Making a decision to keep young daughter from alcholic husband

[avasmiles]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii
Hello, I was divorced in Hawaii and was given legal and physical custody. I have since moved to Maryland with my 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Initially I felt that I would keep the relationship between my ex and daughter open, however he has a long history of Alcoholism and I decided it is not in the best interest of my daughter.. He did go away for treatment at one point while we were together.. (5 months long) only to come home and relapse.. I feel like I gave him so many opportunities.. I stayed with him for 8 years to support him in his sobriety.. I do my best not to beat myself up for all those years... He CHose to remain a drunk over our marriage and child.. At this point I do not feel communication is neccessary..I wrote him a letter and expressed my wishes to please stay away from my daughter and myself. My question is how much legal right to I have? And how much legal right does he have in regards to visitation and communication? Is the law on my side based on the fact that he is an unstable parent who struggles with alcoholism? Thanks!

 

[haiku]

the law is on the side of both parents having the right to custody and visitation if they desire it. And the child having a right to a relationship with BOTH parents.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii
Hello, I was divorced in Hawaii and was given legal and physical custody. I have since moved to Maryland with my 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Initially I felt that I would keep the relationship between my ex and daughter open, however he has a long history of Alcoholism and I decided it is not in the best interest of my daughter.. He did go away for treatment at one point while we were together.. (5 months long) only to come home and relapse.. I feel like I gave him so many opportunities.. I stayed with him for 8 years to support him in his sobriety.. I do my best not to beat myself up for all those years... He CHose to remain a drunk over our marriage and child.. At this point I do not feel communication is neccessary..I wrote him a letter and expressed my wishes to please stay away from my daughter and myself. My question is how much legal right to I have? And how much legal right does he have in regards to visitation and communication? Is the law on my side based on the fact that he is an unstable parent who struggles with alcoholism? Thanks!

When did you move to MD? Did you get written permission from Dad or did you get permission from the courts? Does Dad have the address of his child? What does the custody ORDER state in regards to his visitation?
How long were you aware that Dad has had a drinking problem?

Please answer ALL of my questions. Thank you.

Edit to add: Please refresh your page every few minuets, so that you are aware of responses made.

 

[Proserpina]

Alcoholism alone is not enough to prevent Dad from seeing his child.

You can't unilaterally decide what's best for kiddo; while I understand your concern he has certain rights that you simply can't revoke. And writing that letter might actually come back and bite you; it can be seen as a deliberate attempt to keep him from seeing his child and that puts you in a precarious position.

stayed with him for 8 years to support him in his sobriety.. I do my best not to beat myself up for all those years... He CHose to remain a drunk over our marriage and child..

But you chose to stay with him all that time, and even knowing he was an alcoholic, THEN had a child with him. I'm not trying to be antagonistic here, but you realize how that looks, right?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii
Hello, I was divorced in Hawaii and was given legal and physical custody. I have since moved to Maryland with my 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Initially I felt that I would keep the relationship between my ex and daughter open, however he has a long history of Alcoholism and I decided it is not in the best interest of my daughter.. He did go away for treatment at one point while we were together.. (5 months long) only to come home and relapse.. I feel like I gave him so many opportunities.. I stayed with him for 8 years to support him in his sobriety.. I do my best not to beat myself up for all those years... He CHose to remain a drunk over our marriage and child.. At this point I do not feel communication is neccessary..I wrote him a letter and expressed my wishes to please stay away from my daughter and myself. My question is how much legal right to I have? And how much legal right does he have in regards to visitation and communication? Is the law on my side based on the fact that he is an unstable parent who struggles with alcoholism? Thanks!

You have a court order. What does it say regarding visitation and communication? He has inherent constutionally protected rights. When did you move to MD? Did you get permission of the court and/or dad? Did you go through proper legal channels to move?
Quite frankly your attitude is completely and totally out of line. I see a lot about you (my child, my side, myself, my best... ) yet nothing about the child and her. It is all about YOU and your thoughts.

 

[BL]

Even with documented proof that he has a history of Alcoholism , he could possibly be awarded ( if he doesn't have already ) visitation rights , with stipulations .

You say nothing about any harm by him to ,or toward the child .

We are talking about Father/Child relationship .

 

[LdiJ]

You have a court order. What does it say regarding visitation and communication? He has inherent constutionally protected rights. When did you move to MD? Did you get permission of the court and/or dad? Did you go through proper legal channels to move?
Quite frankly your attitude is completely and totally out of line. I see a lot about you (my child, my side, myself, my best... ) yet nothing about the child and her. It is all about YOU and your thoughts.

Lets remember that this is a parent who clearly knows absolutely nothing about the law and is dealing with another parent who apparently is a serious alcoholic. Her attitude isn't abnormal, for either a mother or father in the same scenario. Its not legally valid, but its not abnormal.

 

[Ohiogal]

Lets remember that this is a parent who clearly knows absolutely nothing about the law and is dealing with another parent who apparently is a serious alcoholic. Her attitude isn't abnormal, for either a mother or father in the same scenario. Its not legally valid, but its not abnormal.

While it may not be abnormal it is something that can get her trounced in court. I have seen it happen more than a few times.

 

[Proserpina]

Lets remember that this is a parent who clearly knows absolutely nothing about the law and is dealing with another parent who apparently is a serious alcoholic. Her attitude isn't abnormal, for either a mother or father in the same scenario. Its not legally valid, but its not abnormal.

He was also a serious (and serial) alcoholic before they had the child. His alcoholism is not a new situation - OP was aware of this for years before they had the child, and so far she's said nothing about the child being in danger.

I can understand OPs desire to be away from him, absolutely. But that doesn't justify trying to keep his child away from him, too. OP has to realize that this is NOT about her - it's about a child having the right to have both parents contributing to her welfare.

 

[LdiJ]

He was also a serious (and serial) alcoholic before they had the child. His alcoholism is not a new situation - OP was aware of this for years before they had the child, and so far she's said nothing about the child being in danger.

I can understand OPs desire to be away from him, absolutely. But that doesn't justify trying to keep his child away from him, too. OP has to realize that this is NOT about her - it's about a child having the right to have both parents contributing to her welfare.

I am not disagreeing with either you or OG legally, I am simply pointing out the potential facts of the situation...and a potentially clueless custodial parent.

On top of that, even legally savy custodial parents sometimes end up in a world of hurt when they obey court orders knowing that a child could be in danger with the NCP.

We don't know the details of this case....OP hasn't shared them.

 

[Proserpina]

Yep, OP could help by clarifying a bit further.