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*.*Live in boyfriend*.*

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A

afriend_always

Guest
What is the name of your state? mississippi

A friend of mine is trying to get visitation. the mother has a live in boyfriend. My friend is married with a steady job....history of being on job for 3 years and prev job was there for 4 years. MOther just got fired from working at gas station for stealing money. She was fired from working at a nursing home for hitting the patients and is not allowed to work in that field anymore. She was also fired from a large store for stealing money out of the register. Isn't there a law or something that prevents employers from telling this...how can my friend use this to his advantage....she has pulled out all of his "bad" qualities.
 


karma1

Senior Member
questions.....

were they married?
is there a current court order in place regarding visitation, custody?
how old are children (child)?
was the mom actually charged in any way for these crimes?
not an attorney but your friend would be advised to consult one--
 
A

afriend_always

Guest
Oh yeah...it was found out through the father's cousin who is a close friend to the mother that he filed the children on his income tax. The mother is on welfare and did not want the father to claim the children so she "sold" them for $500 so that this man could claim them. He has not lived with them or lived by them...should my friend report them to the irs....or what happens if the lawyer is told this information...after all, it can be proved.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Only way I know if is a sneaky one and probably not very legal.... LOL

Call the employers of the mother. Say that you're so-and-so with XYZ comapny and you're trying to get a work reference on Ms. so-and-so who's applied for a job with your company. They can tell you hire dates, answer work performance related questions, termination dates, and reason for termination. You can then also ask if the mother is eligible for re-hire. Sounds like they'd tell you no. (from your post). I'm not sure if you can subpeona prior work records in court or not. If so, THAT would be the best way to go. But I have called a past employer of my own when, for some reason, I applied for jobs and the prospective employers were all gung-ho about hiring me UNTIL they called my refrences. Come to find out, a manager at one of the prior places that didn't like me very much because I turned her in to the higher up about her favortism practices in the workplace was telling these other people lies about why I wasn't working there anymore and lying about my work performance. (saying I was always late when I was there an hour before my shift because my ride's shift at their work started an hour before mine. I had to be there an hour early if I wanted a ride!)

Like I said, if there is a way to subpoena work records that would be the right way to do it. The LEGAL way to do it. This is just an example of something that I did myself.
 
A

afriend_always

Guest
he has a lawyer....the mother had her attorney draw up the settlement papers but after he signed them, she refused. Both parties and lawyers know that visitation will be awarded but the mother is trying to delay the visitation so that it will not start before xmas. that way he won't have them until next year.

they were never married. but her live in boyfriend is the father of her last child and he does not work. she gets welfare and child support from my friend and it is taking care of a man that has not had a job for 2 years.

I pass by the children in the morning and see them waiting for the bus. It is a shame how they look. and the mother will tell you (she has said this to ME) "I always get my hair done...once a week.. and my nails stay looking good!"

He is just waiting now...trying to see what's gonna happen. Has already bought presents for them...has a 1 year old brother for them to meet. But mother won't sign her own settlement agreement.

We know about the IRS fraud, but we are scared to bring that out. Stuff like that could mean possible prison time right, becuase this year was not the first year someone other that the mother or father has claimed the children.
 

karma1

Senior Member
sounds like this might be more than visitation issues....

has your friend considered going for custody? just a thought....
let me see if I got this right, though---
there are lawyers involved and the parents are trying to reach an agreement for visitation--and BM is delaying all of this by refusing to sign anything?
You friend should not delay in any filing as family court matters can take months and months---he needs to be proactive instead of reactive---
again, though, is there a current court order in place regarding visitation or custody?
might I recomend www.deltabravo.net
excellent site for articles, forms, law info----
there's a wonderful parenting plan example on there that covers so many things that one might not think about-right of first refusal, phone contact, etc......
again, he needs to be proactive instead of reactive, IMO!
 
A

afriend_always

Guest
he has filed for visitation...at first going for custody b/c the BM had one child living wiht relative in another city. BM says though she is not worried about him getting custody of that child b/c her stand is she sent her so she could go to school. But the city we live in has a more excellent program and has been rated in the state as one of the best school system...the kindergarten has won a national award. The school she sent her to was a rural school. But that is her stand. The mother also does drugs. But the father has been arrested in his younger days for drinking and driving. She is using that against him. That is her only defense. Even though he and alot of other people know that BM and live in boyfriend use drugs, he cannot get the court to court order a drug test.
 
C

ChevyGirl

Guest
Yes, you can call up a company and say that you are trying to hire someone immediately and that are trying to do verbal employment verification to speed along the process, but I would have the lawyer get the records because if you show up with that information in court, she might start questioning how you got it a raise a stink.
 
R

RY'sMOM

Guest
Just wanted to let you know some information I just learned....live in boy/girl friends are not always considered a bad thing.

I just won custody of my son......the courts were aware of my living arrangements and they were not even brought up....it was considered not a deciding factor.......
 

karma1

Senior Member
being that this is visitation issues....

your friend would be advised to not bash the other parent-show the court that he wants to co-parent. IF she bashes, let her, it will only make her look not good and not being willing to co-parent.
I really recommend www.deltabravo.net and the parenting plans they have on there-you can adjust the wording to make it fit your needs and it covers so many things you might not think about.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
this is another mess--
so, one of the children could have legally been claimed on someone else's taxes.
the mother apparently doesn't realize the tax credit benefits of having claimed these children!
original poster stated sending the child to a rural school was a cause for a change in custody? A crowded, inner city school is better?
repeatedly we hear of the live-in boyfriend and we know this doesn't matter in most cases.
accusations of drug usage by the mother; father with DUIs

A little more concern about the children and a little less concern about the mother would make me believe this was an action being taken for the best interest of the children. How many years--3 or 4--that it has been fine with the Dad--wonder who the new girlfriend or the new wife is--could it be our original poster?
 
N

njmom

Guest
not sure!

I was under the impression that it is illegal for a previous employer to give any type of information other than, confirming that the employee did indeed work there, rate of pay, and would you re-hire, thats about it. I know I worked at a car dealership for 6 years, and he was trying to make advances to me and he was married, once he found out I started dating someone, and I got roses on Valentines Day, he became furious and told me to take those roses out to my car. Secretaries day comes along and 60 women in both dealerships got a gift certificate except for me. Needless to say, I could not work under those circumstances, so I quit the job. Well, I was going to a training course and told them I needed to use this job as a reference because that is where I accquired my skills, she acted like she was an employer checking references and this man bashed me to no end. She pulled me aside and told me that I can't use this place as a reference. I then called my old employer and told him, that if he continues to bash me, I am going to press charges against him. Guess what, since that phone call, he has not once gave me a bad reference, as a matter of fact, he says, yes, I would re-hire her in a heart beat.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Before checking any references, try to get the applicant's written consent. Let the former employer know that you have obtained this consent.
Stress confidentiality to the former employer. State that you need this information in order to make a fair hiring decision - to protect both of you.
Only ask questions related to specific job skills, general approach to the job, ability to work with others, and attendance.
You can even ask general questions about an applicant's attitude or conscientiousness, and request a performance rating. However, make sure an explanation is included with the rating.

This is from http://www.ahipubs.com/FAQ/hiring/references.html

This is a listing of the types of questions that can be asked:

Employment History….positions held, dates of employment, promotions, job duties, performance, attendance records, and termination or separation reasons.

Performance: How well did the employee perform? Overall, was performance satisfactory? unsatisfactory? May I have a copy of the employee’s most recent evaluation? Does your file show your company’s overall evaluation of the employee?

Conduct: May I see a copy of the employee’s attendance records? Does your file show any documented disciplinary problems? Follow up and probe any responses – What was the nature of the problem? What was the resolution? Was it corrected?

Termination or separation: Why did the employee leave? Is the employee eligible for rehire? If not, why not? Does the file show the reason not eligible? Is there a termination fact sheet or an exit interview?
 
A

afriend_always

Guest
Okay...I know alot of you probably live in large cities....well me and my family and "friends" do not. We live in what some of you would consider a rural town. Maybe it would equate a small suburban area. The town in which the mother sent the child to was much smaller...not even a grocery store in the town. In my state, the rural schools are not run with the best. They have used worn books and barely pass the state and national tests. Rural valedictorians enter college barely....the high average being at a 15 on the ACT. When the average for the "city" is between 19-23.

The error is not in the fact that she sent the child away....the error is in the reasoning. The child was getting older....knew what mom was doing...knew that mommy and daddy were not together anymore. I think we all know that in situations as these the children have a tendency to blame themselves for what is going on. But not this child. This child is exceptionally bright and is very verbally advanced. When she informed her father of what the mother was doing with the money that was being given to her, and he confronted the mother....it was then that the child was sent away. The child was sent to live in a one bedroom house that was barely standing while the sibling stayed with mom, boyfriend and new baby. The mother did not see the girl but twice while she was away, according to the relative that the child was with and the child.

As a mother myself I am in awe. How can any one, let alone a mother, give away a child and send her to live in such deplorable conditions while she herself enjoys a fruitful life.

The concern of the father, as far as I know are honorable ones. But, unfortuanately despite everything he knows to be a fact he can not legally backup. The child is too young to be interviewed by the judge, I believe....for she is merely 6.

When the mother found out child support was going to be decreased she suddenly doesn't want to sign her own agreement.

I know this is long, but in this day and age, with so much going on in this world, children should grown up with morals and values...they should be able to stand where we ourselves fell. They should be given the opportunities to grow and prosper. Children should not be used as pawns in the games of jealousy and resentment. but unfortunately that is the case here. This child is being used.

And no, I am not the wife/girlfriend. I am a friend. That is all.
 

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