Lack of Visitation for Six Years

[iminlove]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ


My son's father moved away from AZ six yeas ago with his address unknown. The parenting agreement states that the father will visit AZ each year and spend two weeks of parenting time until the child turns 10 and then at that time our child will visit him in Atlanta. Well, that was six years ago and he has never visited once. He may call every three weeks and speak to our son on the phone for 2 minutes or so but he has not seen our child in six years. Our child is now 11 and his father wants him to visit him in Atlanta. Our son absolutely does not want to go, especially for two weeks. Our son did state that if he has to see his father, he would prefer for him to come to AZ. Basically at this point our son is not concerned with his father and I even have to force him to return his father's phone calls. My son's father feels our son not visiting him in Atlanta is unreasonable.

In addition, finances has never been an issue for him. He has an excellent paying job to afford several tickets to have visited AZ.

If this situation were to go back to court, what say does our son have, especially since his father did not hold up his end of the parenting plan for six years? Would a judge suggest the father establish a relationship by him visiting in AZ first before allowing our son to go to Atlanta for two weeks of visitation time with someone he basically does not know?

 

[Eekamouse]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ


My son's father moved away from AZ six yeas ago with his address unknown. The parenting agreement states that the father will visit AZ each year and spend two weeks of parenting time until the child turns 10 and then at that time our child will visit him in Atlanta. Well, that was six years ago and he has never visited once. He may call every three weeks and speak to our son on the phone for 2 minutes or so but he has not seen our child in six years. Our child is now 11 and his father wants him to visit him in Atlanta. Our son absolutely does not want to go, especially for two weeks. Our son did state that if he has to see his father, he would prefer for him to come to AZ. Basically at this point our son is not concerned with his father and I even have to force him to return his father's phone calls. My son's father feels our son not visiting him in Atlanta is unreasonable.

In addition, finances has never been an issue for him. He has an excellent paying job to afford several tickets to have visited AZ.

If this situation were to go back to court, what say does our son have, especially since his father did not hold up his end of the parenting plan for six years? Would a judge suggest the father establish a relationship by him visiting in AZ first before allowing our son to go to Atlanta for two weeks of visitation time with someone he basically does not know?

Your son is 11. He should not be involved in this matter. It should be between the parents ONLY. You should be encouraging him to go since this is his father and his father does have the right to see him if he chooses to. He hasn't been completely MIA. He has called your son and spoken to him on the phone so your son actually DOES know his father and will know him better once he goes out to visit him.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ


My son's father moved away from AZ six yeas ago with his address unknown. The parenting agreement states that the father will visit AZ each year and spend two weeks of parenting time until the child turns 10 and then at that time our child will visit him in Atlanta. Well, that was six years ago and he has never visited once. He may call every three weeks and speak to our son on the phone for 2 minutes or so but he has not seen our child in six years. Our child is now 11 and his father wants him to visit him in Atlanta. Our son absolutely does not want to go, especially for two weeks. Our son did state that if he has to see his father, he would prefer for him to come to AZ. Basically at this point our son is not concerned with his father and I even have to force him to return his father's phone calls. My son's father feels our son not visiting him in Atlanta is unreasonable.

In addition, finances has never been an issue for him. He has an excellent paying job to afford several tickets to have visited AZ.

If this situation were to go back to court, what say does our son have, especially since his father did not hold up his end of the parenting plan for six years? Would a judge suggest the father establish a relationship by him visiting in AZ first before allowing our son to go to Atlanta for two weeks of visitation time with someone he basically does not know?

You've got two issues here. The first is the current order and depending on your motivation what you do next will go a long way in determining what happens over the longer term. While nobody can guarantee a particular result, your child hasn't seen his father in over half of his life, and sorry folks, but a two minute phone call every 3 weeks isn't going to cut it.

But that's not the whole thing.

You've mentioned that you're fine with him visiting in Arizona at least in the short term - and I don't think that's unreasonable - but in the next breath you're basically asking if your son can decide himself whether or not he sees his father. That often suggests that there's just a wee bit of parental influence going on.

This is where you get another shot at co-parenting with Dad. Don't mess it up and more importantly, don't mess up your mutual child.

 

[iminlove]

You've got two issues here. The first is the current order and depending on your motivation what you do next will go a long way in determining what happens over the longer term. While nobody can guarantee a particular result, your child hasn't seen his father in over half of his life, and sorry folks, but a two minute phone call every 3 weeks isn't going to cut it.

But that's not the whole thing.

You've mentioned that you're fine with him visiting in Arizona at least in the short term - and I don't think that's unreasonable - but in the next breath you're basically asking if your son can decide himself whether or not he sees his father. That often suggests that there's just a wee bit of parental influence going on.

This is where you get another shot at co-parenting with Dad. Don't mess it up and more importantly, don't mess up your mutual child.

No, I absolutely do not believe my son should decided if he should see his father or not. He should have a relationship with him and it is entirely up to his father what kind of relationship that will be and I will continue to be loving, honest and encouraging. However, I do believe that his feelings should be taken into consideration and the manner in how he re-establishes a relationship with his father. I agree with you. My parental influence is more so the empathy I feel for my child and the need to advocate a healthy relationship instead of one that is dictated by blood.

 

[iminlove]

Your son is 11. He should not be involved in this matter. It should be between the parents ONLY. You should be encouraging him to go since this is his father and his father does have the right to see him if he chooses to. He hasn't been completely MIA. He has called your son and spoken to him on the phone so your son actually DOES know his father and will know him better once he goes out to visit him.

I encourage our son to have a relationship. As I stated I make him return his father's calls. My son is not INVOLVED as you may believe. However, when his father ask him if he wants to visit and he says NO he must be involved to a certain extent. It's not like I can pack a suitcase and put him on a plane without letting him know what is going on. He would need to know that he would miss music lessons, basketball camp, and basketball games. Regarding his father calling; our great uncle calls every 3 to 4 weeks and he doesn't want to go visit him for two weeks either. I truly encourage our son to have a relationship with his father, but not seeing him for six years has influenced how our son feels. My question was would a judge take into consideration how he feels and ask dad to visit AZ first to re-establish a relationship. Blood does not dictate an instant relationship.

 

[Eekamouse]

I encourage our son to have a relationship. As I stated I make him return his father's calls. My son is not INVOLVED as you may believe. However, when his father ask him if he wants to visit and he says NO he must be involved to a certain extent. It's not like I can pack a suitcase and put him on a plane without letting him know what is going on. He would need to know that he would miss music lessons, basketball camp, and basketball games. Regarding his father calling; our great uncle calls every 3 to 4 weeks and he doesn't want to go visit him for two weeks either. I truly encourage our son to have a relationship with his father, but not seeing him for six years has influenced how our son feels. My question was would a judge take into consideration how he feels and ask dad to visit AZ first to re-establish a relationship. Blood does not dictate an instant relationship.

Doesn't it? I mean, like it or not, he is his father and he has rights. A judge might decide to require dad to come out to AZ but I wouldn't count on that if I were you. Kiddo missing a few music lessons and sport activities to go visit his dad won't be a big deal unless you make it one. How is your relationship with dad? Acrimonious? Great? Is dad remarried? Has dad kept up on his child support payments? Does kiddo have a relationship with his paternal grandparents at all?

 

[Proserpina]

I encourage our son to have a relationship. As I stated I make him return his father's calls. My son is not INVOLVED as you may believe. However, when his father ask him if he wants to visit and he says NO he must be involved to a certain extent.

And the reason you're so defensive is.... what, exactly?

It's not like I can pack a suitcase and put him on a plane without letting him know what is going on. He would need to know that he would miss music lessons, basketball camp, and basketball games.

It's high time he understood that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.

Regarding his father calling; our great uncle calls every 3 to 4 weeks and he doesn't want to go visit him for two weeks either.

It's lucky you didn't make him the child's father then, isn't it? Come on now. That's an absurd thing for you to say and you (should) know it.

I truly encourage our son to have a relationship with his father, but not seeing him for six years has influenced how our son feels. My question was would a judge take into consideration how he feels and ask dad to visit AZ first to re-establish a relationship.

Go on.

Blood does not dictate an instant relationship.

Wow, I totally did not know that.

But I do have a question. When it got to be 3 years without a visit, why on earth didn't you go back to court to modify the order?

 

[stealth2]

At best, the judge may order Dad to come out to AZ a few times. But other than that? Young man WILL be going to see his Dad in Atlanta, regardless of any extracurriculars he may miss. Music lessons can be rescheduled, basketball camps worked around and a few games missed. None of those are viewed as more important than seeing his other parent. None of them are once-in-a-lifetime events.

While you cannot put him on a plane and not tell him where he's going, you CAN make it clear that, should he refuse to do so? He's going to be missing those activities ANYway as a consequence of his defiance. Really.

 

[single317dad]

You've had this boy all to yourself for several years. Time to start loosening the apron strings.

Your order says the child goes to Dad's. Whether that happens this year or not, as stealth said, Dad WILL get his visits in Atlanta eventually. Better to prepare the child for those visits than fight the whole process.

 

[Mirorfloyd Law]

You got to know that dad has a LOT of things he wants to say to his son. He's bothered to keep in contact, but probably felt that if he strayed too far into topics you didn't like, he'd get cut off. There's always another side. I'd be real worried if I was you, since you may have done any number of back stabbing things to the father to get him away from you at the start.

Maybe he just wants to explain his son about his true spiritual nature, and warn him against predators.

Yup. There's all sorts of things that can be going on here that we'll never know.

 

[iminlove]

Doesn't it? I mean, like it or not, he is his father and he has rights. A judge might decide to require dad to come out to AZ but I wouldn't count on that if I were you. Kiddo missing a few music lessons and sport activities to go visit his dad won't be a big deal unless you make it one. How is your relationship with dad? Acrimonious? Great? Is dad remarried? Has dad kept up on his child support payments? Does kiddo have a relationship with his paternal grandparents at all?

I don't have a problem with him being the father and the reason I mentioned the music lessons and basketball is because another poster stated an 11 year old should not be involved in the matter. I was simply pointing out that I was packing a diaper bag and sending him on his way. That he would need to be informed that he was traveling and missing his activities. When dad lived here our son was involved in sports and he had to miss games every other weekend because dad wouldn't take him to his games. So that is not a problem. And I never said it was.

No he does not have a relationship with his paternal grandparents. He doesn't know them and the paternal grandmother has nothing to do with him. Dad was remarried before he left AZ and that was not a problem.

 

[iminlove]

And the reason you're so defensive is.... what, exactly?



It's high time he understood that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.



It's lucky you didn't make him the child's father then, isn't it? Come on now. That's an absurd thing for you to say and you (should) know it.



Go on.



Wow, I totally did not know that.

But I do have a question. When it got to be 3 years without a visit, why on earth didn't you go back to court to modify the order?

What am I modifying? Demanding a grown man see his son. It's a right not an obligation. I can't make him spend his money to come to AZ. If he doesn't come he doesn't come. However, I'm not going to try and take it away from him.

 

[LdiJ]

I encourage our son to have a relationship. As I stated I make him return his father's calls. My son is not INVOLVED as you may believe. However, when his father ask him if he wants to visit and he says NO he must be involved to a certain extent. It's not like I can pack a suitcase and put him on a plane without letting him know what is going on. He would need to know that he would miss music lessons, basketball camp, and basketball games. Regarding his father calling; our great uncle calls every 3 to 4 weeks and he doesn't want to go visit him for two weeks either. I truly encourage our son to have a relationship with his father, but not seeing him for six years has influenced how our son feels. My question was would a judge take into consideration how he feels and ask dad to visit AZ first to re-establish a relationship. Blood does not dictate an instant relationship.

It is quite likely that a judge would require dad to visit in AZ at least once before making the child travel to him. However, I will tell you right now that if you really want to make it happen you MUST get a court case going NOW, and you probably need an attorney to make sure that everything happens as quickly as it needs to happen and as smoothly.

Dad is being pretty unreasonable, in my opinion, in not grasping that he is a stranger to his child and cannot expect his child to embrace traveling to the other side of the country to spend two weeks with a stranger...despite the fact that that the stranger is his father and they have communicated by phone.

 

[cheesecake46580]

No, I absolutely do not believe my son should decided if he should see his father or not. He should have a relationship with him and it is entirely up to his father what kind of relationship that will be and I will continue to be loving, honest and encouraging. However, I do believe that his feelings should be taken into consideration and the manner in how he re-establishes a relationship with his father. I agree with you. My parental influence is more so the empathy I feel for my child and the need to advocate a healthy relationship instead of one that is dictated by blood.

I agree that the child's feelings need to be taken into consideration. 6 years of not seeing dad and just phone calls and now out of the blue wanting him to come stay with a father he has only had a phone relationship with would be hard. Could dad come to you at least 1 time and spend some time with him before the long stretch. Might put every ones mind at ease. Or you take him out there to see him before then. Be careful not to influence your son when trying to be empathetic and a evaluation by a counselor might not hurt it would be a neutral party to help him deal with everything and could give recommendations if you guys end up back in court for a modification. Good luck!

 

[cheesecake46580]

It is quite likely that a judge would require dad to visit in AZ at least once before making the child travel to him. However, I will tell you right now that if you really want to make it happen you MUST get a court case going NOW, and you probably need an attorney to make sure that everything happens as quickly as it needs to happen and as smoothly.

ntry to spend two weeks with a stranger...despite the fact that that the stranger is his father and they have communicated by phone.Dad is being pretty unreasonable, in my opinion, in not grasping that he is a stranger to his child and cannot expect his child to embrace traveling to the other side of the cou

Very well put!