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  1. #1
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    married parental kidnapping

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NH

    My wife took my 2 year old child without telling me she was leaving, she won't tell me where she is, and she won't tell me when she's coming back. It's been about 48 hours since she left. She won't answer phone calls but she did email me once (24 hours after kidnapping) saying they are safe and "will return". I'm assuming she took her to Fl with her parents but I have no clue. I've replied multiple times asking her politely where my daughter is and that I don't feel she's mentally safe with our daughter and I need to know where she is. She's never since I've known her took off without telling me where she's going and when she's coming home so she has to be mentally broken down and unstable to do such a thing.

    We are still married and there are no legal issues going on. we haven't filed for divorce or even talked about seriously getting a divorce (this incident may change that). I work from home so I've raised our daughter her whole life and it's killing me not knowing where she is. I'm doing my best not to file a report as I still love my wife and want the marriage to work and realize she's just mentally had enough and needs a vacation, plus I don't want to give her any criminal ramifications (yet) if we do stay together. I'm almost positive if we do get divorced she will take my daughter and go live in Fl. with her parents. If we did get a divorce, I would fight my hardest to get full custody or at least prevent her from moving out of state. As a father I'm sure that's highly unlikely to happen but I need every chance I get to make that happen.

    any advice? should I simply wait this out or call the police and have it at least documented that she had a mental breakdown and fled most likely to another state with my daughter without my permission and she won't answer my requests to know where my daughter is? I don't need the police to go looking for her as she just needs "time away" to clear her head, but I'm furious she would do such a thing and I'm doing everything possible to hold my anger back from giving any legal actions against her.

    would filing something help in a divorce at all with child custody? Shouldn't I be doing everything possible to get my daughter back to prove that she means the world to me? There's a fine line of showing that type of love and giving enough respect to your wife knowing she just needs time off and will eventually return (could be a day, could be weeks, who knows though)
    Last edited by daddyo; 09-17-2008 at 06:17 AM.
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NH

    My wife took my 2 year old child without telling me she was leaving, she won't tell me where she is, and she won't tell me when she's coming back. It's been about 48 hours since she left. She won't answer phone calls but she did email me once (24 hours after kidnapping) saying they are safe and "will return".
    That is NOT kidnapping. Unless this child is NOT her child and ONLY yours from another relationship.

    I'm assuming she took her to Fl with her parents but I have no clue. I've replied multiple times asking her politely where my daughter is and that I don't feel she's mentally safe with our daughter and I need to know where she is. She's never since I've known her took off without telling me where she's going and when she's coming home so she has to be mentally broken down and unstable to do such a thing.
    Really? Are you a psychiatrist who is qualified to make such a diagnosis? Is she receiving mental health treatment which leads HER psychiatrist to believe that she is mentally broken down? Maybe she is fed up with you. Maybe she just needs a vacation. Maybe she just wanted to see her parents and you had to work. That doesn't mean she is unstable.


    We are still married and there are no legal issues going on. we haven't filed for divorce or even talked about seriously getting a divorce (this incident may change that).
    Okay.

    I work from home so I've raised our daughter her whole life and it's killing me not knowing where she is. I'm doing my best not to file a report as I still love my wife and want the marriage to work and realize she's just mentally had enough and needs a vacation, plus I don't want to give her any criminal ramifications (yet) if we do stay together.
    She has NOT committed a crime. Hence there would be no criminal ramifications.

    I'm almost positive if we do get divorced she will take my daughter and go live in Fl. with her parents. If we did get a divorce, I would fight my hardest to get full custody or at least prevent her from moving out of state. As a father I'm sure that's highly unlikely to happen but I need every chance I get to make that happen.
    Filing a ridiculous police report is not going to help. But since you go immediately to kidnapping it almost becomes understandable why your wife left. You wouldn't get full custody most likely. Why? Because states do not normally award full custody -- the majority is joint custody. And if you were working how were you the child's primary caregiver?

    any advice? should I simply wait this out or call the police and have it at least documented that she had a mental breakdown
    How do you KNOW she had a mental breakdown? That is a great leap with no evidence.
    and fled most likely to another state with my daughter without my permission and she won't answer my requests to know where my daughter is?
    She does NOT need your permission.
    I don't need the police to go looking for her as she just needs "time away" to clear her head, but I'm furious she would do such a thing and I'm doing everything possible to hold my anger back from giving any legal actions against her.
    Oh really? there are no legal actions to be had against her based on what you have said. She is the child's mother and has equal rights to take a solo vacation with her child. Without your permission. The fact that you assume she needs your permission is ludicrous. She has also contacted you.

    would filing something help in a divorce at all with child custody? Shouldn't I be doing everything possible to get my daughter back to prove that she means the world to me? There's a fine line of showing that type of love and giving enough respect to your wife knowing she just needs time off and will eventually return (could be a day, could be weeks, who knows though)

    Really? There is a fine line between that type of love and being overly controlling bordering on psychotic. If you are always this overbearing no wonder she left.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    As long as there are no legal actions that can be taken then this is all irrelevant apparently and at least I know I just have to wait this out. I just want to know my rights as a loving father who simply wants to know where his daughter is.

    With your harsh responses and saying "The fact that you assume she needs your permission is ludicrous." I find it hard to imagine you being a parent as well saying that, unless you're an attorney and simply know the law. That's a fair assumption for one parent to assume a parent can't just pack up and take the child away without telling the spouse. It may not be technically "kidnapping" but you can report your daughter "missing" when this happens, right? What if something happened to them and they were in an accident? You mean I can't report anything and have this situation documented? Why do you see amber alerts on TV where they say this child has been missing for 48 hours and is believed to be with the mother or father in the state of __? I've seen it before and there still married.

    I just find it hard to believe as a father I can just wake up one day and take my daughter and move across country for a "vacation" and not tell my wife where and when we'll be home but simply provide one email that says "we're safe and we will return". So you mean to tell me my wife can stay in whatever state she is now for weeks and months without telling me and there's nothing I can do unless I file for divorce and file for custody so she has to return them until it's all settled?

    And I'm sorry, but any respectable wife or husband married would never take a child away without telling the spouse where and when they'll be back without having some type of mental breakdown. My point for saying that was in custody battles don't you have to prove one is unstable to help your case in getting custody? It's one thing to go get a solo vacation to get away from the spouse, but under any stable mind a very decent and respectable wife like mine has always been would never do this when in their right mind. And to worry about the safety of my child should be a normal feeling to have when you simply don't know the state of mind your wife is in. ya, chances are their fine and she's quite capable, but it still doesn't make me not worry. How do I know she's not trying to drive 1300 miles to see her mother and simply loses it and starts crying and gets into an accident with my daughter? I'll never know until I see it on TV or the police knock on my door. there's plenty of fears that go through your mind when your a parent and love your child.

    I don't see how wanting to know where my daughter is and make sure she's in safe hands is considered being overly controlling bordering on psychotic. you sound like you just went through a divorce and simply hate men now and your not seeing the big picture of how I simply care for my wife and daughter and am just asking for advice on what to do.
    Last edited by daddyo; 09-17-2008 at 08:30 AM.
  4. #4
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by daddyo View Post
    As long as there are no legal actions that can be taken then this is all irrelevant apparently and at least I know I just have to wait this out. I just want to know my rights as a loving father who simply wants to know where his daughter is.
    Pay attention, you were told.
    With your harsh responses and saying "The fact that you assume she needs your permission is ludicrous." I find it hard to imagine you being a parent as well saying that, unless you're an attorney and simply know the law.
    Yes, she is in fact an attorney, however, even if she weren't.... your wife doesn't need your permission to take your (collective) child anywhere.
    That's a fair assumption for one parent to assume a parent can't just pack up and take the child away without telling the spouse. It may not be technically "kidnapping" but you can report your daughter "missing" when this happens, right?
    Your child isn't missing, your child is with her mother. As with "technically kidnapping" the only thing that matter is whether the child has been kidnapped or not. Your daughter, has not been. Someone with joint legal and physical custody cannot kidnap their child barring a court order.
    What if something happened to them and they were in an accident?
    Then someone will call 911.
    You mean I can't report anything and have this situation documented? Why do you see amber alerts on TV where they say this child has been missing for 48 hours and is believed to be with the mother or father in the state of __?
    Because those children are the subject of a court case that says that that child has to be returned to XXX parent at XXX time on XXX date and is no longer supposed to be with said parent. Is there a court order that says that your wife can't have your daughter with her? I didn't think so.
    I've seen it before and there still married.
    If you saw it, what did the court order say?
    I just find it hard to believe as a father I can just wake up one day and take my daughter and move across country for a "vacation" and not tell my wife where and when we'll be home but simply provide one email that says "we're safe and we will return".
    Believe it.
    So you mean to tell me my wife can stay in whatever state she is now for weeks and months without telling me and there's nothing I can do unless I file for divorce and file for custody so she has to return them until it's all settled?
    That's right....

    And I'm sorry, but any respectable wife or husband married would never take a child away without telling the spouse where and when they'll be back without having some type of mental breakdown.
    This is a legal site. That has nothing to do with the legalities of the situation.
    My point for saying that was in custody battles don't you have to prove one is unstable to help your case in getting custody? It's one thing to go get a solo vacation to get away from the spouse, but under any stable mind a very decent and respectable wife like mine has always been would never do this when in their right mind.
    Where did you get your medical degree? What are your qualifications to be able to say someone is not in their "right mind?"
    And to worry about the safety of my child should be a normal feeling to have when you simply don't know the state of mind your wife is in. ya, chances are their fine and she's quite capable, but it still doesn't make me not worry. How do I know she's not trying to drive 1300 miles to see her mother and simply loses it and starts crying and gets into an accident with my daughter?
    How do you know that when she is home in NH, she's driving, a rock flies up from the car in front of her, hits the windshield and she gets into an accident? People get into accidents with their children in the car every day. Stop over dramatizing this... puhleeze.
    I'll never know until I see it on TV or the police knock on my door. there's plenty of fears that go through your mind when your a parent and love your child.
    Yeah, I worry about my 12 year old crossing the street by himself too.
    I don't see how wanting to know where my daughter is and make sure she's in safe hands is considered being overly controlling bordering on psychotic. you sound like you just went through a divorce and simply hate men now and your not seeing the big picture of how I simply care for my wife and daughter and am just asking for advice on what to do.
    Actually, she sounds like an attorney cross examining you on the stand.... and you don't like it.
  5. #5
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    As long as there are no legal actions that can be taken then this is all irrelevant apparently and at least I know I just have to wait this out. I just want to know my rights as a loving father who simply wants to know where his daughter is.
    You can file for divorce and have her served. But you never answered if you called her parents to see if that is where they are. That is what a loving father who simply wants to know where his daughter is would do.
    With your harsh responses and saying "The fact that you assume she needs your permission is ludicrous." I find it hard to imagine you being a parent as well saying that, unless you're an attorney and simply know the law.
    I don't care what you imagine but yes I am an attorney.
    That's a fair assumption for one parent to assume a parent can't just pack up and take the child away without telling the spouse.
    No it is not.
    It may not be technically "kidnapping" but you can report your daughter "missing" when this happens, right? What if something happened to them and they were in an accident? You mean I can't report anything and have this situation documented?
    You have heard from her. You have a guess as to where she has gone and yet you haven't tried to contact them so what do you want documented? And why?

    Why do you see amber alerts on TV where they say this child has been missing for 48 hours and is believed to be with the mother or father in the state of __? I've seen it before and there still married.
    You sure about that/ Or is it a divorce situation where there are court orders in place prohibiting the child from being removed from the state or ordering the child returned? Oh you don't know that.
    I just find it hard to believe as a father I can just wake up one day and take my daughter and move across country for a "vacation" and not tell my wife where and when we'll be home but simply provide one email that says "we're safe and we will return".
    She didn't MOVE across country. Unless there is a lot more you are not stating. She left for a few days and will be back.

    So you mean to tell me my wife can stay in whatever state she is now for weeks and months without telling me and there's nothing I can do unless I file for divorce and file for custody so she has to return them until it's all settled?
    Yep.

    And I'm sorry, but any respectable wife or husband married would never take a child away without telling the spouse where and when they'll be back without having some type of mental breakdown.
    Wrong. They could be abused and the other spouse could be the abuser. They could need time (not necessarily a mental breakdown). There are perfectly fine reasons that do NOT involve a mental breakdown.

    My point for saying that was in custody battles don't you have to prove one is unstable to help your case in getting custody?
    This is not going to prove mom unstable. You have to prove best interests of the child to win custody.

    It's one thing to go get a solo vacation to get away from the spouse, but under any stable mind a very decent and respectable wife like mine has always been would never do this when in their right mind.
    Says you. The experts would disagree.

    And to worry about the safety of my child should be a normal feeling to have when you simply don't know the state of mind your wife is in.
    So why haven't you called your inlaws?

    ya, chances are their fine and she's quite capable, but it still doesn't make me not worry. How do I know she's not trying to drive 1300 miles to see her mother and simply loses it and starts crying and gets into an accident with my daughter?
    How do you know that traffic accidents don't happen a block from the house when your daughter is in the car? How do you know she will start crying? Oh yeah. You don't. You are making up a nice little scenario though.


    I'll never know until I see it on TV or the police knock on my door. there's plenty of fears that go through your mind when your a parent and love your child.
    Fears are part of parenting.

    I don't see how wanting to know where my daughter is and make sure she's in safe hands is considered being overly controlling bordering on psychotic.
    so you did call your wife's family to see if she is there? You did email your wife back and say have a good time, hope to hear from you soon and when can I talk to bitsy?

    you sound like you just went through a divorce and simply hate men now and your not seeing the big picture of how I simply care for my wife and daughter and am just asking for advice on what to do
    Nope. I don't hate men. hating anyone by the way is never simple. Takes too much effort by the way.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  6. #6
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    Alright. I now know the law and any married parent can take their child anywhere without notice unless there's a court order for divorce/custody. thank you for responding at least. While your comments are very harsh for someone going through such a hard time and just looking for support on what the actual law states on this situation, you are telling it how it is and I respect that.

    oh by the way, would it have even mattered if she didn't send that one email stating they are safe and will return? meaning if it was 48 hrs since the last time I heard from my wife/daughter. I wake up in the morning and watch my daughter in between working from home so yes, taking our daughter away from her every day living must be hard on the daughter as well. while only 2 years old i'm sure it won't hurt that much yet since she's with her mother at least.
    Last edited by daddyo; 09-17-2008 at 09:04 AM.
  7. #7
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by daddyo View Post
    oh by the way, would it have even mattered if she didn't send that one email stating they are safe and will return?
    Doesn't make a difference, because she DID send the email. Stop concentrating on woulda, coulda, shoulda.... all that matters is what DID transpire.
  8. #8
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
    Doesn't make a difference, because she DID send the email. Stop concentrating on woulda, coulda, shoulda.... all that matters is what DID transpire.
    I'm just trying to understand the law that's all. I'd simply like to know if you do take your own child away without telling spouse are you legally obligated to contact your spouse at least once telling them your safe and will return?
  9. #9
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by daddyo View Post
    I'm just trying to understand the law that's all. I'd simply like to know if you do take your own child away without telling spouse are you legally obligated to contact your spouse at least once telling them your safe and will return?
    No************
  10. #10
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Did you ever call your in laws and see if they are there???

    Why are you AVOIDING answering that question? Maybe because you haven't called and you just want to have something to hang over her head?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  11. #11
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Did you ever call your in laws and see if they are there???

    Why are you AVOIDING answering that question? Maybe because you haven't called and you just want to have something to hang over her head?
    I was avoiding the dreaded fight that may happen between them if I called, but I took your advice and called her mom's cell phone and left a message asking if my wife and daughter was staying with them. She could be at work and can't answer, but my guess is if my wife won't tell me for some reason then her parents are in on it and won't tell me either. Just so you know, I'm not an abusive husband EVER and I'm a great father. I may not be the best husband but just want to clear it up that she didn't take my daughter away with the fear I'd abuse her or our daughter.
  12. #12
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    wife, for once, does not do what husband commands her to do. does not report to him her every move. automatically makes her mentally unstable for not following his house rules. she's headed for the looney bin now. what woman in her right mind would go out without asking yourpermission first???

    now i'm freaked out. this sounds way too familiar. what a horrible woman for having a mind of her own for once.
  13. #13
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano View Post
    wife, for once, does not do what husband commands her to do. does not report to him her every move. automatically makes her mentally unstable for not following his house rules. she's headed for the looney bin now. what woman in her right mind would go out without asking yourpermission first???

    now i'm freaked out. this sounds way too familiar. what a horrible woman for having a mind of her own for once.
    yes, I'm so damn strict because I expect my wife to let me know WHERE and WHEN my daughter is coming home. I can see your pointless comments if this was just a woman leaving for the day without permission, but this has to deal with taking a daughter that the father watches every single day of his life and he wakes up to find that they still aren't home 48 hrs. give me a break, just be thankful this has never happened to your child (which I'm sure you don't have) because you have no clue how much it kills inside to not know where your daughter is. it's called being a loving parent not a control freak
  14. #14
    daddyo is offline Junior Member
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    If we were to get divorced, what are my chances of preventing my wife to move to another state with our 2 yr old daughter to go live with her parents who have only seen our daughter probably 2-4 times before? I work from home and make my own hours so I have watched our daughter her whole life as we can't afford daycare yet. My parents and her Godmother are here in NH and are the only ones who babysit our daughter on a regular basis.
  15. #15
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by daddyo View Post
    If we were to get divorced, what are my chances of preventing my wife to move to another state with our 2 yr old daughter to go live with her parents who have only seen our daughter probably 2-4 times before? I work from home and make my own hours so I have watched our daughter her whole life as we can't afford daycare yet. My parents and her Godmother are here in NH and are the only ones who babysit our daughter on a regular basis.
    FYI, a legal stranger is a legal stranger, regardless of how much contact is made with the child. not one grandparent outrules another when it comes to mom and dad.

    if you do decide to file for divorce, then do so before mom becomes a legal resident in FL.

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