Mediation

[Lrome47]

What is the name of your state? California

Things have gone from bad to worse. I am unable to communicate with my former spouse, and now, her new husband refuses to let me talk with her, or contact her by email. He has blocked my email addresses. I have not done anything to warrant this. My former spouse remairried and still has emotional ties to me, has not recovered from our divorce. Is it legal for him to prevent me from discussing visitation issues with my former spouse? He screend all of her emails, and I never know if she even recieves my visitation request. (I have liberal visitation priviledges according to the settlement agreement, which I am in the process of having amended to include an actual schedule.) Also, I have joint legal custody, how difficult will it be to request joint physical custody?

Thanks,

Larry

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? California

Things have gone from bad to worse. I am unable to communicate with my former spouse, and now, her new husband refuses to let me talk with her, or contact her by email. He has blocked my email addresses. I have not done anything to warrant this. My former spouse remairried and still has emotional ties to me, has not recovered from our divorce. Is it legal for him to prevent me from discussing visitation issues with my former spouse? He screend all of her emails, and I never know if she even recieves my visitation request. (I have liberal visitation priviledges according to the settlement agreement, which I am in the process of having amended to include an actual schedule.) Also, I have joint legal custody, how difficult will it be to request joint physical custody?

Thanks,



My response:

By his actions, he is causing her to "interfere" with your visitation rights. You'll need to file an Order to Show Cause Re: Visitation Interference.

Depending upon your background, and how you have been addressing this matter with them will determine whether, and of course, it's in the "best interests" of the children, that joint physical custody should be granted.

You have given rather vague and spotty information.

IAAL

 

[Lrome47]

I have tried to reason with her, and done all that I can to keep the emotion out of my responses to her attacking and hurtful venting on me. I gave my kids a cell phone to keep in touch with them, and she sent it back. I drive every other weekend (sometimes 3-4 times each month) 1400 miles round trip to see them, and I have to pull teeth to pick them up early on a Friday, and I am not permitted to take them out of school because I am not on the emergency contact list. Both of my kids often become physically ill when I take them home after a visitation weekend. My kids are eclectic, intelligent, and gifted. I am an educated professional, and we were not equally matched. Though my kids are 9 and 10 years old respectively, they both want to live me me. They ask me constantly if I can keep them, it breaks my heart. My former spouse's husband wants to move back home to Idaho, my kids have both told me that they do not want to go with him. I have kept all the email coorespondence from day one. What do I do? I want them for at least the last two weeks of the summer, she say's no.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Then you need to do what IAAL says first off. You also need to find out if you can get a restriction put in the court order regarding moving further the kids further away from you. You may even want to see if you can set up e-mail contact with the kids without interference from either mom or step-dad.

I'm a little worried that her new husband is abusive, maybe emotionally or physically too. That doesn't mean you stop insisting on your children having the right to both parents.

One more thing, get rid of that "liberal visitation" clause, and get specific visitation both in person and via phone/e-mail/writing in writing in the court order! Never agree to "reasonable," or "liberal" anything.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What do I do?

My response:

Why are you still asking that question? Reread my initial response to you.

IAAL

 

[Lrome47]

Thanks, I have initiated the procesee for filing. I was hoping to find a way to achieve my short term goal to have the kids late this summer, perhaps a properly worded letter from an attorney? Something that would make her say yes to permitting me to have the kids. If I don't get them late August, my next opportunity for extended visitation will not be until December. A stop-gap is waht I am looking for.

 

[Lrome47]

California

I spoke briefly with a prospective attorney, and as soon as I told him that I was driving so much he said, "We will change that immediately, she should be sharing the driving with you" Is there legal precedent for this? Also, what is the legal age in California for children to have a voice in deciding where they live?

Thanks,

Larry

 

[adonahee]

Yes and No.

If she is the one who moved 700 miles away, and now you're forced to drive the entire trip to visit - Yes, expect that this can be changed pretty easily. And, No, the kids are a little too young to have too much weight as to where they want to live - However, they can still voice an opinion in the interview process that may be considered along with all other evidence. By the way, hats off to you for not losing patience with this over-controlling SD and for maintaining sight of what's important. Good luck.

 

[Lrome47]

California.

We both moved, as Californina is a 'No Fault' state, what does that mean, exactly? Everything is meted 50/50? Also, she claims both kids as dependents, and I have to file single at the highest rate. Can that be changed?

 

[adonahee]

It depends.

Because the kids live primarily with Mom, she can claim them both. However, if you have custody changed to a 50/50 visitation arrangement, you could request to claim one while she claims one.

 

[Lrome47]

California

Thanks, I willbe submitting the Order to Show ause this week. I have requested joint pyhsical custody, joint travel for pick up and drop off, no monitoring of my phone calls with the kids, no using the kids as messengers, visitation schedule for off-custody peroids, intereference of visition agaist teh husband, as well as a restraining order (I fear he is abusive). The kids are finished with school at 1o'clock on Friday's, and attend after school camp until 5. I am requsting to be added to the emergeny contact list so that I can pick them up from school instead of waiting until 4 or 5 for thier mom to get home. (she says she has to say goodbye to them, why can't she say goodbye in the morning?) Picking them up at one vs 5 meand getting back to LA by 4-5, vs 9-10.

I asked my ex for the kids the kids the last twoo weeks of the summer and she said no, then when talking with my son the other day he said how excited he was that he was spending a week with me end of summer. The next day I recieved an email from my ex's husband stating that they had decided to let me have the kids for 6 days this summer. I told her husbanfd long ago that I will not talk with him, but he refuses to let me talk with my ex, and intercepts all of her emails. I will not answer to him, and she cannot talk to me, yet my kids think they are coming with me. I hate to break their hearts, (and mine) but should'nt I stand on my word and not permit him to control me? Any advice? They have shot themselves in the foot I believe, first, they tell me not to use the kids, and they do themselves (I do not put them in the middle) then he denys me the communication with my ex, and expects me to deal only with him. This guy is a real piece of work.

Thanks,

 

[Lrome47]

mediation

California

Sorry for all the typo's, I was in a hurry.

 

[stealth2]

Hell, I'd take the 6 days and ask the court to state that in the future your ex is the one who must communicate with you. But it's up to you whether your pride is more important than seeing your kids.

 

[adonahee]

Absolutely!!!!

Take what they're giving with a smile on your face - The courts will handle it.....Besides, not taking it will make it look like you'll only accept visitation on your terms. Up to now, they're the only ones guilty of making visitation difficult.

 

[Lrome47]

California

That is what I want to do, however, because we thought there would be no summer vacation with the kids, my wife has scheduled to work, and I cannot get time off unless I take it unpaid. This is what happens when we get so jerked around. I want more than anything to take the kids, believe me, but it is unfair of me to make things difficult for my wife, who has been incredible through all of this, and I simply cannota afford to take a week off unpaid. I am filing with the court this week, but not soon enough for this summer. All I can do is tell the kids that we will do something over Christmas break, hopefully by then they will be with us for our six months anyway. Man this bites.