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Lies Lies Lies and a Power Trip-- Summer Visitation

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mamadi

Member
What is the name of your state? North Carolina

I have been going through this for the past few summers and it is getting quite old ! I have full custody of 2 children. Their mother lives in Buffalo, NY. Throughout the year she can visit the children whenever she wants **************although those visits have become less every year.

The problem comes in the summer time with her having them most of the summer. It's like she is on a power trip ! She uses the children, lies to the children, etc. As soon as she picks them up for her summer visitation it starts. She talks negatively about my wife (who by the way has been helping me raise them for the past 4 years). myself, my step-children, our home, the way we live, etc. I have asked her time and time again to stop because she is hurting the kids by confusing them, etc. It's like she is always trying to find something wrong with their lives**************...and they live a pretty good life !!! We have been having to put them in counseling everytime they come back from their summer with mom. The counselor has even shared with us that she is basically using her time with them to turn them against us **************.maybe she thinks they will like her more ?????? I don't know. Maybe she is jealous of my wife because the kids love her so much **************.I don't know. She is the one who moved 700 miles away to be with her boyfriend. I could go on about the things that have been going on just in the past 4 days concerning father's day (more lies) and some telephone calls that she has made to my wife. She is on a power trip and she puts the kids right in the middle of it !!!!!

1) Is there anything (legally) that can be done about this or do we just continue taking them to counseling when they return ??

2) And , do the children HAVE to stay the entire length of their visitation if they don't want to ? (7 weeks). They didn't want to go in the first place but I explained to them how they need to visit mom ......etc. They asked if they could visit for just a couple weeks then come home. I didn't know what to tell them because I wasn't sure. My son (who is 10) asked if he could call in about 3 weeks and say he wanted to come home. **************....

How would this work ??

3) I am editing / adding this questions because I just tried to call my ex-wife's home to speak to the children (in Buffalo). I find out that telephone number has been disconnected. I had sent her a copy of the kids final report card for the year (signature required) and it was returned to us yesterday . I didn't think much about it but now I'm wondering what's going on ??????? I do have a cell phone number which is how I reached the kids yesterday.
She didn't tell me she moved or had her telephone turned off. What do I need to do ?????????

Thanks for your help......I'm at my wits end. Just as I think their mother is going to be mature and the kids are going to have a good summer without any brainwashing then.It happens again !
 
Last edited:


acmb05

Senior Member
mamadi said:
What is the name of your state? North Carolina

I have been going through this for the past few summers and it is getting quite old ! I have full custody of 2 children. Their mother lives in Buffalo, NY. Throughout the year she can visit the children whenever she wants **************although those visits have become less every year.

The problem comes in the summer time with her having them most of the summer. It's like she is on a power trip ! She uses the children, lies to the children, etc. As soon as she picks them up for her summer visitation it starts. She talks negatively about my wife (who by the way has been helping me raise them for the past 4 years). myself, my step-children, our home, the way we live, etc. I have asked her time and time again to stop because she is hurting the kids by confusing them, etc. It's like she is always trying to find something wrong with their lives**************...and they live a pretty good life !!! We have been having to put them in counseling everytime they come back from their summer with mom. The counselor has even shared with us that she is basically using her time with them to turn them against us **************.maybe she thinks they will like her more ?????? I don't know. Maybe she is jealous of my wife because the kids love her so much **************.I don't know. She is the one who moved 700 miles away to be with her boyfriend. I could go on about the things that have been going on just in the past 4 days concerning father's day (more lies) and some telephone calls that she has made to my wife. She is on a power trip and she puts the kids right in the middle of it !!!!!

Is there anything (legally) that can be done about this or do we just continue taking them to counseling when they return ??

And **************do the children HAVE to stay the entire length of their visitation if they don't want to ? (7 weeks). They didn't want to go in the first place but I explained to them how they need to visit mom ......etc. They asked if they could visit for just a couple weeks then come home. I didn't know what to tell them because I wasn't sure. My son (who is 10) asked if he could call in about 3 weeks and say he wanted to come home. **************....

How would this work ??

Thanks for your help......I'm at my wits end. Just as I think their mother is going to be mature and the kids are going to have a good summer without any brainwashing**************.It happens again !
About the only thing you can do is try to have the visitation modified so it is not so long.

Sure your son can call you whenever he wants (or mom allows it) but it is up to mom if she wants to allow him to come home early. The child has no say in the matter. You must follow whatever court order is in effect at this time.
 

mamadi

Member
Yeah**************.it's kind of funny how they tell you that all of this is in the "best interest of the children" . But yet, the children have no say in whether or not they want to be around heavy drinking, domestic abuse, a mother trying to turn them against their father, etc. Strange isn't it ???

Please read what I added to my post. I'm not sure what to do about this situation (question # 3)
 

acmb05

Senior Member
mamadi said:
Yeah**************.it's kind of funny how they tell you that all of this is in the "best interest of the children" . But yet, the children have no say in whether or not they want to be around heavy drinking, domestic abuse, a mother trying to turn them against their father, etc. Strange isn't it ???

Please read what I added to my post. I'm not sure what to do about this situation (question # 3)

Does your court order address this situation? Such as the CP is to have phone contact with the children at certain times? I would try the cell phone and then I would call my lawyer to see what you can do when the kids get back from visit.

Does she have any other family there that you can call?
 

BL

Senior Member
As was Stated , you could Petition for modification . Get the councilor's report in there , or the councilor them self , and request orders be added whereas there is to be NO derogatory talking in front of or to the children by either Party , Friends or guest .

Even at that , if it continued , it would be a long shot for contempts to be issued .

Try getting the visitation schedule modified .
 

mamadi

Member
Surely I can't get the visitation modified for this summer can I ? Is it too late ??

I'm working on locating the kids now. I do have her mother's telephone number. It states in the papers that she is to tell me of any address or telephone number changes AND where the kids are sleeping at night while in her care.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
mamadi said:
1) Is there anything (legally) that can be done about this or do we just continue taking them to counseling when they return ??
Pretty much. At some point, the kids will work it out. Mine simply tune it out at this point.

mamadi said:
2) And , do the children HAVE to stay the entire length of their visitation if they don't want to ? (7 weeks). They didn't want to go in the first place but I explained to them how they need to visit mom ......etc. They asked if they could visit for just a couple weeks then come home. I didn't know what to tell them because I wasn't sure. My son (who is 10) asked if he could call in about 3 weeks and say he wanted to come home. **************....

How would this work ??
Yep, they do - unless Mom says otherwise. Children don't make the call.

mamadi said:
3) I am editing / adding this questions because I just tried to call my ex-wife's home to speak to the children (in Buffalo). I find out that telephone number has been disconnected. I had sent her a copy of the kids final report card for the year (signature required) and it was returned to us yesterday . I didn't think much about it but now I'm wondering what's going on ??????? I do have a cell phone number which is how I reached the kids yesterday.
She didn't tell me she moved or had her telephone turned off. What do I need to do ?????????
And while she may have to notify you of changes, you apparently DO have a way of contacting them since you spoke with them yesterday. Hey - I've missed paying my bill and had an interruption of service - who's to say she hasn't? And there is no law requiring someone to sign for mail. Doesn't mean she's moved.
 

m5634

Member
Does your order state.....???

This sounds exactly like my brothers situation. Last summer he came very close not to getting his child back, because Mom up & moved against court orders. Still hasn't given new phone #, etc. to courts & Dad. Since her lawyer & Dad can't find her, and she continues to violate court orders, the judge has suspended her visitation rights.

Hopefully you have an order that gives specific instructions to both parents in the event they are planning to move. The moving parent has to give the court & other parent by cerified mail of any change of address, telephone number, & include employer name & employer address within a certain time frame.

I would call the police if you think she has up and moved. They can go to her last known address. If she's moved it will be crystal clear. Just let them know her phone has been disconnected and you want to make sure your children are o.k. and their whereabouts.

There was a case of parental abduction in my state recently. Mom was NCP and had o.k. from the father to take the child shopping. The Mom was moving to another state where her boyfriend lives. Needless to say, the Mom & her boyfriend took off with the child. Thankfully all 3 were located the next day in another state. The child is safely back home with her Dad. The Mom & boyfriend are now facing a felony charge for violating a custody order. If found guilty they could face up to 5 years.

When it comes to your children, it's better to error on the side of caution!!!!
 

BL

Senior Member
m5634 said:
This sounds exactly like my brothers situation. Last summer he came very close not to getting his child back, because Mom up & moved against court orders. Still hasn't given new phone #, etc. to courts & Dad. Since her lawyer & Dad can't find her, and she continues to violate court orders, the judge has suspended her visitation rights.

Hopefully you have an order that gives specific instructions to both parents in the event they are planning to move. The moving parent has to give the court & other parent by cerified mail of any change of address, telephone number, & include employer name & employer address within a certain time frame.

I would call the police if you think she has up and moved. They can go to her last known address. If she's moved it will be crystal clear. Just let them know her phone has been disconnected and you want to make sure your children are o.k. and their whereabouts.

There was a case of parental abduction in my state recently. Mom was NCP and had o.k. from the father to take the child shopping. The Mom was moving to another state where her boyfriend lives. Needless to say, the Mom & her boyfriend took off with the child. Thankfully all 3 were located the next day in another state. The child is safely back home with her Dad. The Mom & boyfriend are now facing a felony charge for violating a custody order. If found guilty they could face up to 5 years.

When it comes to your children, it's better to error on the side of caution!!!!
And unless , or until the child(ren) are not returned , after the visits nothing can be done about contempt in that aspect .
 

Footsy1972

Junior Member
You need to document everything....I mean everything even if you don't speak with them note the time and date you tried to get ahold of them, and get a modification of the papers.
You can not do anything at this point re: this summer but you can have it done by the next.

They children have to stay the length of time stated even if they do not want to.

I know it is frustrating but you just have to do everything by the book. If money or time is a concern I have a lawyers service that only charges me 26.00 a month for any phone calls or paperwokr needed to done and if we do have to go to court is is 125.00 an hour. The paperwork includes modifications, calls to toher lawyers or yourself, anything that can be handles out of court is covered in the 26.00. If you would like a number I can give it to you. I am the middle of modification proceedings with them. They have firms in 48 states.
 

mamadi

Member
What is the name of your state? North Carolina

SORRY BUT I STARTED A NEW MESSAGE. SOMEONE TOLD ME TO POST IT HERE AS A REPLY SO I JUST COPIES AND PASTED :

Anyway, mom gets on a total POWER trip when she has them for the summer. The rest of the year is usually fine because she only comes to see them a couple times. The power trip started when she picked them up **************.Her and her family are quite evil (long history of family abuse, drinking, affairs, etc**************.I witnessed it when we were married).

Everytime mom gets the kids there is just a "bash dad and step-mom" party in which the kids are put in the middle. These are some things I found out within the last couple of days :

SHE DID MOVE WITHOUT INFORMING ME -- THAT'S WHY THE TELEPHONE IS DISCONNECTED TOO.
Mom no longer lives in the apartment in which I thought the kids were staying **************.I found out because mail has been returned to me (I sent their report cards). Her telephone has also been disconnected. I get a hold of the kids through her cell phone (if she answers it). The only way I know she is no longer living there is because the kids told me on the telephone. She never told me !!!

Her mom (kids grandma) watches the kids during the day. She is not the nicest person in the world. I called them today on my lunch hour. I heard her talking quite ugly in the background. Her exact words were : She is not your mother, she should not be calling or talking to you". Now, she was refering to my wife (who has raised them for the past 4 years) who did get on the telephone and speak to the children after I did). She then heard my daughter tell me wife (my daughter was actually whispering so grandma would not hear) "I love you". Grandma then said "I'm going to tell your mother" after she said it.
My daughter got nervous and started breathing heavy over the telephone. My wife and I both broke down in tears because this is what my children has to face every day up there !! This is no exaggeration. Mom & her family would do anything to make us look bad / ultimately to make her look like a better mom. Maybe it's a guilty feeling she has for leaving them . I don't know but I do know that it's tearing up my children !!! They want to come home.

What can I do ????? Is a pick-up order a reasonable move ? Is contempt ?? She can visit them here I just feel as if they are being mentally traumatized up there around her and her family. What are the consequences to me if , as the custodial parent, go pick them up? I am ultimately responsible for what happens to them.

By the way, as a side note. Mom has 5 brothers and sisters. None of them have custody of their children. One reason is because of the mental and physical abuse that occurs and has occurred in the past.

I do not know what to do. This happens every summer when she gets the kids for a long period of time. Help ~! My kids are suffering.

Tim
 

BL

Senior Member
mamadi said:
What is the name of your state? North Carolina

SORRY BUT I STARTED A NEW MESSAGE. SOMEONE TOLD ME TO POST IT HERE AS A REPLY SO I JUST COPIES AND PASTED :

Anyway, mom gets on a total POWER trip when she has them for the summer. The rest of the year is usually fine because she only comes to see them a couple times. The power trip started when she picked them up **************.Her and her family are quite evil (long history of family abuse, drinking, affairs, etc**************.I witnessed it when we were married).

Everytime mom gets the kids there is just a "bash dad and step-mom" party in which the kids are put in the middle. These are some things I found out within the last couple of days :

SHE DID MOVE WITHOUT INFORMING ME -- THAT'S WHY THE TELEPHONE IS DISCONNECTED TOO.
Mom no longer lives in the apartment in which I thought the kids were staying **************.I found out because mail has been returned to me (I sent their report cards). Her telephone has also been disconnected. I get a hold of the kids through her cell phone (if she answers it). The only way I know she is no longer living there is because the kids told me on the telephone. She never told me !!!

Her mom (kids grandma) watches the kids during the day. She is not the nicest person in the world. I called them today on my lunch hour. I heard her talking quite ugly in the background. Her exact words were : She is not your mother, she should not be calling or talking to you". Now, she was refering to my wife (who has raised them for the past 4 years) who did get on the telephone and speak to the children after I did). She then heard my daughter tell me wife (my daughter was actually whispering so grandma would not hear) "I love you". Grandma then said "I'm going to tell your mother" after she said it.
My daughter got nervous and started breathing heavy over the telephone. My wife and I both broke down in tears because this is what my children has to face every day up there !! This is no exaggeration. Mom & her family would do anything to make us look bad / ultimately to make her look like a better mom. Maybe it's a guilty feeling she has for leaving them . I don't know but I do know that it's tearing up my children !!! They want to come home.

What can I do ????? Is a pick-up order a reasonable move ? Is contempt ?? She can visit them here I just feel as if they are being mentally traumatized up there around her and her family. What are the consequences to me if , as the custodial parent, go pick them up? I am ultimately responsible for what happens to them.

By the way, as a side note. Mom has 5 brothers and sisters. None of them have custody of their children. One reason is because of the mental and physical abuse that occurs and has occurred in the past.

I do not know what to do. This happens every summer when she gets the kids for a long period of time. Help ~! My kids are suffering.

Tim
Emotions are not Court Orders . You and the other Party MUST follow Court Orders , unless or until they are modified , you have been advised .
 

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