Joint Custody? 60/40?

[calidad7]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CA

Hello everyone. I'm new here. Here's my situation. Any advice would be great...

I have never gone to court or had anything legally written up about my parental situation. I physically have my 8 year old daughter 3-4 nights a week. So her mom and I split time about half and half. I have now asked her mom to go to a mediator with me to have things legally written up. She refuses to go and says she just wants to write things out ourselves.

She wants a legal 60/40 split in her favor. Is there such a thing? Can you just make up any kind of split you want? She refuses to have it be legally written as 50/50 even though I have our daughter half the time. Is this an important difference (50/50 vs. 60/40)?

Also, I pay for healthcare and pay $500 a month child support. These have not been ordered by a court, I just do it. We were never married either. I am now getting married in a couple of months to someone else and want everything to be legal and set. I make about $30,000 a year and my ex lives on student loans and family support. She's a full-time student. Is what i'm paying fair? Is 60/40 custody good enough? Or do I need to fight for 50/50?

Also, after I'm married in December, will my wife's income and assets come into play as far as child support goes? Or is she left out completely?

Please help!

 

[CJane]

Why not stop worrying about the percentage, and have the agreement written to include specific days and times? Instead of you having her "3 or 4 nights" per week, have it state specifically that you have the child from 8am on Mon until 8am on Wed or something similar. Mom has her from 8am Wed through 8am Fri - alternate the 8am Fri thru 8am Mon.

 

[calidad7]

Hi CJane. Thanks for responding.

Is that how people usually do it? I really don't know much about how these things work. We've just always been flexible with each other and have shifted schedules to accomodate each other. Her schedule changes each quarter with her schooling since she is in grad school. I've always accomodated since I'm self-employed and work from home with a flexible schedule. My fiance wants things to be completely set and legal. I agree.

I thought a written 60/40 split might give her parental rights over me since 60% is majority. Setting up written days sounds good if that holds up. Is that how it is usually done? Is that still considered joint custody?

 

[CJane]

Hi CJane. Thanks for responding.

Is that how people usually do it? I really don't know much about how these things work. We've just always been flexible with each other and have shifted schedules to accomodate each other. Her schedule changes each quarter with her schooling since she is in grad school. I've always accomodated since I'm self-employed and work from home with a flexible schedule. My fiance wants things to be completely set and legal. I agree.

I thought a written 60/40 split might give her parental rights over me since 60% is majority. Setting up written days sounds good if that holds up. Is that how it is usually done? Is that still considered joint custody?

The more specific the order, the better off you are. What you're looking for is joint legal (decision making) and joint physical.

Have specific days, specific times, etc. When 'alternating holidays', designate them to say 'mom will have Christmas in odd years', etc.

 

[calidad7]

Sounds good. How do we make this legal? Do you think $500/month is fair?

 

[CJane]

Sounds good. How do we make this legal? Do you think $500/month is fair?

Someone else will have to tell you how exactly to file in CA, but if you both agree/write it up yourselves, it shouldn't be too difficult.

This is totally just a personal opinion, and obviously, I don't know either person's income, but $500/month in CA seems light. But, if it's what the court ordered, then it's what's considered fair.

 

[bononos]

Sounds good. How do we make this legal? Do you think $500/month is fair?

I believe CA is a flat 17% of your income.
You stated you earn about 30,000/yr.
By a quick, not exact calculation, you are actually overpaying.
Use your friend google, you can get examples for different joint custody orders to help you come up with yours.

 

[calidad7]

I make about $30,000 and she's a full time student living off of student loans and family support. We haven't been to court, so we don't know what the court would order.

What do you think?

Thanks.

 

[stealth2]

You can also check out deltabravo.net for parenting agreement ideas.

 

[NotSoNew]

i came up with about 468 a month for child support based on what you told us.

here is a calculator if you want to run the numbers

http://cadivorce.com/support-calculator.htm

also here is a site for sample parenting plans:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php

click on parenting plan articles! hope that helps..........

 

[calidad7]

Thanks guys. You've been very helpful. Any other suggestions?

 

[betterthanher]

Thanks guys. You've been very helpful. Any other suggestions?

It does NOT matter that she is a full-time student. That does not get any parent off the hook from financial responsibility (except for very extreme circumstances...which I am sure your ex does not fall into).

You should "impute" an income to her equivalent to what she would be making working full-time. What was her last job? What are her skills? How much time until she finishes school? What course of study is she pursuing at school?

Just some factors to factor in. For example, if she has a decent paying job while she's in school, factor is $20,000/year for her.

Also, who is going to cover the child with health insurance? How much is that going to cost that parent a month/year? That amount will need to be entered as well, since health insurance costs ARE considered "child support."

Another suggestion: do NOT have any vague or broad language (i.e. "reasonable visitation", " ___ days a week"). Make it very specific. Including holidays. Who gets the children on what holidays in even/odd years. What times? The more specific, the better because it'll cause less confusion and headaches. If you come up with a 20-page Shared Parenting Plan, that is good.

 

[calidad7]

Great feedback. Yeah, she could work. She will make a lot of money when she gets out of school (Law School). I also pay the healthcare costs.

I will make sure we're very specific with the Shared Parenting Plan. I'm so glad I found this message board.

So what do I do if she doesn't agree to the terms of the SPP? How do I go about making something happen? Any way of doing things inexpensively?

Thanks for the help.

 

[Zephyr]

Great feedback. Yeah, she could work. She will make a lot of money when she gets out of school (Law School). I also pay the healthcare costs.

I will make sure we're very specific with the Shared Parenting Plan. I'm so glad I found this message board.

So what do I do if she doesn't agree to the terms of the SPP? How do I go about making something happen? Any way of doing things inexpensively?

Thanks for the help.

you could request mediation

 

[calidad7]

Mediation was my original plan. She flat out refused to go to a mediator. What can I do?