Lack of Visitation for Six Years

[Silverplum]

I agree that the child's feelings need to be taken into consideration. 6 years of not seeing dad and just phone calls and now out of the blue wanting him to come stay with a father he has only had a phone relationship with would be hard. Could dad come to you at least 1 time and spend some time with him before the long stretch. Might put every ones mind at ease. Or you take him out there to see him before then. Be careful not to influence your son when trying to be empathetic and a evaluation by a counselor might not hurt it would be a neutral party to help him deal with everything and could give recommendations if you guys end up back in court for a modification. Good luck!

You are commenting on a legal site: the FACT is that the child's ~feelings~ will NOT be "taken into consideration."

This is not MomsCafe or FreudLovesYourBaby.

 

[Silverplum]

What am I modifying? Demanding a grown man see his son. It's a right not an obligation. I can't make him spend his money to come to AZ. If he doesn't come he doesn't come. However, I'm not going to try and take it away from him.

*looks around, verifies we are, indeed, at FreeAdvice.com*

The court order that you don't like. Because what the order states is what you have to do.

Wasn't that the whole POINT of this thread?

 

[tuffbrk]

Why have you not implemented the use of skype or a similar app to familiarize the child with Dad's home, surroundings, etc. ? At 11 yrs old he is what - 5th or 6th grade? We're not talking about a baby. And, frankly, you may want to broach it as an exciting adventure that he is about to embark upon, rather than focusing on what "he'll have to miss." That being said, the judge may order Dad to come for a few days visit over Spring Break to provide a comfort level. I'm really at a loss as to why you didn't broach the topic of your parenting plan in court before now.

 

[TheGeekess]

Why have you not implemented the use of skype or a similar app to familiarize the child with Dad's home, surroundings, etc. ? At 11 yrs old he is what - 5th or 6th grade? We're not talking about a baby. And, frankly, you may want to broach it as an exciting adventure that he is about to embark upon, rather than focusing on what "he'll have to miss." That being said, the judge may order Dad to come for a few days visit over Spring Break to provide a comfort level. I'm really at a loss as to why you didn't broach the topic of your parenting plan in court before now.

And it's not like Hotlanta is the end of the earth, or a wide spot in the road. Not only do they have a 6 Flags theme park, there's also the Georgia Aquarium, Stone Mountain, the Coke Museum, the CNN Center. They also have major league baseball and football teams and traffic jams.

 

[Proserpina]

What am I modifying? Demanding a grown man see his son. It's a right not an obligation. I can't make him spend his money to come to AZ. If he doesn't come he doesn't come. However, I'm not going to try and take it away from him.

Don't mind me.

I'm just one of those types of women who believes that if something is genuinely in the best interests of the child, it's a good idea to modify the order so the absent parent needs to do A, B and C before moving on to "V for Visitation".

 

[CJane]

After two years + of being mostly absent from our daughters' lives, my ex was ordered to attend counseling with the children in person, and then after we moved across country, via Skype. He was then allowed monitored visits during daytime hours, unsupervised Skype time, and one overnight.

Finally, in April of this year - more than 3 years after he dropped out of their lives, he'll have one week of completely monitored overnight visits back in Missouri.

Counseling is still required.

So, after 6 years? I think you've got a good shot at modifying the order to include reunification therapy and local visits. Just be prepared to bear at least 1/2 the cost.

 

[Just Blue]

I encourage our son to have a relationship. As I stated I make him return his father's calls. My son is not INVOLVED as you may believe. However, when his father ask him if he wants to visit and he says NO he must be involved to a certain extent. It's not like I can pack a suitcase and put him on a plane without letting him know what is going on. He would need to know that he would miss music lessons, basketball camp, and basketball games. Regarding his father calling; our great uncle calls every 3 to 4 weeks and he doesn't want to go visit him for two weeks either. I truly encourage our son to have a relationship with his father, but not seeing him for six years has influenced how our son feels. My question was would a judge take into consideration how he feels and ask dad to visit AZ first to re-establish a relationship. Blood does not dictate an instant relationship.

I can understand how your child feels...But the long distance plan that you have is very unfair to Dad. 2 weeks a year with no time in his state till 10?? REALLY????

I can't understand why you or Dad would agree to this.

Sons lesson, games or camp should take a backseat to having a relationship with his DAD.

 

[LdiJ]

I can understand how your child feels...But the long distance plan that you have is very unfair to Dad. 2 weeks a year with no time in his state till 10?? REALLY????

I can't understand why you or Dad would agree to this.

Sons lesson, games or camp should take a backseat to having a relationship with his DAD.

At this point that is kind of a moot point. The child is 11 now and dad chose not to visit for 6 years. That might have been all dad wanted.

 

[single317dad]

Don't mind me.

I'm just one of those types of women who believes that if something is genuinely in the best interests of the child, it's a good idea to modify the order so the absent parent needs to do A, B and C before moving on to "V for Visitation".

I don't disagree at all, but if Dad genuinely wants to get to V, he will get to V, over any objection OP puts forth. And right now? The order says go directly to V.

I just get the feeling this would have been the same big deal after four years, or two. In fact, it might just be a big deal every single summer since Dad "hasn't seen his son in a whole year!", as per the order.

 

[Just Blue]

At this point that is kind of a moot point. The child is 11 now and dad chose not to visit for 6 years. That might have been all dad wanted.

The original agreement was bizarre. If was made to be difficult for Dad to have a relationship with his child.

 

[t74]

I agree that the child's feelings need to be taken into consideration. 6 years of not seeing dad and just phone calls and now out of the blue wanting him to come stay with a father he has only had a phone relationship with would be hard. Could dad come to you at least 1 time and spend some time with him before the long stretch. Might put every ones mind at ease. Or you take him out there to see him before then. Be careful not to influence your son when trying to be empathetic and a evaluation by a counselor might not hurt it would be a neutral party to help him deal with everything and could give recommendations if you guys end up back in court for a modification. Good luck!

Good approach. Seeing parents interact positively in Dad's location is a plus.

 

[cheesecake46580]

You are commenting on a legal site: the FACT is that the child's ~feelings~ will NOT be "taken into consideration."

This is not MomsCafe or FreudLovesYourBaby.

I understand that Silver but this is about the child and figuring out what the best course of action will be for his well being and to foster his relationship with his father. And sorting all of this out and deciding to go and try to modify and trying to make the transition as easy as one can for him to see his dad in person after 6 years. That is why I suggested therapy for the child to have a neutral party to help him deal with all of this. I do not judge this mom for trying to do whats best as dad has been the one not visiting. I understand the law but this is a child and not a sack of potato's.

Another idea that might make the child want to visit with dad longer is the tango app. It's like skype but better. You can see one another but there are many games him and dad can play together and talk while doing it. and all while being face to face. It's not the same as in person but it is interacting with one another. Might help your son adjust to the idea of going and staying.

I urge u if you feel u need to modify get it rolling summer is on your heels! I tango with my kids all of the time when they are gone and my son with his dad when he is here. My daughters dad is not interested. But I can say it keeps you closer than just a phone call and it is fun playing the games with the kiddo's. When I was 21/2 hours away in indy getting treatment for an illness for 3 weeks tango became a life line. My husband checked books out at the library and I read them bed time stories every night. Just an idea for some meaningful long distance visits. In our state our guidelines even comment on this kind of communication. Good luck to you and let me know if dad and son try this I know our family loves it and it's free! Good way to try and foster some bonding before he has to go.

 

[iminlove]

I can understand how your child feels...But the long distance plan that you have is very unfair to Dad. 2 weeks a year with no time in his state till 10?? REALLY????

I can't understand why you or Dad would agree to this.

Sons lesson, games or camp should take a backseat to having a relationship with his DAD.

I didn't create the plan. This is the plan that dad came up with all by himself and I just agreed to it. I was trying to make things work and be agreeable, especially since I wasn't the one moving. I thought if this was what he wanted then we could make it work. He thought it was a good plan. He decided at 10 years of age our son would visit and up until 10 dad decided he would come visit AZ every year. It was all his idea. I guess that is why I don't understand why he couldn't and didn't follow through.

 

[iminlove]

Why have you not implemented the use of skype or a similar app to familiarize the child with Dad's home, surroundings, etc. ? At 11 yrs old he is what - 5th or 6th grade? We're not talking about a baby. And, frankly, you may want to broach it as an exciting adventure that he is about to embark upon, rather than focusing on what "he'll have to miss." That being said, the judge may order Dad to come for a few days visit over Spring Break to provide a comfort level. I'm really at a loss as to why you didn't broach the topic of your parenting plan in court before now.

Perhaps because I have read some many other posts that states that you can't make a parent follow through with visitation. In addition to not being able to force him to buy a plane ticket, I also don't have money to continue to go back to court time and time again to make him visit.

 

[iminlove]

I don't disagree at all, but if Dad genuinely wants to get to V, he will get to V, over any objection OP puts forth. And right now? The order says go directly to V.

I just get the feeling this would have been the same big deal after four years, or two. In fact, it might just be a big deal every single summer since Dad "hasn't seen his son in a whole year!", as per the order.

That is absolutely not the case. I have a daughter who is now grown and her father and I have not been together since she was two but we were always able to work things out. He eventually moved back to where he was from and she visited him. However, she knew him and saw him regularly. I'm not one of those parents not wanting their child to see their father. My daughter loves her dad. I knew her dad's faults and short comings as we all have them but I never spoke one bad word about him. The issue is my son doesn't know his dad and I think at least one visit would be appropriate. I actually think he would have a good time.