request is viewed as somewhat archaic in certain geographical areas.
It flies in Texas!!! It's in my fiance's decree! Of course, his ex broke that rule and lived with someone for two months before marrying him. Now me and my fiance live together. Waiting to see if she calls him on it. Cuz the rules don't apply to her.
 

casa

Senior Member
Additional thought: A way to explain this is that if that is the order....then no uncles come over? no male cousins? no brother in laws? no opposite sex friends? etc. etc. Then the parties get into litigation over who's really who & how they are really related or 'justify' why X person is even there. We don't have the time or the money. The bottom line is when they were 'together' they had people come visit & Yes, stay over...both parents have the Right to designate who visits or spends the night in their home unless they both stipulate to the contrary.

Infedility is immoral, but it's not illegal...and CA is a no fault state- so the courts don't really care if they cheated, who cheated on whom or why. :cool:
 

CJane

Senior Member
Additional thought: A way to explain this is that if that is the order....then no uncles come over? no male cousins? no brother in laws? no opposite sex friends? etc. etc. Then the parties get into litigation over who's really who & how they are really related or 'justify' why X person is even there. We don't have the time or the money. The bottom line is when they were 'together' they had people come visit & Yes, stay over...both parents have the Right to designate who visits or spends the night in their home unless they both stipulate to the contrary.QUOTE]

This is EXACTLY why it's never been in my order, no matter how hard stupidhead tries to get it in there.

I have 7 sisters. One of 'em is bound to get married some day... so that would mean their husband couldn't visit my house overnight.

He tried 'male non-relative'... but my step-dad isn't a relative nor is a girlfriend's husband.

So he tried 'male non-relative whom CJANE is involved with sexually'.

The judge said "But a minute ago you said she might be gay. So a female non-relative whom she's involved with sexually would be ok with you?"

So yeah... not in the order.
 

kimberlywrites

Senior Member
Additional thought: A way to explain this is that if that is the order....then no uncles come over? no male cousins? no brother in laws? no opposite sex friends? etc. etc. Then the parties get into litigation over who's really who & how they are really related or 'justify' why X person is even there. We don't have the time or the money. The bottom line is when they were 'together' they had people come visit & Yes, stay over...both parents have the Right to designate who visits or spends the night in their home unless they both stipulate to the contrary.QUOTE]

This is EXACTLY why it's never been in my order, no matter how hard stupidhead tries to get it in there.

I have 7 sisters. One of 'em is bound to get married some day... so that would mean their husband couldn't visit my house overnight.

He tried 'male non-relative'... but my step-dad isn't a relative nor is a girlfriend's husband.

So he tried 'male non-relative whom CJANE is involved with sexually'.

The judge said "But a minute ago you said she might be gay. So a female non-relative whom she's involved with sexually would be ok with you?"

So yeah... not in the order.
I just snorted Red Bull out of my nose reading this. He really is an asshat!
 

casa

Senior Member
It flies in Texas!!! It's in my fiance's decree! Of course, his ex broke that rule and lived with someone for two months before marrying him. Now me and my fiance live together. Waiting to see if she calls him on it. Cuz the rules don't apply to her.
This thread is about CA, not TX ...though it does remind me to be grateful. :cool:

And your post only reinforced how ridiculous the stipulation was in your fiance's order ~ The X wife ended up breaking it...causing disharmony, I'm sure....now YOUR fiance is breaking it...and at risk of her trying to use it against HIM. :rolleyes: Now wouldn't it have been easier if they both just got on with their lives & minded their own business? Especially since that 'type' of litigation is not necessary for the children's Best Interest to be determined.
 

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