Just needing a point of veiw

[wileybunch]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Do you realize how many times we have heard a parent make a statement like that on these forums? Its a "classic".

And, that is exactly why DH's ex won't co-parent with him. When their youngest continued to wet the bed at 6, 7, 8, 9, 10+ years old, she wouldn't consult a doctor about it, according to her, because DH would have "loved to know that the divorce caused the DD psychological impacts."

In the case of the stolen money and especially given the contentious nature of the relationship with Dad, I honestly would not have mentioned it at all. It is a "your house, your problem" sorta thing. And, quite frankly, if Dad's not easy to talk to and child steals from Dad, let Dad deal with it however, either just be robbed blind or get to the bottom of it like you do.

FWIW, I was not raised in a divorced household and one of my sisters stole from my mom's silver dollar collection over time. And, she did not grow up to be a thief or low life.

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

11 year old will be moving back with his father. father will be transfering school records. visitation has flipped back to alternate weekends. i still retain custody of the 7 year old.<<< >>>minor's attorney says my rules were too rigid and son does not have any freedom. i understand where the attorney is coming from, but i do not agree.

Well, apparently I was not up to date .... I'm really sorry about this. Utter BS. This does the child no favors.

[IsabellaSoriano]

honestly, i'm not even livid about the whole split custody thing anymore. i was really worried about the 7 year old, since he suffered so much being separated for 3 years living with his grandma.

well, now he's happier, he does his homework better, he gets SO much attention now. (i had NO idea how much time punishing the 11 year old, getting him to do his homework correctly, constantly having to check on him when playing outside with his friends was sucking up so much of my time) now he has ALL of my attention along with the two babies. and 7 year old is loving it. having to constantly punish someone, was really draining. and now 7 year old is the big brother in the house

ETA: just got off the phone with CSSD. the license was suspended back in Feb, 09, CSSD sent the paperwork to the DMV Nov. 08

[stealth2]

I agree with LDi that you shouldn't blindside him - especially with one or both of the boys there. Give him a heads up that he needs someone else to be driving or you will not allow the p/u.

[IsabellaSoriano]

okay....maybe. MAYBE there is a little bit of light in my tunnel

recent events.

yesterday, i picked up 12 year old at school. (it was my birthday visitation per the court order) took him home, got ready to go out for dinner. at 5:40ish, get a phone call from the dad (blegh). "do you have 12 year old?" i said, "yes, yes i do.". he says "why, why would you do that?" i stated, "because i have a court order that says i can". he says, "i have to call you back". he doesn't.

so we leave. all four kids in tow. the husband gets a call from his dad, cops were at the house. they searched the house for the kids. they leave. the husband gets mad at me like it's my fault the dad is acting like a moron. i call the dad. he doesn't answer. i leave a message.

"i understand you called the cops. it is my court order visitation day. it's been the same date since i have been born. it's also the same date since i have known you for 14 years. i'll give you a hint. I'M NOT 21!"

then i hang up. inside joke, the last time he ever acknowledged my birthday, i was 21. he never remembered after that. i've been 21 for almost 10 years now.

so i get a copy of the police report, i attach it in my contempt filing. now i know he didn't really do anything wrong, but the judge gets pissed at the dad everytime he calls CPS and the police, so what the hey.

so i pick up the 12 year old from school today, my weekend. 12 year old again not in tutoring, still not in therapy per the court order. i ask him about his homework. just one sheet of math. uh huh.

i get home, e-mail from teacher. i speak to them on a weekly basis. 12 year old left his weekend assignment in class. he has exam om monday as well. so i really lay it into him about lying to me.

his dad calls. asks about his homework. 12 year old lies to him too. RIGHT AFTER I JUST INFORMED HIM I KNEW ABOUT THE HOMEWORK HE LEFT BEHIND!!!

so i call dad back, tell him i spoke to "mr smith". he says "mr smith? whose that?" he only knows the homeroom teacher's name. and the 12 year old doesn't even have any actual academic classes with her!!!!

i let him know that before he talked to 12 year old, i talked to "mr smith" about the homework already and 12 year already knew he was caught lying and STILL lied to his dad about it. the dad....wow. he was MAD!!! so for the first time, in three years....dad grounds the 12 year old.....dad got caught for not knowing who the teachers were, he got stuck in a spot where son obviously lied to dad and he can't back out of this one now. HA!!

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

okay....maybe. MAYBE there is a little bit of light in my tunnel

recent events.

yesterday, i picked up 12 year old at school. (it was my birthday visitation per the court order) took him home, got ready to go out for dinner. at 5:40ish, get a phone call from the dad (blegh). "do you have 12 year old?" i said, "yes, yes i do.". he says "why, why would you do that?" i stated, "because i have a court order that says i can". he says, "i have to call you back". he doesn't.

so we leave. all four kids in tow. the husband gets a call from his dad, cops were at the house. they searched the house for the kids. they leave. the husband gets mad at me like it's my fault the dad is acting like a moron. i call the dad. he doesn't answer. i leave a message.

"i understand you called the cops. it is my court order visitation day. it's been the same date since i have been born. it's also the same date since i have known you for 14 years. i'll give you a hint. I'M NOT 21!"

then i hang up. inside joke, the last time he ever acknowledged my birthday, i was 21. he never remembered after that. i've been 21 for almost 10 years now.

so i get a copy of the police report, i attach it in my contempt filing. now i know he didn't really do anything wrong, but the judge gets pissed at the dad everytime he calls CPS and the police, so what the hey.

so i pick up the 12 year old from school today, my weekend. 12 year old again not in tutoring, still not in therapy per the court order. i ask him about his homework. just one sheet of math. uh huh.

i get home, e-mail from teacher. i speak to them on a weekly basis. 12 year old left his weekend assignment in class. he has exam om monday as well. so i really lay it into him about lying to me.

his dad calls. asks about his homework. 12 year old lies to him too. RIGHT AFTER I JUST INFORMED HIM I KNEW ABOUT THE HOMEWORK HE LEFT BEHIND!!!

so i call dad back, tell him i spoke to "mr smith". he says "mr smith? whose that?" he only knows the homeroom teacher's name. and the 12 year old doesn't even have any actual academic classes with her!!!!

i let him know that before he talked to 12 year old, i talked to "mr smith" about the homework already and 12 year already knew he was caught lying and STILL lied to his dad about it. the dad....wow. he was MAD!!! so for the first time, in three years....dad grounds the 12 year old.....dad got caught for not knowing who the teachers were, he got stuck in a spot where son obviously lied to dad and he can't back out of this one now. HA!!

Karma dear. Karma. It will come back.

[IsabellaSoriano]

grrr.....just when i thought someone couldn't be more of a jerk......


so last hearing, judge granted dad custody of the 12 year old. judge changed the visitation from 1,3,5th weekends for dad to alternating weekends.

just got off the phone with 12 year old. when i told him he was responsible for bringing ALL of his homework when i pick him up tomorrow....son was all...."um, mom, it's the first weekend. it's dad's weekend".

dad won't talk to me. so, tomorrow, i will have to AGAIN make sure dad is not stomping on my visitation rights. i can't understand it. it's in black and white. in the court order. when dad had custody prior, this was the biggest problem. not facilitating a NCP relationship with the children. and he's at it again!!! i don't get it. did he NOT learn the first time around?

[wileybunch]

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

so last hearing, judge granted dad custody of the 12 year old. judge changed the visitation from 1,3,5th weekends for dad to alternating weekends.

Why alternating?? Especially for people that don't get along too well, that just raises confusion. 1/3/5 weekend as counted by the Friday date is crystal clear.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

They probably changed it because with a 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend, one of the parents would be short changed if they have a split custody thing going on.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr

They probably changed it because with a 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend, one of the parents would be short changed if they have a split custody thing going on.

That's what I was thinking to start with but still...

La Bella

[wileybunch]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr

They probably changed it because with a 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend, one of the parents would be short changed if they have a split custody thing going on.

Would rather alternate the 5th weekends. DH does that with his ex. He has 1/3 and they alternate the 5th.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by wileybunch

Why alternating?? Especially for people that don't get along too well, that just raises confusion. 1/3/5 weekend as counted by the Friday date is crystal clear.

why? i'm not really sure. it didn't matter to me, as long as my weekends were clear cut. when we switched from alternating to 1,3,5 he didn't understand the concept. i had to explain to him everytime a 5th weekend occured. it took him almost a year to "get it".

i wanted to explain the change per the court order, but he didn't want to hear it.

i just told the 12 year old that mom and dad will work it out.

[IsabellaSoriano]

grrr!

school calls dad, to let him know 7 year old is sick. dad catches me going out the door, tells me son is sick. i say, okay, i'll go pick him up right now. dad says, thanks. he'll be by to pick him up after he picks up 12 year old. i ask him, why would he do that. he says, cuz it's my weekend. i said no it's not. you had last weekend, i have this weekend. court order says alternating weekends. he says, no. 1,2,3 weekends. i say, go read the court order.

i go pick up 12 year old. there is dad. sitting in his car waiting to pick up 12 year old.

i go to front office. have them send 12 year old to "mr smith's" classroom when the bell rings. he's supposed to pick up dailies from that teacher EVERY DAY anyway. i have teacher conference.

dad calls 12 year old on cell phone. tells 12 year old not to go anywhere. i tell dad we will meet him at the front office. (school police). dad is walking fast toward 12 year old. tells him not to move, he's coming home with him. don't listen to her. shouts at me to not intimidate 12 year old.

so i take 7 year old, walk to the front office, dad follows. school admin looks at the court order, calls school police. no response. they call city police. dad refuses to relent. dad tells 12 year old and 7 year old that he has papers to prove that they go with him. dad tells 12 year old that i am stupid and wrong. school admin take kids to prinicipal's office. school police shows up, takes me to back room. looks at the court order. he asks if dad has last weekend. i said yes.

school police talks to dad, asks him if he had kids last weekend, dad says yes. so the police officer tells him he needs to leave. shows him court order.

city police shows up, escorts dad off the school property.

school police lets me know he will write a personal incident report.


reading comprehension and a hearing aid. is there any way i can get it ordered that DAD gets tutoring and a hearing aid for court hearings? (sarcasm)

there HAS to be a way to get this before the court? contempt of court for speaking in a derrogatory manner about me to the children?

[CJane]

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

there HAS to be a way to get this before the court? contempt of court for speaking in a derrogatory manner about me to the children?

You REALLY don't want to go back to court right now. REALLY.

Let this ride. You won the battle today and Dad showed his ass. That's worth something.

Don't you have a hearing coming up soon regarding custody of the younger kiddo? Save this for THEN.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by CJane

You REALLY don't want to go back to court right now. REALLY.

Let this ride. You won the battle today and Dad showed his ass. That's worth something.

Don't you have a hearing coming up soon regarding custody of the younger kiddo? Save this for THEN.

i actualy have a contempt of court hearing at the end of the month.

and a custody status hearing in Jan.

[JKBee]

i go pick up 12 year old. there is dad. sitting in his car waiting to pick up 12 year old.



Okay, I may have missed this, but did Dad get his license reinstated? Earlier you were dealing with his having no license.