medical procedure vs. visitation rights

[dsg]

CA- I am primary custodial parent and we have joint legal custody. Our 6yr old son needs his tonsils and adenoids removed after 9 bouts of strep and pneumonia in a year's time. I found this out at an ENT appt on June 10th and scheduled the surgery for the last week in June. His father wants to take him on vacation and wants me to change the surgery to mid-August or early July. I teach and am off in summer. Mid-July is not an option as his surgeon's schedule was full until the last week in July, which conflicts with another vacation his Father wants to take. I return to school in mid-August and can't take more time off to care for our son after surgery when I have the time to do it now. Mid-August would also conflict with our son's first few days of school.

He is threatening to contact his lawyer. Do I need to change the date?

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by dsg

CA- I am primary custodial parent and we have joint legal custody. Our 6yr old son needs his tonsils and adenoids removed after 9 bouts of strep and pneumonia in a year's time. I found this out at an ENT appt on June 10th and scheduled the surgery for the last week in June. His father wants to take him on vacation and wants me to change the surgery to mid-August or early July. I teach and am off in summer. Mid-July is not an option as his surgeon's schedule was full until the last week in July, which conflicts with another vacation his Father wants to take. I return to school in mid-August and can't take more time off to care for our son after surgery when I have the time to do it now. Mid-August would also conflict with our son's first few days of school.

He is threatening to contact his lawyer. Do I need to change the date?

Is the surgery scheduled during Dad's court-ordered time?

[IAAL]

Originally Posted by dsg

CA- I am primary custodial parent and we have joint legal custody. Our 6yr old son needs his tonsils and adenoids removed after 9 bouts of strep and pneumonia in a year's time. I found this out at an ENT appt on June 10th and scheduled the surgery for the last week in June. His father wants to take him on vacation and wants me to change the surgery to mid-August or early July. I teach and am off in summer. Mid-July is not an option as his surgeon's schedule was full until the last week in July, which conflicts with another vacation his Father wants to take. I return to school in mid-August and can't take more time off to care for our son after surgery when I have the time to do it now. Mid-August would also conflict with our son's first few days of school.

He is threatening to contact his lawyer. Do I need to change the date?

My response:

No, you don't need to change it. In this instance, and due to your son's continuing problems, and in conjunction with the surgeon's schedule, let your ex explain to a judge why he feels it's necessary, and an interference with visitation, that he take a sick child on vacation.

Sometimes, illnesses take precedence over visitation. It's something that can't be helped, and no one's fault.

So, let him explain it to a judge why he feels his son's surgery should take a back seat.

IAAL

[happybug]

Originally Posted by IAAL

My response:

No, you don't need to change it. In this instance, and due to your son's continuing problems, and in conjunction with the surgeon's schedule, let your ex explain to a judge why he feels it's necessary, and an interference with visitation, that he take a sick child on vacation.

Sometimes, illnesses take precedence over visitation. It's something that can't be helped, and no one's fault.

So, let him explain it to a judge why he feels his son's surgery should take a back seat.

IAAL

This is just a question as I don't know the answer and it may apply to me at some point. If the surgery is during dad's time, wouldn't dad then keep his time and he be the one to take the child in and have the child recuperate in his home? I was under the impression that illness was not a reason to cancel visitation. ( could be the wrong impression ) That the courts felt that dads are able to care for their sick children as well as moms.

[Rushia]

Originally Posted by happybug

This is just a question as I don't know the answer and it may apply to me at some point. If the surgery is during dad's time, wouldn't dad then keep his time and he be the one to take the child in and have the child recuperate in his home? I was under the impression that illness was not a reason to cancel visitation. ( could be the wrong impression ) That the courts felt that dads are able to care for their sick children as well as moms.

The problem is that the dad in this situation is NOT going to be home to allow the child to recuperate. He is going on vacation. Ughh, what person puts their vacation over their child's health?

[Ithildriel]

Originally Posted by Rushia

The problem is that the dad in this situation is NOT going to be home to allow the child to recuperate. He is going on vacation. Ughh, what person puts their vacation over their child's health?

That is, if he goes on vacation instead of rearranging it for the surgery once mom lets him know she isn't backing down.

If surgery is scheduled before Dad's time, mom could take kiddo, but I admit I am curious, hypothetically, if dad's parenting time starts on Monday, and surgery is scheduled on Wednesday, does mom keep the kid, or does dad get to exercise his parenting time, and mom hope he take him to the appointment?

[tigger22472]

Originally Posted by happybug

This is just a question as I don't know the answer and it may apply to me at some point. If the surgery is during dad's time, wouldn't dad then keep his time and he be the one to take the child in and have the child recuperate in his home? I was under the impression that illness was not a reason to cancel visitation. ( could be the wrong impression ) That the courts felt that dads are able to care for their sick children as well as moms.

In this situation, Dad would have this option to still utilize his parenting time and care for the child. However, a few things would come into play. The OP hasn't stated the distance between the parents. If it is fairly far then it might not be anoption. The other thing here is that Dad has planned a vacation. Now, any parent worth their salt would cancel that vacation but if Dad is not going to be home to help the child re-coop then that isn't an option either.

Other things to keep in mind is that Dad cannot do anything through the courts at all until AFTER he has 'missed' the parenting time. If the OP can show that dad knew in advance, was aware of the child situation and have proof that there was not another option for the surgery (and may not have to be solid proof) she's in the clear. She also might want to be prepared to allow dad to make up this parenting time and this too will not only help the child but blow any 'contempt' out of the water.

[tigger22472]

Originally Posted by Ithildriel

That is, if he goes on vacation instead of rearranging it for the surgery once mom lets him know she isn't backing down.

If surgery is scheduled before Dad's time, mom could take kiddo, but I admit I am curious, hypothetically, if dad's parenting time starts on Monday, and surgery is scheduled on Wednesday, does mom keep the kid, or does dad get to exercise his parenting time, and mom hope he take him to the appointment?

The idea is that this is his child too and presumably able to help the child recover and make sure the child gets to any appointments needed. If it's Dad's time, then it's his time. The best option the OP has is to offer to make up this time at a later date, although it sounds like Dad is ticked about the vacation more than anything.

[happybug]

I guess my question was more of a hypothetical. I understand this dad is of the type that wants " play " time with his child vs. " parenting " time and the actual trip is what he doesn't want to reschedule.

[dsg]

Dad will not take him when he is sick. I took 19 days off work to care for the kiddo this past year when he was sick. Dad took zero. And if kiddo is sick, Dad will not take him during his scheduled visitation, will only take older sister. So Dad will not take care of him after the surgery, he will not even attend the day of the surgery.

We live 5 minutes apart. I am very flexible with visitation time. He is given four weeks in the summer, actual dates aren't stated but only takes approximately two at the most. He forgoes most of his weekends, only taking them for one night. However, I will generally let him take them for any special event or trips to see his family. So certainly he will not lose this time, if fact, he is still taking our daughter on the vacation.

[Hypocritical]

Originally Posted by dsg

or trips to see his family.

Ah. The Show-And-Tell dad. I think you must've been married to my ex!

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by Hypocritical

Ah. The Show-And-Tell dad. I think you must've been married to my ex!

We like to call him Disneyland dad.

[Hypocritical]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

We like to call him Disneyland dad.

Where's the *guffaw* emoticon? That's hilarious.

[ceara19]

It wouldn't hurt to have the doctor write a letter explaining why it is necessary to do the surgery without delay. Repeated bouts of resistant strep can actually spread to the heart and be much more difficult to control and cure (strep infection of the heart is what they used to call "Scarlett fever"). The reason I know is because as a young adult (late teens & early 20's) I went through the same thing. It took 3 years before everything was back to normal and the damage to the heart muscle was reversed as much as possible.

[abstract99]

Dad can still have his visitation during this time he will just have to exercise it while the child is in the hospital. If he would like to care for the sick child I would give him the option. If he is looking at taking the child on vacation then forget it!