Legal obligation to notify a father "a child exists."

[InfantCustody]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Unknown

I saw this on another message board I post on and was wondering what the legalities are.

Situation: Mother is pregnant and doesn't plan to notify her ex she is pregnant or the child exists after the child's birth. If he asks, she plans to say the child was conceived by artificial means and is not his.

Aside from the moral issues we can all see are plainly wrong, what are the legal implications of this situation? Wouldn't the mother be risking losing custody if the father figures it out and files witht he court? Isn't this the ultimate "failure to foster a relationship???"

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Unknown

I saw this on another message board I post on and was wondering what the legalities are.

Situation: Mother is pregnant and doesn't plan to notify her ex she is pregnant or the child exists after the child's birth. If he asks, she plans to say the child was conceived by artificial means and is not his.

Aside from the moral issues we can all see are plainly wrong, what are the legal implications of this situation? Wouldn't the mother be risking losing custody if the father figures it out and files witht he court? Isn't this the ultimate "failure to foster a relationship???"

Short answer: No.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Unknown

I saw this on another message board I post on and was wondering what the legalities are.

Situation: Mother is pregnant and doesn't plan to notify her ex she is pregnant or the child exists after the child's birth. If he asks, she plans to say the child was conceived by artificial means and is not his.

Aside from the moral issues we can all see are plainly wrong, what are the legal implications of this situation? Wouldn't the mother be risking losing custody if the father figures it out and files witht he court? Isn't this the ultimate "failure to foster a relationship???"

Not even close.

(Folks - I've given them up for good. )

 

[InfantCustody]

Wow. Seems to me you should not be legally allowed to lie to someone about a child being theirs, thus willfully denying them the ability to be involved, and get away with it but ok.

Thanks for answering my question.

 

[Proserpina]

Wow. Seems to me you should not be legally allowed to lie to someone about a child being theirs, thus willfully denying them the ability to be involved, and get away with it but ok.

Thanks for answering my question.

Let me ask you this.

How does MOM know that person A is the father? What if she slept with the entire Colts team?

Surely the males need to take some responsibility here...if they want to know if they're suddenly a father, shouldn't they file for a paternity test?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Unknown

I saw this on another message board I post on and was wondering what the legalities are.

Situation: Mother is pregnant and doesn't plan to notify her ex she is pregnant or the child exists after the child's birth. If he asks, she plans to say the child was conceived by artificial means and is not his.

Aside from the moral issues we can all see are plainly wrong, what are the legal implications of this situation? Wouldn't the mother be risking losing custody if the father figures it out and files witht he court? Isn't this the ultimate "failure to foster a relationship???"

Morally its an ultimate failure to foster a relationship but legally it is not. Legally the onus would be on potential dad to file to establish paternity to find out whether or not he is the father of the child. Legally the onus would be on potential dad to keep track of the people he might have fathered a child with.

He would likely get some sympathy bennies from a court if he finds out years later that he fathered a child and mom kept it from him, but mom wouldn't be at risk of losing custody in that scenario. Why? Because custody is all about the best interest of the child, and ripping the child from the only parent the child has known to be in the custody of the recently discovered parent, would normally not be in the best interest of the child.

 

[mistoffolees]

Let me ask you this.

How does MOM know that person A is the father? What if she slept with the entire Colts team?

Surely the males need to take some responsibility here...if they want to know if they're suddenly a father, shouldn't they file for a paternity test?

I think the point is that the father has no idea that he can even file for a paternity test if Mom never told him that she's pregnant.

Like it or not, people have short term relationships all the time. Some of them result in pregnancies. As you've stated, Mom has no legal obligation to tell the potential fathers that she's pregnant or that a child has been born.

I agree with InfantCustody that the law SHOULD require mothers to notify the potential father(s) (except in case of rape, for example). However, the law doesn't require that at this point.

 

[LdiJ]

I think the point is that the father has no idea that he can even file for a paternity test if Mom never told him that she's pregnant.

Like it or not, people have short term relationships all the time. Some of them result in pregnancies. As you've stated, Mom has no legal obligation to tell the potential fathers that she's pregnant or that a child has been born.

I agree with LegalCustody that the law SHOULD require mothers to notify the potential father(s) (except in case of rape, for example). However, the law doesn't require that at this point.

Unfortunately though, even if the law required such notification, some mothers wouldn't have a clue as to how to find out the last name of the potential father, let alone any more information...such as how to reach them to notify them.

Even 30 years ago that wasn't an unusual issue. I was a resident assistant when I was in college and I will never forget one freshman girl who came to me who got drunk at a frat party and woke up naked and alone...and a few weeks later, pregnant.

Or another one who thought she was in a real relationship with someone, who suddenly disappeared from school, and had a common last name, and she knew nothing else about him.

 

[CJane]

I dunno. I came very close to not telling Twain's father that I was pregnant, and just disappearing from his life. Ultimately, I couldn't do it, but I can completely understand why sometimes a woman would.

 

[mistoffolees]

Unfortunately though, even if the law required such notification, some mothers wouldn't have a clue as to how to find out the last name of the potential father, let alone any more information...such as how to reach them to notify them.

Even 30 years ago that wasn't an unusual issue. I was a resident assistant when I was in college and I will never forget one freshman girl who came to me who got drunk at a frat party and woke up naked and alone...and a few weeks later, pregnant.

Or another one who thought she was in a real relationship with someone, who suddenly disappeared from school, and had a common last name, and she knew nothing else about him.

That doesn't preclude a law that Mom must make a reasonable effort to notify the father. Difficult to enforce (and maybe impossible in some of the situations you cited), but really, the child should have a right to know both parents.

But, as already indicated, failing to do so is not illegal in any state that I know of.

 

[Proserpina]

I dunno. I came very close to not telling Twain's father that I was pregnant, and just disappearing from his life. Ultimately, I couldn't do it, but I can completely understand why sometimes a woman would.

I understand completely.

And honestly, if a guy chooses to gift his little soldiers to someone, I do think there's an equal responsibility for the man to check into whether or not his little soldiers ended up going further than expected.

Granted, it's not always easy. But still.

 

[CJane]

I understand completely.

And honestly, if a guy chooses to gift his little soldiers to someone, I do think there's an equal responsibility for the man to check into whether or not his little soldiers ended up going further than expected.

Granted, it's not always easy. But still.

No, but c'mon. A woman who knows there might be multiple potential fathers - as repugnant as *I might find that scenario - is going to be called all kinds of words that will get me banned.

But a man who schtups a woman, has no idea if he knocked her up or not, and goes about his business like nothing ever happened. Well, he's just a poor victim of a vindictive woman.

Whatever. I knew that Twain's father wasn't ever going to BE a father to him. I knew that to my core. I was right. So he's on the BC and he pays child support, but Twain will never know him. TWAIN'S life would be no different if I'd given in to my first instinct and taken off.

 

[Proserpina]

No, but c'mon. A woman who knows there might be multiple potential fathers - as repugnant as *I might find that scenario - is going to be called all kinds of words that will get me banned.

But a man who schtups a woman, has no idea if he knocked her up or not, and goes about his business like nothing ever happened. Well, he's just a poor victim of a vindictive woman.

Whatever. I knew that Twain's father wasn't ever going to BE a father to him. I knew that to my core. I was right. So he's on the BC and he pays child support, but Twain will never know him. TWAIN'S life would be no different if I'd given in to my first instinct and taken off.

The bolded is what REALLY gets me. It's a sickening double standard.

 

[mistoffolees]

No, but c'mon. A woman who knows there might be multiple potential fathers - as repugnant as *I might find that scenario - is going to be called all kinds of words that will get me banned.

But a man who schtups a woman, has no idea if he knocked her up or not, and goes about his business like nothing ever happened. Well, he's just a poor victim of a vindictive woman.

Whatever. I knew that Twain's father wasn't ever going to BE a father to him. I knew that to my core. I was right. So he's on the BC and he pays child support, but Twain will never know him. TWAIN'S life would be no different if I'd given in to my first instinct and taken off.

But Twain's life is no worse because you told Dad, either. In fact, the child support undoubtedly has some benefit for Twain, so Twain is better off because you told Dad.

Now, balance that against the cases where the guy turns out to be a great Dad. Failing to tell Dad means the child never knows his/her father - which is a major disadvantage.

So telling Dad can have profound positive outcomes with very little negative (worst case, Dad doesn't see the child or doesn't pay support - which is no worse than if Dad hadn't been told). There is only one scenario where the child is worse off if Mom tells Dad - if Dad does enter the picture and becomes abusive or harms the child. And if Dad does turn out to be that crappy, it should be possible to get a restraining order, so there still wouldn't be that much negative.

And what about the cases where MOM is the crappy parent. Having Dad in the picture might save the child's future.

Ultimately, a child benefits by having two parents - even if one of them isn't so hot.

 

[CJane]

Ultimately, a child benefits by having two parents - even if one of them isn't so hot.

I know that you believe that to be true. And that's great.

I just don't think it's ALWAYS true and won't accept it as a blanket statement.