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looking out for my niece and nephew

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literaryfusion

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Florida

I am hoping that someone has the patience to address this situation that has been stressing our entire family out day after day. Because we want the children to be happy and content.

Looking for the best options for a really bad situation. My parents live in Florida and my 27-year-old sister lives with them (along with her 6 and 8-year-old children). My parents take care of the children. My sister lies, has a bad drug problem, steals from the house, and was recently arrested for shoplifting. She is out on bond but supposedly charges were dropped and her court date will set her free. She is a very unfit mother and the kids miss school, the list goes on.

My parents want to kick her out but they need to make sure the children are in good hands. They want to get custody. The father does not have custody. He however, lives nearby. He is on social security/disability and has issues also. In fact, he works near his home doing plenty of well-paying odd jobs which is illegal. He pays no child support. Both parents are unfit and cannot offer solid parenting.

I have read that grandparents can get custody if they can prove the parents unfit. Of course a court will only look at solid evidence. Well, first of all my sister has been treated in a meth clinic (painkiller addiction). My parents have found her drugs. Not to mention a million other things including her "record". The little girl has awful rotten teeth from cavities so my sister and the kids' dad obviously don't take care of medical issues (no medical insurance either). And, my sister does not work.

Now, to make the issue more complex, my sister could bring up that my mom had a stroke and is on disability. However, my father has a solid job with a good company and full benefits. But my parents' income is not great. BUT my mother's mom is willing to chip in if need be. As am I and my younger brother. I am wondering how much income matters when grandparents are trying to get custody and if extra income coming in from family members would count.

Basically, would it be best to simply go talk to a lawyer? A good one? Or would it be better to talk with someone from, say, Department of Children and Families. Bottom line is that we dont want the kids taken by the state. They have already been through enough and they dont need traumatized further. My parents have and want to continue to provide a loving and safe home. What are the best steps to take? Is it correct to not evict (cant believe it BUT even if a person is not on a lease or paying rent in Florida) they have to be evicted through a formal process) my sister until the kids are with my parents? Or can my parents simply let Children and Families know that they will take the kids and then the kids will be placed with them?

Please help. Desperate and want to take the best steps!!!!!
 


Zephyr

Senior Member
the kids' mom probably knows what a dire situation she is in...anyway she would willingly sign over gaurdianship of the children to gma?
 

literaryfusion

Junior Member
she won't

No, there is no chance of that.That sure would be an easy solution though! Wish it were not complicated. Then I would not have these sort of questions. But it is what it is and even the slightest advice would be great. First of all, she gets money tax time each year since she has the kids (not that she'd admit that she'd say aloud). Second, she loves her kids as much an addict can love anyone and does not want to sign them over. My parents have asked over and over for her to sign over even temporary guardianship. She's been told to do what she needs to do to get help and she can retain rights.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I think that your parents need to get a consult with a local attorney. Finances have little to nothing to do with custody.....other than the ability to hire an attorney.

Your parents would have to prove both parents unfit from a legal standpoint. That really isn't very easy to do.
 

literaryfusion

Junior Member
thanks

thanks. I had a feeling that the way to go is to go to see a lawyer. and I know it will be difficult to prove. it's funny that a person who has no job, is living rent-free with her parents, is doing a load of drugs, is out on a bond for shoplifting, and lets her daughter's teeth rot does not raise eyebrows. but overall, we have to have solid evidence. that's how the legal system works and in many cases that keeps kids with their parents when their parents are good ones. I doubt the father will fight my parents on it. he currently has no custody and has never paid child support.

so, I take it that this is not enough for the state to sign over custody to my parents until my sister proves she is fit and that the only thing my parents can do is battle in court for custody.

thanks. any suggestions for finding the best child custody lawyers?
 
Just because mom has had treatment for painkiller addiction BEFORE does not mean that she is unfit. You will have to come up with something better than that.


Just wondering-

If the children are living with their grandparents already, why aren't the grandparents helping with the children's teeth already? If they care so much that they want custody, why aren't they helping get the children to school?? I'm just wondering why they don't take the necessary steps to help mom take care of these children before they try to take them away from her???

I have had issues with drugs myself so I may be a little biased, but I do not defend the actions mom has taken thusfar. That being said, don't you think that the best way to "continue providing a loving and safe home" without further traumatizing those kids could be to try and HELP mom? Get her into treatment, or something of that nature? Kids need to know that mistakes can be forgiven, problems can be rectified, and family will not turn on them if they make mistakes. How will they ever believe that if they don't see it??

Edited to add: If everyone is willing to "chip in" for your parents to have these children, why not do the same for mom?? It is very VERY hard to stop doing drugs. The more moral support she has, the easier it may be for her.
 
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literaryfusion

Junior Member
that's the thing!

if the kids were on my parents' healthcare, they'd have medical taken care of. so the teeth would be of no issue.
 
literaryfusion said:
if the kids were on my parents' healthcare, they'd have medical taken care of. so the teeth would be of no issue.
Yes, and if everyone were so WILLING to chip in, your parent's healthcare would be of no issue.
 

literaryfusion

Junior Member
?

it's almost as if you are thinking that my sister has some minor drug issue and my parents just want to just take custody without trying to help her resolve her situation. did you read my initial post? that is not the case. we have all supported her emotionally and financially for over four years. when someone is nodding off at night on the toilet and can't participate in a normal conversation, you don't want that person's kids on the road with her! she has been given the chance to voluntarily seek treatment. my grandmother cosigned a culinary school loan for 20K and is left paying it after my sister dropped out. she gets free babysitting from my mom and dad during the week and weekends too and basically my parents are enabling her to seek out drugs during the day and get high at night. she has been through like 20 jobs in the last 2 years. she takes advantage! my mother, with so much stress, had a stroke at 48. you have to draw the line somewhere, otherwise you are not helping an addict.

I know the situation, and while more than anything we wish she was wanting to get her life straight, she is not. In fact, she lies and steals and is unwilling to admit anything.

the kids need safety and a schedule. they need to not be experiencing anxiety as they worry about their mother.

I would welcome any solid advice you have on getting her that help despite her being involuntary. I had read about the Marchman's Act, but I want to make sure the kids stay with my parents when she is intervened and taken to detox. That is why seeking temp custody is important. Are there any gentler means? That is why I posted. I wanted to know what the best way for everyone to be safe. My parents want her to mother her kids, but only when she is fit to do so. And, we have more than "she has been treated for being on painkillers." If that were the case, we would not be wanting to have the kids with my parents. It is that RIGHT now she will not take my parents to speak with her counselor at the meth clinic. she claims that they wont talk to family. although my mother called and they said, "no problem," she just needs to sign a consent form. she is very ill. I have sent her books, written her letters, we have all tried so much to help her. It is heartbreaking.

no one has a lot of money to help her. if that were the case, the little girl's teeth would be fixed. and actually my mother cannot take her to the dentist without my sister's consent. we have been asking her to take her to get a quote to see how much it is.

all I can say is that I respect a recovering addict very much. but she is not recovering and is far from it. we would not want to turn our backs on her, but if she is not willing to be helped then we cannot turn our backs on the kids.
 
Point taken. I apologize for assuming the worst. I know exactly how heartbreaking your situation is...and I hope the best for you and your family.
 

weenor

Senior Member
literaryfusion said:
so, I take it that this is not enough for the state to sign over custody to my parents until my sister proves she is fit and that the only thing my parents can do is battle in court for custody.

thanks. any suggestions for finding the best child custody lawyers?
Call your local bar association for names.
 

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