married parental kidnapping

[Isis1]

yes, I'm so damn strict because I expect my wife to let me know WHERE and WHEN my daughter is coming home. I can see your pointless comments if this was just a woman leaving for the day without permission, but this has to deal with taking a daughter that the father watches every single day of his life and he wakes up to find that they still aren't home 48 hrs. give me a break, just be thankful this has never happened to your child (which I'm sure you don't have) because you have no clue how much it kills inside to not know where your daughter is. it's called being a loving parent not a control freak

this happens to my 2 older boys every other weekend and every wednesday. i never KNOW exactly where they are. but i do KNOW they are with their dad. guess what? i had to get OVER IT!

it also happens to my 1.5 year old and my 6 mos old. THEY ARE WITH THE OTHER PARENT!!

neither one of the fathers have to tell me their plans. and i don't ask. do i miss them?? YES!! and i always hope for their safe return. do i worry, YES! but that doesn't give me the right to control another person who has just as much legal right to my children as i do.

 

[daddyo]

this happens to my 2 older boys every other weekend and every wednesday. i never KNOW exactly where they are. but i do KNOW they are with their dad. guess what? i had to get OVER IT!

it also happens to my 1.5 year old and my 6 mos old. THEY ARE WITH THE OTHER PARENT!!

neither one of the fathers have to tell me their plans. and i don't ask. do i miss them?? YES!! and i always hope for their safe return. do i worry, YES! but that doesn't give me the right to control another person who has just as much legal right to my children as i do.

well some families obviously have different rules or respect for one another. We are still married and have never gone a day without telling each other where we are going and when we'll return. While I now know it's not illegal, it's just common courtesy that our family has always followed. maybe we're just a little more respectful of each other than your situation, or at least we were up until this occurred.

not to mention you KNOW it's only going to last a Wed. or for the weekend. I have no clue when my daughter will return. it's a little different. It sounds like you aren't married and the father has certain custody days he's allowed to see the children. Of course if that was the case I wouldn't expect my Ex to have to tell me what their doing on their custody days. totally different situation

 

[daddyo]

I was reading on some site online that you can sometimes prevent them moving to another state unless she can prove that the current living situations are unfit for the child and if they give enough reason for moving and prove it will be a better situation. not sure what the actual law is as you can't trust every site you read. Obviously she'd be better off having the support of her parents if we did get a divorce, but I still plan on being a huge part in my daughters life and will do everything I can do stay active. Taking her away from the family that has raised her so far here in NH is not something I agree with though.

maybe you guys can explain the law on preventing a parent from moving to another state with the child without consent from the father once divorced

 

[Ohiogal]

I was avoiding the dreaded fight that may happen between them if I called, but I took your advice and called her mom's cell phone and left a message asking if my wife and daughter was staying with them. She could be at work and can't answer, but my guess is if my wife won't tell me for some reason then her parents are in on it and won't tell me either. Just so you know, I'm not an abusive husband EVER and I'm a great father. I may not be the best husband but just want to clear it up that she didn't take my daughter away with the fear I'd abuse her or our daughter.

So you are SUCH a worried father that you will NOT call to find out where your darling child is but will accuse mom of kidnapping? You are trying to manipulate this situation for all it is worth. This is NOT the appearance of a caring father. This is the appearance and playbook of someone who wants to use the courts to legally steal custody by painting mom to be a horrible person. Many abusive or controlling individuals do this when they lose control.

 

[Ohiogal]

yes, I'm so damn strict because I expect my wife to let me know WHERE and WHEN my daughter is coming home. I can see your pointless comments if this was just a woman leaving for the day without permission, but this has to deal with taking a daughter that the father watches every single day of his life and he wakes up to find that they still aren't home 48 hrs. give me a break, just be thankful this has never happened to your child (which I'm sure you don't have) because you have no clue how much it kills inside to not know where your daughter is. it's called being a loving parent not a control freak

NO. This has to do with a man who believes that he has a right to control his wife and child. You are out of control and NOT a loving parent. What happens when your child decides to defy you and sneak out of the house? You don't see her as an equal -- your wife I mean. She is to do what you tell her. And the fact that she isn't, that is what is driving you crazy. This is not about your daughter but the fact that you are no longer controlling your spouse. And if you called the police you were hoping they would track her down so you could teach her a lesson. May she run far and wide and get a restraining order protecting both her and the child.

 

[Ohiogal]

If we were to get divorced, what are my chances of preventing my wife to move to another state with our 2 yr old daughter to go live with her parents who have only seen our daughter probably 2-4 times before? I work from home and make my own hours so I have watched our daughter her whole life as we can't afford daycare yet. My parents and her Godmother are here in NH and are the only ones who babysit our daughter on a regular basis.

I wouldn't even guess. Especially if how you are portraying yourself is truth. She is 2 and has seen her grandparents 2 to 4 times -- is that because you haven't allowed wife to travel there before? Or at least not with the child?

Oh and a Godmother doesn't matter. Mom could prevail.

 

[Ohiogal]

well some families obviously have different rules or respect for one another. We are still married and have never gone a day without telling each other where we are going and when we'll return. While I now know it's not illegal, it's just common courtesy that our family has always followed. maybe we're just a little more respectful of each other than your situation, or at least we were up until this occurred.

not to mention you KNOW it's only going to last a Wed. or for the weekend. I have no clue when my daughter will return. it's a little different. It sounds like you aren't married and the father has certain custody days he's allowed to see the children. Of course if that was the case I wouldn't expect my Ex to have to tell me what their doing on their custody days. totally different situation

Sir, you are lying to yourself. You have rules but that doesn't mean your wife has to follow them. She doesn't have to tell you. What happens when she breaks your rules? How do you discipline your daughter? Do you have wire hangers in the closets?

 

[daddyo]

Ok, thank you for making me realize I'm apparently an awful person out of control and NOT a loving parent. This was such a great helpful thread and helped me realize I was simply wrong. I was wrong to think my wife had an obligation to tell me where my daughter is. I'm apparently trying to control my wife, even though I haven't mentioned once that I demand her to come home with my daughter right now. I was wrong for already stating that I understand she just needs time away and that I didn't want to bring any legality into this even if I could but simply wanting her to "tell me" where my daughter is and when I can see her. I was wrong for not wanting to call her In-Laws because I wanted to keep this between us and not bring any more possible fights into this that weren't needed. I was wrong for our family only being able to afford to fly down to visit her parents once a year and while I'm at it I'll take the blame for them not doing the same to visit their granddaughter.

you girls might be great lawyers, but your awful at giving advice to someone who cares enough to spend the time to see if there was anything he could do so he could know when his daughter will be back in his arms and is afraid of losing his daughter if it came down to divorce.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ok, thank you for making me realize I'm apparently an awful person out of control and NOT a loving parent. This was such a great helpful thread and helped me realize I was simply wrong. I was wrong to think my wife had an obligation to tell me where my daughter is. I'm apparently trying to control my wife, even though I haven't mentioned once that I demand her to come home with my daughter right now. I was wrong for already stating that I understand she just needs time away and that I didn't want to bring any legality into this even if I could but simply wanting her to "tell me" where my daughter is and when I can see her. I was wrong for not wanting to call her In-Laws because I wanted to keep this between us and not bring any more possible fights into this that weren't needed. I was wrong for our family only being able to afford to fly down to visit her parents once a year and while I'm at it I'll take the blame for them not doing the same to visit their granddaughter.

you girls

might be great lawyers, but your awful at giving advice to someone who cares enough to spend the time to see if there was anything he could do so he could know when his daughter will be back in his arms and is afraid of losing his daughter if it came down to divorce.

We girls are knowledgeable. Could YOU be a bit more patronizing sweetie?

 

[Isis1]

Ok, thank you for making me realize I'm apparently an awful person out of control and NOT a loving parent. This was such a great helpful thread and helped me realize I was simply wrong. I was wrong to think my wife had an obligation to tell me where my daughter is. I'm apparently trying to control my wife, even though I haven't mentioned once that I demand her to come home with my daughter right now. I was wrong for already stating that I understand she just needs time away and that I didn't want to bring any legality into this even if I could but simply wanting her to "tell me" where my daughter is and when I can see her. I was wrong for not wanting to call her In-Laws because I wanted to keep this between us and not bring any more possible fights into this that weren't needed. I was wrong for our family only being able to afford to fly down to visit her parents once a year and while I'm at it I'll take the blame for them not doing the same to visit their granddaughter.

you girls might be great lawyers, but your awful at giving advice to someone who cares enough to spend the time to see if there was anything he could do so he could know when his daughter will be back in his arms and is afraid of losing his daughter if it came down to divorce.[/QUOTE]

if you cared, the first thing you would have done was call grandparents, left a very short message, "hey in-laws, haven't been able to get a hold of wife and child since she last left a message, is everything okay? can you have them call me when you get a chance?" instead of coming to a legal site on how charge mom with a crime because she's not following your rules (but still wanting to stay married i might remind folks in one of his previous posts)

gosh golly, i'm going to assume i wasn't part of "you girls" i haven't been called that in years with all this grey hair.

 

[LdiJ]

Look, I understand that you are freaked out that she left and took the child without telling you that she was going. I suspect that you are more freaked out about it because you and she had a fight right before she left.

However, you really do need to chill out. She told you that they were safe, and she told you that they were coming back.

Give it a couple of weeks. If she still isn't communicating with you, and she still hasn't come back, then you can worry about maybe taking some legal action, like filing for divorce and custody.

However, don't jump the gun...or you may end up divorced when you don't really want or need to be divorced...and if that happens, you are going to be sharing your child with mom.

 

[shortnr]

wife, for once, does not do what husband commands her to do. does not report to him her every move. automatically makes her mentally unstable for not following his house rules. she's headed for the looney bin now. what woman in her right mind would go out without asking yourpermission first???

now i'm freaked out. this sounds way too familiar. what a horrible woman for having a mind of her own for once.

There's a big difference between going out to get your nails done or for a drink with your friends and taking your child across state lines and not informing the other parent of 1. Where the child is, and 2. When the child will be back.

It seems you're trying to cover up your lack of a point with sarcasm.

 

[janM]

If we were to get divorced, what are my chances of preventing my wife to move to another state with our 2 yr old daughter to go live with her parents who have only seen our daughter probably 2-4 times before? I work from home and make my own hours so I have watched our daughter her whole life as we can't afford daycare yet. My parents and her Godmother are here in NH and are the only ones who babysit our daughter on a regular basis.

I think what someone suggested about a fight prior to her leaving is correct. Sounds like you're already contemplating divorce. Trouble in paradise? And yes, there are often stipulations in divorce about either party moving outside a certain distance, county, or state.

 

[Isis1]

There's a big difference between going out to get your nails done or for a drink with your friends and taking your child across state lines and not informing the other parent of 1. Where the child is, and 2. When the child will be back.

It seems you're trying to cover up your lack of a point with sarcasm.

MOM by law, is allowed to go on vacation with her child without DAD's permission. DAD. by law, can prevent MOM from moving with the child out of state. MOM stated she will be back, she didn't say she was moving. DAD is jumping the gun. DAD made it clear he isn't even sure of a divorce. he made clear he wants something to hold over mom's head. he wants to make her "behave"

if dad was so concerned about mom actually moving, he would have gone down to the courthouse TODAY and filed for divorce, custody, visitation and the return of the child back to the marital home/state.

but he'd rather charge her with kidnapping