lost custody to Jehovah's Witness Dad

[COPPERSGIRL]

THIS IS IN THE STATE OF MISSOURI.



I am writing this letter in hopes of finding an attorney that is willing to take on a case involving my two daughters ages 9 and 14 who are in the custody of their Jehovah’s Witness father.

In the divorce on Sept 11, 2003 I got joint and pri**** physical custody of them. In Dec of that same year I had to go to the hospital for 3 days and he filed a emergency modification order, taking the girls to where he lives in Harrisonville, Mo (this is Cass County and the jurisdiction of the original divorce) and entered them in school. I was and still am living in Olathe, Ks.

His claim for the order was that I tried to move without his knowledge and that I endangered the girls by trying to take my life. Proving my stability became my main focus as this was the pri**** reason cited for him getting custody.

We went to court 3 times until the trial was completed and the judge gave full legal and joint physical custody to their father. However, the reasons for doing so had nothing to do with mental illness or the fact that I had moved.

My ex is a Jehovah’s Witness and I was not going to make a lot of allegations in regard to that because I had also been a JW while married to their father. Unfortunately, it is also included in the divorce decree that they would be raised this way.

Right after the divorce however, I began to really investigate the religion and came to find it is a very dangerous cult. My main concern involves their emotional well being and relationship with me because I am no longer a JW as well as the fact that if they were dying and needed a blood transfusion their father would refuse it even if it was the only thing that would save their life.

Some of the factors that may not be familiar to you in regard to JW’s are as follows:

• No blood transfusions
• Cannot speak to parents or anyone else that are no longer JW’s after the age of 18
• No higher education
• No socialization with other people that are not JW’s school or otherwise
• No holidays
• If you choose not to be a JW or do something as little as speak to a person no longer a JW you will be disfellowshipped (excumunecated or shunned)

My attorney and I did not think to bring up many points in the beginning of the trial about the JW beliefs until my own father got up and testified against me. He admitted that he will not speak to me because I am not a JW and did not even attend my wedding but did go to my ex’s. He also continues to socialize with them but not myself or my son that lives with me, his only grandson.

After his testimony trying to say that I was overly depressed we decided to bring up the real reason’s he would testify against me. He was simply trying to keep the girls in the JW religion.


The judge stated that in no way did she feel my parenting skills were hindered by my illness and this did not affect her decision in anyway. She said she completely disagreed with my ex’s allegations in regard to the move and mental illness as false. She also stated that Heath had allowed his wife to try to overstep her bounds into my rightful role of mother.

She then stated that the problem was removing the girls from a home where her other family members and friends may not speak to them if they chose to no longer be JW’s.

Let me make myself clear as I did in the court room. I will never choose my children’s religion for them as it is a personal choice. They have a choice with me but not their father. My main objective is that they stay in my life and have a relationship with me. That they get the proper medical treatment if needed and have opportunities in life that they would not have as a JW.

I grew up as a JW and I lived in fear and guilt for 36 years before I chose to leave. The indoctrination is intense and often causes a great deal of depression. My own mother committed suicide in 1975 because they said it was the end of the world and that JW’s could not go to see a psychiatrist. My little brother died at the age of 22 in 2001 because my parents would not give him the needed blood transfusion.

Every family member and friend that I have had in my life now does not speak to me. I have tried to cope with the decision but my ex does everything possible to keep me from having a relationship with the girls. He has even refused to contact me thru email and says that his wife will do it instead.

I have numerous emails verifying the way they treat me and try to make me believe the girls do not even want to be around me. I always write back in a kind and respectful manner. The last email they sent was about 3 pages and I just sent a short paragraph stating that I did not want to play these kinds of games and therefore I would not reply to their lies. I then told them to have a good evening and I have not heard from them again thus far.

The SM now says that she will no longer notify me of events in the girl’s lives and my ex went so far as to tell me he recorded a phone conversation I had with my youngest daughter. My daughters are now very loyal to their father and do everything he says and have stated that they believe their brother, who is my current husband’s child, and I will soon die.

There are many issues involved here. I have done a great deal of research but I need an attorney willing to fight this case with determination and fire for the justice of my children and their right and mine to have a loving and ongoing relationship with one another.

They deserve a choice but I know at this time if they were to testify they would choose their father because they are afraid they will die in Armageddon if they do not live with him.

Anyone in a similar situation or at least have an idea of where to start and what grounds I have to possibly take him back to court. This case was ended just this summer.

Thanks so much

Coppersgirl

[acmb05]

You said the x said you tried to kill yourself. Also do you really expect a judge to reverse his decision based on the fact that you dont like thier religion?

[stealth2]

Based on the fact that you no longer like the religion you were raised in AND raised your children in.

[brisgirl825]

You should answer acm's questions, that will help shed some light on your situation.

However, I do want to add a bit of a personal opinion. I know I am in the minority here but JW are not really that bad. In fact, they are the only Christian religion that I have some respect for. They don't celebrate the holidays b/c they recognize them for what they are, Pagan Holidays. The holidays you celebrate are not based on Christian Doctorine. It is quite admirable to go against the grain and stand up for the truth. You should know this from having some knowledge of the religion and it's principles.

Try to be open minded here. JW, are not all bad, just like any other religion. There are good and bad in everything.

[COPPERSGIRL]

The religion is one factor and the most important because they are being taught to quit associating with me. The indoctrination of the JW is very hard to see until you come out.

Many people have lost families because of the fact that you are not allowed to keep in even minimal contact with family that used to be JW's or they will be kicked out.

With me they have a choice and it they choose to be JW that is fine. but, they still have me!!!! If they do not live with me they will no longer have a relationship with me!!! The situation is not the religion itself it is just that is the reason they would be alienated from me. It is not good for a child to life in fear that if they associate with their mother and brother that they will die.

The other aspect is their health with the blood issue.

And finally most difficult right now is the fact that their father expects me to communicate thru his wife and not him. They say they will no longer tell me about events because I had the nerve to want to speak to him about a visitation rather than her. He Tapes conversations between the girls and I and tells them what to say to me. He also takes advantage of their loyalty and fear of armageddon by telling them that it is good for them not to see me for a month but in the same breath will tell me by email or phone that it is not fair that I get ther girls 5 days in a row for spring break because he only gets to see them in the eveing. He never thinks of the fact that the girls do not see me at all.

History proves that when they lived with me he got not only more visitation but never one time did I deny extra visits to him for special things that came up and even a time or two the girls said they missed him so I called and asked if he would like to have them.

They need to be in a home that fosters a good relationship with both parents. In their home they are taught to only foster one with him because I don't love them enough to be a JW and will die soon anyway.

For more info on the indoctirnation process you can go to escapefromwatchtower.com.

This is much more serious than you realise if you are not familiar with JW's. As a whole they are good moral people and I am glad that I was raised with good values but on the outset they break up many families because they choose to reject anyone from outside of the religion to such a major degree.

I just want the girls to have both parents and he doesn't. I never talk bad about him but some of the things I hear from the girls in regard to me are very sad. It isn't right. I have been a good, loving and protective Mommy just as I was as a JW and still live a good clean life.

Their fathers refuses to accept their half brother as part of their family but their 2 stepsisters are and my 9 yr old is beginning to show signs of stress related to it all. And she also feels lost in the mix. Her dad concentrates on the 2 younger stepsisters and the SM concentrates on my teenager. she feels she has no place except at our home because her and I have always been very close.

Please do not think this is just a religous difference. It is so much more. Can you imagine not being allowed at your own child's wedding or being forbidden to even see your grandchildren. Sadly, I know of many ex jw's that this has happened to and this will be my future also if I do not do somethine now. And while they are young if I can prevent that I will certainly do so.

coppersgirl

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by COPPERSGIRL

The religion is one factor and the most important because they are being taught to quit associating with me. The indoctrination of the JW is very hard to see until you come out.

Many people have lost families because of the fact that you are not allowed to keep in even minimal contact with family that used to be JW's or they will be kicked out.

With me they have a choice and it they choose to be JW that is fine. but, they still have me!!!! If they do not live with me they will no longer have a relationship with me!!! The situation is not the religion itself it is just that is the reason they would be alienated from me. It is not good for a child to life in fear that if they associate with their mother and brother that they will die.

The other aspect is their health with the blood issue.

And these are all issues between you and the ex.

And finally most difficult right now is the fact that their father expects me to communicate thru his wife and not him. They say they will no longer tell me about events because I had the nerve to want to speak to him about a visitation rather than her.

then you need to file for a modification requiring notification of all events, including school, medical and social and that the ex is to notify you, NOT the ex.

He Tapes conversations between the girls and I and tells them what to say to me.

And if you have proof of this then file charges against him for invasion of privacy and illegal interception of a wire communication under Mo. Rev. Stat. § 542.402.

He also takes advantage of their loyalty and fear of armageddon by telling them that it is good for them not to see me for a month but in the same breath will tell me by email or phone that it is not fair that I get ther girls 5 days in a row for spring break because he only gets to see them in the eveing. He never thinks of the fact that the girls do not see me at all.

irrelevant.

History proves that when they lived with me he got not only more visitation but never one time did I deny extra visits to him for special things that came up and even a time or two the girls said they missed him so I called and asked if he would like to have them.

They need to be in a home that fosters a good relationship with both parents. In their home they are taught to only foster one with him because I don't love them enough to be a JW and will die soon anyway.

For more info on the indoctirnation process you can go to escapefromwatchtower.com.

irrelevant.

This is much more serious than you realise if you are not familiar with JW's. As a whole they are good moral people and I am glad that I was raised with good values but on the outset they break up many families because they choose to reject anyone from outside of the religion to such a major degree.

I just want the girls to have both parents and he doesn't. I never talk bad about him but some of the things I hear from the girls in regard to me are very sad. It isn't right. I have been a good, loving and protective Mommy just as I was as a JW and still live a good clean life.

Their fathers refuses to accept their half brother as part of their family but their 2 stepsisters are and my 9 yr old is beginning to show signs of stress related to it all. And she also feels lost in the mix. Her dad concentrates on the 2 younger stepsisters and the SM concentrates on my teenager. she feels she has no place except at our home because her and I have always been very close.

Again, all of this is irrelevant to the issues.

Please do not think this is just a religous difference. It is so much more. Can you imagine not being allowed at your own child's wedding or being forbidden to even see your grandchildren. Sadly, I know of many ex jw's that this has happened to and this will be my future also if I do not do somethine now. And while they are young if I can prevent that I will certainly do so.

coppersgirl

If you boil all of this down to the NON emotional facts, you have two courses of action.

1. keep records of all monitored or refused phone calls and provide the court proof that he is coaxing the girls.

2. file a civil suit againt the new wife for interference with a parental relationship.

[poeypooh]

First of all let me say, I am very familar with the JW religion. I was raised as 1 and still have family who are. If you decide not to be a JW they WILL still talk to you. If you had been baptized and then commited a serious sin they will disfellowship you and then friends in the religion are not permitted to socialize with you until such time as you have repented and then been accepted back in. Your family members are still permitted to speak to you. I think you are trying to portray the religion for something worse than it is. I myself was never baptized in the religion therefore am not disfellowshipped and my friends and family are still permitted to talk to me.

[COPPERSGIRL]

I did leave and therefore they consider me apostate. I have the book on child custody published by the society. And many WT articles saying kids should not speak to their parents after 18 and not even have them attend their weddings.

You were not baptised and so it is completely different for you.

You must not have spoken to the people that have tried to live with the facts of rejection from entire families or seen the statistics of the tactics used by JW parents to keep children from them.. I have heard these things the ex has said straight from my girls mouth's.

Regardless, the issue is that they are being turned against me and in this case it simply is due to the religous thing.

My ex's wife treats her ex completely differnt and she has told me that the only reason I am treated differently than him is becauser I am an ex jw and beleive it or not I have all of this in emails so I have written documentation.

Also the judge specifically said that the reason she could not seperate the kids from their father is because the fear of him no longer speaking to them as my dad did to me and even testified to in court.

My ex also stated that I would not be allowed at the girls weddings.

I am uspet that for what ever reason the alienation is taking place that you would simply base it on religous bias rather than the simple fact of my not having contact with the girls much and the fact that they are being turned away from me. If it was just because the ex was a total snot and didn't want them to be with the facts and results are the same.