Lack of Visitation for Six Years

[iminlove]

I understand that Silver but this is about the child and figuring out what the best course of action will be for his well being and to foster his relationship with his father. And sorting all of this out and deciding to go and try to modify and trying to make the transition as easy as one can for him to see his dad in person after 6 years. That is why I suggested therapy for the child to have a neutral party to help him deal with all of this. I do not judge this mom for trying to do whats best as dad has been the one not visiting. I understand the law but this is a child and not a sack of potato's.

Another idea that might make the child want to visit with dad longer is the tango app. It's like skype but better. You can see one another but there are many games him and dad can play together and talk while doing it. and all while being face to face. It's not the same as in person but it is interacting with one another. Might help your son adjust to the idea of going and staying.

I urge u if you feel u need to modify get it rolling summer is on your heels! I tango with my kids all of the time when they are gone and my son with his dad when he is here. My daughters dad is not interested. But I can say it keeps you closer than just a phone call and it is fun playing the games with the kiddo's. When I was 21/2 hours away in indy getting treatment for an illness for 3 weeks tango became a life line. My husband checked books out at the library and I read them bed time stories every night. Just an idea for some meaningful long distance visits. In our state our guidelines even comment on this kind of communication. Good luck to you and let me know if dad and son try this I know our family loves it and it's free! Good way to try and foster some bonding before he has to go.

Thank you for the suggestion. I will suggest this. I will give dad a few days to process. At this point, dad feels everything is my fault. I tried being very honest with him so we could deal with our son's feelings but he doesn't understand. I haven't told him that my son begs me to call his dad back and tell him he's busy so he doesn't have to talk to him or for me to tell him that he's gone. He's 11 and isn't a phone person. I don't know what boy is. I literally dial the number and make him speak to his father. I never want to be accused of keeping him from his father. Hopefully something like this will be encouraging.

 

[Proserpina]

Can we back up a second please?

This is what we have:

1. Dad's original parenting plan hasn't changed in 6 years

2. Dad now wants to see the child, but instead of following the order - and remember folks, it's a court order and not a suggestion - he wants Mom to place said child on a plane to visit Dad in Georgia.

3. I will reiterate - this is a parent who has, but for sporadic phone calls - has done absolutely nothing to see his child in six years.

4. Mom is more than a tad wary of this. I don't blame her. Like it or not, he's pretty much a stranger.

Now, we can go back and forth from here to kingdom come but it won't change the past and we'll be doing the OP a grave disservice if we discuss only the negative consequences. If I was a betting gal, my money would be on Dad having to make the effort in Arizona before anything else happens (even though I did come down hard on her).

Best interests, and all.

 

[Silverplum]

5. Several of us told her to get to court and change her court order, and she made some more excuses.

I'm not disagreeing with 1-4.

http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/Self-ServiceCenter/Forms/FamilyCourt/fc_group_14.asp

 

[LdiJ]

Can we back up a second please?

This is what we have:

1. Dad's original parenting plan hasn't changed in 6 years

2. Dad now wants to see the child, but instead of following the order - and remember folks, it's a court order and not a suggestion - he wants Mom to place said child on a plane to visit Dad in Georgia.

3. I will reiterate - this is a parent who has, but for sporadic phone calls - has done absolutely nothing to see his child in six years.

4. Mom is more than a tad wary of this. I don't blame her. Like it or not, he's pretty much a stranger.

Now, we can go back and forth from here to kingdom come but it won't change the past and we'll be doing the OP a grave disservice if we discuss only the negative consequences. If I was a betting gal, my money would be on Dad having to make the effort in Arizona before anything else happens (even though I did come down hard on her).

Best interests, and all.

I agree. I cannot imagine, even if dad files for contempt because mom refuses to put the child on the plane, that ANY judge, in ANY state would actually hold mom in contempt in this scenario. I do think that a judge would order at least ONE visit between the child and dad in the child's community, and perhaps more than one.

I am suggesting that mom avoid the whole contempt route by filing for a modification to reflect that dad has voluntarily chosen not to visit his child for six years and therefore a new reunification plan needs to be put in place. I do feel that mom needs to do this immediately and get an attorney on board to make sure that something is decided before summer...and time is running short for that.

And yes, the original order was a bit weird, but apparently it was dad's suggestion, not mom's.

I am a bit disappointed in those that say otherwise. Anyone who doesn't grasp that an 11 year old can have a clear and emotional opinion on being separated from either their parents, or the only parent they really know, are not acknowledging that children are PEOPLE...with their own emotions and feelings. Sure, its really easy to blame it on the custodial parent...sure its really easy to say that the child should have no knowledge...but come on people that is just ludicrous.

I know all of you quite well. I am quite certain that not a one of you would leave an 11 year old so in the dark that they little to no warning that they were about to be sent off to spend time with someone they barely know without any real preparation. In my opinion that would be the ultimate in BAD parenting. On top of that for two weeks...I am quite certain that everyone of you recognize what two weeks means to someone at that age.

And if you do not...then I am disappointed in you...and what makes me more disappointed is the fact that I know that all of you know better than that.

 

[iminlove]

5. Several of us told her to get to court and change her court order, and she made some more excuses.

I'm not disagreeing with 1-4.

http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/Self-ServiceCenter/Forms/FamilyCourt/fc_group_14.asp

What I do to get it changed? I don't know what to suggest or to ask for. Do I request that dad see our son in AZ first and then go from there. Is this an emergency change.

 

[Silverplum]

What I do to get it changed? I don't know what to suggest or to ask for. Do I request that dad see our son in AZ first and then go from there. Is this an emergency change.

Read the link and the other links. That's where you begin.

 

[iminlove]

Read the link and the other links. That's where you begin.

Thanks! It's a start and I appreciate the advice, experiences shared and knowledge from everyone.

 

[cheesecake46580]

Have you tried anything like the Tango app for him to talk to his dad. It is better because u can see the other person and can even play 2 player games with them. (on android) this could help establish a little more of a relationship than a 2 min phone call. It's like skype but easier to use and free. My kids Tango with me when visiting dad and with dad when here. Our family loves it because we can have daily face to face contact. http://www.tango.me/download

If you seriously are thinking of a modification get it rolling asap as this will take some time. U know in your heart what is best for your son. It is very important for every child to know there parents as long as it's safe and benifical and meaningful to the child. Also about the empathy be care not to get that confused by alienation that is easy to do. I urge u to see a counselor to keep that from happening and to help your son make a smooth transition. Good luck to ya and if you decide to try and set up vertebral visits let me know how that goes. I know here in Indiana this is even a form of comunication in our guidelines.

 

[cheesecake46580]

I agree. I cannot imagine, even if dad files for contempt because mom refuses to put the child on the plane, that ANY judge, in ANY state would actually hold mom in contempt in this scenario. I do think that a judge would order at least ONE visit between the child and dad in the child's community, and perhaps more than one.

I am suggesting that mom avoid the whole contempt route by filing for a modification to reflect that dad has voluntarily chosen not to visit his child for six years and therefore a new reunification plan needs to be put in place. I do feel that mom needs to do this immediately and get an attorney on board to make sure that something is decided before summer...and time is running short for that.

And yes, the original order was a bit weird, but apparently it was dad's suggestion, not mom's.

I am a bit disappointed in those that say otherwise. Anyone who doesn't grasp that an 11 year old can have a clear and emotional opinion on being separated from either their parents, or the only parent they really know, are not acknowledging that children are PEOPLE...with their own emotions and feelings. Sure, its really easy to blame it on the custodial parent...sure its really easy to say that the child should have no knowledge...but come on people that is just ludicrous.

I know all of you quite well. I am quite certain that not a one of you would leave an 11 year old so in the dark that they little to no warning that they were about to be sent off to spend time with someone they barely know without any real preparation. In my opinion that would be the ultimate in BAD parenting. On top of that for two weeks...I am quite certain that everyone of you recognize what two weeks means to someone at that age.

And if you do not...then I am disappointed in you...and what makes me more disappointed is the fact that I know that all of you know better than that.

I agree! My grandma (R.I.H) Always told me never to forget that children are little people too!