Just some thoughts about custody battles..

[tigger22472]

I don't have a question to post but wanted to tell a bit of a story hoping that people in custody battles at the moment listen and see what they actually do to children. My SO's ex wife has a son that she's in a battle for custody of. She's all but won, just waiting on the confirmation(long story). This has gone on for over two years already. Neither of the parents can get along and have had restraining orders on each other off and on. At the current time the father and step-father have orders against each other. The poor little boy is 9. He obviously loves both his parents but has been thrown in the middle of this because he has to hear both his parents talk about the other. Last night I decided to have a New Years Eve party for kids. I also thought it would be a good thing for the boy was to go to his dad's today and figured that the parents wouldn't have to deal with each other and he could just be picked up at my house. At the current time their visitation schedule is two weeks at mom's and two weeks at dad's with switch off day being Wednesday and every other holiday spent with the parents. Tomorrow is the day in which he would be going back to his fathers house. The dad has stalked the mom, done damage to her cars and just simply harrassed her in general. However, although he's a perfect dad and has many many faults, he loves his son and takes basically good care of him. This morning I had the boy call his dad to let him know he was up and to see if he wanted me to feed him breakfast or not. I could hear him through the phone telling his son how he was NOT taking him back to his mom's tonight so he could simply sleep so he could pick him up again in the morning. Mom had already told me she was going to make him do this for she says every time she gives him "extra time" he never returns him on time and doesn't allow her the extra time when he's at his dad's house. I told her myself that I thought it was kind of silly since her and her ex don't get along that if she just let her son stay there then she wouldn't have to deal with him but she refused. My bf sat down with the boy before his dad got him and asked him if he was ok... he also let him know that he and I were here for him anytime he wanted and the poor little boy started crying. This is not the first time that my bf and I have sat down with him. He has been pushed and pulled into the middle of this and doesn't understand any of it. I know I've babbled but it just breaks my heart to see this happen to him. I am a CP who's ex doesn't have anything to do with his children I have seen what it does to children. I realize mom is trying to make it where the dad doesn't take advantage of her yet she's not realizing what it's doing to her son.

 

[TNBSMommy]

That is really sad, Tigger, and it does go to show, that with all of our daily struggles, and the anger, and such, that we tend to forget who is really important. Our children. Thanks for reminding us all what it is really all about. I do hope that little boy finds some peace in his life.

 

[smh33]

It is all very sad and good that someone takes the time to remind us. I find the most sad thing is that so many issues are strictly about money or doing the other parent wrong. I have seen that 'look' in my child's eyes, like when his Dad and I both go to say a soccer game...we do not sit together,etc and I see my son look back and forth between us. I see it in his eyes, how does he choose, if he speaks to me will Dad be mad/hurt, vice versa...I hate it.

 

[TxStep]

So true, Tigger. People can get so wrapped up in fighting with each other that they forget what they were fighting about in the first place. It can be so difficult to overcome those emotions of anger and hate, but before acting, it is important to ask yourself, "Is what I am about to do in the best interest of the child(ren)?" I see this as an important part of my job as a stepmom. I am here to help him remember what is the right thing to do. When my husband's ex has once again done something that is not in the best interest of their child, obviously in an attempt to anger him, how should he react? Sometimes it requires a sacrifice on his part, so that his child is not damaged any more. After all, if he reacts emotionally to what she does, he is no better.

 

[tigger22472]

I agree!!! I think the reason my SO's ex and I get along is because I have made them both stop and think before doing things. Last year we lived 45 minutes away from my sd's mother. We were in a bowling league. Mom allowed us to have her that day but we had to drive to get her and bring her back that night even though she wasn't in school yet and the mom's now husband's children lived around the corner from us. He received visitation the following night of our league. We would of prefered her to just stay the night but mom wanted her back. My bf got it in his mind that he wouldn't take her back and that mom could just wait a day. I told him we WERE taking her back that night because if we didn't mom wouldn't let us have her for bowling, something that she truely enjoyed, anymore and that wasn't fair to her. He admitted I was right and even though it put us out a bit we complied.