LOOK!! I need legal help ADVICE! Please...

[msgray]

What is the name of your state? hawaii
This may not be in the most proffesional terms but I think any human with some heart will get the gist of it. I will also add that I am unemployed (disability) legally cannot drive, and total monthly income is under $500- Please give any advice or thoughts that you think may be helpful.

I have been with my new boyfriend for just under three months. Living with him. I found out about three weeks ago that I am pregnant. I am 6 weeks along. I have two children from my previous marriage... and I miss them so much. I want to get away from this relationship/man. But I am scared... sooo scared. I actually broke up with him last thursday but begged to come back the following monday...so here I am , back again. I have this fear of being alone (without a man/spouse). My parents support me with all theyre' hearts... but I came back here despite my anxiety about this man! He told me (many times and continues to ) that if I decide to leave him that he will fight me in court for full custody of the baby, starting proceedings as soon as the child is born. He also gave me a lovely option of legally signing the child over to him. He is a felon and has three more years of probation. His ex-wife and last girlfriend both have restraining orders against him. I have been having nightmares... of his friends holding me down and him cutting the baby out of me... (among other horrible dreams). It seems so simple to my friends, "Just leave!" I am scared ... need advice.

 

[dequeendistress]

Has there been any violence actual or threatened?

You voluntarily gave up custody of the other two children? If not, are the contributing factors the same as to the reason you do not have custody of them....

Looks to me like you got pregnant about the time you moved in....what is the reason you came back...really, did he threaten YOU or just threaten you with a custody battle?

 

[msgray]

re:violence

he has threatened "a$$ kickings" when I am irritating to him (many times) and from his attitude towards women in general seems to hate women... but not me of course "... if I didn't like you you would not be here...."

 

[dequeendistress]

Leave and do not go back.

If any more actual or threatened abuse occurs report this to the police and follow thru...in other words, do not be sitting with him in court holding hands when it goes to court.

If he is going to follow thru with his threats over custody, fight that battle then.

 

[msgray]

re: custody

I have legal custody of my two other children. Due to my current state if living arangement limbo they are staying with they're Dad ( a temporary situation HE is a great father) I see them multiple times per week.

As for why I came back.... right now I couldn't tell you because I can't believe that I did it!

 

[Ramoth]

Then after you move out, seek counseling. You obviously need it.

 

[stealth2]

For starters, you need to come to a decision regarding your boyfriend and stick to it. Yep, it can be scary, but the options are likely worse.

How long have the other two kids lived with their Dad? You may well find that the "temporary" agreement you have is going to be problematic. The longer they live with him in what I assume is a stable home, the more likely it is that he will file to have them remain there. So you really need to get yourself in gear and set your life on a more stable path.

 

[childrenRpeople]

Danger

If you feel that you or your baby are in danger, then you should leave. Go to family or friends or a shelter. Do not go back. Get restraining orders as necessary. Do not hesistate to protect yourself.
Issues such as these do not help themselves. They generally get worse.
Please be safe. Good luck to you.

 

[dequeendistress]

You really need to get yourself in a stable environment and your failure to do so, angers me in a way that you are NOT thinking of the unborn child nor your other children

 

[childrenRpeople]

Anger

Yes, I feel anger too when I think of someone's (especially a child's) safety being compromised.
My anger is not directed at you, Ms. Gray....but PLEASE make choices that protect you and your child!
I have been in a similar situation and regret not listening to my own common sense earlier on!

 

[4freedom]

Do you know...That I feel for people in a domestic violence situation (BEEN THERE DONE THAT!)

...HOWEVER...I have to ask....YOUR OWN WORDS..

His ex-wife and last girlfriend both have restraining orders against him.

****Did that not raise the bright red flag??? YA ..YA....love is blind..I'm sure he came up with a bunch of excuses then..:-(

He is a felon and has three more years of probation

*****You never said what he was convicted for....SO?????

Honey I agree...RUN!.....as fast and as far as you can!....Pick a day where he is at work or busy with video games..etc....Pack a bag...have at least 2 sets of clothes, money, a car available..(if possible) Any medicines...anything you need for a week..at least!

Most states have a max of 6 months residency requirements before any filling of custody or such can be done.....YOU NEED TO BE WHERE YOU WANT TO LAND 6 MONTHS before the baby is born! The second the child is born then FILE!

If you stay.....Document and call the police on anything he does.....TO you or your children......KEEP THE KIDS SAFE!!! THAT SHOULD BE YOUR FIRST CONCERN!!!!!

PM me if you want.....But if you don't KEEP THE KIDS SAFE!

ON another note....Do you know that in most states it is considered child abuse...and you can have your kids taken away from you if continue to cohabitate with a spouse MAN/WOMAN that commits domestic violence?..It happened to me...NOT that I was going to take the POS back...but They said.....IT would be over for me and the kids if I was found to be in contact or cohabitating with my spouse (cause he was a wife beating POS!)...Something just to think about!

 

[coosi]

www.hscadv.org/members/members.asp
Hawaii State Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Could help you make plans to leave permanently...

Good Luck!