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  1. #1
    atom77 is offline Junior Member
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    Interference with Visitation

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    My ex-husband is the custodial parent to our 12 year old daughter. He resides in SC and I live in Germany under military orders. She is scheduled to stay with me every summer based on the court order. However, this year, my ex-husband and his wife encouraged and signed her up for cheerleading. I supported my daughter for cheering, but the moment she began saying that she wouldn't be able to come out for the summer - which was before she tried out - I made it quite clear to her that she would have to miss the summer and that I did not agree she miss out on family time in favor of cheering. Now that she has made the team and I expressed my opposition to her missing her summer vacation with me, her step-mother has said that she will not force her to fly out and that the decision is hers alone. Now I'm painted in a negative light as being unsupportive while they are supporting her all the way. They said that she could come out for Christmas break and the following Spring Break in favor of missing out on summer, but she is already SUPPOSED to come out based on the visitation schedule. Are they interfering in court ordered visitation and if so, what can I do legally?
  2. #2
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Here we go again...

    Is this competitive cheerleading? High school? How do you expect for her to cheer, since you support it, if she won't be around for practice?

    Oh, and are you prepared to fly from Germany to come get your kid?
  3. #3
    atom77 is offline Junior Member
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    Re: Interference with Visitation

    Here we go again?? Rude words from someone who is not in this situation. Let me preface this by saying that I am not in the immediate area and was not aware of her schedule prior to her trying out. I found out after she was told she could cheer with their express knowledge of what it would entail time-wise. I am not an idiot. I understand that things take practice - however, she has participated in sports and Girl Scouts with nary an issue of her needing to remain in SC during the SUMMER. They enrolled her without any conversation with me - especially considering the fact that our visitation and any future visitation would be directly impacted. Before we know it - she'll miss Christmas and Spring Break in favor of other activities that come up, until the point that she is alienated from us. And I should not have to fly out to SC to "collect her - especially considering the fact that we have small children at home to care for.
  4. #4
    jandglo247 is offline Junior Member
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    Although I am sure you do not want to upset your daughter or make her angry with you, she does not get a say so unfortunately. The court order stands and dad is in comtempt if he does not follow it, maybe you can discuss how much of the summer cheerleading is and compromise on one month instead of the entire summer and therefore she would only miss a portion of it. Find out how much she is allowed to miss and still be a part of the team. That way you both win. She still gets to do what she wants to do and you are not deemed the mean mother and you both still get time together. I am sure that your daughter is in a hard place, wanting to cheer and wanting to see her mom at the same time! Again though, the court order has to be followed or he is in contempt, its just a matter on how far you want to go with it and is it worth your relationship with your daughter. Communication is best on this one.
  5. #5
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by atom77 View Post
    Here we go again?? Rude words from someone who is not in this situation. Let me preface this by saying that I am not in the immediate area and was not aware of her schedule prior to her trying out. I found out after she was told she could cheer with their express knowledge of what it would entail time-wise. I am not an idiot. I understand that things take practice - however, she has participated in sports and Girl Scouts with nary an issue of her needing to remain in SC during the SUMMER. They enrolled her without any conversation with me - especially considering the fact that our visitation and any future visitation would be directly impacted. Before we know it - she'll miss Christmas and Spring Break in favor of other activities that come up, until the point that she is alienated from us. And I should not have to fly out to SC to "collect her - especially considering the fact that we have small children at home to care for.
    See, here is the thing. If they won't put her on the plane, then the only way to force the visitation would be for you to fly over and collect her.

    You could hire an attorney and try to pre-empt the situation by filing a motion to enforce visitation, but that doesn't always work.

    What about a compromise? Surely the entire summer isn't taken up by cheering?
  6. #6
    atom77 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    See, here is the thing. If they won't put her on the plane, then the only way to force the visitation would be for you to fly over and collect her.

    You could hire an attorney and try to pre-empt the situation by filing a motion to enforce visitation, but that doesn't always work.

    What about a compromise? Surely the entire summer isn't taken up by cheering?
    I'm worried that visitation will disappear all together based on this crazy cheerleading schedule. They knew that it would keep her there for the summer when they registered her. They know that I can't afford to fly out and get her and she is scheduled with a flight out to Germany. They have said over and over again that it is not necessary for them to compromise on anything and that I should encourage and support this and let it happen, and that if I want to come out and force her fly out then that's how she will come out.
  7. #7
    atom77 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you!

    Oh, and LdiJ - thank you for being helpful and considerate of my situation. I sometimes feel like as a non-custodial parent that I'm the brunt of rude and mean comments.
  8. #8
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    I have to disagree with some of the advice that has been given here. How many times have we stated that when a custodial parent does NOT faciliate a relationship with the NCP that they endanger their status as CP. Dad's job is to make sure that the kiddo has a relationship with mom. Scheduling this type of activity so that they eliminate mom's time is WRONG.

    Mom - find out how much of the summer is taken up by cheerleading. If it is most, then this is NOT an activity that kiddo will be able to partake in. When parents get divorced, there are times when children will NOT be able to do everything they want because their time is split. That is the reality of divorce.

    There are times when it must go back to court.

    And the expression is it is a court ORDER, not a court suggestion.
  9. #9
    PQN
    PQN is offline Member
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    How many adults do you know that still cheerlead? How many adults do you know who still have a relationship with their mom?

    Child goes to mom. Visitation is far more important than cheerleading.

    OP - can you have a friend or relative transport her to the airport?
  10. #10
    jandglo247 is offline Junior Member
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    TinkerBelleLuvr, it is not that I am disagreeing with you, like I said dad would be in contempt of court but I was asking her to consider the outcome if no compromise could be made and she did take it to court. I would think that any relationship with daughter is better than possibly not having one down the road because "mom wouldn't let me cheer". Yes daughter should have no say so at all but we all know children will be children and unfortunately it sounds as if dad would blame mom and possibly try to turn daughter against mom if it went to court which is why I suggested trying to compromise, maybe not the entire summer but a portion. If that doesnt work then as another has said the only other option would be to fly and get her or file contempt charges. Its really sad that mom and dad can't work together for the interest of the child. I wish I could say that my situation was different but its not.
  11. #11
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    There is a difference between being a parent and being their "friend." Children eventually respect you more for being their parent than trying to be their "friend,"

    It is wrong on many counts when one parent tries to eliminate the other parent. Scheduling something like this without the consent of the other parent is WRONG.

    If it were me, I would arrange for someone to pick up the child at the scheduled time. I would have an attorney on standby when the other parent refuses. I would be asking a judge to sanction the CP to include THAT parent paying for the transportation of kiddo for the next umpteen Christmases and Spring Breaks in ADDITION to summer breaks.

    Been there, worn the T-shirt. I didn't know I had that right and older kiddo and I lost out on time.

    I will add that children don't NEED cheerleading - they WANT cheerleading. Summer school because I won't pass my grade is NEEDED. Summer sports camps are wants. The only except I could see if a child is SOOOO exceptional in a sport that they could see college scholarships in the horizon. The same would be for musical skills that could get them into Julliard.
    Last edited by TinkerBelleLuvr; 05-06-2010 at 09:27 AM.
  12. #12
    atom77 is offline Junior Member
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    Interference with Visitation

    Hi everyone - thank you for such valuable input. It just didn't sound right to me and it felt like time with my daughter was being compromised knowingly in favor of cheering. I do have friends or relatives who could transport her to the airport but are they allowed to do so? I have tried contacting her cheer coach to get specifics on the summer schedule but I have not heard back yet. That is why I was frustrated that no one contacted me to discuss a game plan to help make it possible. I feel as though they are merely picking and choosing what to comply with in regards to the court order. Unfortunately, we do not get along and her father does not like speaking with me. They feel that they have the upper hand and that there is nothing that I can do - and I feel that they are jeopardizing my relationship with my daughter. I have always supported what she does but it has to be within reason and I need to be included in decisions, especially when visitation and relationships are impacted.
  13. #13
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    If you do take this back to court, in light of the long distance, I would have added:
    1. Virtual parenting time that includes specified times for emailing, webcam access and phone calls.
    2. Might want to have added that you use a parenting software where parents are REQUIRED to fill in information.
    3. Enforcement of parenting time, along with sanctions if the CP is not complying.
  14. #14
    atom77 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for the advice. Would you be able to elaborate on number 2. I am legally naive!
  15. #15
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    It's a program where the parents can inform the other parent of what is happening with it turning into drama.

    In my case, I'm wanting to go it because when I send short emails to dad, I get nasty diatribes back. It makes me want to NOT inform him of anything because he is really nasty and mean.

    In your case, it can be used as a communication tool. Now, it can be that dad be ordered to send a weekly email of what is happening in the life of child, be it school issues or glad events, doctor visits, etc.

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