Long Distance Visitation

[Lele316]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Could someone please point me in the direction of what a standard long distance visitaion plan consists of. I tried google but was getting conflicting things and was just trying to figure out what the norm generally is. My daughter is 3 and will be starting pre school in the fall btw if that matters.
Thank you

 

[stealth2]

What is the distance involved and who created it?

 

[Lele316]

The distance would be me and my daughter living in Florida and her father living in NY, we are not yet divorced and if I was to move it would be me causing the further distance.

 

[stealth2]

Dad will very likely get school breaks, alternating holidays, and the bulk of the summer. You should expect to pay all of the transportation.

 

[Lele316]

Dad will very likely get school breaks, alternating holidays, and the bulk of the summer. You should expect to pay all of the transportation.

Ok sorry to be a pain just wanted to ask does that mean ALL holidays or just major holidays where school would be closed for? For Ex: Halloween is also his birthday and would sometimes fall on a school day. Also as far as bulk of summer do you mean 4 weeks for example and also does it have to be straight thru or could it be broken up as in 2 weeks in the beginning and 2 weeks at the end. I am asking that because I have been with my daughter 24/7/365 since the day she is born and I feel 4 weeks could be to long for her to go without me all at once (yes fo rme to but I'm a big girl and will deal with it) .

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok sorry to be a pain just wanted to ask does that mean ALL holidays or just major holidays where school would be closed for? For Ex: Halloween is also his birthday and would sometimes fall on a school day. Also as far as bulk of summer do you mean 4 weeks for example and also does it have to be straight thru or could it be broken up as in 2 weeks in the beginning and 2 weeks at the end. I am asking that because I have been with my daughter 24/7/365 since the day she is born and I feel 4 weeks could be to long for her to go without me all at once (yes fo rme to but I'm a big girl and will deal with it) .

Expect him to get 6 to 8 weeks in the summer with YOU paying ALL the transportation. She will deal with the distance because she will be with dad. You need to realize that YOU will end up having to be without your daughter. Your daughter has never been in daycare? At a babysitters? Seriously, your daughter will adapt.

 

[stealth2]

Ok sorry to be a pain just wanted to ask does that mean ALL holidays or just major holidays where school would be closed for? For Ex: Halloween is also his birthday and would sometimes fall on a school day. Also as far as bulk of summer do you mean 4 weeks for example and also does it have to be straight thru or could it be broken up as in 2 weeks in the beginning and 2 weeks at the end. I am asking that because I have been with my daughter 24/7/365 since the day she is born and I feel 4 weeks could be to long for her to go without me all at once (yes fo rme to but I'm a big girl and will deal with it) .

A lot will depend on what the two of you can agree to. At 4 & 6, my kids saw their Dad one w/e a month, alternating breaks/major holidays, and spent all but two weeks of the summer with him. Holidays would be pretty much the major ones. It would be best to follow the local school district calendar.

Why do you feel the need to move so far away?

And, just a tip... don't exaggerate. The child sleeps, you sleep, you go to the toilet, shower, etc. She is NOT with you 24/7/365. Really, she's not. Dad NEVER in her whole life has done anything with is daughter w/o you hovering over them? You're her primary caregiver, that's understood. But that does not mean 100% of the time.

 

[MichaCA]

To point out the obvious;
when you have a young child...and move a long distance...it absolutely means the young child will be with the other parent for extended periods of time that would not be ordered if you stayed. So, while always discuss your concerns and try to work a schedule out with dad first, be prepared for young one to have to learn to spend long periods of time away from you.

 

[Lele316]

Expect him to get 6 to 8 weeks in the summer with YOU paying ALL the transportation. She will deal with the distance because she will be with dad. You need to realize that YOU will end up having to be without your daughter. Your daughter has never been in daycare? At a babysitters? Seriously, your daughter will adapt.

No my daughter has never been in daycare or anything, no babysitters at all. The most away from me was with her grandmother(my mother) while I ran to the store quick. in my family we don't believe in babysitters. I understand I will be without her and in reality it will probably bother me more then her because she will be with her dad, who she does honestly adores. 2 months straight seems like alot at one time right off the bat until she is used to it but if that's what it is then that's what it is and like you say I'm sure she will adapt. I understand because I am moving I would be required to pay the transportation costs and accept that.

 

[Ohiogal]

No my daughter has never been in daycare or anything, no babysitters at all. The most away from me was with her grandmother(my mother) while I ran to the store quick. in my family we don't believe in babysitters. I understand I will be without her and in reality it will probably bother me more then her because she will be with her dad, who she does honestly adores. 2 months straight seems like alot at one time right off the bat until she is used to it but if that's what it is then that's what it is and like you say I'm sure she will adapt. I understand because I am moving I would be required to pay the transportation costs and accept that.

So per the bolded, you just lied. Grandma is a babysitter. She is a legal stranger. Therefore you are NOT with your daughter ALWAYS. 2 months straight to be with her father? But she will be away from HER PARENT for that long when with you. How is that fair?

See, this comes down to YOUR issues. Not hers. If you move, you need to get over YOUR issues.

 

[ecmst12]

You're going to be sending her to preschool, you'll get used to it. And frankly, it doesn't matter even a little bit that being away from her will bother you. It's not about YOU, it's about the child. Keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

It will not be required for dad to schedule his visitations around her preschool schedule. You could do one weekend a month or one week every other month or something like that, until she starts kindergarten and then you can transition to an alternating holiday/extended summer visitation schedule. If you're still living the same distance apart by then.

 

[Lele316]

A lot will depend on what the two of you can agree to. At 4 & 6, my kids saw their Dad one w/e a month, alternating breaks/major holidays, and spent all but two weeks of the summer with him. Holidays would be pretty much the major ones. It would be best to follow the local school district calendar.

Why do you feel the need to move so far away?

And, just a tip... don't exaggerate. The child sleeps, you sleep, you go to the toilet, shower, etc. She is NOT with you 24/7/365. Really, she's not. Dad NEVER in her whole life has done anything with is daughter w/o you hovering over them? You're her primary caregiver, that's understood. But that does not mean 100% of the time.

Your right she sleeps in her own room and sometimes I am able to go to the bathroom by myself what I meant was everyday all day since the day she is born she has been with me and no I am not exaggerating. we were still together for the first 15 moths of her life but he never did anything one n one with her, never took her to the park or even outside to play during that time. The only extra curricular activities I guess you would call it that he ever particpated in was her first trip to an aquarium while we were on vacation with friends while she was 8 months old because I refused to let him stay at the hotel and made him come with us. Since our seperation he has only come to my parents house were we are currently living about once a month for about 8 hours and spent time with her her in their house he was not allowed to bring her home with him because the girl he is living with didnt want him to, since last june he hasnt come at all and only calls once a week.
As far as why I am moving: I currently live with my parent who are on fixed income and are not well enough for me to leave my daughter in there care for me to get a job or go to school and with the price of daycare here I would be working just to cover the daycare costs with maybe 20 dollars extra towards bills and such so I dont see how that is worth it. Yes in our court paperwork it states that if I at anytime incur daycare expenses he is responsible for half but he has told me that should I try to get that from him he will just quit his job because then it wouldnt be worth it for him to work. My sister is moving to florida with the company she works for and would be willing to help me get on my feet and create a much better life for me and my daughter. Also my brother who is in the Coast Guard is stationed in Key West so I would have his help as well.

 

[Lele316]

You're going to be sending her to preschool, you'll get used to it. And frankly, it doesn't matter even a little bit that being away from her will bother you. It's not about YOU, it's about the child. Keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

It will not be required for dad to schedule his visitations around her preschool schedule. You could do one weekend a month or one week every other month or something like that, until she starts kindergarten and then you can transition to an alternating holiday/extended summer visitation schedule. If you're still living the same distance apart by then.

I know I will get used to it like I said I am a big girl and will handle it if I was to make this move that is something that I would have to deal with. While she is is preschool I would have no problem with her visting him as you suggested it is only preschool after all. I was just giving an age and what not for my daughter.

 

[stealth2]

Even when she is in real school, you may find that the schedule will remain the same. My kids missed a half day of school once a month for years. You work around it.

 

[Lele316]

So per the bolded, you just lied. Grandma is a babysitter. She is a legal stranger. Therefore you are NOT with your daughter ALWAYS. 2 months straight to be with her father? But she will be away from HER PARENT for that long when with you. How is that fair?

See, this comes down to YOUR issues. Not hers. If you move, you need to get over YOUR issues.

No I didn't. To me grandmothers are not babysitters. While she may be a legal stranger she is in no way a stranger but rather her family.
I never said it was fair or not fair. Don't know what issues you are referring to as I have stated multiple times I know it will bother me more then her and she will adapt and i will deal with it. It is not going to kill me or her was just wondering if it could be broken up that is all.