Joint Legal Custody: Ex Did Not Inform Me Child is in Weekly Therapy Sessions

[elle1784]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law): Massachusetts

Hello!

I have been divorced for several years. I have a five year old daughter. I have primary physical custody, and my ex and I agreed to share joint legal custody. Our divorce decree basically states all medical decisions must be communicated and agreed upon.

This afternoon as I was getting my daughter ready to go to her father's for the weekend, she became very upset. When I talked to her about it she said she did not want to go to Daddy's this weekend because he was making her go "back to the counselor" and the "counselor makes [her] nervous". This was a shock to me, as I had NO idea she had been seeing a therapist. My ex never brought this up to me. Apparently she had been seeing a counselor weekly for months, but the therapist's "baby died" and she needed to take time off (not sure why a 5 year old would be told this....), with sessions resuming tomorrow.

I think therapy can be an excellent tool, and see a therapist myself. I would have no problem with her attending counseling. However, as a mother, I do not feel great about the fact this was not discussed with me. I would like to know who she is seeing, research the counselor, etc. Since I see a counselor myself I understand how crucial it is to find a person you feel comfortable with and don't want my daughter to think counseling is a bad thing, hence the importance of finding someone you feel comfortable with and are able to open up to.

My question is: Is my ex technically allowed to bring my daughter to a counselor without consulting me, since our decree states due to shared legal custody all medical decisions must be discussed and agreed upon? Counseling is generally considered/falls under insurance as mental health treatment.

I truly wish it would be as simple as calling him up to talk about this, but our relationship is incredibly bizarre (he's a man in his 40's who, since our divorce, wants his mother involved in everything which includes all communication). Basically all I will be able to do is send him/his mother an email about my concerns of not being told about this. Hence why I would like to know if he is allowed to make appointments like these without my knowledge.

Thank you so much in advance!

 

[Proserpina]

It might be best to ask a question first: what exactly do you hope to gain?

 

[elle1784]

It might be best to ask a question first: what exactly do you hope to gain?

Hi- thanks for replying.

There's nothing I truly hope to gain. I am very happy with our custody arrangement, as it works out perfectly for my daughter. All I really want to know is if he is in fact allowed to do this or not, as I would like to be involved. Even if he wasn't, I wouldn't take him back to court or anything as he doesn't have malicious intentions. I do plan on writing him an email to discuss this and find out who exactly my daughter is seeing and find out why she feels uncomfortable with this therapist, and based on what he/his mother says suggest looking into a different children's counselor, as my daughter was in tears when she was discussing the fact she makes her feel uncomfortable. I know how beneficial counseling can be (and how it can often take a couple different therapists until you find someone you "click" with) and if my daughter is going, obviously don't want it to be a scary thing for her when it can have so many positives. So basically I just want to know if, based on the divorce decree, if I have the right to be involved as well.

Thanks!

 

[Ohiogal]

Hi- thanks for replying.

There's nothing I truly hope to gain. I am very happy with our custody arrangement, as it works out perfectly for my daughter. All I really want to know is if he is in fact allowed to do this or not, as I would like to be involved. Even if he wasn't, I wouldn't take him back to court or anything as he doesn't have malicious intentions. I do plan on writing him an email to discuss this and find out who exactly my daughter is seeing and find out why she feels uncomfortable with this therapist, and based on what he/his mother says suggest looking into a different children's counselor, as my daughter was in tears when she was discussing the fact she makes her feel uncomfortable. I know how beneficial counseling can be (and how it can often take a couple different therapists until you find someone you "click" with) and if my daughter is going, obviously don't want it to be a scary thing for her when it can have so many positives. So basically I just want to know if, based on the divorce decree, if I have the right to be involved as well.

Thanks!

Yes, you have the right to be involved and know who the counselor is and speak to the counselor.

 

[LdiJ]

Hi- thanks for replying.

There's nothing I truly hope to gain. I am very happy with our custody arrangement, as it works out perfectly for my daughter. All I really want to know is if he is in fact allowed to do this or not, as I would like to be involved. Even if he wasn't, I wouldn't take him back to court or anything as he doesn't have malicious intentions. I do plan on writing him an email to discuss this and find out who exactly my daughter is seeing and find out why she feels uncomfortable with this therapist, and based on what he/his mother says suggest looking into a different children's counselor, as my daughter was in tears when she was discussing the fact she makes her feel uncomfortable. I know how beneficial counseling can be (and how it can often take a couple different therapists until you find someone you "click" with) and if my daughter is going, obviously don't want it to be a scary thing for her when it can have so many positives. So basically I just want to know if, based on the divorce decree, if I have the right to be involved as well.

Thanks!

If parents have joint legal custody then counseling is something that both parents are supposed to agree upon before it happens. Therefore yes, you absolutely have the right to be involved.